Episode 3.1
As
Happy as a Turkey on Boxing Day
Produced
by: Chris Griffin
Directed
by: Dermot Boyd
Written
by: Barry Devlin
SCENE: Int. Day. Peter's living room.
Peter is decorating a little Christmas tree with glass balls. The tree is set on a table in front of a window. The tree wobbles as Peter hangs a ball on it. He reaches out his hand to steady it. He hears a knock on the door and goes to answer it.
CUT TO: Outside Peter's front door.
Eamonn is standing there. Peter opens the door.
PETER: Eamonn!
EAMONN: Father, I have the turkey you won about.
PETER: Great, bring it in.
Peter goes back in.
CUT TO: Inside Peter's house.
Peter walks into the kitchen. Eamonn enters.
EAMONN: You're not wantin' to need a ham. Well, that would mean raisin' a hand to one o' the pigs. An' sure an' me only after nursing Mary through a life-threatenin' illness.
PETER (sincerely): That's a very humane attitude, Eamonn. All too rare these days... in a pig farmer.
He starts clearing some dishes off the table.
PETER: So where is it?
EAMONN: He's out here.
He goes back outside. Peter smiles and turns to the sink, sets the cup and plate down, picks up a big platter and brings it to the table. He looks down at the floor, startled.
Enter Turkey. A live one. It gobbles.
EAMONN: Look here. We've arrived. (looks at Peter) You look a bit pale, Father. Did you not know you had won the turkey?
PETER: Yes. (regards turkey sceptically) I wasn't expecting him to be quite so... alive.
EAMONN: Oh, God, yes, Father. Won a live turkey. (he turns to go, pauses) His name's Dustin, by-the-way.
Turkey gobbles. Peter looks nonplussed.
ROLL INTRO
SCENE: Ext. day. Ballykissangel street.
Liam and Donal's blue flat-bed truck drives down the street.
LIAM: I think it's a Christmas tree. You know, one o' them recyclable ones.
CUT TO: Back of truck. Several long cardboard boxes are loaded on it.
CUT TO: Truck cab interior.
DONAL: I think it's a didgereedoo.
LIAM: A what?
DONAL: A didgereedoo, you know.
LIAM: No I don't know. Tell me what a didgereedoo is. Or tell me what you think a didgereedoo is.
DONAL: It's a kind of a thing. You know, an Australian yob.
LIAM: What, you mean like a boomerang?
DONAL: Well... (turns around and briefly looks at the boxes) A boomerang's... bent.
LIAM: Oh so it's... more like a wallaby then.
DONAL: Yeah, that's it. More like a wallaby.
The truck passes Fitzgerald's. We hear laughter.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Peter, Padraig, and Brendan are standing around at the bar, laughing. Assumpta is behind the bar, laughing, too.
PETER: Yeah, well, I think I'd better be off.
He sets down his drink. Padraig drinks the rest of his drink.
PETER: Thanks, Assumpta. See ya.
He moves away.
BRENDAN: See you.
ASSUMPTA: Bye.
PADRAIG: Ah, I'm goin' to be off, meself. I've got these wings to make.
ASSUMPTA: Bit late to learn to fly, Padraig.
PADRAIG: It's for the young lad, Kevin, he's playing the Archangel Gabriel in Brendan's thing.
He starts to leave.
BRENDAN: Uh, Nativity play, Padraig.
PADRAIG: Yeah, that, yeah.
He pats Brendan on the arm.
PADRAIG: See ya.
BRENDAN: See ya, Padraig.
ASSUMPTA: See ya.
Padraig leaves. We can now see Siobhan is sitting at the bar, too, next to Brendan.
BRENDAN: Tell me: Are you going to be open on Christmas day for special customers?
ASSUMPTA: I will not. Foley's cracking down on it this year, and anyway, I am fed up running a shebing on Christmas Day.
SIOBHAN: Fair enough. If people can't stay off of the boozer for one day...
ASSUMPTA: Plus I've got friends coming. From London.
SIOBHAN: Oh lovely. Takes a few to make it Christmas, doesn't it.
Assumpta smirks.
SCENE: Ext. day. Brian's house.
Liam gets out of the truck and closes the door, walks around the back of the truck. Donal is already standing next to the truck on the other side. Brian is coming out of his house.
LIAM: Ah there you are, Mr. Quigley. There's your didgereedoo.
BRIAN: Didgereedoo, what are you talking about?
LIAM: Or is it a wallaby? (laughs)
BRIAN: You're late, you two. Have you been drinkin'?
Donal rolls his eyes.
LIAM: We had one, Mr. Quigley. Well it's Christmas. People don't want other people to drink at Christmas. Other than a gift.
BRIAN: More fool them. Bring in those skis.
He motions to the truck and heads back for the house. Liam reaches for one of the longer boxes.
LIAM: Oh, are those skis, Mr Quigley?
BRIAN: Yes. Skis for skiing.
Liam looks up at the sky.
LIAM: Are you expecting a white Christmas?
Donal grabs the back of the box and helps carrying it it.
BRIAN: Oh, I might as well tell you. (stops in front of the house) Not a word to Niamh, do you hear? I'm off to Klosers.
LIAM: Klosters. Oh, that's one o' them apres-ski places, isn't it?
BRIAN: Not just one of them. It's the creme de la creme. Where Charlie boy goes.
He starts fiddling with the box, trying to get it open. Liam and Donal are still holding it horizontally.
LIAM: Charlie Hoy?
BRIAN: Charlie Windsor. Prince of Wales to you.
DONAL: And, can you like... ski?
BRIAN: Where do you think I've been every Wednesday night for the last three months?
DONAL: Well, we though you had a fancy wom-- Ugh!
Liam shoves the box back into Donal's stomach.
LIAM: We didn't know, Mr. Quigley.
BRIAN: Killtiernan is where I've been. Sports center. On the artificial slopes.
Donal looks perplexed.
BRIAN: And yes, I can ski.
Stands proudly, holding the SALOMON skis upright (product placement, people).
BRIAN: What you're looking at here, boys. That's the Franz Klammer (??) of
Ballykissangel.
Liam grins broadly, turns to Donal. His smile disappears. Donal looks perplexed.
SCENE: Int. day. Padraig's shed.
Peter enter's Padraig's shed. He rubs his hands together. Padraig is working on a pair of tinsel-covered wings.
PETER: Christmas visit, Padraig. See how you are.
PADRAIG: Yeah well, I'm... I'm very well, Father. Much the same as when I met you in Fitzgerald's twenty minutes ago.
PETER: Yeah, but this is... official. I mean, I'm visiting everyone. See how they are, wish them a Happy Christmas. Make meself relevant.
PADRAIG: Happy official Christmas.
He continues fiddling with the wings. He holds them up.
PADRAIG: Father, what do you think of these?
PETER: I think the prize for the first man-powered flight's already been won, Padraig.
PADRAIG: They're for Kevin, for the Nativity play.
PETER: (laughs) Yeah, I know they are. They look great. Where is the Angel Gabriel, by the way, hey?
PADRAIG: He's off mindin' Lucifer.
PETER: (frowns) Lucifer?
PADRAIG: Yeah, Con O'Neill. Genghis Con.
PETER: Oh yeah, I forgot you were fostering him for Christmas. You're a brave man, Padraig.
PADRAIG: Ah, it's no problem. Con's a good kid at heart.
PETER: Ah, I know he is.
PADRAIG: Uh-oh.
Behind Peter, Kevin and Con ride their bikes into the shed.
KEVIN: Hey Father.
PETER: Heyyy!
CON: Hey. A frock and wings!
The boys park their bikes.
KEVIN: Lay off, will ya.
He shoves Con.
PADRAIG: So, where've you been?
CON: Ah, here an' there. Is there anything to eat?
PADRAIG: Oh, eh, lunch, I think.
He walks over to the boys.
PADRAIG: Chips, I think.
CON: Yessss.
He and Kevin shove each other a little.
PADRAIG: Can I tempt you, Father? Cilldargan's finest?
PETER: No, thanks, I've had a sandwich. I'd better get on me rounds. (hesitates) Have you ever... killed a turkey before, Padraig?
PADRAIG: No, I prefer them frozen. It's less personal that way.
Peter tries to smile.
PETER: See ya.
He leaves.
PADRAIG: Come on, you pair.
He ushers Kevin and Con out the other way.
SCENE: Ext. day. Brian's house.
Liam and Donal are coming down the walk.
DONAL: We didn't unload them two.
LIAM: That's cos they're not for Quigley.
DONAL: Who're they for?
LIAM: They're for us.
Liam pulls on his ear, scratches it thoroughly.
DONAL: Christmas presents.
LIAM: Well, Christmas goods. Fire damage. Crackers and tartars and batteries and that. Sell at cawkextable(??)
DONAL: But we haven't got a shop.
LIAM: We have a grotto.
Both look at the truck bed, where some more cargo is lying.
LIAM: From last year's pantom (??) in Cilldargan, remember? Daniel O'Donnell meets Father Christmas.
DONAL: Oh, yeah!
LIAM: Includin' the beard.
He picks something up and chuckles.
DONAL: Brilliant. And who's Santy?
LIAM: You are.
He lifts up a tatty old yellow fake beard and holds it up to Donal's face. Donal frowns.
SCENE: Int. day. School cultural hall.
Niamh is directing the children's choir.
CHILDREN AND NIAMH (sing): Oh the rising of the sun, the running of the deer. The playing of the merry horn, the sweet singing in the choir. ... sweet singing in the choir.
Peter enters in the background. Niamh directs the children to stop singing.
NIAMH: Very good, children. Thanks, Rita.
Peter approaches Niamh.
NIAMH: Oh, Father.
PETER: Very good.
He applauds.
NIAMH: Yeah, we have a couple of good singers. She's a big star.
She points at a little girl. The girl smiles bashfully.
PETER: Yeah well they don't get like that without a lot of time and effort, Niamh.
NIAMH: Mm. Thank you, Father. It's nice to be appreciated.
Peter looks at Niamh's largely pregnant belly.
PETER: So, um... Is everything well?
NIAMH: Great!
PETER: Oh, good. (addresses the children) Well, I'd better see how Mr. Kearney's gettin' on.
He walks over to the another part of the hall, where Brendan is giving instructions to a group of children in Nativity costumes.
NIAMH: Thank you, Father.
BRENDAN: And you, shake your head the same as the others!
(NIAMH (in background): Now, have we all got our ?? for Angels We Have Heard On High?
The children in the choir all shake their heads.)
BRENDAN: Hello, Father.
PETER: Going well?
(NIAMH (in background): No... Better go get them.
She ushers the children in the choir to sit down in the back.)
BRENDAN: Don't ask!
He points at the boy he was admonishing to shake his head before.
BRENDAN: Third innkeeper. Third innkeeper doesn't think his role is challenging enough. Third innkeeper wants lines.
Third innkeeper is a boy of about 9 with a red-and-white checked dishtowel on his head and a ragged grey beard tied under his chin.
THIRD INNKEEPER: Joseph has lines.
BRENDAN: Joseph has talent.
He looks at Peter and smiles. Peter smiles back.
BRENDAN (aside to Peter): And he's related to the star of the show.
Peter laughs lightly.
BRENDAN: Well, Father.
PETER: Oh, I'm just seeing how you are. Sort of Christmas, pastoral thingy.
BRENDAN: Well I'm fine, Father. Since you ask.
PETER: Well, that's good, Brendan. Good.
He looks at Brendan nervously, and tilts his head slightly to the right, to indicate that he wants to have a private word with Brendan. They turn their backs to the children and put their heads together.
PETER: Could you, um... kill a turkey?
BRENDAN: Well I could in theory. If it was going to kill me for instance.
PETER: So it'd have to be in self-defence.
BRENDAN: 'Fraid so, Father.
PETER (sighs): Well, I'll have to find someone else, then.
Brendan's mouth twitches in a knowing smile. They turn back to the children, some of whom are yawning.
BRENDAN: Kevin! With passion!
He signals to Kevin, who is sitting up on a wooden triangle thing on stage, wearing his angel frock but no wings.
Kevin hops down from the triangle thing and stands on the stage.
KEVIN (without enthusiasm): Then an angel of the Lord appeared to them and a great light shone around them.
