Mobile Phones Are the Work of Evil

The mobile phone is undoubtedly an extremely popular invention what with almost every f***** having one, despite the fact that people who insist on using them are verbally assaulted by many. Many of the verbal assailants are guilty of the same crime, as shown in this short sketch:

A TELEPHONE: Ring, ring

PERSON ONE: Gor bloody �ell. I hate mobile phones ringing in public.

PERSON TWO: Quite agree.

A TELEPHONE: RING, ring.

PERSON ONE: Turn it off, will ya? I�m trying to eat me bacon and jellied eel sarnie that the old trouble and strife made for us in peace.

PERSON THREE: It�s not me.

A TELEPHONE: Ring, RING.

PERSON ONE: No, it�s your phone.

PERSON TWO: I think it�s coming from your bag, Person One.

A TELEPHONE: Ringeddy, ring, ring.

PERSON ONE: Oh yeah. Bugger. (Answers his telephone) HELLO? ELLLLONDON FIRE BRIGAAAADE?

ENTIRE CARRIAGE: F*** off!

ENTIRE CARRIAGE�S PHONES: RING, RING.

The only conclusion about this hypocritical behaviour is that there must be some alternative influence making people do this. It is highly likely that the �mobile phone psychology� is the work of some �ultimate evil� force from beyond the grave. I know that the inventor of the mobile phone must be dead through logic. Answer these two questions: 1) Do you know the inventor of the mobile phone? The answer is probably �no�. 2) How many dead people are there? The answer is �a lot�. Therefore it is more than likely that the inventor of the mobile phone is dead, as one can�t say for sure either way, and there�s a lot of dead people. Studying human psychology shows us that humans always want to be �one of a crowd� in some way. Mr Mobile probably wanted to be in with the deadies. The case grows ever more convincing. Can you argue with it? Not successfully, I�ll bet.

Those who are foolish enough to challenge the theory may say something like: �Humans are just hypocrites.� Ha, ha, ha. Fools. If humans were being hypocritical of their own accord, they would have realised this and stopped it by now. We�re not silly, you know. Except you, simple fool.

I�m expecting high praise for this one. And a professorship at Oxford, at least.