The Beat Fearsome Four Episode V "Corruption or Conversion!"
by Kim & Mel
A skit brought to you by Kim and our proud sponsor...Venus (brings out the Goddess in you!)

DEE - "Kim, say Holy Water... say Angelic..."

KGB - "No... puhleez!!!!" (to self) "Think bad thoughts, think bad thoughts! Help me Mel!"

MEL- (runs in swearing with a six pack of Molson) "Don't worry, the fawqin' Ass is here to save you, eh?! What the shat are you Tara followers doing to my partner in crime?!

AB1Fan- (dangles shiny object in front of Mel, trying to hypnotize her) "Mel, repeat after me...I don't want to swear..."

MEL- (in a glassy stare) "I don't want to swear..."

AB1Fan- "...I will not have premarital sex..."

MEL- "I will not have premarital sex..."

AB1Fan- "...I will not drink beer, especially Molson..."

KGB-

MEL- (comes out of trance) "What the shat, eh?! No more Molson?!!

KGB- (all smiles) "I knew you went too far on that one!! HEHEHEHEHE"

MEL- "Here ya go... everyone take a Molson... it's on me!"

(KGB and Mel begin to drink as Dee and AB1 hold their bottles in their hands pondering whether or not to take of the forbidden fruit)

DEE- (to AB1) "Should we?"

AB1Fan- "Not sure. What do ya think Tara would do?"

(at that moment Tara comes flying in... dressed in her flyin' nun outfit)

TARA- "No! Don't corrupt my fledglings!" (takes bottles and throws them down)

KGB & MEL- !!!!!!!!!! (both run over to broken beer bottles and try to siphon up what is left... cutting tongues on broken glass in the process)

KGB & MEL- (in shock, horror and pain) "What the #$%^*!!! Tara how dare you! !#$%^!%&*!!!"

(Tara runs to Dee and AB1 and shields them from the explicit language with her habit)

TARA- "Enough! We will not be party to your foul mouths... intoxicated blurbs... sexual appetites... and betrayers of all that is good and righteous!!"

KGB & MEL- "Huh??!!"

TARA- "We will not be tempted by Molson, good looking men or the Ass!"

MEL- "Wha...? WOOWOO! Tara said ASS!!" (exhibits unfettered joy... begins Shakin' the ASS)

TARA- (in shock) "Huh? What did I say??"

MEL- "You said ASS!! BAWHAHAHAHAHA!!"

KGB- "Yep... I heard ya!!"

DEE- "Hehehehehe... so did I!" (Tara shoots her a disapproving look)

AB1Fan- "Hey, can we say Ass now?"

MEL- "YES!"

TARA- "No! We gotta go! You are corrupters... druckard consluters!! Besides we have a mission!"

AB1Fan- "Ah, man... we don't have to watch Chastain's purse again, do we?"

TARA- "It's a high honor. Only the most trusted WUSA fans can watch the personal belongings of soccer Superstars! This time she may even let us hold her cowgirl hat! Mia may be there as well... perhaps she'll let us watch her sunglasses for her and they may all set their drinks on our table. I bet Millie will let you hold her jacket while she dances!"

AB1Fan- (sarcastic) "Oh Joy."

TARA- "Yes she may be there as well! Maybe we'll get to change a diaper or play with Katie or Karly!"

(the three walk away)

DEE- (as they are leaving, Dee mutters under her breath to AB1) "I'm not holding Chastain's purse I'll only do favors for the the TWINS! ya gotta draw the line somewhere!"

AB1Fan- "Geez... what have I gotten myself into?"

(the three exit)

KGB- (shocked and horrified) "This is a fawkin' nightmare!"

MEL- "Yeah, spilled beer and servitude... all in the same skit! Yeesh! Shall we adjourn to J&J's for more Molson? CP and Hoop should be there by now!"

KGB- "Yes! Maybe they'll let us watch their bottles while they go to the bathroom."

MEL- (horrified)

KGB- "Kidding! Just kidding!"

MEL- "That's sooo not funny, eh?!"

(both head to J&J's with molson in hand)

:Alas, no one was corrupted... but no one was converted either... hehehehe! Evil and good live to battle yet another day!:

TARA- (voice of good) "We shall persevere!!"

KGB- (voice of the corrupters) "We... (hiccup)... we shall... (hiccup)..." (falls over in drunken stupor)

MEL- (slurred, but still standing) "What KGB is trying to say... is we shall continue to get Druck and Conslut! WooWoo I'll drink to that!" (pops open another Molson)

TARA- (rolls eyes and walks away... then begins to run remembering she forgot to give Mia back her sunglasses... Yikes!!)

PART II

Introducing Kicks, Dee's skitzophrenic alter ego

(Mel and KGB are walking towards J&J's when all of a sudden, disaster struck)

MEL- "I was like, come on say Ass eh, but she... (begins to vigorously shake ASS) What the $^@***$???"

KGB- (steps back) "Mel... were you fawqin' drinkin before we left or something?"

MEL- (still going crazy) "No I think... I think... the ASS has taken on a mind of its own eh... I CAN'T STOP!!"

KGB- (muffles a laugh)

MEL- (ASS begins hip thrusts) Oh dear God.

KGB- (falls over in laughter)

(Tara, Dee, AB1 and Kicks walk by)

TARA- "Such vile and grostesque behavior!"

MEL- (still thrusting) "Oh like you've never done this before..."

KGB- (continues laughing even harder)

DEE, AB1 and KICKS- (in unison) "Maybe we should help Mel, Aunt Tara."

TARA- (removes flying nun hat and places it over her heart) "My dear children, (begins to tear)... those two... (tear falls)... those two... (bright light shines over the faultless four)"

KGB- (interupts Tara) "OH SHAT I'M GOING FAWQIN BLIND!!!" (shields eyes)

MEL- (tries to shield eyes but cannot because of the non stop shaking and thrusting) "My eyes eh, my eyes eh!!! AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!"

AB1- (runs over and shields Mel's eyes)

TARA, DEE and KICKS- (pass out)

AB1- "Hmmmm" (runs over to Tara and takes everything she is old which includes Brandi's purse, Mia's extra cleats, Millie's sunglasses, Loudy's donuts, Joy's spare diaper, Tony's spare mustach, Kate's dirty socks, Lil's jacket, CP's sweater, Aker's bible, Mac's pack of gum, Carla's gun, and Bri's "HOW TO SCARE THE SH*T OUT OF PEOPLE WITH ONE GLANCE" book and runs away) "AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA"

KGB- (looks up, wipes tears of pride away) "We got to her" (attempts to pat Mel on the back but can't catch her)

MEL- (thrusting and shaking away) "I'm so proud, we must cele... (falls, gets back up)... brate!! Molson on me!!"