CHILD DISCIPLINE FROM PROVERBS

March 18, 2008 (David Cloud, Fundamental Baptist
 Information Service,
P.O. Box 610368, Port Huron, MI 48061, 866-295-4143,
[email protected]; for instructions about subscribing
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unsubscribing or changing addresses, see the
 information paragraph at
the end of the article) -

Proverbs 3:11-12; 13:24; 15:20; 17:21, 25; 19:18;
 22:6, 15; 23:13-14; 29:15, 17

The following is excerpted from the new Way of Life
 Advanced Bible
Studies Course on the book of Proverbs.

The book of Proverbs is God's child discipline manual.
 We have seen
that it is addressed to "my son" and "my children." It
 contains vast
instruction to help parents train children in
 countless practical
ways, and it also shows them how to apply the rod of
 correction when
it is necessary. There is more sound information on
 child training in
the little book of Proverbs than in all of the child
 psychology books
that have ever been written.

1. The reason for child discipline

a. The first reason for discipline is the child's
 nature
("Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child," Prov.
 22:15). He has
a sinful nature that naturally acts out and goes in
 the way of
foolishness rather than wisdom (Prov. 22:15). Sound
 child training
philosophy and techniques begin with understanding the
 nature of a
child. Modern child psychology begins with the idea
 that human beings
are basically good and seeks to develop that inherent
 goodness. The
Bible begins with the idea that human beings are
 fallen and corrupt
by nature and seeks to bring them to conversion and
 regeneration by
the tools of conviction and repentance and faith
 through the
instrumentality of the Law of God and the Gospel of
 Jesus Christ, and
to spiritual growth by tools such as communion,
 surrender, obedience,
and separation.

b. Another reason for discipline is because of what
 happens when a
child is not disciplined.

Children that are not properly disciplined bring
 sorrow and shame to
the parents (Prov. 17:21, 25; 29:15).

Children that are not properly disciplined will
 continue in the path
of natural foolishness (Prov. 22:15). Foolishness can
 only be driven
away by the ministration of godly training and the
 application of the
rod of correction.

c. Another reason we should discipline our children is
 because of
what happens when a child is properly disciplined.

Children that are properly disciplined go in the way
 of wisdom rather
than folly (Prov. 22:6).

The promise of God in Proverbs 22:6 is that the child
 so trained will
not depart from that training and from that right way
 when he is old.
This doesn't mean that a child so trained will never
 rebel against
his training and never go astray. It means that if he
 does so rebel
he will repent at some point and return to wisdom
 "when he is old."
It also doesn't mean that every child so trained will
 be a fervent
servant of Christ, because one's level of dedication
 to Christ is a
matter of personal choice. But we believe that it does
 mean that the
child so trained will not be a reprobate and will not
 once for all
turn away from faith in the true and living God in
 Jesus Christ. God
said of Abraham: "For I know him, that he will command
 his children
and his household after him, and they shall keep the
 way of the Lord,
to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring
 upon Abraham that
which he hath spoken of him" (Gen. 18:19). We know
 that Abraham's son
Isaac walked in the footsteps of his father's faith
 and did not turn
aside to idols.

Some do not believe that Proverbs 22:6 is a promise,
 but we don't
understand how it can be anything but a promise, and
 it is an
encouraging one to parents who take their task of
 child training
seriously. But what about those parents that raise
 their children in
the Bible but they rebel completely and go out into
 the world
permanently and never have anything further to do with
 Christ? We all
probably know of such cases. Doesn't that mean that
 Proverbs 22:6 is
not an actual promise? My answer to this challenge is
 that there are
many ways that parents can fail grievously even when
 it appears to
outsiders that they are raising their children
 properly, and those
grievous failures can ruin the effects of the
 training. Lack of love
and carnality and hypocrisy and sparing the rod are
 four major things
that can "spoil the vine" so that the fruit of that
 home is bitter
rather than sweet.

Children that are properly disciplined are delivered
 from hell (Prov.
23:13-14). Proverbs 23:14 is another wonderful
 promise, which says
that proper child training will deliver the child's
 soul from hell.
Surely the Word of God means what it says.

Children that are properly disciplined give rest and
 delight to the
parents (Prov. 29:17). This should be a powerful
 motive for parents
to do whatever is necessary to train their children in
 God's way. We
probably all know of parents who have delight in the
 fact that their
grown children are walking with God. Nothing sets a
 Christian's
parent's soul at rest more than this, and it is well
 worth every
sacrifice that must be made.

2. The right way of child discipline

a. Discipline must begin early (Prov. 13:24; 19:18).
 The word
"betimes" in Proverbs 13:24 means early. See Genesis
 26:31 and 2
Chronicles 36:15. The discipline must begin as soon
 the child can
understand what the parent is communicating, and that
 is usually well
within the first year. If it isn't done early it can
 be too late and
the child won't respond properly. The child must be
 disciplined
"while there is hope." The best time to train a
 teenager is when he
or she is a toddler.

b. Discipline must be used in the midst of the right
 training (Prov. 22:6).