Con comes in and sees Kevin. He snorts and laughs into his hand.
KEVIN: Beat it, Con, will ya!
He jumps down from the stage and runs after Con.
BRENDAN: Kevin! Kevin!
Con runs out. Kevin runs out after him.
BRENDAN: Ugh. That young fella. Padraig was kind enough to invite him over for Christmas. But it's Kevin that's havin' to do all the mindin'.
He turns back to the rest of the kids.
BRENDAN: All right, you lot. Once more.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Siobhan is sitting at the bar. Ambrose comes in from outside.
ASSUMPTA: Hiya.
Ambrose closes the door behind him.
ASSUMPTA: How's Niamh today?
AMBROSE: Oh, happy. She just heard I don't have to work Christmas Day.
He steps up to the bar and takes off his hat, lays his hat on the bar.
ASSUMPTA: Oh.
She smiles at Siobhan.
AMBROSE (leans over, asks quietly): Erm... Can I ask you, Assumpta, has anyone been offering you cigarettes, or whisky, or perfume?
ASSUMPTA (laughs): I wish, Ambrose.
SIOBHAN: I'd marry him on the spot if she didn't beat me to it. (chuckles)
AMBROSE: I'm serious. There's a gang of fellas goin' 'round selling smuggled goods.
ASSUMPTA: Well they haven't shown their noses in here.
AMBROSE: They mainly work fairs and markets. They were at Cilldargan market there on Saturday. CDs, aftershave, all sorts.
ASSUMPTA: I'm sorry. I haven't seen them, really.
AMBROSE: Right, so. Well, you'll let me know if...
He turns away and heads for the door. Assumpta gives Siobhan a look.
SIOBHAN: Eh, Ambrose!
She turns around to talk to him. Ambrose stops halfway out the door, turns back around.
AMBROSE: Mm-hm?
SIOBHAN: If anyone does offer me aftershave, is there any particular scent you're interested in?
Ambrose smirks, puts on his hat, and leaves. Siobhan and Assumpta burst out laughing.
SCENE: Ext. day. Fr Mac's house.
Liam and Donal are standing on the steps. Their truck is parked out front. The door opens. Fr Mac comes out.
FR MAC: Gentlemen! How can I help you?
LIAM: We were wondering if we could use Ballykay's school hall for a few days, Father.
FR MAC: I'm afraid not. It's being used for choir practice.
DONAL: Well, could we use the school, then? A classroom would do.
LIAM: Yeah, it's for community service, Father.
FR MAC: Define community service for me, Liam, in this particular case.
LIAM: It's a Santa's cave. Uh, there isn't one in Ballykay.
DONAL: It'll be a lovely gesture.
FR MAC: And what percentage of this lovely gesture would flow back to the church, gentlemen?
Liam and Donal were obviously not expecting this. They look at each other.
LIAM: Ten percent, Father.
FR MAC: Fifteen.
DONAL: Ah, Father.
FR MAC: Take it or leave it, I can't haggle on matters of faith or morals.
LIAM: Twelve and a half.
FR MAC: No packaging deductions, no sale or return conditions?
Liam considers.
LIAM: Done.
They shake on it.
FR MAC: And I wish you both a happy and a whole Christmas.
LIAM: Same to yourself, Father.
Liam and Donal walk away down the steps, back to the truck. As they go, a young man with a backpack walks up to the house. He smiles at Liam and Donal.
MAN: Hey.
FR MAC: Ah, Timmy!
TIMMY: Good morning!
FR MAC: Come on in!
Timmy goes into Fr Mac's house. Fr Mac follows him.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' kitchen.
Niamh enters, followed by Assumpta. They seem to both be in a bit of a hurry. Assumpta is wearing her jacket and rubbing her hands, as if she's just come in from outside..
NIAMH: Wanna cuppa?
ASSUMPTA: No, no, I can't, I have to open in a minute. Look, Niamh, d'you remember the people who want me to open the wine bar with them? Well they're coming down here for Christmas with a couple of others--
NIAMH: So you're still thinking of leaving us?
ASSUMPTA: Ah, Niamh, I'm always thinking about that. Look. I'd love yourself and Ambrose to join us for Christmas dinner.
NIAMH: Oh, I'd love to, Assumpta, I really would, but we have guests of our own.
ASSUMPTA: Well bring them along.
NIAMH: It's Dad and... Ambrose's Mum?
Assumpta looks less than enthusiastic.
ASSUMPTA: Ah. Right. Well--
NIAMH: It's okay, Assumpta, I wouldn't wish her on you. Dad's goin' spare, and he's family. So the short answer is, thanks for the offer.
ASSUMPTA: Well, I suppose we'll see each other at some point on the day.
NIAMH: We will.
ASSUMPTA: So, happy Christmas.
NIAMH: Happy Christmas.
Assumpta skips out.
ASSUMPTA: Happy Christmas!
Assumpta runs up the steps.
SCENE: Int. day.
Peter's kitchen. He pulls a knife out of a knife block. He feels the blade. He sighs. Heavy of heart, he turns around, rubbing the flat of the blade against his palm.
CUT TO: Outside.
Peter steps out of his house. There is a wire fence formed into an enclosure in the front garden. Peter approaches, brandishing the knife. The turkey is in the enclosure. It gobbles. Peter stops just next to the fence and regards the turkey. The turkey gobbles. Peter decides he can't do it. He turns around and leaves. The turkey gobbles.
SCENE: Ext. day. Muddy lane.
Con rides up on his bike. He rides past a sign that says "CAUTION - DANGEROUS MINE WORKINGS IN AREA". He stops next to a blue van with the back doors open. There is no one around. He rides a little further, to the top of the hill, and sets his bike down, then hunkers down to observe. From his hidden vantage point, he sees two men loading a box and a duffle bag into the back of the van. It sounds like bottles clinking. One man goes to the driver's side. The other man closes the van doors. The engine starts up. Con watches as the second man gets in the passenger's side and the van drives away. Con gets up, picks up his bike, and walks it down the hill.
SCENE: Int. day. Cultural hall.
Niamh is adjusting the wings on Kevin's costume.
NIAMH: Ah. There you go.
KEVIN: Thanks very much, Mrs. Egan.
He takes off the wings.
NIAMH: We didn't have your other half messing around.
KEVIN: Who's my other half?
Niamh takes the wings.
NIAMH: Con. Has he gone home?
KEVIN: No such luck. He's been sneaking off on his own this past day or so.
Niamh puts the wings down in the back.
NIAMH: Hope he's not up to anything.
SCENE: Ext. day.
The abandoned mine. The wooden door on the entrance has "DANGER KEEP OUT" painted on it. Con walks up and drops his bike. He lifts the bar holding the door closed and opens it and goes inside.
SCENE: Ext. day. Ballykissangel street.
Ambrose is walking in the street. Traffic is moving slowly. There is a red sign in the street that says "STOP GARDA CHECKPOINT". Ambrose turns around and stops the next car. He walks up to the driver's side. It is Fr Mac's car.
FR MAC: What's this, Ambrose?
AMBROSE: Cigarettes and whisky patrol, Father Mac. Smuggled goods.
FR MAC: Smuggling? Well surely none of my parishioners would be involved in defaulting the government.
AMBROSE (smiles): None so far, Father.
FR MAC (smiles): That's a relief.
AMBROSE: Ahm, erm, would you mind if I took a look in your boot, Father?
FR MAC: Indeed I would mind, Garda Egan.
AMBROSE: Superintendent Foley's orders, I'm afraid.
Father Mac reaches down and pulls the handle to open the boot. He opens the door and gets out. Ambrose and he go around to the back of the car. Ambrose opens the rear hatch.
FR MAC: You disappoint me, Garda Egan, that it should even cross your mind, however fleetingly, that I, your parish priest, would be tempted by cut price alcohol and cheap cigars, really. Satisfied?
AMBROSE: Satisfied, Father MacAnally.
He slams the hatch closed.
FR MAC: Then I am free to go.
AMBROSE: I'm sorry to have kept you, Father.
Fr Mac gets back in his car. As he buckles himself in, he speaks to Ambrose out the open window.
FR MAC: It is, of course, reassuring, that the trading laws are being observed with such punctiliousness. Good day to you.
He drives off. Ambrose waves the next car forward.
SCENE: Int. day. Classroom.
Someone is moving around under a camouflage tarp. Someone else taps the person on the head from the outside. Donal pokes his head out.
DONAL: Oh, um, we're not open for a while yet. Say fifteen minutes.
The other man is one of the smugglers whom Con observed at the abandoned mine. He has a big bag over his shoulder. He reaches into the bag and pulls out something.
SMUGGLER: Do you want any stock? Cigarettes? Perfume?
He pats the package.
SMUGGLER: Whisky? CDs?
DONAL: Stolen?
SMUGGLER: They're not stolen. Let's just say they're tax free.
He puts the package back into the bag.
DONAL: Well... This is more of a children's grotto. I need to ask the boss. Can you come back when he's here.
SMUGGLER: I'm not a bleeding commercial traveller. Do you want the stuff or not?
He hitches the bag up onto his shoulder.
DONAL: I don't know. It'd be a big investment, wouldn't it?
SMUGGLER: Forget it.
He leaves.
SCENE: Int. day. Hendley's.
Peter takes a package of PAXO from the shelf and walks over to the register. Assumpta is there, too. Kathleen is ringing up her purchases.
ASSUMPTA: Is that for the turkey?
PETER: Oh, yeah.
ASSUMPTA: So you killed it? I didn't think you'd have the--
PETER: I hear you have a party coming. That'll be nice.
ASSUMPTA: Yeah, it'll be fun. ... Yeah, I'd better get back. Siobhan's minding the bar. See ya.
PETER: See ya.
Assumpta runs to the door.
ASSUMPTA: See ya!
She dashes out the door.
PETER: Oh, happy--
The door closes.
KATHLEEN: Father?
PETER: Ah. Um. Do you have a frozen chicken, Kathleen? A little one.
Kathleen nods and goes to get it.
SCENE: Int. day. Classroom.
Liam is setting up a statue of a gnome outside Santa's grotto. The "grotto" tent is moving around.
LIAM: All right come out and let's have a look at ya.
Donal comes out, dressed in a red Santa suit, the yellow beard, and his black cap.
LIAM: (laughs) You look great. In there. In the dark. Ha ha ha.
Donal pulls down the beard.
DONAL: There was a fella in here offering ciggies and whisky.
LIAM: Brilliant. That's smuggled stuff. They were at Cilldargan market last Saturday. Where is it?
DONAL: Cilldargan.
LIAM: No, the stuff.
DONAL: Oh I didn't take any. Sent him away.
LIAM: You sent him away?
DONAL: It's illegal. And the children wouldn't like it.
LIAM: The children wouldn't get it, you big gorm, I'd get it! You sent him away? D'you know what you're like? You're like a big, useless... Santy Claus. Go on, get in there. I'm going to let them in.
He goes out. Donal pulls the beard back up.
DONAL (grumbles): Ho ho ho.
He goes into the tent.
CUT TO: Hallway.
Liam opens the door to the hallway. There is a hand-painted sign that says "SANTAS GROTTO OPEN TODAY".
LIAM: Wel-- (sighs)
The hallway is empty.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Brendan and Siobhan are at the bar. Assumpta comes out of the kitchen, bearing a sandwich on a plate.
ASSUMPTA: So you two definitely are pulling the wishbone together.
Brendan has just tasted his stout.
BRENDAN: Bachelor and spinster share turkey. Shock horror. Economy of scale, Assumpta.
SIOBHAN: And company.
BRENDAN: Mm-hm.
SIOBHAN: I wonder does Peter ever get lonely at Christmas.
Assumpta looks down.
BRENDAN: What? I'm sure he does fine.
SIOBHAN: Yeah, it must be hard for a man on his own, though. Why don't you ask him to join you for Christmas dinner, Assumpta.
ASSUMPTA: Wh-- I've got a party of old college friends coming down. I'm not sure he'd feel comfortable around them.
Siobhan nods.
BRENDAN: And are any of these friends good-lookin' fellas of thirty or under?
ASSUMPTA: Yes. As it happens.
She walks away. Siobhan smirks to herself.
SCENE: Int. day. School hallway.
