BALLYKISSANGEL
Episode 6.4
"Spirit Proof"
Written by John Flanagan & Andy McCulloch
Transcribed by Margaret Pattison

SCENE: Night. River.

Brendan is sitting on a folding chair in the river, fishing. It starts to rain. Brendan looks up at the sky, puts his fishing rod down next to him, resting atop his fishing bag. He stands up, starts to zip up his jacket. He looks up at the trees. Lightning flashes.

CUT TO: Trees.

Lightning strikes.

CUT TO: Brendan.

He is still zipping up his jacket.

CUT TO: River.

The fishing bag is lying on some rocks in the river.

CUT TO: Brendan.

He looks down at the spot where his fishing bag was.

CUT TO: River.

The rock is empty where the fishing bag was.

CUT TO: Brendan.

He looks around.

CUT TO: River.

The rock is empty.

CUT TO: Brendan.

He looks around, fishing rod in his hand. He looks up suddenly.

CUT TO: Trees.

Lightning strikes a tree, breaking off a branch with a shower of sparks.

CUT TO: Brendan.

The tree branch falls just in front of him. He looks shaken. He walks away.

ROLL TITLES

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Closeup of fireplace. Brendan, soaking wet, is bent over in front of the fire, rubbing his hands to warm them.

Brendan looks over at the bar, grimly: I'm telling you. I looked back, and it had vanished.

CUT TO: Bar.

Paul is behind the bar. Siobhan, Louis, Liam and Donal are sitting at the bar.

Donal: The fish?

Brendan straightens up, ominously: The fish...
He wipes his brow with the back of his hand: The bag...everything.

Oonagh walks past, carrying an ashtray, lightly: The times we live in. Put your bag down for two seconds.
She walks behind the bar.

Louis takes his beer bottle, walks away from the bar.

Siobhan: I know what you mean. The last time I was shopping in Wicklow and the place was heaving, and I looked around for one second and me bag was gone.

Oonagh shakes her head in sympathy.

Brendan, indignantly: I wasn't shopping, Siobhan. The bag had vanished, wasn't a soul in sight.
He steps up to the bar next to Siobhan.

Donal, dead serious: My granddad lost his trousers by that river. Went in for a swim...
He gestures with his open hand: They've gone.
He looks at Liam, then at Paul: Swore a blind carp eat 'em.
(Actually, he probably said something about Corky, considering Paul's next line.)

Paul winces slightly.

Liam: Bet that wasn't the only time your granddad lost his trousers.
He looks at Donal. He laughs.

Paul: Who the hell is Corky?

Louis stands up from the table where he was sitting: Oh some local history you ?? blow-in. Pint and a shot.

Paul goes to get him his drink. Dermot is visible in the background by the kitchen, listening.

Liam: Corky was Finnbar Corcoran. Highway man. He robbed Lord Cilldargan and they hanged him. Some people say that his ghost still walks this place.

Dermot takes a bite of his biscuit, looks thoughtful.

Paul: He's still nicked then this fellow, eh?
He laughs.

Oonagh and Siobhan smile, look at each other.

Liam: Wouldn't joke about it.

Donal: The very innkeeper of this pub betrayed him.

Louis: A Judas Iscariot. He sold your ?? man for thirty pieces of silver.

CUT TO: Kitchen doorway.

Dermot is still listening.

CUT TO: Bar.

Oonagh, to Dermot: You. Bed.

CUT TO: Kitchen doorway.

Dermot looks unwilling, but turns silently and goes back into the kitchen.

CUT TO: Bar.

Brendan: He was caught upstairs cavorting with the landlord's daughter.

Oonagh places a pint in front of Brendan.

Brendan: Drinking the finest ??

Siobhan: Service was service in those days.

Paul nods in acknowledgement.

Brendan: As a reward for grassing the man up, the landlord was granted the fishing rights down to the river, in perpetuity.

Donal: Forever.

Liam looks at Donal like he's an eejit.

Brendan: He didn't profit from them though. He ended his life in an asylum. He was driven insane by Corky's ghost.

Paul looks at Brendan like "Oh I'm so scared," then smiles and looks away.

Siobhan, seriously: D'you know the strange thing, though?
She nods at Brendan: That stretch is not a mile from here. And yet we didn't see a spot of rain.

Donal: That's true.

