Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


~~~~~~~


�Get up!� Kenobi yelled at Sybelle, who was looking down at her skinned hands in disgust.

�Look what you�ve done!� She shouted. �I knew I should have stuck with Griff!�

�Then why didn�t you?� Obi-Wan bit back as he picked himself up. �You deliberately paired Jemmy off with Kryztan just to spite her for that silly dance, didn�t you?�

�So what if I did?� She groused. �I�m walking the rest of the way. That way I might have more of a chance of staying in one piece!�

�That piece being your mouth,� snapped Obi-Wan. �It�s the only one you use constantly.�

Sybelle gave him the dirtiest look possible and stalked towards the Cantina.

Hmiol and Bai dashed through the doorway celebrating their gallant win over adversity, overcoming drains, the smell, hidden monsters, the smell, their numerous small hurts, the smell..

�We did it!� Whooped Garos in delight, completely unrestrained. �We did it! We�ve WON!�

Bai said nothing. Just looked towards the bar.

He was met by nearly every member of their party raising a glass to them.

Hmiol turned round in shock. How? How had everyone got there before them? He scanned the room and saw a rather drunken Vernice Ashdal with her three drinks lined up in front of her. He saw Jay and Simeon knocking theirs back and racing out the door to the next stop. He saw Jemmiah with her head on Master Jinn�s shoulder, using the newly shaven master as a pillow.

HOW?

Obi-Wan burst through the doors a moment after an extremely aggrieved looking Sybelle. �Well, at least we were second.� He was saying.

Kenobi looked up. �Oh, Sith!� He said crossly.

Qui-Gon watched the others knock their three drinks back one after the other and stagger in the direction of the door. Some made it more or less unscathed.

Others like Mace Windu fell laughing on their knees.

�Whoops!� He chuckled, waving at Qui-Gon. �Who moved the door?�

Jinn shook his head in amused bewilderment.

�Why are the padawan�s not as drunk as the masters?� Leona wondered out loud.

�Because they�re all old and can�t hold their drink.� Jemmiah murmured, half asleep on Qui-Gon�s shoulder.

�Less of that, if you please.� He said, but with a smile on his lips.

Leona watched him covertly. It was a side that people rarely were permitted to see of the Jedi Master, and in a way she felt rather honored that he had given her a brief glimpse of the person that lurked behind the stern, aloof facade. Somehow, he must have felt Leona�s questioning look upon him.

�Are you not protective towards Dimallie?� He said without looking up at her. �Do you not feel an attachment to your padawan, as if she were your own child?�

�Yes.� Leona said instantly. �Dimallie is very much a daughter to me. She was passed over time and time again when the other padawans were being chosen, but I saw something in her that the others didn�t. I saw a great compassion and warmth of spirit. And a gentle kindness. It was as if she was afraid to put herself forward or draw attention to herself. In that respect she was rather like myself.� Leona blushed.

�Only clumsier.� Jemmiah added drowsily.

Qui-Gon sighed. �This one,� he said squeezing Jemmiah�s shoulder, �wormed her way into my affections many, many years ago.�

�That�s because I�m so loveable.� Jemmy offered.

�It certainly wasn�t for her modesty.� Qui-Gon replied, scratching the beard he no longer possessed with one hand. �She�s impudent, mischievous and at times a complete unrestrained pain in the backside but she�s every bit my daughter in the way that Obi-Wan is my son.�

�You can tell he�s had too much rum.� Jemmiah commented with her eyes shut.

�Brat.� Jinn said.

Jemmiah smiled and slipped her arm round his chest. �Thank you.�

Obi-Wan made his way over to the little group.

�What happened to Jemmy?� He demanded.

Qui-Gon debated the wisdom of telling him the truth, and decided that perhaps a little white lie would be the best. �She�s got a bit of a headache, Padawan.�

Well, it wasn�t far from the truth. From a certain point of view.

�Will she be Okay?� He frowned at Leona, wondering why either of them hadn�t made good their threats to send her back.

�I should think so.� Qui-Gon nodded. �But we thought we�d let the others get a bit of a head start.� He chuckled. �An-Paj has had a little more than he�s used to, I think. And as for Mace��

�Mace!� squeaked Obi-Wan, suddenly remembering.

He bent down to whisper something in Jemmiah�s ear.

�Jemmy, you said that Spider was going to be waiting for us in two Cantina�s time. We can�t let Mace get too far ahead.�

�SPIDER!� Jemmy sat up very quickly, eyes wide open.

�Where?� Qui-Gon looked about him for the offending arachnid.

�No�no. Not �a� spider. THE Spider.� Jemmiah pushed herself unsteadily out of Qui-Gon�s comforting embrace and rocked about on her feet. �I feel much better.� She lied. �Come on Ben, let�s go.�

�Take it easy.� Jinn steadied her with his arm still protectively about her.

