INTRODUCTION
ISLAMIC VIEWPOINT ON SEX : THE MIDDLE GROUND
PURPOSES OF SEX IN ISLAM
INSIGHTS INTO LOVE-MAKING
ETIQUETTE OF SEXUAL INTERACTION
RULINGS PERTAINING TO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
CONCLUSION
SUMMARY

INTRODUCTION

Most people are shy to talk about sex. It is more often a source of vulgar jokes and obscene language than a topic for serious discussion, let alone accorded religious significance. Invariably this applies to the Muslim community as well. Yet the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. and the early Muslims were very vocal and explicit in their public statements and advice concerning this subject.

This shows that sex is not a taboo topic in Islam. Instead, it can be discussed openly but in a responsible and serious manner. A married couple who are open and candid with each other in expressing their respective concerns, dislikes, preferences or even fantasies concerning their sexual relationship are more likely to enjoy a satisfying sexual life. And this, Islam endorses, as we shall see in this chapter.

From concept to practice, we shall discuss the significance of the sexual activity in our development as a Muslim. The chapter emphasises the Prophet's statements and advice concerning love-making, which elevate sex from a mere carnal activity into a medium for relating to and enhancing your relationship with your spouse. This should be most useful for first-timers and the inexperienced as a preparation for this whole new experience.

ISLAMIC VIEWPOINT ON SEX : THE MIDDLE GROUND

Attitudes concerning sex are varied and diverse. Opinions vary widely from one person, culture or religion to another. And yet, within the same cultural and religious background, there are also differing views. A lot of what is attributed to a particular culture or religion is as much due to the misguided practices of its followers as to its original teaching. However, we are fortunate that the original message of Islam is preserved in the Qur'an. The examples of the Prophet s.a.w. and his original teachings regarding sex are thus available for all to understand. We can better understand the Islamic viewpoint by contrasting it with two widely held extreme viewpoints on sexual activity.

At one extreme there are people who regard sex as a hindrance to spiritual and moral development. In this view, sex is considered profane and incompatible with spiritual development. A person who wants to attain a higher spiritual status has to sacrifice his own sexual gratification. As a consequence, celibacy is regarded as meritorious and is advocated among the spiritual elite. At best, this view would regard the sexual activity as a 'necessary evil' which the 'lay person' is allowed to engage in but only for the purpose of procreation. Any other purpose is considered a sin. 

On the other extreme, there are those who glorify sexual fulfilment at the expense of personal responsibility. Anything from homosexuality to anal intercourse is permissible in the name of individual gratification. This preoccupation with sex often borders upon obsession and sexual intercourse is associated largely with lustful passion free from responsibility.
The Islamic perspective on sex is contrary to both extremes. Islam has always advocated the middle ground by recognising the sexual needs of men and women as natural and essential to a person's religious development. However, it defines sexual fulfilment in the context of marriage and humble devotion to Allah s.w.t. and sexual activities must be practiced in accordance with the guidelines laid down by Him and His Prophet s.a.w. Above all, the purposes of sex reach beyond the mere fulfilment of a biological need, assuming a greater significance in our development as a Muslim.

PURPOSES OF SEX IN ISLAM

Sex For Procreation

Having children and starting a family is a common reason for marriage. And the yearning for children was encouraged by the Prophet s.a.w.:

"Marry loving and prolific women since I shall be the most proud among all the prophets with your numbers." (Hadith reported by Ahmad)

Likewise, the desire for children is reflected in the Qur'anic stories of prophets who yearned for descendants, like the Prophets Ibrahim a.s. and Zakaria a.s.1 However, their yearning for descendants was not for the fulfilment of a personal benefit. Rather, it was driven by their wish for their descendants to continue their life long service to Allah s.w.t., as exemplified in the words of the mother of Mary:

"Behold! A woman of 'Imran said: 'O my Lord! I do dedicate unto Thee what is in my womb for Thy special service:' ..." (Al-i- 'Imran, 3:35)

Likewise, the yearning for children should rightfully be complemented by the attention and care given in their upbringing so that they in turn will be an asset to Islam.

Sex For Enhancement Of Relations

In our relationship with others, we do not confine ourselves to verbal communication. We also use bodily gestures, artistic symbols, even gifts to communicate ideas and emotions to enhance our relationship. At times, these gestures are more powerful than verbal communication. 