Liam, thoughtfully: Yeah, and I didn't hear no thunder, neither.

Oonagh comes to the same conclusion: Nor me.

Paul rolls his eyes.

Brendan, grimly: And I'm not making it up.

Louis, spookily: Oh ho. Them waters run deep. You're better to leave them fish alone.

Paul looks skeptical.

SCENE: Dermot's room interior.

Dermot, wearing pajamas, is sitting on his bed, looking at a magazine.

CUT TO: Magazine.

Dermot turns the page. There is a picture of a scary-looking face and the title "Re-Possessing the Exorcist".

CUT TO: Dermot's room.

We hear a sound like a door closing. Dermot looks up. He puts the magazine down, turns off his reading lamp, lies down, and pulls the cover over himself. He lies there with his eyes open.

SCENE: Morning. Overcast. Woods.

Fr Vincent is walking through the woods, looking around.

CUT TO: Door.

An old, weather-beaten wooden door. Fr Vincent unlatches it, opens it to reveal a filthy WC. He steps in, flushes it.

CUT TO: Louis's house exterior.

The WC is outside of Louis's house. Fr Vincent exits the WC, frowning. There is a row of pigeon boxes nearby. We hear the pigeons cooing.

CUT TO: Louis's house interior.

Louis is sitting at the table, holding a sheep and bottle-feeding it. Dermot is sitting next to him with a notebook, writing something.

Louis: It's the gift of the past. ?? future. And there's also generations come priceless gift of time ??.

Fr Vincent tries to enter, bumps his head on the door frame. He reaches up and feels his head, smiles at Louis and Dermot: Sorry to interrupt.

Louis and Dermot look up, surprised.

Dermot: Hi Father.
He glances at Louis, then back at Fr Vincent: Just hearing about the old legends.

Fr Vincent enters the room, folds his arms, smiles to show he's interested.

Dermot sits back in his chair, impressed: The highway man's an actual ancestor of Louis's.

Louis looks at Fr Vincent: When Finnbar Corcoran rode these hills, the spirits of three men rode with him.

Fr Vincent looks like he doesn't understand a word Louis is saying.

Louis: ?? Darcy was thrown about with a ?? field of spin.

Dermot looks at Fr Vincent, utterly enchanted: Fascinating, huh?

Fr Vincent, impressed: What's fascinating is that you understand him.

Louis slams the bottle of milk down onto the table, gives the sheep a push: Wheesht, ??.

The sheep runs out. Fr Vincent gets out of the way just in time.

Fr Vincent smiles, nods, leans his hand against the door: Ha. Sheep.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Hendley's shop exterior.

Donal walks up the steps to the shop. A woman walks out, carrying two shopping bags.

Donal greets her: Morning.

CUT TO: Hendley's interior.

Donal picks up a shopping basket, walks over to Kathleen, skeptically: Morning, Kathleen.

Kathleen looks enraptured: Admired by lads, but never ladders.
She looks at Donal.

Donal pauses, then asks: Come again?

Kathleen: Sheer rapture.

Donal: No. Still not with you.

Kathleen looks annoyed: What known hoosh. (Sorry, can't make that one out)
She reaches over to the counter and picks up a pink packet of ladies' hosiery, shows it to Donal: You must be familiar with these.

Donal looks at the packet, smiles, embarrassed: Well, I uh--

Kathleen: They ran a competition.
She goes behind the counter, trimphantly: My tiebreak slogan won the day.
She waves a piece of paper, goes to put the packet of stockings away: Admired by lads but never ladders.

Donal: Oh right. So you won some...hosiery. Very nice.
He moves to make a quick exit.

Kathleen looks confused for a moment, looks down: No.
She looks up, proudly: I won a brand new motorcar.

Camera pan to Donal, who has stopped in his tracks, stunned: Motorcar?

SCENE: Closeup of map.

Fr Vincent is tracing his finger down a map of the town: Mm.
He looks up. Paul is watching him in a mirror. Fr Vincent puts his finger across his lips, inhales sharply, frowns: You sure about this?

CUT TO: Priest's house kitchen interior.

The map is spread out on the table. Fr Vincent is leaning over the map. Paul is standing on the other side of the table, a few steps away, wearing a jacket, both hands in the pockets.

Paul steps closer to the table: In perpetuity...are the magic words.

Fr Vincent: Looks like the estate's land to me.