Obi-Wan frowned. When had Jemmy and his master become so friendly again? As Qui-Gon steered her towards the exit, Obi-Wan hovered somewhat jealously on the other side of her.

Leona, as always, observed everything with a smile.

*******

Hmiol, Bai and Jay clattered noisily into The Pioneer.

�I got here first.� Hmiol declared, leaving Jay Abran to wonder what in heck had come over his normally subdued and taciturn fellow padawan. They turned to see Simeon dragging a reluctant Dimallie through the entrance. Behind them, a rather disheveled and bloodied Kryztan Harkley made his morose way to the back of the cantina and ordered his three drinks.

�What happened to him?� Jay wondered.

�He probably got drunk and fell down a man hole.� Simeon grinned, as only Simeon knew how.

Bai and Hmiol looked at him coldly.

Shut up, Cates,� they said together. Mace Windu dived for the bar, as Sal-Fina and Ambianca struggled in through the double doors.

�Wherearmythreedrinks?� He rushed.

�Pardon?� Simeon blinked.

�He asked where his three drinks are.� Jay replied after emptying his second glass of its contents.

�Oh.� Simeon said. �Well, one of �em is here.� He said, holding up his glass. �One of �em is there.� He said pointing at Hmiol�s glass, and the other one is in here.� He finished by prodding Jay in the stomach.

�Huh?� Mace asked.

�He�s well gone!� Bai muttered to Hmiol. He turned to the barman. �Another three drinks for the MASTER. That�s MASTER Windu, who would like something to drink. At the DOUBLE.�

The barman caught his drift and fetched the order, grinning.

�Right, guys. Last glass.� Abran breathed out. �Ready? One, two, three!�

Most of the alcohol spilled down onto their chins and cloaks, but speed was of the essence in this game of catch-up. �I think I won that round!� Abran stated as he wiped his mouth, then dashed towards the door.

�Wait up, Jay!� Simeon hurtled after him, almost pulling Dimallie�s arms out by the sockets.

�Cheat!� Yelled Bai, trying to keep up. Hmiol followed them onto the next cantina, which was barely one block away.

�Where did everyone go?� Mace blinked as his vision blurred his three glasses into six. He saw Qui-Gon enter with Jemmiah, Leona and Obi-Wan.

�Come on lazy hides!� He whooped. �It�s party time!�

�Some of us seem to have started early.� Jinn added dryly, whose face darkened when his eyes met with Kryztan�s momentarily. The sarcastic look on the padawan�s face almost had Qui-Gon bounding over to give him another thumping, but Leona held him back.

�He�s not worth it.� She mouthed.

�Give me something to drink, quick.� Jemmiah begged Obi-Wan, �then we can see a person about a Spider.�

Kenobi�s earlier misgivings disappeared completely. Nobody stood a chance against Spider. He was just glad she was on their side.

�Come on.� He said, swigging his Flame Out rapidly. �Let�s drink up and get to The Dawn 'till Dusk. I've got a feeling that there's some fun in the offing.�

Poor Mace didn�t know what was coming to him�

*******

Once Jemmiah had been taken care of, Lilith shared a quick glance with Griff and the two raced to the bar to quaff their required three drinks. Three screwdrivers and three flameouts later, the tall woman was settling an angry Griff on her shoulders again.

She headed out the door, hot on the trail of Jemmiah and Kenobi. The two youngsters were barely a hundred yards ahead of them.

"We can take a shortcut through that alley to the right," Rendar hissed in her ear.

"We could, but we won't."

"We'll lose the race," Griff protested.

"Big deal. I want to keep an eye on that spitfire up ahead. Even if I can't sweet-talk her into joining me, I'm sure as heck going to make sure nothing happens to her. She's a little too eager for fun and games and it may get her in trouble yet."

Griff mumbled something uncomplimentary about Corellian women and Lilith straightened suddenly, almost throwing her passenger off.

"What was that?"

Since the prospect of a nasty fall from the lofty height of Demodae's shoulders was not one Rendar enjoyed he did not repeat himself.

"Nothing."

"That's what I thought." Then she was off again, jogging along in Jemmiah's wake.

******* �So? What did happen to you?� Obi-Wan asked as he and Jemmiah slowed down on their approach to the Dawn �Till Dusk.

�Nothing.� She said hurriedly. �My nightmares are already overcrowded as it is without adding to them.�

�Pardon?� Kenobi frowned at the quiet remark.

�Doesn�t matter.� Jemmy sighed. �You know, Master Jinn was right. I should have stayed in the infirmary.�

Obi-Wan regarded her for some moments in amazement. �Now I know you�re not well.� He said, catching her chin gently in his fingers and raising it to look her in the eye. �What went on whilst I was stuck with Sybelle?�

Jemmy�s face blushed momentarily with rage. �Don�t mention her. I�m having nothing to do with her. She was supposed to be my friend. Well, she can go to blazes! As far as I�m concerned I have no friends as of this moment.�

�What was all that about?� Kenobi blinked in bewilderment. � Okay, so you�ve had a bit of a falling out with Sybelle. But you�ve got plenty of friends�Letina, Kylenn, Simeon.� He crossed his arms. �What about Spider?�

She shrugged indifferently.

