some give and take:
JACK,
I'm glad I stopped to read your article about crystal meth: it helped give a fuller picture of you as a highly sexed, highly intelligent man who is concerned with the progress of our community. To that end, I'm gonna pose a simple question: what's the big difference between barebacking and crystal? Take a load up your ass and your gonna feel great; shoot or snort some crystal and you'll also feel great. And both have the capability of killing you. Let's drop all the bullshit about informed risk, natural sex and the other crap I read from Tony Valunzela and just talk about how selfish it is to bareback.
You're doing something that makes you feel SO HOT, SO GOOD. But if it kills you (and, hey man, it is killing people still, it's called AIDS) you're creating great pain for your family and friends who will miss you dearly. And you're hurting the gay community by continuing a behavior that has been identified as life threatening. As Mathilde Krim has pointed out, how can gays ask the government and general public for more AIDS funding if they are continuing to engage in behavior that kills them? The lack of common sense makes us look like assholes to the rest of society. Like I said, deeply selfish behavior that hurts others.
That's the key. Wanna kill yourself with sex? Hey, it's my choice say the barebackers. Yeah, but if you believe that we're all in this together, then cop to the fact that your actions have hard consequences for others. The pro barebacking movement reminds me of the guys who didn't want the baths closed in San Francisco when AIDS was coming on. Or, to reach for a much heavier analogy, the Germans who insisted that the Nazis meant no harm to the Jews. They're creating a psychological framework that people can walk into and kill themselves with. And all because they don't want to give up the pleasure of a hot load up the ass.
And you know something? I'd be the last to say it isn't a pleasure. It's hotter than hell. But it CAN facilitate AIDS (primary route of transmission) and lead to your death. So the community started a push for condoms. Gotta give it up, they said, like a kid who eats too much candy. But children can be greedy, and nobody in the gay community looks greedier than the barebackers, who are literally dying to get fucked in the ass.
Having said all this, I want to compliment you on your site, which is hot and, even better, highly creative. You're a hot man, and a smart one. And since you're so smart, just think a little about barebacking and the potential it has to create so much more pain and death in our community. Doesn't seem that different from crystal to me. Regards and Respect.
J. ~ Los Angeles
Hello J, Thank you for your letter and your praise of my website. You ask a few interesting questions, especially as pertains to using crystal meth vs barebacking. I�d be happy to respond.
First of all, in regards to the selfishness of barebacking, I really cannot argue. To fuck bareback is to derive a somewhat selfish pleasure from sex� to �go for the gusto�, as it were. However, I don�t see that as a negative, as buying an expensive home or car is no less selfish. There is nothing that comes of those kinds of purchases other than the personal pleasure of owning such things. While some might say there is a certain prestige that goes along with owning a fine car or an expensive home, that prestige is only really glorified ego-masturbating, and is therefore completely selfish in nature. Although barebacking doesn�t really indicate prestige, the desire to hedonistically enjoy one�s sexual encounters without barriers is almost entirely selfish�unless you engage in barebacking to increase your partner�s pleasure as well.
Insofar as taking a load up your ass vs. snorting or shooting crystal to feel good, I think that is purely subjective. All the bottoms I have fucked have enjoyed a good load up their ass. As to whether it makes them �feel good� in any physical way is something I couldn�t say. However, from a more emotional standpoint, giving or taking a load up the ass does bring a sense of wholeness to the sex act, and (going back to selfishness) creates a euphoria of sorts. And from my perspective, delivering that load is the culmination of a very satisfying sexual encounter. And of course there is the connection that is made between sex partners when the sex is raw and the exchange of semen is made that can�t be duplicated by collecting the sperm in a reservoir tip and tossing it into the trash afterward.
I could argue that crystal does not do the same. I have done crystal on a few occasions. While on it, I never felt euphoric. I felt gritty, gnarly, and compelled to have sex. As I am a top, its effects were unpleasant because (going back to the selfish thing) it prevented me from getting a hardon. That didn�t make me feel good. I couldn�t sleep when I wanted to. That didn�t make me feel good. My stomach always felt empty, but I had no desire to eat. That didn�t feel good. And I grew irritable when I came down. That didn�t make me feel good either. So I cannot agree that using crystal can bring about the same euphoria as taking a load in the ass, or delivering that load (to which I have much more experience). Also, crystal has a way of emotionally disconnecting the individual from the action and his partner(s).
