| RANDOM PAGE |
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| Ohk Flea requested some advice on table manners....so here's some exerpts from the queen of etiquette, Marion von Alderstein: BREAD: Never cut a dinner roll in half - break it in half then into smaller pieces, which you butter as you need them, not all at once. SOUP: Scoop it up by pushing your spoon away from you rather than towards you. Bring the spoon sideways to your lips and sip from it without slurping. WINE: Hold a wine glass by the stem, not the bowl. WANDERING HANDS: Unwanted advances under the table are a bit more difficult to handle decorously but a swift kick in the shins or the stab of a stiletto on the foot usually does the trick. If not, then a whispered "I am about to embarrass you in front of your partner" should put an end to it. This threat should never become a reality. That would be too embarrassing for everyone. |
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| PEDE's (movie star) DROOL BUCKET |
| LINKS fun stuff: JOHNSON - you must check out this site! babelfish great for translating stuff the chaser - mad satirical newspaper thespark.com - quizes the darwin awards vaguely useful stuff: sydney morning herald UN homepage the economist co-op bookshop bureau of meterology people: alex's website steph's website bron's website |
| HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN MANY LANGUAGES |
| Afrikaans....Ek het jou lief Arabic...Ohhe-buk Burmese...Nin ko nga chitde Cantonese...Ngor oi ley Catalan...T'estimo Chewa...Noi makokonda Croatian...Ljubim te Dutch... Ik hou van je Esperanto...Mi amas vin Finnish...Mina rakastan sinua French...Je t'aime Gaelic(scot)...Tha gradh agam ort German...Ich liebe dich Ancient Greek...Se erotao Gujarati..Maney tamari satey pyar che Hawaiian...Aloha i'a au oe Hebrew...Ani ohev otach Hindi...Mai tumaha pyar karta hu Indonesian...aku mencintai kamu |
| Italian...Ti amo Japanese...Aishite imasu Kurdish...Khoshim awee Latin...Te amo Lithuanian...As tave myliu Persian...Mahn dousett daram Pig Latin... Iway ovelay ouyay Polish...Kocham cie Portugese...Eu te amo Romanian...Te ubesc Russian...Ya tebya lyublyu Serbian...Volim te Shona...Ndinoluda Spanish...Te amo Swedish...Jag alskar dig Swiss German...I Chaa di Garn Tagalog...Iniinig kita; Mahal kita Thai...Phom rak khun Tswana...Keyagorata |
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| Recently Mila was very bored and decided to look her name up on GOOGLE....here's what she came up with: Mila - Halogen Headlamps! Mila - Hardware Hotel Mila - in Andorra (a tiny country squeezed between Spain and France) Chef Mila! MILA THE MOVIE!!! Casa Mila - by Gaudi himself! Mila - the Samba school Mila - the champion German shepherd PS. in Polish, 8 Mile is 8 Mila NB if you visit the above sites, pretending that every reference to "Mila" is a reference to me increases amusement value of site |
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| SIMPSON's CORNER! |
| MARGE: Homey, you can't drive without your licence. HOMER: aww...we'll give it a try anyway (turns the key and car starts) oh my god it worked, it's a miracle! ******* HOMER (reading internet how-to book) hmmm they have the internet on computers now ******* HOMER (approaching the city gym): Gyme? What's a gyme? (enters gym and sees equipment) OOOOh! A gyme! ******* HOMER: Now for some old reading: "Honey roasted peanuts...ingredients: salt, artificial honey roasting agent, crushed peanut sweepings" MARGE: Homey, I'm going out to get dinner. HOMER: Steak? MARGE: Money's too tight for steak! HOMER: Steak? MARGE: Ohk....steak.... HOMER: mmm the last peanut, overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers...(throws into mouth but misses) hmm, something's wrong! (starts feeling around under couch for missing peanut) ooow pointy!...ewww slimy!...uh-oh moving!...Ah-ha!! Awww twenty dollars, I wanted a peanut! HOMER's BRAIN: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts. HOMER: Explain how! HOMER's BRAIN: Money can be exchanged for goods and services. HOMER: Woohoo! (note flies out the window) D'oh! ********* Barney steals Homer's car and leaves it illegally parked between the Twin Towers in New York (yes they took a long time to air that one) He waits for the parking inspector to arrive and remove the clamp device the police had fitted to his car but is desperate to go to the bathroom - a bus headed for Flushing Meadows drives past...Homer fantasises about frolicking through fields of toilets (complete with "land of chocolate" music) ******** BART: Ahhh my ovaries! I think I need to see the nurse ******* HOMER: God, I have one question, what is the meaning of life? GOD: Oh Homer, I can't tell you that, you're supposed to find that out when you die. HOMER: Aww but I can't wait that long! GOD: You can't wait 6 months? HOMER: No I want to know now! GOD: Ohk, the meaning of life is... |
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| Hope you enjoy the following! Linda has grand plans for a Bush/war/axis of evil page so here's something to whet your appetite (thanks to Nic!): 'The Bomb Iraq Song' (sing to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands") ...If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq. If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq. If the terrorists are frisky, Pakistan is looking shifty, North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq. If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq. If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq. So to hell with the inspections, Let's look tough for the elections, Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq. It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq. Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq. They've got weapons we can't see, And that's good enough for me 'Cos it's all the proof I need Bomb Iraq. If you never were elected, bomb Iraq. If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq. If you think Saddam's gone mad, With the weapons that he had, (And he tried to kill your dad), Bomb Iraq. If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq. If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq. If your politics are sleazy, And hiding that ain't easy, And your manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq. Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq. For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq. Disagree? We'll call it treason, Let's make war not love this season, Even if we have no actual reason, Bomb Iraq... |
| Psychotherapy's expensive...bubble wrap is free...you choose. |
| Remember When ....A Poem About Technology....Bubs sent this one to Milz ages ago: A computer was something on TV From a sci-fi show of note. A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the cousin of goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend And gig was a job for the nights. Now they all mean different things And that really mega bytes. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A curser used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy You hoped nobody found out. Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while. Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home. And a virus was the flu I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash, But when it happens they wish they were dead. |
| WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? MARTHA STEWART No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side. That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it suffered a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. GEORGE W. BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question. AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. VOLTAIRE I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please? THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. COLONEL SANDERS I missed one? |
| Click here to read the Mt Druitt Olympic Bid. It's true you know, really it is... (NB: The North Shore Olympic Bid will be appearing soon, followed by The Shire Bid...) |