When the Prophet s.a.w. said, "Every good deed is charity, and it is a good deed that you meet your brother with a cheerful face,"2 he referred to a different kind of giving. A smile is a gift as it relieves a burden in times of difficulty or enhances joy in times of happiness. Likewise, other senses may also be used as a gift such as when we hug our mother to show how much we miss her, fill our living room with the fragrance of freshly plucked jasmine to welcome our guests or sing a lullaby to induce a child to sleep.

The sexual activity evokes our senses of touch, sight, smell and hearing to achieve ecstasy and fulfilment. If the intention behind a touch or a 'motion' is to evoke these senses for our partner's pleasure, then it is a type of gift, just like in a smile. And, in this sense, the greatest sensual gift must surely be the pleasure of orgasm. Thus, love-making can become the giving and receiving exquisite sensations, thereby enhancing the feelings of "love and mercy" each partner holds for the other.

Sex For Recreation

Sex may also be for the sheer fun of it, pure enjoyment of the sensations or simply to release stress. But even for such recreational purposes, love-making can have a spiritual significance, very much like the enjoyment of other favours from Allah s.w.t. such as food or a breath-taking view.

For example, when we take the time to savour the myriad tastes in our food, rather than gulping it down in haste, we actually experience the pleasures of Allah's creation. Similarly, we experience visual pleasure when we stop to admire a flower, or climb a mountain solely for the view at the peak.

Likewise, we may have a 'glimpse' of a divine attribute in such an earthly act when we savour each delightful moment of love-making. The exquisite sensations of sex are testimony to the Infinite Ingenuity of Allah s.w.t. in His Act of creation and His Mercy in sharing with us His Limitless Pleasures.

Thus, having sex for recreation or for fun has a spiritual value provided the fun is not limited to sensual enjoyment but instead generates a higher understanding of the attributes of the Divine and increases our awe, affection and devotion for our Creator.

Sex is not an end in itself, but its purposes are varied and wide-ranging, from fulfilling a social need in procreating to appreciating Divine Attributes through the richness of sensations experienced in love-making. When it is practised within the limits set by Allah s.w.t. and His Prophet s.a.w., its value to our Islamic development is bound only by our imagination.

INSIGHTS INTO LOVE-MAKING

The Prophet Muhammad's sayings and advice on sex were rather candid and open, thus providing us with valuable insights into the sexual activity. They show an understanding of the differences between male and female sexuality and advocate an attitude which calls for husband and wife to respect and harness these differences for their mutual enjoyment and pleasure.

Fundamental Difference Between Male And Female Sexuality

Saidina Ali r.a., the Prophet's close companion and son-in-law, had symbolically described the fundamental difference of male and female sexuality. He said that Almighty Allah created sexual desires in ten parts; then He gave nine parts to women and one to men. (But then Allah) also gave them equal parts of shyness. In other words, nine parts of shyness to women and one part to men.

This implies, quite ironically, that a woman actually has a greater capacity for sexual desire but is more inhibited by shyness. On the other hand, a man is more forthcoming in his sexual advances, but this belies his lower capacity in comparison to a woman.

A recent scientific explanation of the human sexual response cycle, describes it as going through the four stages of excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Normally, men and women experience the same stages, except that in general men proceed more quickly from the excitement phase through to the orgasmic phase. In comparison, women ascend through the phases more slowly. However, they are better at sustaining sexual ecstasy without reaching a climax, thereby prolonging the sexual experience, while men are prone to rush towards the peak, thereafter falling back to the pre-excitement stage.3

As a man can naturally reach climax before the woman is even ready, this may have given rise to the misconception that men are stronger sexual beings while women have no capacity for sexual fulfilment. But a study of the Prophet's sayings on sex reveals his recognition of this fundamental difference and he addressed both men and women on their respective roles in bringing about harmony and pleasure in love-making for both parties.