Liam is sitting on one of the chairs lined up in the hall. It is otherwise empty. Donal, wearing the Santa costume, sticks his head out of the classroom and looks up and down the hall. He comes out. Liam waves him to go back in. He goes back in. Liam sits up and leans over.
SCENE: Int. day. Peter's kitchen.
Peter is doing something at the sink. He hears tapping and goes to investigate. He looks out the window, then opens the door. It is Father Mac and Timmy. They come in.
FR MAC: Father Clifford. I'd like you to meet a nephew of mine, Timmy Rheen.
Peter and Timmy shake hands.
PETER: Welcome to Ballykay, Timmy, uh, come in, d'you want a cup of tea?
TIMMY: Uh, I can make the tea. You can talk to Father Mac there.
Timmy goes into the kitchen. Peter closes the door. Fr Mac goes into the living room.
FR MAC: Timmy is a rather capable young man.
PETER: He'll make someone a lovely husband.
FR MAC: I hope not! He's a final year seminarian in Anouth (??), due to be ordained next May. The last vacation in captivity.
He sits down.
FR MAC: The tradition is for them to spend the last Christmas before ordination in a parish. And as I'm his uncle, this is the obvious choice.
PETER: Well that's lucky for him.
He looks toward the kitchen, from whence sounds of tea-making can be heard.
FR MAC: He spent the afternoon up in Cilldargan with me. Now I'd like you to take him over the Christmas. See how the other half lives, so to speak. The homespun end of the parish.
PETER: Well thanks very much, Father.
FR MAC: Something wrong?
PETER: No, nothing, er... He'll be very welcome an' all that. It's just that... this is a tiny place, I mean... Where's Timmy gonna sleep?
Timmy comes in from the kitchen, carring two mugs.
TIMMY: Don't worry, Father Clifford, I always carry a sleeping bag.
He sets the mugs down before Fr Mac.
TIMMY: I like the great outdoors. Sure I could sleep in a stable if you've got one. Oh, you're running out of milk, by the way.
He goes back to the kitchen.
SCENE: Int. day. School hallway.
A woman and child and dog are waiting in the hallway on the chairs. Liam comes out of the classroom.
LIAM (whispers): You ready? Go in and see Santa Claus?
The dog gets up and goes to Liam. The woman and child get up, too. Liam leans down and makes a kissing sound at the dog.
LIAM (to dog): Hello. Hello. (rubs dog's head) Do you want to see Santa Claus as well? (chuckles)
Liam goes in. The woman follows. The dog whines a little. The girl is holding the dog's leash.
WOMAN: Come on.
The girl and dog go in, too.
CUT TO: Classroom.
Santa's tent is moving around. We hear the dog growling.
DONAL (inside tent): Give it back. Give it back! Give it back! Look--
The dog runs out of the tent. The girl follows, then the woman.
DONAL (inside tent): Animal!
Liam, standing in the classroom, looks annoyed.
SCENE: Int. day. Kevin's room.
Con is playing with a toy racetrack. Music is playing on a tape player. Kevin comes in.
KEVIN: What's that?
CON: Oasis.
KEVIN: Yeah, I know that. Where'd it come from?
CON: I bought it.
Kevin turns off the CD player and takes the CD out, holds it up to Con.
KEVIN: Bought it wit' what?
CON: Hey, give it back!
He grabs for the CD.
KEVIN: If you're nickin' stuff...
CON: OK, I found it.
KEVIN: You found it. First you bought it, now you found it.
CON: I did, I swear!
KEVIN: So where did you find it?
Con grabs the CD and runs for the door.
CON: Not tellin' anyone who wears a frock!
He runs out the door. Kevin runs after him.
SCENE: Int. day. Classroom.
Liam leans over, speaks into Santa's tent.
LIAM: Donal.
DONAL: Yeah, what.
He comes out of the tent.
LIAM: I've seen happier people sittin' in dentist chairs. They're only children.
DONAL: I'm trying, what else am I supposed to do?
LIAM: Well try harder, just lighten up a bit, will ya?
DONAL: Yeah well ??
Liam shoves Donal back into the tent.
CUT TO: Hallway.
A woman and a child are waiting on the chairs. Liam comes out. He leans over to talk to the child.
LIAM: How're'ya?
The child does not respond.
LIAM: You comin' in?
The child shakes his head "no".
LIAM: Come on!
He goes into the classroom.
WOMAN: Come on.
She stands up and takes the child by the hand. She drags him into the classroom.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' kitchen.
Niamh is standing at the sink.
NIAMH: Skiing?!
She turns around suddenly, knocking a piece of pottery onto the floor, where it shatters.
BRIAN (wide-eyed and innocent): Well it's just for a week, you know?
Niamh looks pouty and hurt. Brian bends over to pick up the shards.
BRIAN: Might never get the chance again. What with babysittin' him an' all that.
He picks up the broken pieces at Niamh's feet.
NIAMH: You've been planning this for weeks, obviously.
Brian stands up.
BRIAN: No, no, no! Impulse buy. Book-it shop, package tour.
He goes to throw away the broken pieces.
NIAMH: They don't do package tours to Klosters. And we have you down to join us on Christmas Day. I mean what will Ambrose say?
BRIAN: Ambrose'll say whatever you tell him to say, just like always. Anyway, he'll have his mother to-- Listen, I have a little bit of last-minute packin' to do, so I'll uh--
He leans forward to kiss Niamh, but she turns her head away. Brian starts to walk away.
NIAMH: That's why you're leavin', isn't it! You're leavin' me here alone with that--
BRIAN: Never speak ill of your mother-in-law. Anyway, I'll come back laden down with wonderful German toys.
NIAMH: Klosters is in Switzerland.
Brian gulps audibly.
SCENE: Int. day. Classroom.
A mother and child come out of the Santa tent. Liam chuckles happily. Donal comes out, too.
LIAM (to Donal): You all right? (laughs)
Donal takes the Santa belt off and throws it down, starts to stomp off.
DONAL: Right. That's it.
LIAM: Here, hold on, where you goin'?
He grabs Donal.
DONAL: You dreamed this up.
He takes off the hood. He is wearing his black cap underneath. He takes off the beard.
LIAM: Whaddayou mean, I dreamed--?
Donal thrusts the beard at Liam.
DONAL: You can get peed on--
LIAM: What?
DONAL: --and thrown up over for a change.
Donal takes off the rest of the costume. A little boy and a woman come into the room.
LIAM: Ah, now hold on a minute Donal, now you know--
Donal shoves the rest of the costume into Liam's hands.
DONAL: I'm not going back in there.
LIAM: Well, you--
DONAL: I'm a nervous wreck.
They notice the boy and woman.
DONAL: Oh.
LIAM: Time for changeover. Go two minutes.
Donal grins at the others. Liam hands the costume to Donal. Liam takes off his jacket. The boy and woman watch as Liam puts on the costume and beard. Donal realizes he is still wearing the Santa trousers.
DONAL: ?? go in here.
He goes into the tent.
DONAL: Trousers.
LIAM: Eh, get the trousers off.
He follows Donal into the tent.
SCENE: Ext. day. Curate's house.
A postman walks up to the house. The Javelin is parked out in front.
CUT TO: Inside entryway.
Some letters fall onto the floor from the mail slot. Peter, sitting in the kitchen, sees them. Timmy puts a plate of food in front of Peter.
PETER: French toast? That's a pretty useful skill.
TIMMY: I was a commie chef.
He crouches down to look in the icebox.
TIMMY: I can stuff this chicken for you if you want.
PETER: It's Delia Smith I've got staying.
Timmy goes to the door to pick up the mail.
PETER: Hey, you'd probably know how to kill a turkey with your bare hands.
TIMMY: Sure. You've got to snap its neck so that it can bleed into the head.
He comes back into the kitchen with the letters.
TIMMY: Oh, but if you're talking about that fellow out in the yard there, it's far too late for this Christmas.
He puts the letters down on the table next to Peter.
PETER: Well that's a relief. Quite fond of him, as it happens.
He picks up the mail. Timmy stands at the sink, scraping off dishes.
SCENE: Ext. day. Muddy lane.
Con rides his bike under a bridge.
SCENE: Int. day. Padraig's kitchen.
Padraig is looking for something. He looks in a cabinet, then closes the door. He goes to another cabinet and takes down a tin from on top. He opens the tin, puts the lid down on the counter. The tin is empty. He leans back against the counter, thinking.
PADRAIG: Kevin!
Kevin comes in, wearing a jacket.
KEVIN: Yeah?
PADRAIG: You see any money in here?
KEVIN: No.
PADRAIG: Was sure I put it in there.
He picks up the lid and puts it back on the tin.
PADRAIG: Where's Con?
KEVIN: Something missing?
PADRAIG: Fifty quid.
He puts the tin back up on top of the cabinet.
KEVIN (whistles): In the big time or a con.
PADRAIG: Eh, now lay off him, Kevin, it'll prob'ly turn up.
KEVIN: I wouldn't bet on it. I'm keeping mine in my shoe.
He starts to leave.
PADRAIG: Eh, Kevin... Where is all this world-weary cynicism comin' from?
He stops and turns back around.
KEVIN: Dad, it was your idea to have him here, but it's me who has to look after him all the time.
PADRAIG: Well deeeear me. Look, what is so bad about havin' another kid in the house?
KEVIN: Dad, he's twelve! That's two full years younger than me.
PADRAIG (sighs): Anyway, I prob'ly put it somewhere else.
He walks toward Kevin.
SCENE: Ext. day. Mine entrance.
Con comes out of the mine and picks up his bike, which he'd left lying outside. He does not bar the door. He looks back at the entrance. He gets on his bike and rides away.
SCENE: Int. day. Brian's house.
Donal is standing in the hallway.
BRIAN (off-camera): Where's the other fella?
LIAM: He's mindin' the grotto, Mr. Quigley.
BRIAN (off-camera): Ah, you two never learn. You're always on for the quick, shoddy buck.
There are sounds of ski bindings being snapped into place. Donal sighs and rolls his eyes.
BRIAN (off-camera): Now if you had a bit o' class...
Brian comes into view, wearing his skis.
BRIAN: ...you could be skiin'. Like me.
He maneuvers around the corner.
BRIAN: What'd'ya think, hah?
He walks toward Donal on the skis.
BRIAN: Not bad, hah?
Donal backs up, going down the stairs, keeping a wary eye on the skis. Brian, beaming, lines himself up with the stairs. He poses as if about to start a ski run.
DONAL: Mind yourself, Mr. Quigley!
Brian falls over on his side. He groans in pain.
DONAL: Don't move, Mr. Quigley. I'll go and get Dr. Ryan.
He dashes out.
CUT TO: Outside Brian's house.
Donal runs out of the house and down to the driveway and right past the truck parked there.
SCENE: Ext. day. Road in the country.
The Javelin is driving on the road.
TIMMY (off-camera): So what're we doin'?
PETER (off-camera): Doin' the rounds. Makin' sure no one's lonely or on their own.
CUT TO: Car interior.
TIMMY: That's pretty ironic. Well, for a priest, I mean. Um, in general. Of course, not all priests are lonely. Or even some. But... Why don't I just start again, then.
Peter smiles.
CUT TO: Road.
The Javelin is driving.
SCENE: Int. day. Brian's house.
Dr. Ryan runs in, followed by Donal. Brian groans in pain.
MICHAEL: Ohhhh, dear.
He sets down his doctor's bag. Brian groans. He is still lying on the floor at the top of the stairs. Michael goes up to him. Brian screams and grabs his leg.
MICHAEL: Oh, Brian, you've really done it.
He steps back down the stairs and whispers to Donal.
MICHAEL (whispers): I'm afraid we're going to need a hacksaw.
DONAL (whispers): That's what I thought. (normal voice) Have you a hacksaw in the garage, Mr. Quigley?
BRIAN (aghast): A hacksaw? Ohhhh...
He covers his face with his hands.
MICHAEL: Brian, don't worry, this won't hurt a bit. (to Donal) Hurry, man!
Donal runs out. Brian continues to gripe.
SCENE: Ext. day. Eamonn's farm.
The Javelin is parked outside Eamonn's house. Chickens are flapping around.
CUT TO: Inside Eamonn's house.