�What about ME?� He added.

Jemmiah regarded him uncomfortably. �You�re different. You�re�Ben.�

�And could you tell me what�s in the job description for being Ben?� Obi-Wan asked, confused. �I�d like to know what goes on in that head of yours from time to time. Why do you never discuss things? Why don�t you tell me what you�re thinking? Why is it so difficult?�

�You know why.� She said. �If you want to know what I�m thinking you�re going to have to read my diary. I�ll leave it to you in my will.�

�You are the most morbid person I have ever met!� Obi-Wan started to walk along side her again, lowering his voice when he realized that Lilith and Griff were not too far distant. �Will you stop saying that you�re going to die before me! It gives me the creeps!�

She half smiled, and hooked her arm into his. �Okay.�

Glancing across the busy road to almost directly opposite the Dawn �Til Dusk, Obi-Wan could see the dingy shop front of Gargamein�s Tattoo Emporium. He�d sworn blind that under no circumstances would Jemmy ever be able to persuade him to set so much as a foot in there, and for VERY good reason.

Jemmy�s friend was lethal with the tattoo equipment.

�So what�s the plan?� He asked. �Do we grab him now, or wait until we start for the next cantina?�

�We wait.� Jemmiah said. �If Mace is already plastered then so much the better, but there�s nothing to say we can�t speed the process along just a little.�

Jemmy looked over, and in the shadow of the doorway she saw a figure raise an arm in a friendly salute.

�The troops are gathering.� She forced her mouth into a smile she didn�t really feel like wearing. � Let�s see if we can nail the target.�

�Are you sure you�re Okay?� Obi-Wan asked in concern, sensing her dull mood.

�I�m always Okay.� She replied, walking into the bar.

*******

Qui-Gon and Leona were already there. Jemmiah noted it in the part of her mind that served as her little black book. Obviously couldn�t wait to spend more time with each other. At least that part of the night had been successful. Master Jinn was looking rather uncomfortable, she thought.

�Where have you been?� He made his way towards them as Obi-Wan sloped in besides her. �I was about ready to send out the search parties. Are you sure you�re feeling better?� He said sharply.

Jemmiah caught Kryztan�s rather sour expression some distance away and felt the sudden urge to use the fresher.

�I�ll go after her.� Leona mouthed to Qui-Gon, who not for the first time that night was beginning to feel glad to be in her company.

�What�s going on?� Obi-Wan demanded. �Has something happened?�

�Leona�s just making sure she�s feeling Okay.� Jinn replied smoothly. �She�s obviously feeling the effects of being hit on the head at the infirmary.�

Just as he hoped Kryztan was suffering the effects of being hit in the face by his fist�

�What are you having to drink, Padawan?� Qui-Gon asked.

�Hmm? Flame Out, please Master.� Obi-Wan said distantly.

It was whilst he was waiting to be served at the bar that the unthinkable happened.

Qui-Gon was waiting patiently for his order, absently looking round the place and taking in the shabby d�cor. His fingers strayed for the umpteenth time to his missing beard. Sith, how he missed it! The looks he was going to get from all the other residents at the temple when he appeared no longer facially hirsute was not something he wanted to dwell on particularly. Sal-Fina was already gloating about it�

The thing was, he felt less like a Jedi Master now. If he was honest he felt pretty naked without it. He was beginning to appreciate the effect lack of cranial hair had on Mace all these years. As his mind began to drift unpleasantly towards his rather violent encounter with Berlingside�s padawan, a voice in the background caught his attention.

�Rela, see if you can�t get us some more of those Corellian Ales up from the store, huh? Those Jedi in the bar are really putting it away.�

�Jedi?� Came back the answering voice. A voice that Qui-Gon had cause to know really well.

Rela? Here? Sith, he thought! He couldn�t let her see him denuded. She would be cracking jokes about beards for the rest of his life! He did the only thing any self-respecting Jedi would do in the circumstance, and slouched down on his stool, covering his face with his hand�

*******

"You were trying to pull Obi-wan to get back at me?" Griff nearly fell off his chair laughing. Sybelle nodded morosely.

"Why?" he asked, looking at Jemmiah and Obi-Wan, who were settled in a quiet corner of the Dawn �Til Dusk cantina. "You drive me crazy sometimes."

"YOU drive ME crazy?" Sybelle almost screamed. "What about those two over in the corner?" She pointed at Krelo and Lilith.

"Ah yes. Those two." Griff smiled wickedly. "I have the perfect plan for revenge."

