learn to enjoy life. learn to relax. much easier said that done. fight or flight. no threat, but run. run far, push it all away as it eats away at your mind. fighting passively out of unnecessary fear. push. run. bricks. build, block, refuse the attempts, let nothing in, trust no one, believe no word, give no chances. fairness equals self-destruction. run. avoid the inevitable, kill the cycle, stop the flow. thoughts, haywire, mental malfunction rampant paranoia stop. breathe. deny, pretend, ignore. ambivalence; ignorance is ideal. look through, turn emotions transparent. rewind. change the patterns, alter reactions. ignore reality, play off on stupidity despite observations. don't let go, don't hold on - hold out for nothing. do the best to lie - win a fucking oscar. bury. hide. deny.
but it will never stop.