Peter, Timmy, and Eamonn are standing in the living room.
PETER: So, if you're lonely, or you need anything, don't hesitate to call.
EAMONN: Why would I ever lonely? Sure I'm goin' up to Shady's. (turns to Timmy) Missus Shady does a great stuffin'. Now this young chap. Maybe he'll be curate here one day when he's ordained. And you're gone away.
He shuffles over to Timmy and pulls a coin out of his pocket, which he gives to Timmy.
EAMONN: That's for the ordination fund.
He presses Timmy's hand and winks at him.
SCENE: Int. day. Brian's house.
Brian is groaning and shouting while Michael saws one of the skis apart. Donal is watching. Liam comes in.
LIAM: Should they be doin' that under anesthetic?
DONAL: He's already got a brandy in him.
LIAM: Oh, right.
DONAL: Here. If you're talkin' to me, who's mindin' the grotto?
LIAM: Paddy Flaherty.
DONAL: Paddy Fat-- Paddy Flaherty's a drunk.
LIAM: Yeah, I know, but he's on the wagon for Christmas.
MICHAEL: Here, Donal, here. Take the weight of this.
Donal steps over to grab the ski. Now we can finally see what position Brian is in. He has somehow managed to get one ski wedged between the walls of the steps leading down to the door in the entrance hall. His leg is at an odd angle. He is lying on his back at the top of the steps.
MICHAEL: Good man. We're nearly through.
He saws a few more times.
MICHAEL: That's it, okay. Lower it down gently now.
There is a cracking sound, and Brian sits up with a loud scream. Michael puts his arm around Brian's shoulders.
SCENE: Int. day. Kathleen's house.
Peter, Timmy, and Kathleen are standing in her living room.
KATHLEEN: Listen, Father Clifford, don't worry a bit. If you're lonely, sure I'll call up and visit you.
PETER (laughs): No, see, I meant if you were lonely. It's part of--
KATHLEEN: And sure, haven't you this young fella to keep you company anyway. Young Timothy. And you're about to be ordained.
She shakes his hand.
KATHLEEN: And the lovely priest's accent on him. (to Peter) The lovely Irish accent.
She walks away. Peter and Timmy give each other knowing looks.
SCENE: Int. day. Brian's bedroom.
Brian is lying in bed with no trousers. One leg is elevated on a pillow. Michael lifts the ice pack which is on Brian's knee.
MICHAEL: Oh well the knee's badly twisted. We'll have to bind it up.
He puts the ice pack back down and pats it.
BRIAN (in pain): Oh. What about the break?
MICHAEL: Oh, it's, it's not a break.
He goes over to his doctor's bag which is on the bureau.
BRIAN: No, I meant my break in Klosters.
MICHAEL: Oh you can't travel. Have you got insurance.
BRIAN: I don't know, I suppose so.
MICHAEL: Yeah, sure, all right, so. But you'll have to stay at home.
He rummages in his bag.
Liam comes in, carrying the sawed-apart ski.
LIAM: Will I weld this for you, Mr. Quigley?
BRIAN: Will you get out?
Liam leaves. Michael comes back to Brian, holding a bandage.
MICHAEL: Anyway, I'm sure Niamh will be delighted.
BRIAN: Don't, in God's name tell Niamh until I see if there's any way I can get out of spending Christmas with her.
MICHAEL: Brian!
BRIAN: No, no, no, it's not Niamh. Ambrose's mother. I can't bear to be in the same room as that woman, it's chemical between us. The thought of spending Christmas with her.
Brian cries out in pain as Michael wraps the bandage around his ankle.
SCENE: Ext. day. Hendley's.
Peter and Timmy come out of the store. Timmy rubs his hands together.
TIMMY: Right. Who's next?
Peter points across the street.
PETER: Why don't you just go and introduce yourself, hey?
TIMMY: Yeah.
Timmy goes on ahead. Peter goes down to the kerb, where the Javelin is parked. He watches Timmy go in. He gets into his car.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Assumpta is setting coasters on the tables. Timmy comes in. He looks around and smiles.
ASSUMPTA: Hi?
TIMMY: Hi. Uh, could I have coffee?
ASSUMPTA: Sure. You're not from around these parts?
She goes over behind the bar.
TIMMY: You're right. I'm from Tralee.
ASSUMPTA: Are you now?
Timmy sits down at the bar.
TIMMY: Yeah. I'm Father Mac's nephew.
Assumpta brings over the coffee pot and a cup.
ASSUMPTA: Ah. And did he send you in from Cilldargan to see if we had two heads?
She pours the coffee.
TIMMY (laughs): No. I'm staying with Father Clifford.
ASSUMPTA: So. Are you a priest?
Timmy opens his mouth, looks around, closes his mouth, and shakes his head "No".
ASSUMPTA: Ah, well, that's all right, then. We've enough of them round here as it is. And are you here for Christmas Day?
TIMMY: I sure am. I'm cooking Peter's lunch.
ASSUMPTA: Oh well, that's a pity. You coulda come to my party instead.
She puts the coffee pot back on the cooker.
SCENE: Int. day. Classroom.
A girl runs away from Santa's tent and out into the hall. In the hall, two women are sitting with a couple of other children.
GIRL: Mummy! Santy's dead!
The women look at each other in alarm.
GIRL: And he's making a funny noise with his nose!
The women get up and hurry into the classroom.
CUT TO: Outside tent.
One of the women unzips the tent. Inside, a man in the Santa costume is snoring. The woman bends down and picks up a bottle.
WOMAN: Oh, would you look at this.
She shows the bottle to the other woman. The other woman goes into the tent.
OTHER WOMAN: I'll kill that there (??). Who is this?
She pulls off the beard. Santa mumbles something unintelligible.
OTHER WOMAN: Ha! I might have known.
SCENE: Ext. day. Muddy road.
The Garda car drives along the road.
IMELDA: Ambrose. Son.
CUT TO: Inside car.
Imelda is sitting in the passenger seat next to Ambrose.
IMELDA: You haven't spoken a word in ten miles.
AMBROSE: Sorry, Mummy. My mind's elsewhere.
IMELDA: Work, is it?
AMBROSE: I'm after some fellas that are smuggling stuff.
IMELDA: Ohhh. You'd want to mind yourself there, son. Some of those smugglers are a very rough element. Very rough indeed.
As they go around a bend, they see the smugglers' van parked at the side of the road.
AMBROSE: That's the old mine.Wonder what they're up to.
CUT TO: Road.
He pulls over and stops the car.
CUT TO: Car interior.
Ambrose puts on the parking brake and gets out of the car.
CUT TO: Road.
Ambrose gets out of the car and puts on his hat.
AMBROSE: Afternoon, sir.
The smuggler quickly closes the rear door of the van.
AMBROSE: Can I have a word with you? What are you do--
The smuggler runs to the passenger side and gets into the van. Imelda gets out of the car.
AMBROSE: No, don't get in--
The van drives away. Ambrose runs back to his car.
IMELDA: How dare they!
AMBROSE: Get in the car, Mummy!
He takes off his cap and gets into the car. Imelda also gets back in.
CUT TO: Road.
The van drives under the same bridge we saw Con ride his bike under earlier.
CUT TO: Garda car.
The Garda car is just getting underway.
CUT TO: Bridge.
The Garda car goes under the bridge.
CUT TO: Road.
The van is driving.
IMELDA (off-camera): Faster, Ambrose, faster!
The Garda car is in hot pursuit.
AMBROSE (off-camera): They're headed for town.
IMELDA (off-camera): The rats!
CUT TO: Car interior.
IMELDA: Oh, if only I had a big stick!
CUT TO: Road.
The van goes around a curve, followed closely by the Garda car.
IMELDA (off-camera): I blame it on the television.
CUT TO: Car interior.
IMELDA: That pair of fellas that were always on, joy-riding. The Dukes o' Buzzard.
AMBROSE: Hazzard, Mummy, Dukes of Hazzard.
IMELDA: Buzzard.
CUT TO: Road.
The van is still ahead of the Garda car.
CUT TO: Santa's car interior.
The drunken Santa is driving his car.
CUT TO: Road.
The Garda car now has its sirens going. They are driving into town, over the bridge.
CUT TO: Road.
Santa's car is coming from the other direction. He turns the corner and just avoids hitting the van. The van honks. Santa's car stops suddenly, blocking the Garda car from going any further.
CUT TO: Garda car interior.
The car stops suddenly.
AMBROSE: Dammit! Scuse me, Mummy.
Ambrose unbuckles his seat belt.
AMBROSE: Thank you.
Both of them start to get out of the car.
AMBROSE: No! Stay in the car!
Imelda closes her door again. Ambrose gets out and puts on his hat.
AMBROSE: Right.
He sees who is in the other car.
AMBROSE: Oh, no.
Santa burps.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Siobhan and Brendan are at the bar. Brendan just finishes his drink and puts the glass down. The telephone rings. Asssumpta, behind the bar, goes to answer it.
BRENDAN: Once more into the breach.
He picks up his overcoat from the back of the stool.
SIOBHAN: You sure you don't want another one?
BRENDAN: No.
SIOBHAN: For Christmas?
Brendan puts on his coat.
(ASSUMPTA (in background, on phone): Oh, hi, ??. What time do you think you're going to get in tomorrow?)
BRENDAN: Thanks, Siobhan. But I wouldn't want to be called drunk in charge of a Nativity play.
Siobhan and Brendan smile at each other. Brendan puts on his scarf and leaves.
SCENE: Ext. day. Street outside Fitzgerald's.
Ambrose opens the driver's door of Santa's car.
AMBROSE: Can I have you out of the car, Mr. Flaherty?
He reaches into the car and rather brusquely grabs Flaherty's arm.
AMBROSE: Come on!
A bunch of children is walking down the street towards the car.
FLAHERTY (slightly slurred): Get your hands off me!
There is a bit of shoving between Ambrose and Flaherty.
CUT TO: Fitzgerald's.
Brendan is coming out of the pub.
CUT TO: Flaherty and Ambrose.
FLAHERTY: There's children watchin'.
Indeed, the group of children has stopped just behind them.
AMBROSE: It's all right, children, Santa's just... tired.
FLAHERTY: I am not, lay off.
AMBROSE: Look, I'm arresting you under Section 49 of the Road Traffic Act.
He leads him away.
CHILDREN (chant): Ambrose is arresting Santa! Ambrose is arresting Santa!
AMBROSE: You're not required to say anything unless you wish to do so, but anything you do say will be taken down in writing--
CUT TO: Brendan.
He is standing outside of Fitzgerald's, having watched the entire scene. He seems troubled.
CHILDREN: Ambrose is arre--
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Assumpta is on the phone.
ASSUMPTA: Well that can't be helped, I s'pose. If they have the 'flu. Oh, I'll have plenty of company for the dinner. Don't worry.
Brendan comes in from outside.
CHILDREN (outside, chanting): Ambrose is arresting Santa!
Brendan closes the door and leans against it. Siobhan is still sitting at the bar.
(ASSUMPTA (in background): I'm just sorry you can't make it. Yeah...)
SIOBHAN: You changed your mind?
(ASSUMPTA (in background): I was looking forward to seeing you again.)
BRENDAN: I guess I'd better have a black coffee. I'm in worse shape than I imagined.
He walks over to the bar and takes his scarf off.
CUT TO: Assumpta.
ASSUMPTA (into phone): Yeah, you too, bye-bye.
She hangs up.
(SIOBHAN (in background): She's on the phone.)
Assumpta covers her mouth with her hand and looks pretty upset. Brendan comes over, we can see him over Assumpta's shoulder.
BRENDAN: Assumpta? Assumpta?
Assumpta turns to Brendan.
BRENDAN: Can I have a coffee?
Assumpta goes out into the bar. She looks kind of shell-shocked. Brendan sits down next to Siobhan.
SIOBHAN (to Assumpta): Are you all right? You look like you've just seen a ghost.
BRENDAN: She looks like she's just seen a ghost? Wait'll I tell you what I'm after just seein'.
SCENE: Int. day. Kevin's room.
Kevin is looking for something on a low shelf. He looks in a box. He looks under the bed. He finds a pile of CDs and full liquor bottles. He gets up and runs out.