Foreplay ­ a role for both to play. The Prophet s.a.w. was reported to have said,

"Let none of you fall suddenly upon his wife like an animal. Let there be a messenger between the two. Someone asked: 'What is the messenger, O Prophet?' He said: 'Kissing and words of love'." (Hadith reported by Dailami)

"Kissing and words of love" are two examples the Prophet s.a.w. used to illustrate his idea of a "messenger" which should precede love-making. But our repertoire of advances could well include the other three senses of sight, smell and touch; and we need not even be confined to these if we are able to influence the emotions and thoughts of our partners.

Using Saidina Ali's words as a gauge, it is fair to conclude that the Prophet's contemporaries knew that men are quicker to get aroused and that women require more coaxing to attain the state of sexual readiness. But, more importantly, they may have found this attention to the female party in sexual intercourse a little too revolutionary. Considering their well-ingrained Jahiliyah (pre-Islamic ignorance) perception of women as sex objects for man's gratification, such public statements by the Prophet s.a.w. were most necessary to set things right.

A woman's readiness for the sexual encounter is important as its absence can lead to physical discomfort. Normally, when a woman is sufficiently stimulated, special liquids are naturally secreted to lubricate the vaginal walls. Without this, penetration can be uncomfortable and even physically painful to both parties. The sensual effect of "kissing" and the psychological effect of "words of love" are but two initiatives the Prophet s.a.w. proposed to bring on the psycho-sensual changes conducive for pleasurable penetration. And the above-mentioned hadith places the onus on both parties, as evidenced by the words "let there be a messenger between the two". Thus his advocacy for foreplay is as much a reminder for a man's kindness to a woman during sex as it is a pointer for both towards enhancing their mutual pleasure.

Recognising women's needs ­ advice to men. The Prophet s.a.w was reported to have said:

"When any of you has sex with his wife, be earnest. When his desire is fulfilled before hers, do not hasten her until she has fulfilled her desire." (Hadith reported by Abu Ya'la)

A man's ability to achieve orgasm faster then a woman should not be regarded as implying his superiority over 'the weaker sex'. In fact, if it is uncontrollable, it is considered a problem known as "premature ejaculation". Even though his desires are met every time he has sex, in the long run the man loses out. Firstly, he misses the opportunity of simultaneous orgasm ­ a carnal ecstasy capable of bringing husband and wife together in emotional and spiritual unity. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, he will leave his wife somewhere in between the "excitement" and "plateau" phases every time he finishes. To be suspended in these zones all the time, especially with the sight of the husband blissfully asleep, can be extremely frustrating to the wife. The Prophet s.a.w. seemed to understand the torture of this "aroused and yet unfulfilled" state when he reminded men to endure their discomfort and complete the women's sexual response cycle. 

This order is generally displeasing for a man to carry out because most men do not have the capacity to sustain sexual pleasure after ejaculation. They are more prone to fall into the resolution phase and hence lose interest. Thus, this order sounds more like a reprimand to uncaring men than the preferred approach for mutual satisfaction.

At other times, the Prophet s.a.w. referred to a more achievable approach to avoid leaving the woman stranded before her orgasmic pleasure. With knowledge and practice, a man can learn to control the timing of his orgasm and to take into account the women's progress in her climb to the summit. A perfect synchrony would produce the most exquisite of sensations. In one interesting hadith the Prophet s.a.w. referred to the control of orgasm as a strength to be acquired by men:

"In three matters, the weakness of a male is expressed ... (thirdly) the man who approaches his wife and has sexual intercourse with her before he engages her in conversation and getting intimate with her; thereby fulfilling his (sexual) desire from her before she fulfilled hers from him." (Hadith reported by Dailami)

Apart from simultaneous orgasm, if the man is able to allow his wife's orgasm to take off without invoking his own, the wife may even experience multiple orgasms. Academically speaking, this is the only way multiple orgasms can be experienced in an Islamic marriage, as multiple partnerships are totally out of the question for women ­ neither as polyandry nor prostitution nor orgy.