As to the big difference between crystal and barebacking (apples and oranges here), what crystal does and what barebacking can do are very different. For example, barebacking by and of itself does not deteriorate tissue in the body. It does not cause paranoia. It does not cause one to hallucinate. It does not cost money to do each time you want to do it, and it does not create a physical addiction because it does not stimulate that part of the brain. Endorphins are not destroyed during the process, and uncontrollable moodswings are not a result of having done it. Barebacking does not prevent you from eating or sleeping, cost you your job (unless, perhaps, you get caught fucking where you work), or your home and possessions. And as for AIDS safety, there are very few men I have met who tweak who have not become HIV positive during the period of time they were actively tweaking (if they weren�t already poz when they started). Even though crystal does not give you AIDS, its use can break down your judgement to the point where you will engage in the behaviors that will cause you to become infected, whether by way of sex, or by slamming and (oops) reusing needles. And yet, there are barebackers as myself who have managed to get through the last 18 years remaining negative. I don�t think one could sustain a crystal habit or his HIV-negative status while addicted for that long a period.
Since putting my crystal article online, I have received letters from several men who have told me sadly that they converted to poz somewhere in the midst of their addiction. They have been consistent in their regret over doing crystal, as it was the crystal that took away their power to judge and left them with a virus they otherwise may not have opened themselves up to. And certainly, bareback sex was the means by which almost all became infected. But remember� a tweaker who is chemically awake and chemically horny for 2-3 days at a time is far more likely to engage in a lot more sex involving a lot more trauma to the rectum (opening the door to infection), and with many more unknown partners than the average man. And during this time, his immune system is suppressed as well. It is the effect of the drug that puts these men into a much more dangerous sexual pattern than the non-drug-using barebacker on average.
Both fucking without condoms and using crystal meth are actions that involve taking chances. With barebacking, you take the chance of contracting HIV. With crystal you take the chance of becoming an addict (and the numbers are high) and the subsequent chance of contracting HIV (and those numbers are high too), not to mention the physical and emotional damage done to one�s self by using crystal. So I guess I�ll stick with barebacking since the risk is potentially smaller and the damage to myself and to my partners is less likely. And because I don�t fuck with tweakers, I am not inviting their mess into my bedroom, only to regret later.
Of course once a person has HIV, crystal is even more a suicide drug since the virus is trying to destroy the body, and the crystal user is helping the virus accomplish that task snort by snort.
It is interesting you should choose to draw an analogy by using the Nazis and the Jews as it is suspected that Adolph Hitler was a methamphetamine user. Of course, that could account for a lot of his behavior and his decisions, not to mention his loss of human-ness (if there is such a word). From what I have read or seen of his life, Hitler was hyper toward the end, paranoid and semi-delusional� not at all out of character for a tweaker. And so the news that he might have been using meth is of no surprise.
Insofar as barebacking and myself / my website are concerned, it seems as though a number of people hold me responsible for the idea of barebacking. How odd� up until about 18 years ago, bareback sex was the norm from the dawn of mankind until that point. I certainly did not originate the idea. In fact, there were other bareback sites and newsgroups on the net when I opened �barebackjack.com� with the party page. If you think that barebacking is shooting the gay community in the foot, perhaps the message that a growing number of gay men are tiring of the unnatural act of covering their cocks after nearly two decades of unfulfilled promises of a cure will push the people in the medical field towards finding a vaccine, pronto.
You see, for all this time scientists have spent our money trying to find a way to heal the already infected (and until recently were rather unsuccessful with their efforts) while assuming the uninfected would maintain a program of voluntary condom use. But condoms go against the natural order of things and create a psychological barrier between sex partners. It is a plan that couldn�t work forever simply because it relied on social and individual responsibility. And as we have seen in the last 3 decades, social responsibility overall ~ not just in the gay community ~ has been on the decline. And individual responsibility�? Well, just look at the way people drive to get your answers. Now they realize a vaccine is the most effective way to prevent the spread of HIV because it takes the individual�s responsibility out of the equation. Even the most responsible, condom-wearing queer can have a moment of weakness, may get drunk, or may do crystal and revert to type (meaning, decide it�s ok at that moment to forego the condom). But a vaccine (for which I have high hopes) will prevent the spread of HIV even in a man�s weakest moments.
I agree with you on a few points: bareback sex IS hot. Barebacking can transmit HIV (as well as many other STD�s), and I am a highly creative and intelligent man. I do think about these things, and I observe what is going on around me. And that is why I no longer buy the notion that when two straight people fuck without condoms it is natural and beautiful, but when two fags fuck without condoms it is �unsafe sex� or a �death wish�. It�s a hard pill to swallow especially when there is another baby boom going on and the evidence that unprotected sex does not always kill is growing up all around us.
Incidentally, it is the baths, as someone recently pointed out to me, which began a somewhat aggressive safe-sex campaign and condom-distribution program in most cities. Closing them down meant cutting people off from havens where sex could occur and condoms were freely available. How smart was that?
So there you have it. I sure as shit make no apologies for either my stand on barebacking or my hard line on crystal meth. I am curious though� if I read you right, it sounds as though you are defending crystal use in your letter. Is there a reason? I can�t think of one.
Cheers,
BBJ
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