28th October 2001-
I left my ex in November
1998, my daughter was 18 months old. I left because he had a classic case
of Peter Pan syndrome and was an irresponsible drug taking child
with no interest in being a husband or father. For a year he paid the pitiful
amount of $277 AUD a month (about $140 US) regularly, although I had to
call and "remind" him to do it (but except for a couple of occasions) he
didn't visit or call to speak to our daughter). Finally I got sick of this
and decided I wouldn't bother calling, I thought "why should I have to
call him, he's an adult" almost immediately the payments stopped, this
was Nov. 99, I didn't waste any time I immediately made the payments collectable
by the CSA. Christmas 99 he called and told me that he wasn't paying
because "you never call to talk to me"! Following that phone call we didn't
speak for nearly 2 years and although the CSA was sending letters he still
wasn't paying (or sending birthday or x-mas presents). Sometime in early
2000 he moved and changed jobs (a much higher paying one at that), I called
the agency wanting to know if there was any progress on my case and
was told that because I didn't know his address, phone number or employer
they couldn't do anything until he lodged a tax return. Months go by, more
phone calls, he doesn't lodge a return, no one knows where he is, child
support owed piles up.
Forward to early November
2001. My daughter and I attend a family wedding, he is there, it is the
first time we have seen or spoken to him in 2 years. We have a few hours
alone, he pays for pizza for dinner (guilt?) he spills his guts to
me and gives me the "woe is me" tale of his life for the past 2 years.
He was up until August living with a girl who had a baby (not his) she
was getting sole parenting payment as well as working as a receptionist(?)
in a brothel, while he was working too, he was paying $600 a week to keep
the 2 of them in drugs, this lasted about 8 months. Then for some amazing
reason he had a bolt from the blue and realized that his life was a joke
and decided to get his act together, he starts by leaving her and moving
in with his sister (YAY I HAVE AN ADDRESS!!!), he tells me he's off drugs
and is really a much better person, and to prove how much better he's
doing he shows me his $4000 limit AMEX card. He tells me though that he
is lonely and he works 60-80 hours a week because work is all he
has in his life, I can't help but think about how much money he must
be earning, all the while I can't buy anything for my daughter without
putting it on lay-by. But, I don't say anything about the CS he owes
because this wedding is his side of the family whom we also hadn't seen
in 2 years and despite my feelings about these people they are my daughters
family and I didn't want to stir up any sh*t while we were there (I don't
know if they are aware he doesn't pay).
As soon as I got home I
called the CSA and gave them his current address, I felt better about the
situation than I had in a long time but it didn't take long for that feeling
to leave me. He owes us $5000 and I am sure I will not see a cent of it.
I don't know what he does with his money but he has no savings or assets
that the CSA can seize and I have been told they will only make court proceedings
when they are sure they can recover the money. He has not done his tax
for 2 years so there is no return for them to seize on my behalf. I know
his address now but he can just ignore the letters like he did before.
The CSA has told me that unless I know his employer so they can garnish
his wages not much else can be done. I feel defeated, I have heard stories
of debts of $40,000 and I think "this is only $5000, they don't care, they
aren't interested in helping, it's too much work for them, it's just going
to continue to mount up".
There just doesn't seem
to be any incentive in this country for parents to pay CS except for their
own honour & desire to do the right thing by their child. He got away
with not paying this long I honestly can't see anything changing and where
does that leave us?
UPDATE: 27th
March 2002-
Typically feeling very
frustrated with the CSA late one night recently I sent them a rather scathing
e-mail to the Child Support Agency, I have not yet received a reply.