CUT TO: Hallway.
Kevin calls down the stairs.
KEVIN: Dad! Dad?
He goes back into the room.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' living room.
Niamh enters the room carrying a tray of food. Brian is sitting on the couch in his robe, propped up by pillows. Niamh sets the tray down next to him.
NIAMH: Well. Isn't this nice now. Dad's with us for Christmas after all.
She smiles and leaves. Brian gives her a glare, then softens his look.
SCENE: Int. night. Padraig's kitchen.
Padraig, Kevin, and Con are sitting at the table eating dinner.
PADRAIG: Con, er, you didn't see any money lying around, did you?
Con shakes his head.
KEVIN: Didn't manage to find any more CDs, by any chance?
Con puts his cutlery down.
CON: I'm finished. Can I watch telly?
PADRAIG: Put up your plate.
Con gets up and puts his plate, still half-full of food, on the kitchen counter. He looks at Kevin, then leaves. We hear the television in the background.
KEVIN: Well your softly-softly approach really worked a treat, didn't it.
PADRAIG: Mm.
KEVIN: I think we should tell Ambrose.
PADRAIG: I don't want to do that. It's Christmas!
KEVIN: So what do you want to do?
PADRAIG: Well you can show me that stuff for a start.
Kevin starts to get up.
PADRAIG: Before we jump to any conclusions.
Kevin nods. They both get up.
CUT TO: Kevin's room.
Kevin pulls up the blanket to look under the bed. Padraig is standing next to him. There is nothing there.
KEVIN: The little rip.
He stands up.
KEVIN: He's got rid of 'em.
PADRAIG: Oh yeah?
KEVIN: Maybe he moved them.
He looks around, then goes to the wardrobe and opens the door.
KEVIN: Ah ha.
There is a pile of wrapped presents there. Padraig chuckles and picks up what is obviously a liquor bottle.
PADRAIG: Look at this. Wouldn't it break your heart.
KEVIN: Well it's your money.
PADRAIG: Look, what's got into you, we've no proof that he stole the money.
KEVIN: Then where'd he get these? Santy?
PADRAIG: He may've had savings.
He points at the label on the present he's holding.
PADRAIG: Look at this: Padraig. P-O-R-I-G.
KEVIN: Savings! There's at least fifty quid's worth here, Dad. I'd like to set a trap for the little thief.
PADRAIG: You'll do nothin' of the sort. Now, even if he... borrowed the money. It was for presents, right?
He puts the present back in the wardrobe.
PADRAIG: Now we're not goin' to say another word about this until after the Christmas.
He walks away. Kevin sighs and closes the wardrobe door.
SCENE: Int. night. Fitzgerald's.
Assumpta is on the phone.
ASSUMPTA: Hi. ... Nothing. ... Happy Christmas. ... Well, I was just wondering if you were all right for Christmas dinner, you know. ...
CUT TO: Peter's house.
Peter is on the phone.
ASSUMPTA (over the phone): Being alone and that.
PETER: Well that's very kind of you. But... well you've got your party to cater for, an', anyway, I'm not on me own. Timmy's cooking, an'--
CUT TO: Assumpta.
ASSUMPTA: Well, y-- you could bring him with you, he seems like good company.
CUT TO: Peter.
PETER: Oh he is! Yeah, um... Did he tell you that he's Father Mac's nephew?
CUT TO: Assumpta.
ASSUMPTA: Well he did, as a matter of fact.
CUT TO: Peter.
PETER: And did he also mention that he was a seminarian?
CUT TO: Assumpta.
ASSUMPTA: I don't care if he's a nun, Peter, I just thought he'd be good company. Thought you'd both be good company. That's all.
She hangs up.
CUT TO: Peter.
He hears the dial tone, looks consterned.
SCENE: Int. night. Kevin's room.
Kevin is wrapping a book on car mechanics. Con is lying on the bed, looking at a book.
KEVIN: Have you got presents?
CON: Yep.
KEVIN: Have you got one for your dad?
CON (frowns): My da's in prison.
KEVIN: Yeah, but you have to put one under the tree to show him you're thinking of him.
Con looks out the window.
KEVIN: Better hurry. Shops are closed tomorrow.
Con sits up and closes his book. He looks at Kevin, then looks quickly away. He drops the book on the floor and leans back on the bed. Kevin picks up his presents.
SCENE: Int. night. Fitzgerald's.
Padraig, Brendan, and Siobhan are at the bar. Assumpta walks through the pub.
ASSUMPTA: Come on, you lot. It's Christmas Eve!
Siobhan stands up, the others get their things.
SIOBHAN: Come on, Assumpta has a party to get ready.
Everyone says Happy Christmas to each other and goes to the door.
BRENDAN: We've had a lovely evening.
ASSUMPTA: Oh, I'm delighted.
BRENDAN: You have a great evening.
ASSUMPTA: Good night. Bye-bye, happy Christmas.
Everyone leaves.
SIOBHAN: Oh, and have the greatest party. Good night, Assumpta. Happy Christmas.
ASSUMPTA: Happy Christmas.
Assumpta closes the door, leans back against it, and closes her eyes.
SCENE: Int. night. Kevin's room.
The room is dark. Kevin is lying in bed, apparently asleep. He opens his eyes and sees Con standing there putting on his sweater. He hears something and hurriedly gets into bed and pulls the covers up over himself. Padraig comes to the door and checks on the boys.
PADRAIG (whispers): Good night, men.
He closes the door almost all the way, but leaves it open a crack.
SCENE: Int. night. Fitzgerald's.
The room is dark. Assumpta is behind the bar. She turns off the taps. She pauses for a moment, then goes into the kitchen.
SCENE: Int. night. Kevin's room.
The room is dark. Con zips up his jacket and walks out. Kevin gets up. He is also fully dressed. He pulls on a jacket and follows Con.
CUT TO: Padraig's living room.
Padraig is wheeling a bicycle into the room as a Christmas present. Behind him, we see Con sneak past. Padraig picks up a wrapped present and move it. Kevin sneaks past.
SCENE: Int. night. Peter's living room.
The room is dark, but a fire is going in the grate. Peter is sitting by the fire, having a drink. Timmy comes in from the kitchen. He hands him a can of beer and sits down, too. He opens his own beer can.
TIMMY: So, must get pretty lonely then.
PETER: As a priest, I told you--
TIMMY: As a Middlesborough fan.
Peter laughs and pretends to find that painful. Timmy laughs.
SCENE: Int. night. Fitzgerald's.
Closeup of Assumpta's telephone, which is not ringing. Assumpta walks past, holding a mug in her hand. She looks at the silent telephone and sighs. She goes over and turns off the lights on her Christmas tree.
SCENE: Ext. night. Muddy lane.
It is very dark. Con rides his bike past. I assume Kevin is following him, judging from the sounds of crunching gravel, but my screen is too dark to see properly.
CUT TO: Mine entrance.
Con leaves his bike outside and goes in. Kevin also rides up, leaves his bike outside, and goes into the mine.
CUT TO: Inside mine.
It is very dark. Kevin and Con are both walking around.
KEVIN: Con?
Con stops suddenly. Kevin can't see him.
KEVIN: I know you're there.
Con doesn't answer.
KEVIN: Padraig'd kill you if he knew you were here.
Kevin starts to walk toward Con.
CON: Kevin, watch out, mine shaft!
Kevin falls in. He screams.
CON: Kevin!
Kevin hits the bottom and lies there, unconscious.
CON: Kevin? Kevin!
Kevin is lying at the bottom of a deep hole.
CON: Kevin! (whispers) Oh my God. Oh God.
SCENE: Int. night. Padraig's living room.
Padraig is having a drink, sitting next to the fireplace. He finishes his drink and puts his glass up on the mantel. He gets up and puts the cover in front of the fire. He goes over behind the Christmas tree and unplugs it. He goes to the doorway and turns off the lights. He sighs. He leaves.
SCENE: Ext. day. Dawn in the hills.
The smugglers' van is parked in the middle of a great field in the hills. The doors are all open. Con's bicycle is outside it. Con is inside, along with a pile of straw. Con climbs out and looks around. His face is dirty and tear-streaked.
SCENE: Int. day. Mine.
Inside the mine. It's really dark, and I can hardly see anything, but we hear water dripping, and I assume we're supposed to see that Kevin is still at the bottom of the hole, unconscious.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' living room.
A big Christmas tree is lit up. A pile of presents is underneath it. On the table are a watch and a glass of water. A knock sounds. Brian appears from underneath a blanket on the couch. Niamh enters with a broad smile and a tray of food.
NIAMH: Happy Christmas, Dad.
Brian sits up.
BRIAN: Oh. Happy Christmas.
Niamh sets the tray down on the table.
NIAMH: This is better than boring old Klosters, isn't it?
BRIAN: Oh, I was havin' a terrible dream. I was locked in a lift with Imelda.
Ambrose enters.
AMBROSE: Happy Christmas, Brian.
He is putting on his suit jacket.
BRIAN: Happy Christmas, Ambrose. Where's your mother?
NIAMH: She's at first Mass in Cilldargan, Ambrose left her earlier.
AMBROSE: I have to go and pick her up in time for the children's Mass here. She's collectin' the set!
Niamh and Ambrose both smile. Ambrose leaves.
BRIAN: Don't leave me alone with that woman. Like bein' nibbled to death by ducks.
He takes a drink of water.
NIAMH: Don't worry, Dad. She'll be at Mass, then she'll be at lunch, then Ambrose'll bring her somewhere. You won't be left with her.
BRIAN: I wasn't plannin' on goin' on this skiin' trip at all until the new year. When I heard she was comin', I changed the bookin'.
NIAMH: Eat your breakfast, Dad, before it gets cold.
SCENE: Int. day. Curate's house.
Peter, wearing his priest uniform, comes down the stairs. Timmy is sitting in the living room. Peter picks up a small package from the table where the little Christmas tree is standing.
PETER: A present from you!
TIMMY: Ah, I just got you some aftershave.
Peter puts the present back on the table.
PETER: Thanks. Well, I didn't know you were coming, so my present'll have to be the chicken dinner. Unless of course you want to adopt Dustin.
TIMMY: Uh, no, the chicken dinner is just what I've always wanted.
He gets up. Peter puts on his coat. Timmy picks up his coat also.
TIMMY: If I put it on a low heat, it should be ready about one.
PETER: Good. Let's go.
He heads for the door.
SCENE: Int. day. Padraig's kitchen.
Padraig is getting down a box of breakfast cereal.
PADRAIG: Kevin! Con!
He puts the cereal down on the table.
PADRAIG: Joy to the world, you two! Come! Christmas Day!
CUT TO: Mine.
Kevin is lying in the dark mine shaft. He is moving a little.
CUT TO: Padraig's house.
Padraig steps into the hall from the kitchen and calls up the stairs.
PADRAIG: Kevin?
He goes up the stairs.
CUT TO: Kevin's room.
Padraig goes in. He looks worried. He sees that Con's and Kevin's beds are empty.
PADRAIG: Kevin?
He runs out.
SCENE: Ext. day. St. Joseph's.
A large crowd is milling around outside the church. Even more people are walking up the street toward the church. Padraig is among them, running up to the church.
CUT TO: Sacristy.
Peter, wearing white and gold raiment, is pacing around. A clock on the wall reads 10:00. A knock sounds at the door.
PETER: Yeah?
Padraig comes in. Two teenage ministrants are in the sacristy as well, chatting to each other.
PADRAIG: Father?
PETER: Hey, Padraig, Happy Christmas. What can I do for you?
Padraig shakes Peter's hand.
PADRAIG: It's Kevin, I can't find him anywhere, and I don't know where Con is either.
PETER: Ah, well don't worry, I'm sure they'll turn up in time. Oh, but could you get ready to do the narration, just in case they are late.
PADRAIG: With the wings?
PETER: No, in civvies, I'm sure you know the drill by now.
PADRAIG: Yeah, yeah, I suppose so.
He turns and leaves, distracted.
PETER: Right, thanks Padraig.
Niamh comes in through another door. Timmy comes in behind her.
NIAMH: Father, we're ready.
PETER: Thanks, Niamh.
TIMMY: We're all set for you, Peter.
The organ starts playing. Peter smiles.