Paul shakes his head: Naah. I checked it with your man. The solicitor.

Fr Vincent: I don't remember any fishing rights coming with the pub.

Paul smirks: Conflict of interest.
He walks around to the side of the table: He's the estate's solicitor also.

Fr Vincent looks surprised: Oh is he now? And they fancy keeping the bit stretch for themselves.

Paul shrugs.

Fr Vincent is interested now: Eh. OK, go ahead. Long as it's all above board.

Paul: Oh it's not up to me. No it's your call. Or at least, the trust's.

Fr Vincent looks down modestly.

Paul: You see, it's the owner has the fishing rights. Not the tenant.

SCENE: Daytime. Woods.

Fisheye shot as seen through the eyes of someone moving through the woods. The fisheye emerges from the woods to the edge of a road. The fisheye sees someone's sleeve.

Dr. Ryan: Good evening Brendan.

The sleeve was Brendan's. He walks away down the road, pushing his bicycle. Dr. Ryan is standing on the side of the road.

Brendan: Good evening Michael.

(Here my 1-year-old daughter recorded a brief interlude of "Bargain Hunt". When we resume, Vincent's trust is in session...)

SCENE: Night. Priest's kitchen interior.

The members of the trust are seated around the table: Fr Vincent, Brendan, Dr. Ryan, a bearded gentleman, and another gentleman.

Brendan grumbles: Whose bright idea was that?
He looks around the table.

Fr Vincent, cup of tea in hand, optimistically: Well, it'll encourage anglers to stay at the pub.

Brendan, as if the name left a sour taste in his mouth: Paul Dooley. Should've known.
He looks at Dr. Ryan.

Dr. Ryan looks around the table: Well some locals take advantage already by not paying any fee at all.

Fr Vincent takes a sip, puts his cup down, looks at Brendan, amused.

Dr. Ryan looks at Brendan: That right, Brendan?

Brendan flaps his mouth open and shut a couple of times, looks from Dr. Ryan to Fr Vincent and back again.

Fr Vincent looks interested in what Brendan will answer.

Brendan, self-righteously: My only concern is the destruction of the environment in which I live.

Dr. Ryan: I think we should put this to a vote. Those in favor?
He and the bearded man raise their hands. Dr. Ryan looks around: Against?
He and the bearded man lower their hands. Brendan and the other man raise their hands.

Everybody turns to Fr Vincent.

Fr Vincent looks around the table, sarcastically: Thanks, fellas.

Dr. Ryan leans his chin on his palm, looks at Fr Vincent.

SCENE: Morning. Overcast. BallyK road outside Edso's garage.

Kathleen is walking along the side of the road. Liam's truck drives slowly toward her. As she and the truck pass each other, Kathleen raises her finger in greeting and smiles. The truck stops.

Liam leans his elbow on the open window: Morning, Kathleen.

Kathleen, pleasantly surprised: Liam.

Liam: Still walking, there?

Kathleen, indignantly: Why shouldn't I? A woman of my age is in her prime.

Liam looks around, unimpressed: Mm.
He looks back at Kathleen: Little bird tells me good fortune might have granted you wheels.

Kathleen, sharply: Donal has wings and a beak now does he?

Liam, conversationally: I expect your driving's a bit rusty.

Kathleen: Nonexistent.

Liam looks off to the side: Mm.
He looks back at Kathleen: Driving school's a notorious rip-off. Confidentially: I'd be much cheaper.

Kathleen realizes what Liam's getting at. She smiles: Good of you to offer, Liam.
She finishes triumphantly: I've already got an instructor.
She walks away.

The smiles freezes on Liam's face as he watches her go.

CUT TO: Edso's garage exterior.

In front of Edso's garage is parked a blue car. Edso stands next to it, holding up two Learning Driver plates. Kathleen walks toward him.

CUT TO: Liam's truck exterior.

When Liam sees Edso, the smile vanishes from his face. He turns back around.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. BallyK church exterior.

Fr Mac and Fr Vincent are looking at the engine of Fr Mac's car.

Fr Mac walks around the front of the car to the other side of the engine: If you want things to tick over smoothly, you have to be vigilant.

Fr Vincent: Well the trust made the decision, Father.

Fr Mac pulls out the dipstick: On your casting vote.
He looks at the oil level, wipes off the stick on a rag, replaces the dipstick.