But, lest all this discussion should put undue pressure on our sex life, something must be said about orgasm. Simultaneous or multiple orgasms should not be the determining indicators of good sex. They are only two of a wide range of satisfying sexual patterns. As long as each person is satisfied, the exact timing of the orgasm is of no particular importance. Nor should multiple orgasm be a source of anxiety as many couples are thoroughly satisfied without ever experiencing it. Lastly, orgasm itself need not always be the goal in all sexual sessions. There is much pleasure to be derived from the coital experience and foreplay. The main message of this discussion is that the man should welcome the woman's participation and seek mutual enjoyment so that sexual intercourse is shared in a meaningful way. Shedding all inhibitions ­ advice for women. It takes both parties to bring about harmony and mutual bliss in love-making. Thus, while the Prophet s.a.w. reminded men to involve their wives in the sexual activity, he was equally vocal in encouraging women to be more sexually forthcoming with their husbands. He was reported to have said, 

"The best of your women are those who are virtuous and lustful. Virtuous in guarding her chastity, lustful to her husband." (Hadith reported by Dailami)

While a woman is naturally more modest than a man, she is encouraged to shed her inhibitions before her husband for their mutual satisfaction. She should feel free to communicate her sexual desires and preferences as much as she strives to fulfil those of her husband's, safe in the knowledge that such behaviour is appropriate and recommended by Islam, and that her decency and honour will be protected, as no one else can know of their relationship. 

The first night. The first night, when a marriage is consummated, is often approached with anxiety, as both partners are most likely to be novices at the art of giving and receiving sexual pleasure. And the bliss of the first night is not a guaranteed occurrence as the bliss of sexual intercourse is not automatic but acquired through experience. As most of us are likely to be first-timers on the first night, good advice will have to substitute for experience so that the first encounter can indeed become a wonderful memory. And the best of advisers, is the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

"For the widow, three nights and for the virgin seven nights" (Hadith reported by Ibn Majah)

The number of nights should not be taken literally. The Prophet s.a.w. was pointing out that newly-weds need a certain period of acquaintance before consummation.

There were examples from the Prophet s.a.w. and his companions which reflected an understanding that the sexual relationship in Islam is not merely a physical union but also a spiritual one witnessed and blessed by Allah s.w.t. It is He who, through His Mercy, joins the couple in ecstasy thus allowing for their spiritual development, as well as the development of the ummah through the birth of a new generation of faithful followers.

While the spiritual aspect of the sexual relationship is emphasised, the Prophet's example also shows that the first encounter should be a gradual 'getting to know' session over a certain period of time. The couple should not rush into the act but should, instead, spend a number of days gradually getting comfortable with each other's company and exploring each other's personality. The closeness with one another is all-important for a blissful consummation. Apart from the psychological barrier that needs to be broken down, our physical bodies, too, need to be 'prepared' for this new experience. While generally, men are 'ready' for intercourse right on the first night, women are not necessarily 'receptive'. The woman's vagina needs lubricating liquids that are only secreted after sufficient arousal through foreplay, without which the vaginal walls would be too dry for a pleasurable penetration. Coupled with the unfamiliarity of the two partners and their inexperience, they would surely need a longer session of acquaintance and wooing which may last for three to seven days, as hinted at by the Prophet s.a.w. In this period, the goal should simply be to know each other - albeit no holds barred anymore ­ in ways ranging from the intellectual to the most intimately carnal. The introductory period would help the couple, both psychologically and physiologically, to make their consummation an experience to remember.

The Prophet s.a.w. recognised the different strengths of men and women, and his advice helps us accommodate these differences. Instead of allowing these differences to become a source of frustration and disharmony, we should regard them as a source of variety and richness in our sexual experience, using them to develop a loving relationship with our spouse. 

The Islamic moral and legalistic guidelines for sexual interaction are drawn up based on these same objectives. As we observe these guidelines in our sexual practices, we should look beyond their instructive value and aim to fulfil their underlying objective of attaining harmony in our marriage. 

ETIQUETTE OF SEXUAL INTERACTION

The intimate relationship that a married couple enjoys is a special one to be cherished and nurtured. There are certain points to observe in order to have a peaceful, satisfying and blessed conjugal relationship. 

Strict Confidentiality

In the name of honour and decency, a couple is forbidden to disclose their intimate experiences to anyone, even if they are divorced. People who share the intimate details of their conjugal life show disrespect not only for their spouse, but also for themselves. It is disgusting even to listen to such conversations.

