chapter fiveAfter lunch, the duo dropped by Hudson's, where they took turns sitting on "Santa's" lap. Lauren told AJ afterwards that she never imagined Santa smelling like a mixture of smoke and rum.
Following their adventure at Hudson's, AJ and Lauren raided a grocery store. They picked up two cartons of egg nog, three tins of Christmas cookies and a pack of cigarettes for Lauren.
"You really should quit smoking," AJ said to Lauren in the car as she lit a fresh cigarette.
"Why?"
"Because you're tempting me, woman," AJ replied.
She puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Be strong, my child."
"Girl..."
Lauren mocked him, "Boy..."
AJ pulled up into the driveway and made his way inside his house with Lauren not too far behind.
Lauren immediately poured two tall glasses of egg nog. She said, "I want to make a toast to whomever we prank today. May the good Lord pity them."
"Here, here!" AJ exclaimed, taking a swig of his egg nog. "So, who's first?"
Lauren had already dialed the number and grinned. When Jessica picked up the phone, she said, "Hello, this is Sam's Slut House confirming two hookers for a Mr. Brian T. Littrell?"
AJ snorted, and had to put his hand over his mouth. On the line, Jessica was chuckling. "Merry Christmas, Lauren," Jessica greeted smugly.
"You too. Give a little hello to your husband for me, okay?"
"Will do. You by yourself?"
"Nope, I'm at AJ's place."
"...Willingly?"
Lauren laughed. "Yeah. We're just hanging out. Sippin' on some egg nog. Terrorizing loved ones...harmless things."
"Yeah, right. Well, hate to cut this short, but...well, let's just say I found out what I can do with that leftover frosting from the gingerbread mix."
"Ooh, kinky!" Lauren laughed. "Bye, Jess."
"Do I want to know?" AJ asked.
"Jessica is getting creative with her leftover baking ingredients."
"Ouch, why do some guys get all the luck?"
Lauren sat down on AJ's couch. She took a sip of egg nog and pushed in Kevin's number. She passed the phone to AJ and said, "Your turn, Sport."
AJ took the phone and heard Kevin's low, slow-drawn "Hello?"
AJ whispered, "Kevin..."
"Hello? Who is this?" Lauren heard Kevin say.
"Kev...I know what you did...Believe me, she wasn't 21..."
Lauren tittered and AJ silently quieted her. He took the phone away from his ear. From her spot, Lauren heard Kevin string off long lines of profanities at AJ when he figured out who it was. AJ quickly said a "Merry Christmas" and hung up the phone.
"Gawd, what's eating him?" AJ asked.
"Bad memories? I dunno," Lauren giggled.
"Gosh, and all those names he called me," AJ said in a lispy voice, "Some people are just so insensitive!"