UPDATE: 06th
June 2002-
I have been contacted by
the CSA, they tracked Andrew down through his credit card company (thanks
to me telling them he had an AMEX card!) and have linked to his employer
who is now legally obligated to deduct CS from his wage, first payment
is due on the 7th of July!!! He is now over $6400 in arrears so they need
to get an idea of what he is earning to enable them to determine how much
extra he will have to pay to cover the arrears. I need to apply to have
our rate reassessed because when the first assessment was done almost 4
years ago, he had only been at his new job less than a year so his assessment
was based on his previous wage which was only about $300 a week (hence
our ridiculous CS amount of $35 AUD per week - that's about $17 US, not
much huh?). Then he stopped paying and disappeared so he was never reassessed
to take into account his new higher wage. What does this mean? It means
the arrears may be MUCH more than what they are currently calculated at.
Anyway I will be waiting to see if the payments come through and it all
goes smoothly. This section of the site will stay though regardless.
UPDATE:29th November
2002-
Finally! Child support
after 3 years! We have had 4 payments and no problems with them at all.
I only hope it continues to go through smoothly. For anyone else out there
in my situation all I can say is hang in there, never give up hope, and
as far as the Child Support Agency is concerned remember just one thing:
"the squeaky wheel gets the grease" :)
UPDATE:10th October
2003-
Well I have been receiving
CS every month for almost 2 years now. Miracles can and do happen! It has
made life so much easier and I am really happy to be getting it. Andrew
has also been making a bit more of an effort to be a part of Jasmine's
life which can only be a good thing I hope.
So by now are you thinking:
"Well
this is all very interesting but it doesn't apply to me right?"
WRONG
Not a custodial parent
seeking child support?
Not a non custodial parent
dodging your obligations?
Not a child going without
because of a thoughtless, irresponsible parent?
Think this doesn't matter
to you?
You're
wrong.
Unpaid child support is a huge
problem in this country. Approximately 1 out of 3 non custodial parents
do not pay their allotted amount of child support on a regular basis. So,
who is supporting these children when their parents are not? The Australian
Government that's who. A large portion of the welfare budget goes
into providing extra benefits to families with unsupported children. Are
you an Australian taxpayer? If the answer is yes then you should definitely
be concerned about parents who dodge CS payments. When a parent doesn't
pay child support their ex partner receives extra family allowance from
the government each fortnight. This is YOUR tax dollars at work because
"THEY" aren't paying. Every fortnight money comes out of YOUR pocket into
the pockets of sole parents because "THEY" don't pay. If you are an Australian taxpayer YOU are paying the Child Support for hundreds of thousands of deadbeats out there. Think it's not your problem now?
Want to know what you can
you do? You can start by emailing the Federal Minister for Family &
Community Services Senator Amanda Vanstone and telling her that more should
be done to collect child support owed. Tell her what a disgrace it is that
thousands of non-custodial parents are not just weeks or months behind
in payments but YEARS. Tell her you're disgusted that scores of children
in this country are suffering because of parents who are capable of paying
but simply refuse to. Tell her that the Child Support Enforcement Legislation
needs urgent attention and that the government needs to do more to ensure
child support is paid by every capable non custodial parent
to every eligible child.
Senator the Hon Amanda Vanstone
Minister for Family &
Community Services
Minister Assisting the
Prime Minister for the Status of Women
[email protected].
DISCLAIMER
before anyone decides to leave
a nasty message about me or this page in my guestbook (which I will just
delete anyway):
a)
I am not a "man hater"
and I don't promote hate nor do I hate my ex. What I do hate is his slack
attitude towards his responsibilities. I created this page out of frustration
and a need to do something.
b)
I am quite aware that there are many "Deadbeat mothers" but in my case
my ex is a male so that's why any mention of a deadbeat in this page is
mainly in reference to "Deadbeat dads".
c)
I am also well aware
that for all of the deadbeats there are many more non custodial parents
who responsible people who do the right thing and have their own problems
with their ex's and/or "the system" .
d)
My ex is not prevented
from seeing his daughter, he is free to see her whenever he decides to
take the initiative, he knows where we live and our phone number. I do
not impede on his relationship with his daughter.
e)
I didn't invent
the term "Deadbeat dad". I am aware it is offensive to some people (usually
deadbeats) but the fact of the matter is it's a well known term and if
that makes this page easier to find, and creates more awareness of this
problem then so be it.