"Among those who will have the worse position in Allah's Sight on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then he spreads her secret." (Hadith reported by Muslim)

Observation Of Hygiene

It is the sunnah of the Prophet s.a.w. to take his wudhu (ablution) prior to having sex with his wife. He would also clean his teeth and use perfume. The wife should also perfume and beautify herself for her husband. Her beauty is meant for her husband's admiration and not others. Women should aspire to look their best for their husbands at home, more than for work or attending public functions.

You need to take an obligatory bath after sexual intercourse. It is also the sunnah of the Prophet s.a.w. to wash the genitals and take ablution before having another sexual intercourse. 

"... the Prophet s.a.w. recommended that the husband touches the wife's forehead and supplicate to Allah s.w.t. for blesings ..." 

Importance Of Du'a (Supplication)

As sex is viewed in Islam as a gift from Allah s.w.t. He should not be absent from our mind during the act. In fact the Prophet s.a.w. promoted a number of du'a which remind us of our reliance on Him to give us the benefits of sex and to protect us from any possible harm. Some of these spiritual practices associated with sexual intimacy are outlined below.

Certain companions of the Prophet s.a.w., like Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud r.a. and Abu Dzar r.a., recommended a two raka'ah (cycle) to be performed together on the first night. This is to be done like the Subh prayer (but without the qunut). At the beginning of the swalah, you should intend to worship Allah s.w.t. in appreciation of His gift in the form of this marriage. Then, after the prayer, this supplication is recommended:

"O Allah, bless me through my family and bless them through me. O Allah, bring us together in a good union and if you are to separate us, separate us towards good." 5

In another report, the Prophet s.a.w. recommended that the husband touch the wife's forehead and supplicate to Allah s.w.t. for blessings6, particularly at the point of giving the mahr (bride-price) to the wife. An example of a suitable du'a is:

"O Allah! Bless me with her affection and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her and bring us together in the best form of union and in absolute harmony; surely you like what is lawful and dislike the unlawful things."

Based on the teaching of the Prophet s.a.w., the following du'a can also be recited before every sexual intercourse: 

"If anyone of you, when having sexual intercourse with his wife says: 

'Bismillah, Allahumma Jannibna Nash Shaithaan Wa Jannibish Shaithaana Ma Razaaqtana' 

(In the Name of Allah! O Allah! Protect me from Shaitan and protect what you have bestowed upon us) and it is destined that they should have a child, then Shaitan will never be able to harm him." (Hadith reported by Bukhari)

Decency And Privacy

Decency and privacy should be emphasised at certain times of the day and under certain circumstances. This is especially so when there are other people or children in the home. The Qur'an gives guidelines in this matter:

"O ye who believe! Let those whom your right hands possess, and the (children) among you who have not come of age ask your permission (before they come to your presence), on three occasions: before morning prayer; the while ye doff your clothes for the noonday heat; and after the late-night prayer: these are your three times of undress: outside those times it is not wrong for you or for them to move about attending to each other: thus does Allah make clear the Signs to you: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom." (Nur, 24:58)

Another verse instructs families to teach their children to ask permission before entering the parents' bedroom: 

"But when the children among you come of age, let them (also) ask for permission, as do those senior to them (in age): thus does Allah make clear His Signs to you: for Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom." (Nur, 24:59)

The Prophet s.a.w. has advised that our naked bodies should not be exposed, at all times, even in love-making. This implies that even when totally naked, there should at least be a blanket over us. A hadith mentions, 

"When any of you approaches his wife, use covers and do not be naked like two asses." (Hadith reported by Ibn Majah) 

RULINGS PERTAINING TO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

The goal of Islamic law pertaining to sexual intercourse is to achieve family harmony. For ease of reference by the masses, Islam sets the limits of acceptable sexual conduct by categorising various sexual activity under the categories of wajib (obligatory), sunnah (recommended), makruh (undesirable), mubah (legally neutral) and haram (forbidden). We should understand these limits from the Islamic perspective of the sexual experience as a gift or 'trust' given to both men and women, and that it must be enjoyed within divinely defined limits to protect the interests of both parties as well as that of society.