Fr Vincent: Well it'll be good for the town. Extra trade. More business.

Fr Mac pulls the dipstick out again: Politicking. Runs deep around here. He sighs, looks at Fr Vincent, exasperated: Surely the trust is there to put a bit of distance between you and all that.

Fr Vincent: Oh, Brendan'll cool off. Few townie anglers on the odd weekend won't make much difference.
He gives Fr Mac a small smile.

Fr Mac waves the dipstick in Fr Vincent's face: Ask yourself why none of the other landlords took up the rights.
He smiles slyly at Fr Vincent: Even Brian Quigley.

Fr Vincent glances at the dipstick: That's nearly dry. You want things to run smoothly, occasionally you need a little fresh oil.

Fr Mac bends over his engine.

SCENE: Daytime. Sunny. Country road.

Edso's blue car is parked on the side of the road.

Kathleen (voice off-camera): Never understood why there's three pedals, when you've only got two feet.

CUT TO: Edso's car interior.

Kathleen is in the driver's seat. Edso is in the passenger seat.

Edso looks down toward Kathleen's feet: Ah. Well, that's cause you never need them all at once, you see.
He smiles.

Kathleen laughs appreciatively.

Edso looks at Kathleen, intently: Accelerator. Brake. Clutch. A. B. C. Simple.
He underscores his words by showing the pedal placement with his hand.

Kathleen nods, smiles, and giggles.

Edso: Go on, give it a go.

Kathleen starts the engine. Edso reaches for the seat belt.

CUT TO: Edso's car exterior.

The car jerks and the engine dies.

Kathleen exclaims: Ooh!

CUT TO: Edso's car interior.

Edso pulls his seat belt across his chest: That's OK, that's OK, Kathleen, don't worry.

Kathleen giggles.

Edso buckles up, looks at Kathleen: Try again.

Kathleen turns the ignition, the engine comes back to life. Edso nods. Kathleen pulls out.

CUT TO: Country road.

The car pulls away, jerking and spewing smoke from the exhaust.

Edso (voice off-camera): OK Kathleen, Kathleen you're going a bit too fast love.

Kathleen giggles: OK.

Edso (voice off-camera): Yeah just slow down just hit the brake.

CUT TO: Country road, another angle.

The car is driving along the road.

Edso: The brake Kathleen--

Kathleen: The brake?

Edso: Yeah yeah actually you know what? Pull in-- Pull in here Kathleen, pull in--

Kathleen: Wh-- Where?

Edso: Just pull in on the side here

The police car passes them coming from the other direction.

Kathleen exclaims: Oh!

Edso: Pull over to the left that's it. Now clutch and brake at the same time.

The police car stops.

CUT TO: Edso's car exterior.

View through the front windshield into the car. Kathleen is beaming.

Edso, glumly: Very good, great. Um--

Kathleen, excitedly: That was great!
She giggles.

Edso nods: Yeah I know, it's very exciting, I know. There's just a couple of things...

The police car pulls up behind them.

CUT TO: Passenger side window.

Edso: When you were coming into that bend, remember, when I say brake, you need to brake, remember A, B, C.

Kathleen: ABC, right, except it's-- it's BCA--

Edso looks at the side rear view mirror: Uh-oh.
Frankie's reflection is visible in Edso's window. He unrolls his window: Just let me give the talk.
He smiles at Frankie: Hello, guard.

Frankie kneels down next to the passenger side, talks through the open window, friendly: Hello.
She looks over toward Kathleen: Never seen you behind the wheel before, Kathleen.

Kathleen, proudly: Edso's teaching me to drive.

Frankie raises her eyebrows at Edso: You qualified as an instructor, Mr. Dan.

Kathleen looks at Edso with a slight frown.

Edso, slightly worried: Don't have to be, do I?

Frankie looks toward the back of the car, then back at Edso: Are you insured for learning drivers?

Edso, not entirely convincingly: Oh yeah, of course yeah.

Frankie: When I ask to see your documents, be sure you are.
She looks at Kathleen: Now Kathleen, be careful. Especially on roads like this with no markings.

Kathleen nods slightly, looks worried, looks out through the front windscreen.

Frankie: Be sure and stay on the right side.
She stands up, turns to go.

Kathleen: He told me to drive on the left.

