Below are some exercises designed to help people in Domestic Abuse situations. They are not meant as a quick fix, only as a way to remember who we are, and to remember that we are worth something.

• You are/I am--a very neat person
• You are/I am--a survivor
• You are/I am--always learning and changing
• You are/I am--a truly amazing person
• You are/I am--fantastic
  
• You are/I am--very, very capable
• You are/I am--learning to be less punishing
• You are/I am--learning to say "no" more comfortably
• You are/I am--learning to hear "no" more comfortably
• You are/I am--learning to say "I like it"
  
• You are/I am--learning to say "I don't like it"
• You are/I am--learning not to defend my likes and dislikes
• You are/I am--learning to disagree without being disagreeable
• You are/I am--loveable
• You are/I am--a beautiful person
  
• You are/I am--learning not to be controlled by dislikes
• You are/I am--becoming more assertive
• You are/I am--learning to terminate dislikes in a more helpful way
• You are/I am--always behaving "just right"
• You are/I am--never alone
  
• You are/I am--worthwhile with no proof
• You are/I am--learning to be less afraid of the world
• You are/I am--learning not to blame
• You are/I am--learning to say it's all of us

I am going to take you on a journey of discovery where you can find your image of strength. The room is a safe place to take this journey. No one will harm you in any way while you are here, so go as far as you choose.

Each of you has your own strength. Strength exists within, and the image you come up with is already within you, waiting to be found.

Let's start by relaxing. Close your eyes. Make yourself comfortable. Uncross your arms and legs. Lean back comfortably and take a deep breath and exhale. I am going to ask you to begin relaxing by moving the muscles in your face. Now allow those muscles to relax. Now concentrate on the back of your neck. This is where all of the tension of the day goes. Let the relaxtion flow from the top of your head, on to the back of your neck and down into your shoulders. Let them relax. Feel the relaxation flow from your shoulders down into your wrists, hands and fingers. Both your arms are feeling heavy and relaxed.

Be aware of the trunk of your body-that part between the shoulders and hips. Feel the relaxation flowing down your spine. Be aware of what is inside the trunk of your body. All of the different organs: heart, lungs and stomach. Be aware that they are made up of and surrounded by muscles, which can also be relaxed. Feel the relaxtion flowing down through your hips, into your thighs and into your feet and toes. Both legs are feeling very heavy and relzxed. Your whole body is feeling relaxed and open. All of your muscles are relaxed and open.

Now picture yourself at the top of a staircase. It is safe here; you are all alone. The staircase is long and attractive, and is well lit. You are going to walk down it and each step leads you deeper and deeper into that relaxed and open state. You are stepping down and down-deeper and deeper-stepping down, deeper and deeper. At the bottom, you are going to find your favorite place. A place where you can be relaxed, feel safe and peaceful and a place you can call your own. This is a place where you will not be disturbed. No harm can come to you there. Step down off the last step. Now you are there-look around. What do you see? Hear? Feel, smell and taste? What do you do once you are there? Now I would like you to spend a few moments in that safe, peaceful place.

Now that you are at peace and safe, focus on your strength-the strength that is within you. It can be anything. What does it look lik, sound like, smell like and taste like? Does it have color, or shape?

Spend a few moments visualizing your strength. Feel it. Experience it.

Now go back to your favorite place. This place of yours is somewhere you can return to whenever you want or need to be alone, to feel safe, or to find some peace and strength.

When you're ready, walk back up the stairs; bring your strength with you and re-enter the room.

1. Feminist counseling views all "personal" problems in the context of a sexist society and helps women understand the real oppression and socially defined roles which reinforced their victimization and their feelings of powerlessness. In counseling battered women, a large part of your role will be to communicate to your clients this vision and understanding through the facts about battering already presented. The difference between your oppression as a woman and that of the battered woman is essentially one of degree. The being viewed as her husband's property, and finding her own worth as a woman in a sexist society--are the same issues that you and all woman face daily to some degree. Given that woman's particular life experiences, strengths and weknesses, and resources, you might also be struggling with all the problems of battering.
2. In a feminist model the woman coming for help is assumed to be a basically healthy person who needs understanding, information and support in order to make changes in her life. She is responsible for her own life decisions, and your role is to help her tap her own strengths and abilities, and to recognize and experience her potential as a woman. You as counselor can put forward the conscious expectation that she will take charge of her own life, even though she may be in the habit of being dependent, will not believe at first that she can make decisions, and will appear to be unable to do so. You can help her learn to, and encourage her to act on her own competence rather than allowing yourself to see her as helpless and tell her what to do.
3. The woman involved in feminist counseling are assumed to have a reciprocal relationship between equals. We will use the terms "counselor" and "client" to define different roles which are interchangeable depending on the skill and needs of the individuals involved. It is basic to the feminist philosophy that the term "counselor" you also assume responsibility for communicating this to your "clients". You may have special training in a particular mode of therapy, and you can use this if you and the client agree that it is appropriate--however, in a peer relationship, you should see this as the sharing and teaching of skills rather than as a taking over of thinking for the client. As a peer you see yourself as a woman sharing the position of your client in society, and involve yourself in the counseling process by openly sharing your skills and your own experience which might be helpful to her in taking charge of her own life.
4. In the feminist model it is assumed that women are best able to help other women overcome the societal barriers, and several years of counseling women victims of domestic violence have confirmed that other women can best provide support at this time. Many battered women are defensive toward all men because of their traumatic experiences with their mate and cannot feel safe with a male counselor. Also, their sense of identity is usally centered in their mate, and through feminist counseling they can begin to break this dependence and learn to receive emotional support from other women and from within themselves. Male counselors, however, can be helpful in couple counseling or at a later time when the woman is no longer in danger and has gained some perspective on her victimization.
5. Finally, as a feminist counselor who is aware of the role of society in shaping personal attitudes and reinforcing personal problems, you will want to become conscious of your own cultural biases and stereotypes in order to effectively support all your clients. We all unconsciously segregate others according to their race, their ethnic or economic group, or other arbitray divisions. It is also easy to assume that all your clients have the same value system, religious beliefs, and lifestyle that you do, or to feel that they should have in order to counter these attitudes in yourself, you can become sensitive to your internalized oppression - attitudes based on sexist, racist, or classist myths which you have accepted about yourself, and which you can learn to reject both for yourself and for the women you counsel. And you can actively learn about the real differences in life experience which affect women from cultural backgrounds different from your own.