Correction and the use of the rod is only one small
 part of
disciplining the child. The parents must launch out
 into a full-scale
training program to teach the children the way they
 should go, and in
the midst of that, if a child refuses to obey, he must
 be corrected
with the rod. But it is not just correcting a child
 that will cause
him to go in the right way when he is old; it is
 training him in that
way, with all that this entails, e.g., developing a
 close
relationship with him, teaching him the Bible,
 building in him moral
character, reaching his heart with the truth,
 educating him in the
dangers that await him in the world, etc.

The training must take the child along in the right
 way. He must be
trained "in the way he should go." This does not refer
 to the child's
own natural way but to God's way. The Hebrew word
 translated "train
up" (chanak) means "to narrow." It refers to
 constricting the child's
path to God's narrow way and hemming him in with God's
 Word and thus
keeping him off of the broad way that leads to
 destruction (Mat.
7:13-14).

c. Discipline must make effective use of the rod
 (Prov. 23:13-14, 24; 29:15).

The rod is mentioned four times in Proverbs in
 association with child
discipline. This is the proper biblical instrument of
 discipline. A
rod is not the parents hand; it's not a belt; it's not
 a leather
whip; it's not a fist; it's not a slap; it's not a
 kick. Webster's
1828 dictionary defined a rod as "the shoot or long
 twig of any woody
plant; a branch, or the stem of a shrub; as a rod of
 hazle, of birch,
of oak or hickory." See Genesis 30:37 and Jeremiah
 1:11. Previous
generations called the spanking rod a "tree switch."
 My maternal
grandmother used switches from the trees that grew
 around her house
in central Florida, and they were so effective that
 all of her many
children professed faith in Christ as adults and had
 successful
marriages and no divorces.

The rod must not be spared (Prov. 13:24). This means
 to draw back
from using it. There are many things that will tempt a
 parent to
spare the rod, such as a child's cries (Prov. 19:18),
 physical
tiredness, impatience with the slow process of
 discipline, and mental
frustration, but if the rod is spared when it should
 be used the
child will not be properly disciplined.

The rod must be used when the child is rebellious
 (Prov. 22:15;
23:14). A biblical rod is a rod of correction. The rod
 is not to be
used indiscriminately or when the parent is frustrated
 with the
child; it is used to correct a child that refuses to
 listen to verbal
commands and instruction. It is used to reinforce the
 necessity of
true and instant obedience. It is used to correct
 disobedience and
rebellion.

The rod must be used with sufficient force to correct
 the child
(Prov. 23:13). The rod is for the purpose of giving a
 beating. It
should hurt, and it should hurt enough to get the
 point across and to
bring real heart-level submission. If the rod is used
 but the child
still persists in disobedience it has not been used
 with sufficient
vigor or persistence. Parents often fail at this
 point. They use the
rod a little but not enough to bring the desired
 results, and they
then think that it doesn't work. The problem is not
 with the rod; the
problem is with its half-hearted misuse. I recall some
 Christian
friends who had a two-year-old boy who was extra large
 and extra
rebellious. The mother would "spank" him by giving him
 a couple of
swats on his thick diaper with her hand and he would
 literally laugh
it off and persist with his mischief and rebellion.
  The biblical use
of the rod would have stopped that fearful rebellion
 in its tracks
and would have saved that family a lot of heartache
 and that child a
lot of sorrow. The foolishness is bound in a child's
 heart and must
be "driven" away, and this takes proper force and firm
 resolution and
stedfast perseverance (Prov. 22:15).

d. Discipline must be done for the right reason and
 with the right
spirit (Prov. 3:11-12; 13:24; 22:6). If the parent
 doesn't have the
right motive and spirit when using the rod it won't
 work and it might
produce the exact opposite of godly submission. The
 right motive is
the desire to train the child so that he will go in
 the right paths,
and the right spirit is love. If the motive is anger
 or vengeance or
hatred or jealousy or frustration or the desire to
 cause harm or any
such fleshly thing the rod can cause more harm than
 good. I wish I
had understood these things better when I was a young
 parent and my
children were little, but I do understand them now by
 God's grace and
I urge young parents to heed the Bible and this
 grandfather's
exhortations to exercise child discipline in the right
 spirit. John
G. Paton, the famous missionary to the New Hebrides
 islands who
suffered much for Christ and won many headhunters to
 the Saviour, in
his biography described the training and discipline he
 received as a
child. He grew up in a happy but very religious and
 sober home and
the discipline was effective in the lives of each of
 the eleven
children. After describing the way the family spent
 their Sundays and
how the children were carefully catechized in Bible
 doctrine
throughout the week and how his father used the rod of
 correction
when necessary, he observed: "Of course, if the
 parents are not
devout, sincere, and affectionate,--if the whole
 affair on both sides
is taskwork, or worse, hypocritical and
 false,--results must be very
different indeed! God help the homes where these
 things are done by
mere force and not by love!" (John G. Paton:
 Missionary to the New
Hebrides, 1891).

e. Discipline should have eternity in mind ("and when
 he is old, he
will not depart from it," Prov. 22:6; "and shalt
 deliver his soul
from hell," Prov. 23:14). Parents must not be
 shortsighted. By
keeping the future in mind the parent can look beyond
 the child's
tears and beyond his own weariness and impatience to
 the day when the
child will be grown and even beyond that to the day
 the child leaves
this present life and journeys either to heaven or
 hell.