*******

Grallin D'rno stood by the bar, slurping noisily at a drink. A well known but not welcomed figure in cantinas; Grallin supplied various establishments around the city with a variety of females. As Griff led Sybelle in his direction, she began to see what he had in mind.

"Rendar!" Grallin croaked, grinning broadly. "And a lovely lady!" he drooled in Sybelle's direction. Griff grabbed Grallin's jaw and turned his face away from Sybelle.

"Business" he said pointedly.

"Where?" Grallin asked eagerly.

"Over there" Griff pointed towards Krelo, who was sitting with Leona. "She's ready for you tonight." He slipped a wad of notes into Grallin's sweaty palm.

"That was evil!" Sybelle shrieked.

"Evil, but her reaction will be well worth it" Griff snickered.

*******

As Leona pushed through the crowd to get to the bar, a scrawny hand grabbed her arm. She turned sharply, coming face to face with Grallin, who grinned, looking her up and down.

"Say cheers to Rendar for me." Grallin grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Now, I have the perfect job for you. If you'd like to go across town with me, I'll explain along the way."

"Excuse me?" Leona said, eyeing the man with distaste. "What are you talking about?"

"Word has it that you're looking for a little fun" Grallin rubbed his chin with a dirty hand. "I can assure you you'll be well compensated for your time."

"You're kinda small," he said pulling the overly large robe she wore open, "but it certainly looks like you've got all the right equipment." Grabbing the ends of the robe and pulling them tightly around her, Leona glared at the sweaty man indignantly.

"Just who do you think you're talking to?" she snapped angrily. "I'll have you know that I'm a Jedi!"

D'rno took a step back looking at the small woman thoughtfully. Suddenly he burst out with an unbelieving chortle. "I think we'll have to come up with a better angle then that deary, though I have to commend you on your originality." Grallin put his arm around her waist, steering her toward the door.

"A Jedi" he chuckled, "don't think anyone would believe that. But don't worry hon, with your obvious charms they won't be listening to you anyway."

Appalled into a shocked silence by the man's apparent intent, she found herself taking a number of steps with him before coming to her senses.

*******

�Lightsabre.�

�LIGHT-SA-BER!�

�LIGHTSABER!�

�Um...D Glowstick.�

�Is that your final answer?�

�Yes Reevis, that�s my final answer.�

�You idiot! I can�t watch this anymore, it�s making me stupid! Time for the Stock Ticker!�

�Rela why aren�t you working!�

�I didn�t see you coming!�

�We need you at the bar. Now!�

�Why not later?� she teased

�Get to work you insufferable minx!�

Rela skipped off towards the bar giggling. �The bar is open! Who wants a drink?� she asked cheerfully.

�I think you should mix some strong ones,� a familiar voice told her.

�Drinks on the double for the masters, am I right? Well look who we got here� Rela said surprised.

Uncontrollable laughter bubbled up as she spotted Qui-Gon. Some of the patrons at the bar stared at her, but most were used to Rela acting this way. Rela turned and grabbed the drink she was mixing. �This is just too good to pass up.� she told herself through her tearful laughter.

The small redhead slowly walked over to the group of Jedi. Almost like a predator stalking out its prey. She was soon standing directly in front of Qui-Gon. In a flash Rela jumped over the bar and threw her arms around the Jedi�s neck and gave him a kiss on his freshly shorn cheek.

�Hello Babyface! I thought you could use a drink.� Rela teased.

�What is it?� Qui-Gon asked openly concerned.

�Naked on the �fresher floor.�

�Why is it called that?� he asked.

�Because that�s where you end up after you drink it.� Rela stated seriously

�I�ll take one of those!� several people shouted.

Rela stood up and spotted Jemmiah with a twinkle in her eye. �Well Jemmiah, I guess you win this one.�

�Yes I did. Now pay up.�

�You two had a bet going on about shaving off his beard?� Obi-Wan asked surprised.

Jemmiah and Rela looked at each other. �Yes!� they answered in unison.

Rela started laughing again. �I mean I really thought at least someone would try to stop her. At least distract her so Qui-Gon could run away. Then again we�re talking about Jemmiah here, and I�m not about to lose a fortune on a bet.�

�How much was the bet for?� Obi-Wan asked suspiciously.

Rela pulled out Jemmiah�s winnings and handed it to her. �One credit.�

Jemmiah pulled Rela over to one side discretely so that Qui-Gon wouldn�t hear what was being said. �We�ve got a little matter of revenge to deal with. Want to help?�

Rela�s grin grew even bigger. �Too right! Anyone I know?�

�Could say that.� Jemmy matched Rela grin for grin. �A certain shiny headed Jedi Master not ten paces from where we are standing.�

Rela snuck a quick look at Mace, who if appearances were anything to go by had been enjoying the crawl very much indeed. Stacks of empty glasses were accumulating on the table besides him, and every now and again his eyes seemed to lose focus and cross ever so slightly.