Frankie kneels down again, pauses: Yes, you do, drive on the left.

Kathleen, politely: You said stay on the right.

Frankie: I meant right as in correct.

Kathleen, annoyed: If it's incorrect why tell me?

Frankie, emotionless: Have a nice day Kathleen.
She stands up and leaves.

Kathleen: Sometimes I wonder about her.
She puts her finger to her temple. Suddenly brightly: Right. What's next?
She beams at Edso.

Edso stares ahead.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Siobhan, Brendan, Donal and Liam are at the bar. Paul is behind the bar, talking on the phone.

Paul: Yeah thanks a lot bye! Bye.
He hangs up the phone. He is holding a colorful magazine in his hand. He steps over to the bar, where Oonagh is drying glasses, and drops the magazine on the bar.

Paul: They're sending a top angling club to check the facilities. It'll be great publicity.
He starts turning pages in the magazine.

Brendan: There's a whiff of unfettered exploitation in this establishment.
He looks around at Siobhan, Donal and Liam.

Liam is looking through a magazine: Yeah I don't think your man Corcoran would look kindly on it.

Siobhan closes the magazine in front of her: He certainly would not.

Donal: It's all enterprise.
He stands up, walks behind Siobhan toward the toilets.

Paul: What's wrong with making a few shillings?

Brendan: It was very eerie the other night you know. The thunder and the lightning. As if the spirits sensed that something was about to happen.

Paul walks over toward Brendan: Brendan...You're an educated man.
He stops in front of Brendan, leans on the bar, looks Brendan in the eye: Don't tell me you believe in all this nonsense.

Brendan looks Paul in the eye: When the landlord started using the fishing, he ended up in an asylum. And THAT is not nonsense.

Paul look uninterested, turns away.

Brendan points a bar coaster at Paul: That is a fact.

Liam puts in his two cents: Can't be denied.

Siobhan: Chilling. I'd be concerned meself.

Paul, dismissively: Right.

Liam: Is nothing wrong with the plumbing Paul?

We hear a clanking sound.

Paul, impatiently: No. Why?

We hear more clanking.

Liam points toward the toilet, urgently: Listen.

Brendan, mock seriously: Oh my God.

Siobhan, emotionless: Like a soul in torment, struggling to be free.

Paul: Right.
He starts walking toward the toilets: Well.
He stops next to Siobhan: His trouble's over.
He walks to the toilet, opens the door.

Siobhan, Brendan and Liam snicker into their beer.

CUT TO: Toilet.

Paul is holding the door open. Donal is standing inside, hammer in hand.

Paul: Out. Ya eejit.

The three at the bar laugh.

Donal drops the hammer, walks out of the toilet.

Camera pan back to bar.

Donal laughs as he joins the other three at the bar.

Paul, annoyed: Take a lot more than you knocking on a few pipes to ?? me.

A picture on the wall behind Siobhan crashes to the floor. The glass shatters. Everybody stops laughing, looks at the picture. Then they all look at Paul, stunned.

SCENE: Night. BallyK street.

Liam and Donal are walking along the street.

Liam, tiredly: Would you stop going on about it.

Donal, ominously: It was a sign. I don't like it Liam.

Liam: Give over! Sure that plaque ?? was ancient.

They turn off the street onto a path through the woods.

Donal: Still don't like it. Me granddad's trousers, Brendan's bag, and now things dropping off the walls...
He stops and looks around: Liam?
He is alone on the path, warily: All right now stop the messing.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Paul closes and bolts the door. He walks over to the shattered picture. He hears a sound. He turns around, started. Oonagh appears from the shadows near the kitchen, wearing a long white negligee.

Oonagh: You coming to bed or what?

Paul snaps: Don't be sneaking up on me like that!

Oonagh, snippily: Please yourself!
She turns and leaves.

Paul watches her leave. We hear a door slam. Paul winces. He looks disgusted with himself.

SCENE: Night. Woods.

Donal is alone. He looks around nervously, starts walking down the path, turning around as he goes: Liam? Liam don't mess about where are you?

Liam, in a long, drawn out, spooky wail, as if from very far away: Do-
naaaal! Donal Do-her-tyyyyy!

Donal, nervously: Liam?
He takes a few steps forward, anxiously: Liam? Liam?

Liam jumps out and grabs Donal by the neck. They both yell.