PETER: Right then.
SCENE: Int. day. St. Joseph's.
Christmas Mass. The church is full. The children's choir are singing.
CHILDREN: The holly and the ivy, when they are both full grown, of all the trees that are in the woods, the holly bears the crown.
CUT TO: Street outside the church.
Con is running up the street. In the background, the children continue to sing.
CON (whispers to self): Didn't mean it. I didn't mean it, Father. I didn't mean it, Father.
Con arrives outside the church. He looks up to the top.
CUT TO: Inside church.
CHILDREN: ...the sweet singing in the choir.
Niamh, who is conducting the children, signals them to stop singing and take their seats. The children step down and sit in the front row of pews.
PETER (off-camera): A child is born to us.
CUT TO: Pulpit.
Peter is standing in the pulpit, speaking.
PETER: A son is given to us. The sceptre of princely power is upon his shoulder.
CUT TO: Pews.
Brendan is sitting with the children dressed for the Nativity. He signals to them to be quiet.
PETER (off-camera): And he is proclaimed, the Wonderful Counselor. Good morning to you.
CONGREGATION: Good morning, Father.
PETER (off-camera): And a very Happy Christmas to you all!
CONGREGATION: Same to you, Father.
PETER (off-camera): Now I know that a lot of you have already been given wonderful presents and toys...
In the pews, Padraig looks over toward the door and sees Con come in.
PETER (off-camera): And probably you can't wait to get out of here and go home and play.
Padraig gets up.
CUT TO: Peter.
PETER: But, we have to remember... why we've been given these toys.
CUT TO: Congregation.
Padraig makes his way out of the row and goes over to Con.
PETER (off-camera): And whose special birthday it is, that we're here to celebrate today. And we're very priveleged this morning...
PADRAIG (whispers to Con): Where've you been? Where's Kevin? What in God's name have you been up to?
(PETER (in background): ...to have the children's play, to explain to us...)
CUT TO: Peter.
PETER: ...the real Christmas message.
CUT TO: Congregation.
Padraig is standing next to Con, talking to him.
PETER: Ahem, erm, Padraig...
Padraig looks up. Peter nods to him and to Brendan. Brendan stands up. The children follow him.
PADRAIG (whispers to Con): Now you stay there. Don't move, I'll be back in a second.
He goes up to the front. Timmy carries a manger up to the front. The children in costumes all go up. Niamh smiles at them. She turns around and smiles at Ambrose, who is sitting several rows back with Imelda. Brendan arranges the children at the front of the church.
PADRAIG (from pulpit): And so it came to pass, at that time, that Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken. So Joseph took his wife Mary, who was with child, to Bethlehem.
He signals to the children.
"JOSEPH": Any room?
The "innkeeper" shakes his head. "Joseph" steps over to the next child.
"JOSEPH": Any room?
The "innkeeper" shakes his head.
PADRAIG: And because there was no room at the inn...
"JOSEPH": Any room?
"THIRD INNKEEPER": Certainly, there's porks of room, come on in! And bring Mary with you!
"Joseph" turns to "Mary", who rolls her eyes. The congregation laughs lightly. Padraig looks over and sees that Con is gone.
SCENE: Ext. day. River.
Con is sitting on a rock by the river, tossing stones into it. He climbs up the bank.
SCENE: Ext. day. St. Joseph's.
Mass has let out, and there is a crowd of people standing outside. Ambrose is speaking to some random man.
AMBROSE: Porks of room, he said. Porks of room. He wasn't supposed to say that at all.
Ambrose and the man laugh. Ambrose turns around and sees Padraig coming.
AMBROSE (to man): Excuse me, bring Mary ??
PADRAIG: Ambrose! I've got a problem here, Kevin's missin'.
AMBROSE: I noticed he wasn't at the Mass, yeah.
Niamh comes over and listens.
PADRAIG: There's something weird goin' on. Con turned up, then ran off, and they're not over at the house. Well...
AMBROSE: What?
PADRAIG: There's money missin'.
AMBROSE: How much?
PADRAIG: Fifty quid.
Ambrose thinks for a moment.
AMBROSE: Right. I'm sorry, Niamh, I was lookin' forward to Christmas Day at home.
NIAMH: Yeah well that fella's more trouble than he's worth. Still. You can't leave him out there, can you.
AMBROSE: I'll be back as soon as I can. I'll go have a look, Padraig, I just have to run Niamh and the mother home first.
PADRAIG: I'll go wit'ya.
AMBROSE: No, no, you stay at home, in case they show up there. OK?
PADRAIG: Oh, yeah.
He leaves.
AMBROSE: Where is my mother?
NIAMH: She's in the church.
AMBROSE: Right, better go get her.
Niamh stands there, looking disappointed.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' living room.
Brian is sitting on the couch in his robe, propped up with pillows, reading a newspaper.
NIAMH (off-screen): Okay, Ambrose, see you later!
A door closes. Brian looks up.
IMELDA (off-screen): I'll just go put the kettle on.
NIAMH (off-screen): Thanks.
BRIAN: Niamh! Niamh!
Niamh bursts into the room, still wearing her coat.
BRIAN: What's happening?
NIAMH: Con O'Neill is missing.
She puts her purse down.
BRIAN: Oh, him.
NIAMH: And Kevin O'Kelley.
She takes her scarf off. Brian returns to his newspaper.
BRIAN: Trust Padraig to lose the two of them.
NIAMH: So Ambrose has gone off to search for them.
She takes off her coat.
BRIAN: What, on his day off? Let that lazy hound Foley and the Cilldargan mob look for them.
NIAMH: Oh, that Christmas spirit.
BRIAN: Well, I think it's a shame. A man can't have a day off at Christmas.
NIAMH: You're having a day off.
BRIAN: I was talkin' about Ambro-- (whispers) Don't leave me alone with that woman, all right?
NIAMH: Promise!
She goes out, carrying her coat and purse. Imelda comes in.
IMELDA: Cooey! And how's the patient this holy morn'?
BRIAN: Niamh!
SCENE: Ext. day. Ballykissangel street.
A quiet residential street. Peter and Brendan get out of Peter's Javelin. Peter opens the door of one of the houses. Siobhan is behind them, too.
CUT TO: Padraig's kitchen.
Padraig is sitting in the kitchen. Peter, Brendan, and Siobhan come in.
PETER: What's going on, Padraig?
PADRAIG: Erm... I don't know. Kevin's gone missin', Con's done a runner. Ambrose thinks they'd ... head for his foster parents or somewhere around.
Everyone is silent.
PADRAIG: I'm worried, Father. I'm really worried.
Brendan puts his hand on Padraig's shoulder and squeezes.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Assumpta picks up a wrapped present. It is labeled to Assumpta. It is not clear whether the name of the giver is there. She unwraps it. It is a Christmas CD. She crumples up the wrapping paper and goes to put the CD in the CD player. She leans back and starts to drink from her cup, when a shadow falls across her and a knock sounds. She turns off the CD and goes to open the pub door. Peter, Brendan, and Timmy come in.
ASSUMPTA: It's the three wise men.
PETER: Kevin and Con are missing.
ASSUMPTA: Oh.
PETER: We need to organize search parties and that. We wondered if we could use here as a base.
ASSUMPTA: Sure.
She closes the door.
ASSUMPTA (to Timmy): I've got a bone to pick with you.
Timmy smiles in understanding and steps away.
PETER: We promise we won't disturb your party. Are they in there?
He points toward the kitchen.
ASSUMPTA: Don't worry about the party. What can I do?
SCENE: Int. day. Padraig's kitchen.
Siobhan is making Padraig a cup of something to drink. She brings it over to Padraig.
SIOBHAN: Listen, don't worry. I'm sure everything's going to be fine.
She pats him on the shoulder.
PADRAIG: Thanks.
She walks away. He takes a sip of his drink. He grimaces and fishes the tea bag out. He squeezes it out and brings it to the sink. He pauses and puts down the cup. He picks up a tin behind the sink. He looks at the other tin on the shelf, where he had looked for the money before. He opens the tin from the sink.
PADRAIG: Uh-oh.
He sighs. Siobhan turns around to him.
SIOBHAN: You okay?
Padraig holds up a note.
PADRAIG: Me fifty quid. I found it.
He looks down.
SCENE: Ext. day. Country road.
Con is walking along the road.
CUT TO: Garda car interior.
Ambrose is driving along, mouth hanging open.
CUT TO: Road.
The Garda car drives up next to Con and slows down.
AMBROSE: Con, want to get in?
Con runs away. Ambrose pulls the car off the road, parks, and gets out.
AMBROSE: Con, stop, it's okay!
Con runs up a hilly path.
AMBROSE: Con!
He runs after him.
CUT TO: Hilltop.
Con is running, Ambrose is chasing him. Ambrose catches up to him and grabs him. They tussle.
CON: Lemme go! Leave me alone! Let me go!
AMBROSE: It's okay, it's okay. Now slow down, now take it easy. What's the story?
CON: Leave me alone, it's not my fault!
He tries to get away, but Ambrose holds him.
AMBROSE: Where's Kevin?
Con stops struggling and looks down.
AMBROSE: Con, where's Kevin? Is he okay?
Ambrose shakes him a little.
AMBROSE: Con, is Kevin okay?
CON: I didn't mean it, I swear. I want me Da.
Ambrose hugs him.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' living room.
Brian is sitting on the couch in his robe, propped up with pillows and looking at a magazine. Imelda comes in quietly, clutching a rosary.
IMELDA: I thought I'd come in and say the rosary with you. For your recovery.
BRIAN: Niamh!
IMELDA: You needn't be yelling. She's gone to borrow some tinfoil.
BRIAN: I don't want to say the rosary, I just want to sit here and rest.
IMELDA: I was looking at your presents under the tree.
BRIAN: Were you now.
He turns the page of his magazine.
IMELDA: The parcel for the baby... It felt like clothes. I hope you didn't get the baby clothes.
BRIAN: I did, as it happens. Baby gro's. Blue and pink.
IMELDA: I'm surprised at you. You should know.
BRIAN: Know what.
IMELDA: That it's bad luck to buy the baby anything before it's born. But baby clothes! That's terrible bad luck! Nursery things should not be bought before the baby's safely brought. Did you never hear that?
BRIAN: A baby gro at Christmastide makes the baby warm and wide.
IMELDA: I never heard that one.
BRIAN: That's because I just made it up. Listen!
He looks toward the door.
IMELDA: What?
BRIAN: I hear a car siren. Is it an ambulance? Car chase!
IMELDA: I can't hear anything.
BRIAN: Sh! Listen:
It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
BRIAN: It might be Ambrose. Run out quick and check.
Imelda does. Brian returns to his magazine.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Peter and Brendan are sitting at the bar. Assumpta walks over to them and sits down behind the bar. They are all just waiting. The door opens. They all look up. Timmy comes in.
TIMMY: Ambrose is here.
Peter and Brendan go out.
CUT TO: Street.
Timmy, Peter, and Brendan come out of the pub. The Garda car drives up. Ambrose stops and sets the parking brake. Con is in the back seat. Ambrose gets out.
PETER: Well?
AMBROSE: We can't get a word out of him, he's terrified.
Assumpta and Brendan are there, too.
ASSUMPTA: Uh, what about Padraig?
AMBROSE: He definitely doesn't want to talk to Padraig.
BRENDAN: Should I speak to him?
AMBROSE (to Peter): He says he'll only talk to you.
Peter looks confused.
SCENE: Int. day. Confessional.
Peter is hearing Con's confession.
CON: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession.
PETER: Yeah, go on.
CON: Father... The priest isn't allowed... to tell anyone what he hears in confession.
PETER: No one.
CON: Well then... I think I'm after... Not even Ambrose?
PETER: Not even him.
CON: Well, Father... Think I'm after... Killing Kevin O'Kelley.
Peter turns to him.
CUT TO: Church.
Siobhan, Timmy, Brendan, Ambrose, and Padraig are waiting outside the confessional.
BRENDAN: It's only been ten minutes. Then again, it is Con O'Neill. Could be here till New Year.
A clunking sound signals that Peter is coming out.
PETER: He's up at the old copper mines.
AMBROSE: Right, I'll get up there.
PETER: We're gonna need more help.