�He�ll be as sick as a cannoid pup tomorrow.� Rela predicted expertly. �What�s the big plan?�

�Have you ever been to Gargamein�s Tattoo Emporium, just yonder?� Jemmy drawled in her Corellian accent.

�Not in.� Rela paused. �It looks a little bit too seedy, even for my taste. You know that the upstairs doubles as a massage parlor?� She looked at Jemmy. �Have you ever been in?�

�Oh, yes,� she smiled.

�What, the tattoo part or the other��

�That would be telling.� She winked. �Do you know Gerri Pippage?�

�You don�t mean Spider, do you?� laughed Rela. �Sainted stars, yes! I should think that most people round here know Spider, at least to look at. I mean, she�s fairly distinctive.�

Jemmiah�s voice became a whisper. �We�ve got a bit of a surprise lined up for Master Windu. So far only Ben, Spider and myself know about it. How about we make it a foursome?�

�I never could resist one of those.� Rela smirked. She watched as Obi-Wan walked over to Jemmy with one of Rela�s sickeningly sweet drinks in his hand. He used his free arm to circle Jemmy�s shoulders in a way that subtly suggested they were more than just friends.

�You two aren�t�I mean, you�re not?� Rela�s eyes were wild with delight at the thought of some scandal.

�Yes, Rela. We are.� Obi-Wan smiled. �Although my master would have you believing something different. Say,� his face became serious, �he listens to you. I don�t suppose you could talk with him? Make him see that it would be easier if he accepted that Jemmy and I were together.�

�Thanks for the vote of confidence.� Rela remarked, feeling strangely flattered in his faith in her. �I can give it a shot, but don�t blame me if I make things worse. It�s a special talent I have.�

She nudged Jemmy. �So if I do this favor for you, I want to know all the juicy gossip about you two.�

�There isn�t any.� Jemmiah said resignedly. �Although it hasn�t been for want of trying.�

�You don�t want to know about the turbo lift incident.� Kenobi shivered.

�Or the games table.� Grinned Jemmy.

�Yes I do!� Rela rubbed her hands. �All of the juicy details, or I tell Qui-Gon you�re planning to do unspeakable things to Master Windu.�

�Damn.� Jemmy giggled as Rela led her away to the bar.

�What�ll you have?� Rela asked her.

Jemmiah looked about. �What�s that freaky green stuff? The stuff that looks like Yoda�s just sneezed.�

Rela grimaced. �Try not to put my customers off, will you? It�s called a �Moonlight encounter�.

�I�ll try some of that.� Jemmiah nodded.

�So, that�s one �Red-eyed devil� for Sal-Fina, a �Jump-start� for Kenobi, and Jemmiah would like a �Moonlight encounter�.� Rela raised her voice so that everyone could hear.

�That sounds like Jemmiah,� came a bold voice from behind.

They turned to find themselves staring into the face of a girl not much older than Jemmy. She wore her hair in two small bunches, one half being garish neon pink and the other the most ghastly shade of illuminous green that had ever been seen other than on a flashing sign outside of a casino. The effect was much the same. It said �LOOK AT ME.�

The other noticeable thing about her was her collection of earrings. Her lower lip was pierced with a golden stud, as was her nose. Qui-Gon stared at her, and wondered briefly if there was a part of her body she hadn�t had pierced�

Her short, cropped leather top revealed an array of tattoo�s, mostly pictures of snakes and arachnids. The biggest was on her left shoulder; that of a huge fur spider eating a rather petrified looking rat. Jemmy waved at her.

�Hi, Spider.� She slid her own drink towards her friend, whilst indicating to the barman to get another.

�Jemmy.� Spider smiled deviously. Obi-Wan nodded at her.

�Kenobi.� She shook his hand in a friendly gesture before wrinkling her nose in disgust.

�What�s that horrible stench?� She asked.

�Somebody weed on him.� Jemmy looked sympathetically at her boyfriend.

�What was wrong with the fresher?� Spider asked. �Does that sort of thing happen to you often?�

�Yes, thanks for the original remarks, Spider.� Kenobi snorted. �I�ve heard them all already.�

�Well, I�m just saying, is all.� Spider looked him up and down. �I wouldn�t want to go about with a guy who people want to do the Fresher Fandango with whenever they are caught short.�

�Damned �inconvenient�, I would have said.� Rela added.

�Ha, ha.� Obi-Wan looked extremely put out.

�What�s the matter, Ben? You look a little �flushed�!� Jemmiah laughed.