Liam laughs uproariously in Donal's face.

Donal shouts: That's not funny!

Liam: Look at your face!
He laughs some more: Oh for God's sake. Only fairy stories.

They start walking down the path again.

Donal hits Liam on the shoulder: No smoke without fire! Everyone knows someone, who knows someone, who's seen a spirit walk abroad.

Liam: Right abroad you mean. The fellow was a highway man.

We hear the clip-clop of a horse.

Donal and Liam stop.

Donal: What's that?

Liam: Sh sh sh.
He raises his hand. He looks around.

Donal takes a couple of steps forward. Something is hanging from the tree right in front of him. He sees it and yells. Liam turns around and yells, too. A poorly constructed life-sized doll, something like a scarecrow, drops down from the tree on a rope and lands on the ground in front of them. Donal and Liam turn tail and run back up the path.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Edso's garage exterior.

Avril's traveling horse box drives up next to the diesel pump and stops. Avril jumps down from the cab, gives Edso a big smile.

Edso puts the hose into Avril's tank: Still running OK?

Avril: Like a bird on the wing.
She stands next to Edso: No problem at all.

Edso: So, humble mechanics do have their uses, huh.

Avril: Indeed they do. There's a great skill in being able to...
She nods toward the gas tank, looks around toward the cab, gestures at the cab, looks back at Edso, smiles in embarrassment because she can't find the right words.

Edso suggests: Strip an engine?

Avril, relieved: Strip an engine.

Edso looks toward the garage building, sighs, then looks back at Avril.

Avril leans against the trailer, looks over at the building, curiously: So um, how much do I owe you?
She looks at Edso, looks down, pulls out some money from her pocket, starts to count it off.

Edso: You know...

Avril looks at Edso expectantly.

Edso: You have the most beautiful eyes.

Avril looks very embarrassed, smiles nervously: Oh.

Edso looks down, can't believe he said that.

Avril looks down, pushes her hair behind her ear.

Edso: I bet you heard that a million times before right?

They both giggle nervously.

Avril leans against the trailer, looks down, glances at Edso, can barely look him in the eye: Listen, Edso. We don't really know each other that well, you know.

Edso: Yeah, I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
He looks down.

Avril: No I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--

Edso: No no no, sure, sure.
He leans over, takes the diesel hose out of the tank, returns it to the pump.

We hear a beeping noise.

Edso smiles, inclines his head toward the building: That must be the phone. I'll go-- Erm, I'll stick that on your account, OK?
He points toward the money in Avril's hand, leaves in the direction of the building.

Avril, still embarrassed: OK.
Once he is gone, Avril closes her eyes, leans her head back, winces: Ooh.
She turns to get back into the cab.

SCENE: Daytime. Woods.

Fisheye shot as seen through the eyes of someone moving through the woods. Sound of heavy breathing. The fisheye sees the path where Donal and Liam got scared.

Donal (voice off-camera): Horse's hooves...

The fisheye swings around to see Liam, Donal, Frankie and Fr Vincent standing on the path.

Donal points up at a tree: ...and then there he was, dangling. Then snap. The branch broke.
He points toward the branch in Fr Vincent's hands.

CUT TO: Regular camera.

Fr Vincent: Quite a heavy ghost then.
He tosses the branch aside.

Liam: Donal panicked and ran.

Donal looks at Liam in disbelief.

Liam, in all seriousness: And, I slowly followed.

Frankie seems to be exasperated: It was pitch dark. Tell me again, what exactly did you see?

Liam opens and closes his mouth.

Donal looks down: It's hard to describe.
He looks at Frankie: It's more of a feeling really.

Liam nods immediately in agreement: Mm-hm.

Donal: Scary as hell.

Liam: Mm-hm.

Fr Vincent: Did you actually see something or not?

Donal and Liam talk at once.
Donal: Oh yeah I saw-- There was definitely--
Liam: Not clearly no but-- It was dark you know--

Frankie: Sounds like a trick of the light to me.

Donal: I definitely heard hooves.

Fr Vincent sighs: Well sometimes your eyes can play tricks on you. I think Guard Sullivan's probably right.

Frankie: Leave it with me.

Donal and Liam look disappointed. They walk away up the path, muttering.

Donal: What'd'ya mean panicked and ran away?

Liam: Just a figure of speech.

Frankie turns to Fr Vincent, indignantly: PROBABLY right?