He takes off the stole.
PADRAIG: I'm goin' wit'ya.
Con comes out of the confessional.
PADRAIG: I told you about that old mine! If he's hurt, I'll kill ya!
He grabs Con's shirt. Peter intervenes and takes Padraig's shoulder.
PETER: Padraig! Nobody said it was Con's fault. (to Ambrose) We'll head back to Fitzgerald's, we can organize from there.
PADRAIG: Is he hurt?
PETER: It's hard to make sense of... (he glances at Con) what I've heard... I think we'd better hurry.
PADRAIG: Come on.
He leaves. Peter follows him.
PETER: Thanks.
Siobhan puts her arm around Con.
CON: I didn't mean it, I swear.
SIOBHAN: It's okay.
They walk out together.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
There are several extras sitting at the tables. Assumpta is on the phone in the reception area.
ASSUMPTA: Yeah, thank you.
Dr. Ryan comes in. Assumpta hangs up the phone. Peter is over by the bar.
PETER: Michael.
ASSUMPTA: I've got the rescue team. They're at least an hour away.
MICHAEL: What about the ambulance?
PETER: They'll be here soon.
Assumpta goes back into the kitchen.
MICHAEL: Well shouldn't we be up there?
PETER: Padraig and Ambrose have gone ahead. Kevin's down a shaft, we think, we might not be able to reach him without the mountain rescue team.
Assumpta is now back, standing next to Michael.
TIMMY: Well I do a bit of climbing and pot holing.
PETER: How much?
Timmy, Brendan, and Siobhan are sitting at the end of the bar.
TIMMY: Well, I've never rescued anybody, but I know how to use ropes.
PETER: Well, there's bound to be some ropes up at Eamonn Byrne's.
He jingles his keys in his pocket.
PETER: Here, take my car.
He tosses the keys to Timmy, who catches them.
PETER: Brendan, go with him, show him where it is.
Brendan and Timmy go.
PETER: I'll meet you up at the mine.
He walks over to Siobhan and speaks to her quietly.
PETER: Siobhan. Could you keep an eye on Con. Keep him out of harm's way. Which prob'ly means keep him out of Padraig's way.
Siobhan stands up.
SIOBHAN: Come on, young fella.
Con is lying on one of the window seats. He gets up.
PETER: Okay, everyone, let's go.
All of the extras get up and go to the door.
PETER: Assumpta, thanks for lettin' us use the pub.
He goes toward the door.
PETER: Oh, and we might need some blankets.
ASSUMPTA: Blankets?
He goes out and closes the door.
SCENE: Ext. day. Dirt road.
The Garda car, another car, and Liam and Donal's truck drive past.
CUT TO: Ridge.
The cars park at the top of a ridge. Michael and Peter get out of one of the cars. Down below, Padraig and Ambrose run toward them.
PADRAIG: He's down a really deep shaft! In there!
AMBROSE: Very treacherous.
Michael starts to descend to the mine entrance.
PADRAIG: We could hear him, poor fella.
MICHAEL: Can I get to him?
Peter follows Michael down. A bunch of extras stand at the top of the ridge.
PADRAIG: We couldn't get near him.
AMBROSE: We tried, but it's a sheer shaft and the walls are crumbling. You'll need the mountain rescue.
PETER: Or Timmy, if he can make it.
The four of them head together toward the mine.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' living room.
Niamh bursts in with her arms full of blankets.
NIAMH: Assumpta just called, they've found Kevin O'Kelley, they need blankets.
Brian is sitting on the couch in his robe, propped up with pillows, doing a crossword puzzle in the newspaper.
BRIAN: Blankets? Did they find him in bed?
NIAMH: He's down the shaft up at the old workings.
BRIAN: Oh. Is he all right?
NIAMH: They don't know, they've all gone up there.
She turns to leave.
BRIAN: Don't you go, she might be back any minute.
NIAMH: Gotta go, Dad!
Brian stands up.
BRIAN: Ooh! All right, get me a brush, will you?
Niamh gives him an incredulous look.
BRIAN: Just a brush, a sweeper brush, I won't harm her. Will you do as I say?
Niamh clicks her tongue and walks out.
BRIAN: Ooh.
SCENE: Int. day. Mine.
The men are at the top of the mine shaft, looking down it with torches.
PETER: Can you hear us, Kevin! Kevin!
PADRAIG (cries): God help us.
Peter pats him on the back.
PETER: Now come on. It's all right, Padraig. He's probably just fallen asleep. Exhaustion.
PADRAIG: Kevin! Kevin!
He shines the torch into the hole. Peter gets up and walks away. He and Michael speak privately.
(PADRAIG (in background): If you can hear us, will you answer.)
MICHAEL: He may be unconscious.
PETER: He was responding earlier.
MICHAEL: Yes, I know, that's what worries me. We don't know the extent of his injuries. He may have gone into shock. Oh, I hope these fellas get here fast.
(PADRAIG (in background): Help me (??) Please!)
Michael pats Peter on the shoulder and goes back toward the hole.
SCENE: Int. day. Egans' living room.
Brian is standing in the living room. He is now dressed and pulling a sweater over his head. We hear a door closing.
IMELDA: Yoo-hoo! I'm back!
Brian quickly puts his sweater on and grabs the broom, which he stows behind the couch. He sits down and grimaces in pain. Imelda comes in, breathless.
IMELDA: All the men are gone up to the mine shaft. It was very thrilling, watching them prepare themselves. I wanted to help. But the girl in the pub said that the best way to help was by looking after sick people. You'll help best, she said, by looking after Brian Quigley.
BRIAN: I won't forget her for it.
IMELDA: She said, they also serve who only stand and wait. I think that was a lovely thing to say, don't you?
BRIAN: Would layin' down and waitin' count, I wonder.
IMELDA: What?
BRIAN: Nothin', is that the turkey I hear burnin' out there? Would you go and have a look at it like a good woman?
IMELDA: Turkey!
She hurries out. Brian gets up and leans over behind the couch, groaning in pain. He picks up the broom.
SCENE: Ext. day. Mine grounds.
The Javelin drives up to the other cars parked on the ridge above the mine. Someone runs over to it. Timmy and Brendan get out. They unlock the boot and take out coils of rope. Eamonn gets out of the car, too. Everyone hurries off, except for Eamonn, who sort of shuffles along. Liam is standing at the back of his truck, looking through a box.
LIAM: I've got some tartars. Santa specials, I knew somebody'd want them.
Timmy, Brendan, and Donal run past carrying ropes. Eamonn kind of hobbles after them. In the background, the Javelin slowly rolls down the incline.
LIAM: Damn!
He picks up the box and follows the others. The Javelin rolls off the screen.
SCENE: Int. day. Mine.
Peter is standing just inside the mine. Timmy, Brendan, and Donal come in.
PETER: Okay, lads, over here. You have to be careful, there's a shaft just there. If you go round the other side, that's it. Yeah, over there.
Timmy looks down into the hole with a torch.
TIMMY: Right.
He rattles at a pulley fixed on a crossbar over the hole.
TIMMY: This is a job for two.
He takes off his jacket.
TIMMY: Does anybody here know anything about pot holing?
He looks around. Silence answers. Brendan and Padraig look at each other. They turn around and look at Peter and Donal. Donal raises his hand. Timmy points at him.
TIMMY: Good man. Can I have the rope, please?
Brendan gives him the rope. Timmy lowers it into the hole.
TIMMY: Let's get on with it, so.
He threads the rope through the pulley.
TIMMY: Take that.
He hands the end of the rope to Brendan.
TIMMY: Right, here's what we're gonna do. (to Donal) You an' me, we're gonna go down there.
DONAL: Right.
He looks down the hole.
SCENE: Ext. day. Garda station.
Brian is sneaking out of the Garda station. He is using the broom as a crutch. He pulls the door shut behind him. He hops down the street toward Fitzgerald's.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Assumpta is sitting at the bar. Niamh is behind the bar.
ASSUMPTA: I'm not making sandwiches.
NIAMH: Huh?
ASSUMPTA: Well that's what women are supposed to do, isn't it. While the men go off and do manly things, like rescuing people and attacking neighboring villages and shelling defenseless citizens on market day while the women--
NIAMH: Assumpta, what are you on about? This is Ballykay.
ASSUMPTA: I know. I know. But it's the principle of the thing. Men do, women wait.
NIAMH: Well I think I'm as much a feminist as the next. But Ambrose only had a bowl of cornflakes this morning.
ASSUMPTA: Tea and sandwiches for the men it is then.
She gets up.
ASSUMPTA: But they're not gettin' jam on it.
There is a knock at the door. Brian opens the door.
BRIAN: Could I ever come in?
ASSUMPTA: Brian!
BRIAN: Any chance of a drink?
He hobbles in. Assumpta looks at Niamh incredulously. Niamh smirks.
BRIAN: It's a pain.
NIAMH: You can sit there, and wait.
ASSUMPTA: We're doin' somethin'.
Brian limps over to the bar.
SCENE: Ext. day. Mine.
An extra is standing outside of the mine. Brendan asks him:
BRENDAN: Any sign?
MAN: No.
Brendan sees someone in the distance.
BRENDAN: Ah! Father!
He goes over to greet Fr Mac.
BRENDAN: Mind the surface, Father, it's very uneven.
FR MAC: How's Kevin O'Kelley.
BRENDAN (sighs): He has a broken ankle, they think. He may have a concussion as well.
Fr Mac nods.
BRENDAN: They're down there with him now.
FR MAC: Sure these mountain rescue fellows are quick off the mark, aren't they?
BRENDAN: Not mountain rescue, Father. It's Donal. And that young Timmy fella.
FR MAC: Timmy, my nephew Timmy?
They start to walk toward the mine entrance.
BRENDAN: He's playing it blinder.
FR MAC: Oh well, what would you expect.
CUT TO: Parking area.
The ambulance arrives. Eamonn jogs over to it. The ambulance men get out.
EAMONN: They're down here.
He points. The ambulance men close their doors and go to the back of the ambulance.
CUT TO: Mine.
Someone is being lowered down the hole on a rope. I can't tell who is speaking because it's too dark.
??: Okay, hold up. Take it easy.
KEVIN (?): Aah!
??: Mind his head!
CUT TO: Top of hole.
Padraig and Peter are hauling on the rope. Michael is supervising.
MICHAEL: That's it, fellas.
PETER: That's it, come on.
MICHAEL: That's it, that's it, okay.
PETER: Okay.
MICHAEL: It's going nicely.
CUT TO: Hole.
It is too dark to see properly what is going on or who is speaking.
??: That's it, keep it going.
??: Keep her going.
??: That's it, good work, come on.
KEVIN: Uhh...
CUT TO: Top of hole.
There is a lot of talking over each other, so it's kind of hard to tell what's being said and who's saying it.
MICHAEL: Okay, mind his head, mind the back.
PETER: Okay.
MICHAEL: Okay, all right, come on.
PETER: Is he coming?
MICHAEL: All right, all right. I can see him, yes.
Ambrose is crouching down next to the hole.
AMBROSE: All right, slow down. Get out of the way there--
MICHAEL: Nearly there. Nearly there. Okay, come on.
A hand is visible grasping the rope, coming up out of the hole. It is Kevin. Michael and Ambrose grab him and pull him up.
PADRAIG: Are you okay?
PETER: Go on, Padraig.
BRENDAN: Well done, Timmy.
The music becomes pretty loud at this point, and people are still saying things, but I can't hear properly what they are saying. It will be more congratulations, I assume. Ambrose holds Kevin. Michael bends over him. Padraig pats his shoulder.
CUT TO: Parking area.
Assumpta's van pulls up and parks. Eamonn doddles over toward them.
NIAMH (off-camera): It's like O'Connell Street up here.
Niamh and Assumpta get out of the car.
ASSUMPTA: What news?
EAMONN: He's okay. They're bringing him up.
NIAMH: Oh thank God.
Assumpta closes her van door.
CUT TO: Mine entrance.
A man pulls the door to the mine all the way open. Michael, Padraig, and Timmy are carrying Kevin out. The ambulance men bring over a gurney. Peter and Ambrose walk away together.
PETER: In my work as a priest, Gard Egan, I have occasion to hear certain things.
Kevin is laid onto the gurney.