When Sex Is Wajib (Obligatory)

The marital vow implicitly means that both husband and wife have a duty to satisfy each other's sexual desires. However, there are specific reminders to both parties that take into account the different natures of men and women.7 Men are reminded that their duty to provide nafaqah (maintenance) to their wives includes sexual 'maintenance'. Thus the principles of generosity, regularity and promptness, as discussed in Chapter 5, should logically figure as important criteria in satisfying their wives' sexual desires. This serves to address men's tendency to forget their wives' sexual needs due to the more reserved nature of women in expressing their sexual desires. Women are reminded, "When a man invites his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he (the husband) spends the night being angry with her, the angels curse her until morning." (Hadith reported by Muslim)

This hadith serves to remind women of men's relative ease in becoming sexually aroused. If left 'unattended', this makes men more prone to becoming frustrated and left in an 'aroused and yet unfulfilled' state somewhere between the "excitement" and "plateau" phases. It is a reminder for women to empathise with this nature of men, just as much as men are ordered by the Prophet s.a.w. to endure their own discomfort whilst bringing about the orgasm for their wife, 

"When any of you has sex with his wife, be earnest. When his desire is fulfilled before hers, do not hasten her until she has fulfilled her desire." (Hadith reported by Abu Ya'la)

Islam regards sexual satisfaction as a key element in the marital contract, such that sexual malfunction can be considered fair ground for the dissolution of the marriage. However, laws provide extreme limits of permissibility and are meant to protect the rights of a victimised party. Thus, couples should strive to create a healthy sexual relationship based on love and sensitivity. A husband should remember that it is his overall duty to treat his wife with kindness. There may be times when he will have to find a balance between demanding his right to be sexually satisfied and his duty to be sensitive to his wife's feelings and comfort. A wife, on the other hand, may at times have to consider sacrificing her feelings and comfort to attend to her husbands needs. Additionally, there may be instances where a husband's and a wife's positions are completely reversed. Above all, both the husband and the wife are required to be sensitive to each other's needs and should strive to fulfil them. In this manner, they should avoid flexing their 'legal rights' for sexual access as this normally gives rise to further dissatisfaction and ill-feeling.

The bath is compulsory. After sexual intercourse, the couple must perform the ghusl (compulsory bath) before performing certain devotional acts such as reading the Qur'an, performing swalah (prayers) or entering the mosque. The bath is a physical purification meant to psychologically prepare us for the act of spiritual purification, and it is certainly needed after an exhilarating physical activity such as sex.

"When a man sits in between the four parts of a woman and did the sexual intercourse with her, bath become compulsory."(Hadith reported by Bukhari)

There are two criteria to fulfil in the ghusl: 

To have the intention (niyah) of performing the compulsory bath, for example by saying in your heart, "I am performing the compulsory bath because of Allah s.w.t." at the beginning of the bath. To cleanse the whole body with water.

The bath may be performed in the following manner, as reported by the
Prophet's wife:

"Whenever the Prophet of Allah took the bath of janabah, he 
1.cleaned his hands and performed ablution like that for prayer 
2.and then took a bath 
3.and rubbed his hair till he felt that the whole skin of the head had become wet,
4.then we would pour water thrice and wash the rest of the body." 
(Hadith reported by Bukhari, numbered sequence by editor)

When Sex Is Sunnah (Recommended)

It is recommended that couples have sexual intercourse on Friday and the night before (Thursday night). These two days are weekends on the Islamic calendar. The recommendation is based upon the subtle interpretation of the following hadith in which the Prophet s.a.w. said: 

"Those who bathed the bath of janabah (on Friday) and went (to the mosque) is like someone who has made a sacrifice of a sheep ..." (Hadith reported by Bukhari)

When Sex is Makruh (Undesirable)

Apart from the occasions outlined below where sex is haram or not permitted, sexual intercourse is permissible in most other instances. Nonetheless, Islamic scholars have deemed it as undesirable in following instances: 

During frightful natural occurrences such as an eclipse, earthquake or hurricane.

When prayers are to be performed such as between dawn and sunrise, from sunset till Maghrib and during special religious occasions like the eve of festivals such as Eid al-fitr and Eid al- adha. 

These two instances demonstrate that sex is undesirable at times when participation in the public's welfare or joy is more important than an exclusive encounter with our spouses.