Fr Vincent looks around up at the trees: Whatever happened here, did genuinely frighten them.

Frankie scoffs: Ghost stories in the pub, few drinks, dark woods, scary shadows.
She turns and starts walking up the path: Remind me Father, what is the Church's current position on ghosts and spirits?

Fr Vincent walks next to Frankie, his hands in his trouser pockets: Well Frankie, the Church's position hasn't changed.

They walk on in silence.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Fitzgerald's exterior.

Long shot. A photographer is standing in the street outside Fitzgerald's. A woman comes out of the pub and walks toward him. Paul and Oonagh also come out of the pub. Paul is carrying a large fish hanging from a hook.

Paul: Kay now so where do you want the trout.

The woman stands next to the cameraman, points up at the Fitzgerald's sign: You ?? in there? That enough light?

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's exterior, closeup.

Paul and Oonagh are standing next to each other, beaming. Paul holds up the fish by the hook in its mouth. Oonagh chuckles.

Paul: There you go. Now look at that.

The photographer takes a picture.

Paul walks toward the woman: Listen I've got some fishing brochures. Eh...knocked up with the computer if you want more detail.

The woman looks at her watch, smiles politely: Erm...

Paul: And eh maybe a drink on the house.
He looks hopefully at the woman.

Woman, reluctantly: OK.

Paul leads the woman back into the pub. Oonagh leads the photographer back in. They all smile at each other.

SCENE: Fitzterald's interior.

Donal is drilling a very, very long screw into the wall where the picture fell down before. Liam is standing next to him, turns away from the noise of the drill.

CUT TO: Bar.

Several fishing brochures are lying on the bar top. They read "FITZGERALD'S OF BALLYKISSANGEL -- FISHING TOURS' and sport a picture of a fish. The woman is sitting on a stool. Paul serves her a very small drink.

Woman: Thank you.

Paul: Oh.
He puts a brochure and a small dish next to her, possibly with nuts in it: Thank YOU.

The woman smiles, picks up her drink, stands up, looks around the pub, appreciatively: Nice bar.
She walks toward where Liam and Donal are working: Not taking any risks with that.

Donal, ominously: Oh we're not taking any chances. Not with Corcoran about. Haunting the place.

Paul gives Donal a look that says he should shut up.

Woman looks around, disbelievingly: This pub is haunted?

Oonagh, reassuringly: Not at all. He's having you on.

Paul shakes his head and smiles.

Donal calls out: I know what I know.

Woman, interested: Er...What name did you say?

Donal: Donal. Donal Doherty.
He turns back to his drilling.

Liam, to Donal: Eejit.
He turns to the woman: Finnbar Corcoran.

Paul: Now don't be listening to them Mary, it's a whole bit of nonsense.

Mary smiles excitedly at Paul: Scale of one to ten, ghosts get better coverage than the fish.

Paul looks very interested, but manages to keep his voice nonchalant: Is that a fact?

Mary nods with her mouth open.

Paul steps closer to Mary, makes like he's pained to admit it: Well, then, yes, actually...

Oonagh rolls her eyes.

Paul: The old place is haunted I'm afraid.

Mary: Er, how often does he appear?
She steps away from the bar, turns around to look at Donal and Liam.

Liam adjusts the picture on the wall.

Donal: Oh we saw him last night.

Liam turns around, looks at Mary matter-of-factly.

Mary: You saw him personally?

Liam nods slightly.

Mary: Dan...
She turns toward the photographer.

Dan looks at Mary, puts down his espresso cup.

Mary: Let's have some pickies.

Dan walks over to Liam and Donal, holds up his camera.

Liam moves the ladder away that Donal was using. Liam and Donal pose in front of the picture, their arms on each other's shoulders.

Dan snaps a picture.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Edso's garage exterior.

Fr Mac's car is out in front of the garage with the hood up. Edso and Fr Mac are standing in front of it.

Edso: Not good news Father.

Fr Mac: When was it ever good news in a garage?

Edso nods sympathetically, wipes his hands on a rag: I have to stick her on the ramp, let you know in the morning. I might have to take the head off.

Fr Mac: That sounds a bit drastic.

Kathleen approaches, a newspaper clutched to her chest.

Fr Mac: Sure you know what you're doing?

Kathleen: Trust him Father. There's not much this man doesn't know about cars.