�That�s just typical.� He scowled at the three females. �You woman always gang up on a lone man!�

�You�d probably like that.� Rela replied. �Three girls and one guy.�

�Don�t give him any ideas.� Jemmiah fluttered her eyelashes at him. �I suggest we all have a bit of a drink and plan our next move against our sworn enemy.�

Rela chuckled. �What�s Windu ever done to you?�

Jemmy assumed mock outrage. �He insulted my fella. I swore then and there to have my revenge!�

�You always were good in the drama classes, Jemmy.� Spider returned graciously. �You should have seen her in the school�s version of �The holiest of holy.� She played the role of the Blessed Marsha of the holy sisterhood as a streetwalker!�

�I remember.� Obi-Wan said dryly. �Qui-Gon, Evla and myself were in the front row. Those add libs were inspired.�

�Yeah,� Jemmiah explained to Rela, � the bit where I had her say to poor Reverend Brother Milus after he fell off the balcony, �Is that a plaster on your leg or are you pleased to see me?� went down a real scream with the audience.�

�But not with our teachers,� grinned Spider.

�Or with my master.� Kenobi chipped in.

Rela sipped at her drink, as the bar owner shot her a look of desperation, which said clearly �Can I have some assistance before your shift finishes please�. �So, what do we do?�

�We have to get Mace on his own and drag him over to Spider�s shop.�

�When?� Spider asked.

�I�m off shift in ten minutes.� Rela put in. �Let�s try and get him really slammed in the interim. I�ll make sure he gets the extremely strong stuff. Then I can have that little �talk� with Qui-Gon that you asked me for. What do you say?�

�Fine with me.� Jemmy smiled.

�Me too.� Kenobi agreed.

�Well,� Spider downed her green drink virtually in one go before reaching for another one on Rela�s tray, �now that fresher brush hair has given his approval, let�s have a toast.�

She raised her glass.

�To revenge!�

Rela decide to put on a show for the last ten minutes of her shift. She started flipping bottles all around while in the process of making drinks. She was also keeping a close eye on Mace who she made sure was getting a nonstop line of drinks. After making sure everyone seated at the bar was happily indulging, Rela took a glance at Qui-Gon. He had finished his drink and was now staring into the bottom of his glass.

�Credit for your thoughts, Babyface?�

�I thought you had already given it to Jemmiah?� Qui-Gon answered dryly.

�Okay, I deserved that. Are you going to grow it back?�

�Yes!� he told her a bit too loudly.

�Good because you look good with out it, but you�re a lot sexier with it I�ve been told.� she teased.

�I forget, do you take anything seriously?� he teased back.

�Not if I can help it.� she laughed. Rela quickly remembered the empty glass and grabbed it. �Let me fix you another one. By the way what�s the story with your pad-�

�Rela, I forgot to ask you about how Santos is doing.� Spider interrupted.

�He�s fine.� Rela answered slowly while taking a quick glance at Qui-Gon. �Have you been talking to Mus?�

�What do you think? C�mon girl I have to see what kind of work my rival does. I still don�t believe that you went to him and not me.� Spider said pouting.

�He was closer, I was fourteen, and I didn�t even know you yet. Could we talk about this later? Please?� Rela begged.

�Give me a drink and maybe I�ll forget about it.� Spider told her.

Rela quickly got Spider her drink and the pink and green haired women kept her word and forgot about their conversation. Then she noticed the confused look on Qui-Gon�s face.

�Weren�t you in rehab when you were fourteen?� Qui-Gon questioned.

�The night�s early Qui-Gon, so drink up.� Rela said desperately trying to change the subject and not laugh about his freshly shorn face.

�Don�t change the subject on me.� Qui-Gon told her. Then he noticed that she was staring at something behind him. �What are you looking at?�

�Isn�t that Leona over there wearing your robe?� Rela asked pointedly.

�Yes I gave it to her to wear. Why?�

�Well it looks like she needs some help. That�s Grallin D�rno and if I remember correctly he usually only has one thing on his mind, and he doesn�t take no for an answer. You want me to call Mus over?�

�No, I�ll take care of it.�

As Qui-Gon rose to go and help Leona, Rela went to check on Mace. He had his head on the bar and it was lolling back and forth, almost as if he was too drunk to raise it. Rela snuck up to him and ran her fingers over his smooth shiny head.

�What are you doing?� Jemmiah asked her.

�I�ve always wanted to do that.� Rela laughed.

�Do you think he�s out?�

�Well let�s just do this simple Mace alertness test as an example. Hey Mace! Yoda�s outside, and he wants to challenge you to a fight!� Rela teased excitedly.

�That�s not funny!� Obi-Wan protested.

�It could be if we keep doing it.� Rela replied dryly.

*******

Griff stared in dismay as his acquaintance, Grallin D'rno, approached the petite Jedi.

"Sith!" he hissed through clenched teeth as he saw the man attempting to pull Healer Leona away.

"He's got the wrong one." Sybelle exclaimed with horror. "You'd better go over there and stop him."

"And risk her finding out who set him on her?" Griff asked with trepidation.

