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| "Grant Me Serenity" |
| It was 1968, and the Viet Nam Conflict was in full stride. My name appeared near the top of the draft list in my County for 1969. My parents, relations, and all friends and neighbors were concern for my welfare. Already the small town of Norway had lost two boys in Viet Nam with a third to be killed from my graduating class of 89 students. I was being advised to join the Air Force, the Navy, the Air Force, the Navy...everyone was putting in there two cents of advice. I talked to all recruiters; I made my own decision; and in the summer of '68, I enlisted for three years in the US Army. I was guaranteed to not see Viet Nam. I became a Military Policeman and served a thirty month tour in Germany. It was here that phase two of my life began...yes people, I started smoking cigarettes! I became disenchanted with the US Army; the US Government; with life in general. I was introduced to having a good time late in '69. I got plastered to the cobblestone streets of Crailsheim, Germany on a couple of bottles of good German beer. Not only was I silly and wild, but I felt great. Had I not discovered a power of drink that relieved me of my fear, loneliness, and inner conflicts on growing up? Within a short time, I was experiencing blackouts. Within six months, I was incarcerated inside my own MP jail for drunk and disorderly. I was demoted in rank and was transfered to Stuttgart, Germany. It has been stated that the disease of alcoholism is a progressive disease. Can it not be true that I was born an alcoholic? And even so I did not indulge in drinking my first nineteen years of living, I was still progressing with the disease? How cunning, baffling, and powerful the disease of alcoholism can be! The next twenty-eight years I fought the obsession that I had claimed. Phase two of my life can simply today be labeled MISERY! I had had quit many, many times this obsession for periods ranging from days to two years...experimenting with other drugs, only to quit and turn back to my drug of choice ALCOHOL! Today, I have 25 months of continued true sobriety. I can proudly say that I give all credit to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. AA has opened up a new life I never dreamed possible. It has become the backbone of my sobriety. For without it, I know I would not be alive today. I could share with you all many stories of my twenty-eight years of misery. But I know that what I would tell you all is only what you have heard many times before. In short terms, I was employed with over twenty jobs in my life, including one of fourteen years, only to have lost it due to my drinking in 1987. I was involved with many relations of the opposite sex, one marriage, that ended in divorce because of this disease in 1990. I have lived in many, many different apartments; having been evicted from a few because of the power of alcohol over the responsibility of paying rent. I have lived the parts of three years (1987, '93, & '97-'98) on the streets of Iron Mountain, Michigan as a hobo or town drunk. And finally, I have been in and out of jails on numerous occasions, all charges drinking related misdemeanors. I have attempted suicide on two occasions with my automobile, (1983 & '87), only to have miraculously survived due to my being plastered with alcohol and bouncing around like a rubber ball. Yes, I did want to die. I wanted so badly to end this life of misery. To even think of all the times I spent in detox; the few times I was court ordered to treatment; and the thousands of times that I told myself...I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN...all to no avail. Then on the morning of February 12th, 1998, while once again living on the streets of Iron Mountain, an unexplainable decision was recieved to thyself. With all my belongings, I entered the VAMC asking for help. Was I not lead here by a Higher Power? While sitting in the waiting room, I experienced an alcoholic seizure like I never witnessed before. I was subdued in the treatment room, and spent eight days on the detoxify ward in their care. I decided in these eight days that I wanted to live. That there had to be a brighter side of life than what I had been living. And that I would do anything to seek it. I had a session with a psychiatrist and a scheduled treatment was set up for this alcoholic on March 5th in Tomah, Wisconsin. Upon discharge on February 20th, I was given a bed at the Re-Entry half-way house in Kingsford, Michigan until my departure to Tomah. Having 20 days of sobriety and a new found determination on living, on the morning of March 3rd, I boarded a bus for my scheduled treatment in Tomah. That afternoon, while awaiting a three hour bus change in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I found myself sitting in a taveren across the street drinking mugs of beer. How cunning, baffling, and powerful is the disease of alcoholism? How I ever made my bus connection is truly a miracle. There is no doubt in my mind today, that my Higher Power was with me to make that connection. That my Higher Power is here with me tonight as I stand before you all to tell my story. My treatment in Tomah was for thirty-seven days. I was then driven by an employee of Tomah to a half-way house, where I spent another six months of treatment. I fell in love with Alcoholics Anonymous; the Big Book; a Higher Power; and a new found fellowship of AA meetings. Living my life today (one day at a time), I am still learning and growing in total amazement of the brighter side of life. I AM A MIRACLE, and filled up over my eyebrows with gratitude. I am so proud to be living sober tonight on the edge of tomorrow...when once again I will awake feeling like a million dollars without the actual money. Thank you Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Cliff W. 2000 |