Dan

Dan's the sort of man you want to have around. A reasonable chap, you might say. But seeing as he's in Hungary, you can't have him around, so there.

Dan's the one with the guitars. He actually is a creative genius, as opposed to Ben being a hypothetical one. He's written many a fine tune, the famous "Dan's Song" being the most notable one. One hopes that the Hungarians appreciate his songwriting talents for their true worth. And his English teaching.

Dan is closely related to his parents.

The chemical structure of Dan's hair is currently being analysed by a team of international scientists. Go on, touch it. You'll see.

Dan doesn't have too hefty a criminal record. After all, it only takes up half the large building recently constructed next to the Chichester Police Station. We all thought it was a new cell block, but then Dan tried to burn it down to destroy the evidence of his mischief. And that got him a 5 year sentence and longer criminal record for arson. So we packed him off to Hungary after breaking him our of HMP Belmarsh. Thus Dan is in debt to us, but we won't uphold his debt as he's a nice chap at heart. He needs the right treatment, not locking up behind bars. What did that ever do anyone? Rest assured that Dan will return in the spirit of Vladimir Illyich Ulyanov (Lenin Rah Rah Rah) when the revolution comes, which is planned for March before Simon and Ben's birthdays. Dan's criminal record will be destroyed, and sea levels will coincidentally rise significantly due to the pollution caused when we burn it all, causing further global warming. But still Stop Esso, they're worse at the moment.