AMBROSE: I know it was Con's fault, Father.
PETER: No, it's not that, Ambrose.
AMBROSE: Oh.
In the background, the gurney with Kevin is lifted and carried off.
PETER: A penitent who shall be nameless has found a stash of goods which are secreted in these workings.
AMBROSE: Where?
PETER: In there beyond the hole. You'll need a torch.
AMBROSE: I gave mine to Donal.
Liam pops up out of nowhere.
LIAM: This one's workin'.
He turns on a torch and shines it in his own face, then turns it off and hands it to Ambrose.
AMBROSE: Thanks, Liam.
Liam smiles at him. Peter smiles at Liam.
AMBROSE: Thanks, Father.
He heads back to the mine. As he goes back in, he meets Timmy, Donal, and Fr Mac coming out. Timmy is carrying a pile of rope.
AMBROSE: Well done, lads.
Timmy drops the rope on the ground.
CUT TO: Parking area.
Assumpta has the back of her van open. There are picnic baskets in there. Kevin is being brought to the ambulance by the ambulance guys. He is surrounded by Michael, Padraig, Brendan, and Peter.
KEVIN: Uh...
MICHAEL: Well he's got... fracture of the fibula, and a broken collarbone. He may have a concussion as well.
PADRAIG: It'll be okay, son, it'll be okay.
Kevin is loaded into the ambulance. He is groaning in pain.
MICHAEL: He's a tough lad, Padraig, gonna be all right.
He pats Padraig on the shoulder.
CUT TO: Mine.
Inside the dark mine, Ambrose is shining a torch around. It's too dark for me to see anything, but I suppose he's finding the smugglers' stash.
CUT TO: Ambulance.
Peter and Padraig are sitting in the back of the ambulance next to where Kevin is lying.
PETER: How're ya, Kev?
KEVIN: It wasn't Con's fault. I was chasin' him.
PETER: I know. Well. Con's side of it, anyhow. Don't worry about it.
The ambulance guy closes the back door.
CUT TO: Mine.
Ambrose is exploring the mine. He shines his torch on some boxes. There is malt liquor and CDs in the boxes.
AMBROSE: Bingo. Thank you, Con O'Neill. I could make Sergeant on this.
He bumps his head on the low ceiling. He feels his head. The torch goes out. He shakes the torch. He hits it.
AMBROSE: I'll kill you, Liam.
CUT TO: Outside mine.
Timmy and Donal are picking up the ropes. They start to walk up toward the cars. Assumpta and Niamh are on their way down.
ASSUMPTA: I hear you were brilliant.
DONAL: Ah, it was nothin'.
TIMMY: The shaft wasn't that deep, but it was treacherous enough.
ASSUMPTA: Well, look, I've got sandwiches if you're hungry, tea...
TIMMY: The chicken. I left it in the oven. I gotta go, Assumpta.
He hurries up toward the cars.
ASSUMPTA: Oh! (to herself) Well you can have some of mine if you like.
Behind her, Ambrose walks out of the mine with a cardboard box in his arms.
ASSUMPTA: Ambrose! I thought you'd left with the others.
Ambrose shakes his head.
NIAMH: Well done, pet. D'you want a sandwich?
Ambrose shakes his head.
AMBROSE: No, thanks. Look what I found.
He shows them the box.
ASSUMPTA: Wow.
AMBROSE: Hah?
Niamh starts picking through the box.
AMBROSE: Loads more of it inside.
ASSUMPTA: Heh, heh, wow.
AMBROSE: Hit my head, though.
ASSUMPTA: Awww...
NIAMH: Oh did you?
Ambrose nods.
CUT TO: Parking area.
Timmy is standing at the top of the ridge, looking around helplessly. He cannot find the Javelin. Donal comes over and puts down a backpack next to Timmy.
DONAL: Maybe... Peter took it?
TIMMY: No, I've got his keys. I could've sworn I left it here, you know.
Donal walks directly over to the edge of the ridge and looks down.
DONAL: Uh-oh.
CUT TO: Cliff.
Donal is looking down a steep cliff.
DONAL: Timmy.
Timmy joins him.
CUT TO: Cliff base.
The Javelin is there. Upside down. Dead.
TIMMY: Sweet sufferin' Jesus.
CUT TO: Donal and Timmy.
TIMMY: What am I going to tell Peter?
CUT TO: Javelin.
A crow caws.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Brian is sitting at the bar, smoking a cigar. His leg is propped up on a bar stool. The door opens. Assumpta comes in and locks the door.
ASSUMPTA: Ah. Brian. Forgot you were here.
BRIAN: Is he all right?
ASSUMPTA: Yeah, he's fine, uh, look, you've gotta go home.
BRIAN: No, I do not.
ASSUMPTA: No, you can't stay here.
BRIAN: I'll be no trouble. Leg'd be good.
He winks.
BRIAN: Bit o' stuffin'. I basted the turkey, it's done nicely.
There is a knock at the door.
BRIAN: Don't let Imelda Egan in under any circumstances.
Assumpta purses her lips and goes to unlock the door. It is Brendan and Con.
BRENDAN: Ah, Assumpta, we've burned the turkey.
They come in. Siobhan is with them.
SIOBHAN: To a frazzle.
BRENDAN: Ahm, we just brought these party hats and wondered if...
ASSUMPTA: Oh... Come in, come in.
Brendan laughs.
SIOBHAN: Oh, look who's here.
BRENDAN: Brian, happy Christmas.
BRIAN: Happy Christmas.
SIOBHAN: Happy Christmas.
Assumpta closes the door.
SCENE: Int. day. Peter's kitchen.
Peter pulls a very dry (but not burnt) chicken out of the oven. He carries it to the table. Timmy comes in.
TIMMY: How's the young fella?
PETER: He'll be fine. Which is more than can be said for this.
He indicates the chicken.
TIMMY: Well that's good news. Listen, Peter, there's somethin' I need to tell you.
Dustin gobbles.
PETER: It's a good job it's too late for you, old friend.
Dustin walks into the kitchen.
PETER: Do you think Assumpta'd let us in?
TIMMY: She might.
Peter heads for the door.
PETER: We'll walk. It's too close to use the car. (to Dustin) Come on!
He shoos Dustin toward the door.
TIMMY: Well... That's what I needed to talk to you about, Father.
PETER (to Dustin): Come on.
He shoos Dustin out the door.
TIMMY: You see...
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's.
Con, Brendan, Siobhan, and Brian are at the end of the bar. Liam and Donal are looking at the box of party favors. Three knocks sound at the door. Assumpta goes to open it.
ASSUMPTA: Oh! Would you look who it is, it's the priest and the priest-to-be.
Peter and Timmy come in. The others greet them.
ASSUMPTA (to Peter): You all right? You look as if you just lost your best friend.
PETER: Ask him.
He points to Timmy.
TIMMY: I just killed his car.
ASSUMPTA: The Javelin?
TIMMY: Fell over the cliff.
PETER: Total write-off. I loved that car.
ASSUMPTA: Oh. Well, uh... I think a stiff drink's allowed, eh?
Peter sighs and walks away.
ASSUMPTA (to Timmy): Niamh's bringing over her turkey as well, so there's crackers and all sorts.
Timmy follows Peter. Assumpta closes the door. Well, almost.
PADRAIG: Hold the door!
Padraig slips in before Assumpta closes the door.
PADRAIG: Ah, Kevin's sleepin', so I thought I might --
Everyone applauds and cheers.
ASSUMPTA (laughs): Come in. Here, Happy Christmas.
She hugs him.
PADRAIG: Happy Christmas, Assumpta.
ASSUMPTA: Happy Christmas.
Padraig goes over to join the others. Assumpta closes the door.
SCENE: Int. day. Fitzgerald's kitchen.
Niamh is counting plates. Timmy, with an apron on, is doing something at the oven. Assumpta is doing something at the counter. Niamh brings a stack of plates out into the pub. Imelda and Liam are sitting at the bar talking. Imelda waves across the bar to Brian. He raises his drink to her. Peter is sitting and talking to Donal.
PETER: You kept your life as a climber fairly stum, Donal.
DONAL: Well, to tell you the truth, Father, I didn't know what pot holin' was. I thought it was like... fillin' in holes in the road.
PETER: Ah.
He takes a drink.
DONAL: But it's like any job. Once you get started, it's easy enough.
Niamh puts a plate down in front of Peter.
DONAL: So you know yourself! (??)
LIAM (to Imelda): I tell you. You have to keep your ear to the ground to pick up bargains like these. These are dirt cheap.
He holds up a Christmas cracker.
LIAM: Fire damage. But they're just as good as ones four or five times the price. Here. Go on, pull.
He holds one end of the cracker out to Imelda. She takes it and pulls.
LIAM: Hard now. Go on.
She screws up her face, expecting a bang. The cracker suddenly comes apart. Nothing happens. Liam and Imelda look at each other. Liam takes the two pieces and tosses them down.
LIAM: Oh, there's always a dud one.
He gets another one and holds it out to Imelda.
LIAM: Go ahead. Oi!
The cracker comes apart again. Another dud. Liam takes the two pieces and puts them down.
LIAM: Dammit.
He picks up a torch.
LIAM: Here, you do want to buy a torch, do you? Now these ones are just as good as ones four or five times the price.
PETER (to Assumpta): So what happened to your party?
ASSUMPTA: Ach. It disappeared. Bit like your car.
Peter grimaces.
PETER: Mm. Sorry.
He takes a drink.
ASSUMPTA: Ah, what the heck. It's Christmas!
She smiles at him. He smiles back. Assumpta walks away.
PADRAIG (to Con): So?
CON: See, when I found the cave, it was like buried treasure. I wanted to pay you back for looking after me.
PADRAIG: How did Kevin fall?
CON: He chased me into the mine. See, you have to get round the hole to get to the treasure. I knew it was there, like I shouted. But he couldn't see me in the dark. I'm sorry now I ran away. But I was sure he was dead.
PADRAIG: It's cool, he's not dead.
Timmy brings out a big turkey from the kitchen. Everyone cheers. Niamh is behind him with another pan of food. They put the food down on the bar top. Everyone applauds.
SCENE: Ext. night. Garda station.
Ambrose is standing in the door of the station. Spt. Foley is coming up the street toward him.
FOLEY: I think what impressed me most, Gard Egan, is that you tracked down those goods while off-duty.
AMBROSE: A good Gard is never off-duty, Superintendent.
FOLEY: Duly noted, Gard Egan.
AMBROSE: Well, here we are.
He leads Foley to his car. He opens his boot. It is empty. Ambrose and Foley peer closer.
AMBROSE: Oh Lord.
Foley looks quite disgruntled.
AMBROSE: Um... They must've been watching me puttin' it in the boot.
Foley laughs.
FOLEY: What the heck. It's Christmas.
He chuckles a little. Ambrose joins in. He closes the boot.
SCENE: Int. night. Fitzgerald's.
Timmy is playing the guitar and Con is playing the fiddle. It is a lively tune. People are dancing. Liam comes down the stairs in the Santa Claus costume.
LIAM: Ho ho ho ho! Happy Christmas!
He walks through the dancers, holding a bunch of Christmas crackers. He hands one to Ambrose.
LIAM: Happy Christmas!
Niamh holds a foil-covered plate in front of Ambrose.
NIAMH: Hungry?
She walks off. Ambrose follows her with a big smile. Kathleen and Fr Mac are
sitting at the bar, watching the dancers and the musicians.
FR MAC: My nephew of course has the gift.
Liam gives a cracker to Assumpta. Assumpta is sitting with Peter.
LIAM: Happy Christmas Assumpta.
Liam gives a cracker to Brian, who is talking to Foley.
LIAM: Happy Christmas, Mr. Quigley.
Behind the bar, Brendan opens a bottle of wine. He goes over to Siobhan, who is sitting at the end of the bar, and pours a glass.
BRENDAN: Happy?
SIOBHAN: I'm as happy as a turkey on Boxing Day.
They pick up their wine glasses and clink them together. Peter sits down next to Assumpta and holds up a scrap of paper, like a fortune.
CUT TO: Outside.
Fitzgerald's is all lit up with Christmas lights. Dustin walks up the street. He gobbles.
ROLL CREDITS