Retrieving her Red-eyed Devil from he barman, Sal-Fina made her way to the table where her padawan waited. She stopped when she spied the abominable mini-healer conversing with a well-known procurer of paid escorts. Angling her direction to pass near the two, she slowed her stride.

"Well, you certainly have the most interesting of friends." she smirked sarcastically as she strode past, raising her glass in salute. "It doesn't surprise me a bit to think that Qui-Gon has lowered himself to pay for services rendered." Sal-Fina tittered maliciously.

Hearing the double-edged insult, Leona shot a sudden look as the tall, blonde walked by. For the second time that night she felt the dark, rolling waves of anger fill her. What was it about that woman that brought out the very worst in her? Noticing that the conceited blonde sat at a table near the doorway, Leona maneuvered the clingy Grallin that way.

"I just know this will be an extremely profitable venture for the both of us." the grungy man whispered to her gleefully as she began leading him to the door.

"You will find someone more to your tastes." Leona called on the Force, tapping into the seedy man's pathetically weak mind. Strolling past their table, Leona feigned a slight mis-step and using the Force propelled the man back into the table, where an unsuspecting Sal-Fina sat.

Raising her glass to her lips, Sal-Fina was suddenly accosted by the wheeling form of a man as he fell into her lap. Her glass flew from her hand, drenching her face and robe with the sweet, sticky drink.

"Get off of me!" she screamed violently, standing quickly to deposit a rather surprised Grallin on the floor in a heap.

Looking up at the tall woman, Grallin's expression seemed to change and a hopeful look of adoration sparkled in his eyes.

"Oh, my dear. I'm so sorry." he said, using his grimy sleeve to wipe the excess liquid dripping down her face.

"Stop that!" she fumed, pushing the man away forcefully.

"Please, allow me to help you." D'noro pleaded, "I've never met a more beautiful vision."

Ambianca giggled with amusement at the sight of her master being pawed at by the slovenly stranger.

"Get away from me you...you"

Laughter met her ears as the patrons around her watched the ungainly display unfold before them. With a pleased smile on her face Leona stepped back through the onlookers who were gathering at the table.

Maybe now she'll have finally learned who not to mess with, she thought with satisfaction. Halfway to the bar she met up with Qui-Gon, who looked at the commotion at the far table then down at the healer.

"What was that all about?" he asked, looking back at the seething figure of Sal-Fina ranting at someone he didn't recognize.

"Oh, nothing." she stated calmly, "Just a little case of mistaken identity I think."

"I do believe the man found just the person he was looking for." she stated with a mischievous tone that caused the large Jedi to glance down at her uncertainly.

Leona watched Sal-Fina�s comical attempts to remove herself from the grasp of the oily stranger with more than a little pleasure. She spotted An-Paj out the corner of her eye and both she and Qui-Gon made their way over to sit beside the rather happy looking man.

�I don�t like the way those four are huddled together like that.� Qui-Gon muttered to An-Paj.

�Hmm?� The healer asked, his bluish skin taking on an almost flushed appearance. He shrugged. �Look like kids having fun to me.�

�That�s what worries me.� Jinn replied.

�Well, that new girl�s certainly eye catching.� An-Paj noted. �You couldn�t exactly miss her, could you?�

�I don�t know what makes people want to mutilate themselves like that.� Qui-Go puzzled. �It must be damned awkward if she ever passes a magnet.�

An-Paj nodded. �Look on the bright side.�

�What bright side?�

�It could be your Jemmy that comes home with her body pierced and tattooed like that! Or worse still, your padawan. Let me tell you, there are some very imaginative places to get studs put in these days��

�You don�t mean to tell me that somebody would actually want that done!� Qui-Gon�s eyes watered at the idea.

�Oh, yes.� An-Paj smiled. �Not just studs. Hoops, chains��

Qui-Gon winced.

�But I imagine it�s a very good way of making sure you don�t lose things. Just attach them to the end of your chain and you will never have to go searching for missing keys ever again.�

�I don�t think I like this conversation.� Qui-Gon put his hands over his ears.

�It doesn�t bother me. When you�re a healer you get to see a lot of strange things.� He paused to swallow some of his drink. �Most of them happening to your padawan, of course.�

�Yes, well. I certainly do not need reminding about Obi-Wan�s remarkable homing ability that enables him to find his way to the healers at all times.� He saw Obi-Wan laugh freely in Rela and Jemmiah�s company. �They are definitely up to something.�

*******

�So. Is that clear?� Jemmy asked her co-conspirators.

�Uh-huh.� The others nodded in agreement.

There came a cough from behind. �I don�t know what you guys are up to, but I want in.� Meri lowered her head so that she was staring Jemmiah directly in the face. �This holocam is on a mission to find the most embarrassing subject matter this side of the galaxy. As it�s operator, I go where it goes.�

Jemmy sighed.

�Right. Fine. But only if tattoo�s are your thing.�

�Or massages.� Rela grinned.

