A few jokes M V Bhaskar's Homepage
Marriage proposals by a
Lawyer - Will you
marry me? say yes or do I have to appeal to your father?
Banker - Will you open a joint account with me.
Accountant - Two can live as cheaply as one, will you marry me?
Actor - Will you be my leading lady for the rest of my life.
Surgeon - May I tie the knot.
Doctor - Can you
hear my heart say 'I love you, will you marry me?'
Athelete - Are you willing to take the leap with me.
Tennis Player - Will you partner me for mixed doubles for the
rest of our life?
The boy next door - A small step by you, will mean a great leap
for me.
Fuzzy Logic
Washing Machines.
I put a pair of
very dirty socks in my washing machine,
One came out very clean and the other remained dirty,
I wondered how this was possible and
then realised this was a fuzzy logic washing machine.
The Law
The Law is an
Ass.
Lawyers pick loop holes in the law.
That makes lawyers - !@# holes.
Making Money
Q. How much
money do you make in a day?
A. About Rs 10 Lakhs.
Q. Wow !!! What do you do?
A. I work in the currency printing press.
Battles we fight
England and
France fought the Battle of Waterloo in 1815.
Crores of Indians fight two battles every day -
Battle for water and
Battle for the loo.
Software engineers
The good guys
create bugs and
The bad guys
create viruses. 6.12.2000
One fine morning in Patna
"Aji sunti ho! Mai bahar
ja raha hoon"
"Jail ja rahe ho kya,"
"Nahi, Bail lene ja raha
hoon,"
"Teek hai, jaldi ana aur
wapas ate wakt thoda chara le ana,"
"... ??? ... !!!."
(Laloo Prasad Yadav was arrested on 27.11.2000 and released on bail on 28.11.2000, for the umpteenth time) 3.12.2000
Software Professionals
How would you rate IT
professionals
Either 0 or 1,
In exceptional cases they can be
rated 10,
(This is not an earthshaking
number unless you are using the Richter scale.)
Dalal Street / Wall Street
"How did
Silicon Valley gets its name?"
"Because its full of Silly
conmen
Bill Clinton
How come the US economy has been doing so well for the past 6 years?
President Clinton has been too busy to screw up the economy.
(President Richard Nixon to Alexander Haig, his chief of staff, after resigning due to the Watergate scandal "I screwed it up real good, did'nt I" )
Cyber cafes
Overheard in an cyber cafe
"Hey!! there is a bug in my coffee"
Review of "Life at Blandings" by P G Wodehouse
He He He .....
Ha Ha Ha ....
Ho Ho Ho .....
Har Har Har ....
HE HE HE ....
HA HA HA ....
HO HO HO ....
HAR HAR HAR ....
sorry but I could'nt think of anything better to say.
Internet
Romance : They met on the internet and clicked.
Bigamist : A guy who double clicks on the matrimonial classifieds on the internet.
Russia Today
Russian roulette :
Six men sit in a
circle and pass a revolver with 1 bullet and 5 empty chambers
around.
One by one they put the
revolver to their temples and press the trigger,
5 lucky ones survive and
1 unlucky person dies.
Russian roulette (yeltsin variation) :
Six persons sit in a
circle and pass a revolver with 5 bullets and 1 empty chamber.
One by one they put the
revolver to their temples and press the trigger,
5 lucky ones die and 1
unlucky person survives.
SILICON VALLEY
"Columbus was right, this is India."
* * *
"Columbus could'nt make it to India, so we came over."
THIS IS'NT CRICKET
"Do you think this match is fixed."
"10 to 1."
RELATIVELY SPEAKING
He is a cousin twice
removed.
But he refuses to go and
keeps coming back.
E Jokes
E surf - Surfing the
internet (not a new brand from HLL),
"uski connection meri connection se tej kasise.
E mail- digitised letters.
E coli - virus that infects computers and purges data from the hard disk.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - Key board error no laughing matter.
T V Jokes
What is the probability of a couch potato not switching channels even once in a span of 10 minutes ?
Remote.
* * *
Hinglish for couch potato - DIWAN BAHADUR.
What do you call an Arab Milkman ? - Milk Sheik.
Why don't MODELs get married ?
They are afraid they will be later exchanged for the latest model.