Exploration of techniques is mubah (legally neutral). Islam allows sexual intercourse in any position; be it the man above face-to-face, woman above face-to-face, side by side or even from the rear, so long as it is into the vagina. The Qur'an and the hadith say:

"Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah, and know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe." (Baqara, 2:223) and "You may come to her using whichever way as long as in the vagina." (Hadith reported by Ahmad)

The Shariah allows couples to explore any position they wish as long as it suits them, does not cause discomfort or injury and is mutually satisfying or are at least agreeable to both parties. Thus 'acrobatic positions' which may hurt and injure are discouraged.

When Sex is Haram (Forbidden)

Sex is forbidden during:

Menstruation and post-natal bleeding. In consideration of the discomfort experienced by a woman during haidh (menstruation) and nifas (post-natal bleeding), Islam has forbidden sex on these occasions. Hygiene is also a consideration, as it is said in the Qur'an:

"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: they are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place
ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean." (Baqara, 2:222)

However, based on this hadith, this prohibition only refers to sexual acts involving penetration. Apart from that, sexual activity need not cease during menstruation:

"Aishah narrated, 'Whenever the Prophet approaches his wives during their menses, he will place a cloth (to cover her private parts)'." (Hadith reported by Abu Dawud)

The duration of menstruation has been given by many scholars to be between one and fifteen days. If it lasts for less than one, or for more than fifteen days, it is considered istihazah (irregular bleeding) and intercourse is permissible after the woman has cleansed herself. But this is a general guide. A more reliable measure can be gained through close observation of the monthly cycle. This is derived from the Prophet's explanation to his wife Umm Salamah r.a. concerning a woman with a prolonged flow of blood.

"She should consider the number of nights and days during which she used to menstruate each month before she was afflicted with this trouble and abandon prayer during that period each month. When these days and nights are over, she should take a bath, tie a cloth around her private parts and pray." (Hadith reported by Abu Dawud)

This also means that a woman may use more reliable methods of confirmation, if available. A woman who has recently delivered a baby may resume sex after her post-natal bleeding has completely ceased and she has cleansed herself. Fasting. During fasting, you not only have to abstain from food and drinks, but must also refrain from having sexual intercourse. However, this is only during the fasting hours between dawn and dusk. You are free to have sexual intercourse once the fast is broken. The Qur'an says, "Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments ..." (Baqara: 2:187)

Engaging in sex while fasting will nullify the fast. Additionally, when having sex while fasting in the month of Ramadhan the husband must pay kafarah (expiation) by freeing one slave or by fasting daily for two months consecutively or by feeding 60 poor people. The wife is exempted from this penalty. Ihram during the pilgrimage. When performing the 'umrah (small pilgrimage) or hajj (pilgrimage) to Makkah, sex is forbidden when you are in ihram (state of devotion). Sex may be resumed after all the rites have been completed and you exit the state of ihram. Participation in any aspect of the marriage ceremony is also forbidden while in ihram.

Anal intercourse is forbidden. Islam absolutely forbids anal intercourse. The Prophet s.a.w. said, "He who has intercourse with his wife through her anus is accursed." (Hadith reported by Abu Dawud)

CONCLUSION

The Islamic teaching on how to view, approach and enjoy the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife, right up to the details of sexual etiquette and rulings, reflects Islam's comprehensive and practical approach to life. Developing our sexual relationship goes in tandem with developing our spiritual selves towards our goal of attaining harmony in life on Earth. The sexual act in particular, and marriage as a whole, are means towards achieving this end. At a higher plane, the sexual union is a spiritual experience in itself, which imparts to the believer a greater awe and respect for the Infinite Beauty, Mercy and Creativity of Allah s.w.t. Thus the sexual relationship not only binds the husband and wife together in greater mutual understanding and love, it is a means towards their ascent towards greater spiritual heights. 

SUMMARY

Sex is not a taboo topic in Islam. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. was vocal and explicit in his statements on this matter Islam sanctions sexual fulfilment within the marital relationship. Sex is not just for biological satisfaction. It is also a means for strengthening our relationship with our partner and for our development as a Muslim.

The purposes of sex are procreational, relational and recreational.

The Prophet's advice on the sexual relationship takes into account the biological differences between man and woman and provides guidance on the roles both partners have to play in this intimate matter. 

The etiquette and rulings on the sexual relationship serve to enable us to harness our sexual energies for achieving tranquillity in the marital relationship.