Meri�s eyebrows lifted ever so slightly.

�Nothing you do surprises me anymore, Jemmiah. What do I do?�

�You distract Qui-Gon.�

�How?� Meri frowned.

�I dunno?� Jemmy snorted. �I�ve used up all my ideas already. It�s someone else�s turn.�

A slow smile spread across Rela�s face.

�Tell him how cute he looks without his beard.�

Meri�s eyes twinkled. �And what will you guys be doing?�

�Kidnapping our illustrious leader.� Obi-Wan smirked at the clearly drunken Mace. �It shouldn�t be too difficult.� He stared at Rela for a moment. �I don�t s�pose you�ve had the chance to speak to my master have you?�

�About you and the Jemster?� Rela shook her head. �I�ll make him listen though. Don�t worry.�

Spider nodded at Mace, who groaned slightly as he lay slumped on the table. �Time to go.�

Obi-Wan looked round at everyone. �Are we ready then?�

�Let�s do it.� Rela laughed.

Jemmiah watched as Meri slunk over to the table where Qui-Gon was conversing with An-Paj and Leona, holocam in hand. �Ready.� She hissed to Spider and Rela over her shoulder.

Spider stooped over the groggy figure of Master Windu.

�Hello there, brave Sir Jedi. You look as if you could do with a bit of relaxation. Would I be correct?�

Mace frowned. Who was this?

�R-relaxation?� His tongue tried to form the words.

�Yeah, you know.� She began to rub his shoulders. �Talk about tense! Do you know what you need?� she asked him.

�Uh-uh?� Windu gazed up at her, trying to keep his head from hitting the table.

�A massage. Would you like one of those?�

Mace blinked the drink-induced haze from his eyes.

�Nothing dodgy,� Spider insisted, �just a straight forward massage. Have you feeling as good as new. The massage parlor is just across the road. Obi-Wan�s going. Aren�t you, Obi?�

�I am?� He frowned. Jemmiah nudged him sharply in the ribs. �Oh, yes. Sorry. I am.�

�See! It�ll be fun. You, me, Jemmiah��

Windu grinned a drunken grin. �That�s why you�re goin�, is it?� He laughed at Obi-Wan. �So you and your spitfire here can have some time to yourselves.� He winked at Spider. �Just like when we caught them in the turbo lift.�

�I wouldn�t know about that.� Spider said. �But I do know a man in need of a good old fashioned massage when I see one. What do you say?�

There was a moments pause as Windu�s brain tried to take the suggestion in. �Yeah, I�ll be in on it,� he smirked.

�Good!� Spider grabbed his arm, whilst Rela took the other. Together they dragged him to his feet and over to the door.

�Quick!� Kenobi gulped. �Before my master sees we�re gone!�

Jemmy signaled Meri and followed them out of the doorway.

�What do you and Spider have cooked up for him?� Obi-Wan asked with a quirky smile on his lips.

Jemmy considered his question. �Do you remember last year when Mace and Qui-Gon were meditating in the gardens, and that Fork-Tailed Stinger crawled up his nose and got stuck?�

�Yes,� laughed Obi-Wan. �An-Paj had to remove it with his tweezers. But what�s that got to do with Mace?�

�Everything.� Jemmiah hugged him quickly as they dashed to the other side of the road, following Rela, Mace and Spider. �He�s terribly afraid of creepy crawlies, although he won�t admit it. And Spider is extremely fond of them.�

�So I gathered.� Kenobi thought about all the spidery tattoos that covered the girl�s shoulders.

�Well, she�s a dab hand with the old body painting, is our Spider. So I�ve arranged for Master Windu to have an artificial tattoo placed on his forehead. Just a vegetable dye one. It should wash off,� Jemmiah said breezily as they walked towards the emporium. �In a few weeks time. But of course, he won�t know that.�

�That�s terrible!� Obi-Wan crowed in delight. �I love it!�

�Spider�s chosen the most realistic transfer of a Fork-Tailed Stinger you have ever seen. He might not like it, but I look on it as helping to cure him of his phobia.�

�I can just see him attending his council meetings with a mock tattoo on his head.� Kenobi wiped away tears of joy. �I�m glad Meri invited herself along. We have GOT to get this on the holocam.�

They entered the darkened shop front through the tiny doorway and then down a flight of stairs to the bowels of the establishment. The whole thing gave Obi-Wan the creeps. He never imagined Jemmy would ever get him in here. Not when Spider was in charge�

The girl in question turned the lights up just a fraction. All over the walls were holos of other clients who had the most amazing tattoos on parts of their bodies that Obi-Wan was shocked to discover were tattooable! Not surprisingly, spiders, snakes and other wild creatures featured heavily.

The arachnid lover just grinned and cracked her knuckles for effect.

�Come into my parlor.� Spider said with a laugh.