Edso smiles at Kathleen: Hey Kathleen. Listen I'll be with you in a minute OK?
He points at her then walks away.

Kathleen: Take your time.
She unfolds the newspaper, shows it to Fr Mac, amazed: Seen this Father?

CUT TO: Newspaper.

The newspaper, the Wicklow People, has a headline that reads "Fishy going on in Ballyk bar" and a picture of Liam and Donal posed in the pub. The supertitle reads "Paintings go bump in the night and a ghostly highway man hangs in the woods". The text of the article is too small for me to make out.

Fr Mac: Fishy goings on in BallyK bar?

SCENE: Priest's house.

Fr Vincent is standing, holding the same newspaper. He shakes it out to straighten it. He starts slowly walking forward.

Fr Vincent: Erm...paintings go bump in the night, ghostly highwayman hangs in the woods.
He chuckles, sees something in the text of the article, stops next to Fr Mac, folds the newspaper and brings it closer to his face: We were petrified said a shaken Donal Doherty.
He pronounces it "DOH-nal DOH-erty".

Fr Mac: DAW-herty.

Fr Vincent: They ended up calling in the gardai...
He glances at Fr Mac, probably to make sure he got the pronunciation right (he did: gar-DEE).
He continues: ...and the local...priest.
He falters on the word priest, pauses, then reads his name: Vince Sheahan...to investigate.
He pronounces it "Shayne".

Fr Mac stares stiffly ahead, indignantly: Vince Shayne? Sounds like a fifties pop star.

Fr Vincent looks at Fr Mac, musters him, gives him a superior look which Fr Mac doesn't see because he is still staring straight ahead. Fr Vincent turns back to the newspaper.

SCENE: Frankie's office interior.

Frankie is sitting at her desk, reading the same newspaper.

Frankie: The gardai...could offer no credible explanation.
She lowers the paper, disgusted.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Paul is cleaning up, places four empty glasses on the bar top. Brendan and Donal are at the bar.

Brendan reads from the newspaper spread out on the bar top in front of him: The drinkers at Fitzgerald's...find that the spirits are not confined to the optics.

Donal leans over to look at the newspaper: Belter eh?
(I can't make out what he really said.)

Paul goes around behind the bar: That'll put us on the map.

Louis pops up from where he was sitting at a table behind Brendan, gestures around with his empty glass: You're playing with fire Louis.
He walks around to the front of the bar: Meddling with forces you don't understand. Your time will come, make no mistake.
He puts his empty glass on the bar: Your time will come. Another pint there.
He walks away.

Paul pulls another beer.

Brendan: I wouldn't be too cavalier about that if I was you Paul.

Paul: I know a wind up when I see one.

We hear a door close.

Paul: I'm just joining in the joke.

Donal frowns: It was no joke. Terrifying it was.
He looks down: I'll never forget it.

The outer door opens, Liam comes in, excited: Out here, quick! The most frightening sight, you'll ever see in your life.

Paul looks dubious, puts his hands on his hips.

Liam: Kathleen Hendley behind the wheel of a car!
He laughs.

Donal runs out.

Brendan looks peeved, flips the page of the newspaper over.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's exterior.

Liam and Donal run out, stand in front of the pub, looking down the street.

CUT TO: Daytime. Sunny. BallyK street.

Edso's blue car weaves down the road.

Kathleen, happily (voice off-camera): Marvelous!

Edso, calmly (voice off-camera): OK, stay on the left Kathleen.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Kathleen is driving, Edso is in the passenger's seat.

Edso is sweating, shouts: Brake Kathleen, brake, brake!

CUT TO: BallyK street.

The car jerks and weaves from one side of the street to the other.

Edso, anxiously (voice off-camera): Go in the middle, more...

CUT TO: Car interior.

Edso looks very nervous: More!

Kathleen gives a little scream.

Edso puts his hand up as if to brace himself for a crash.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's exterior.

Liam, Paul, Donal, and several extras are watching the proceedings. They are laughing.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Edso looks alarmed, shouts: ?? car! Brake!
He ducks down below the dashboard.

CUT TO: BallyK street.

The car swerves onto the sidewalk, runs into a trash bin, screeches to a halt across the street from Fitzgerald's.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Kathleen and Edso bounce back against their seats. Edso is covered in sweat, looks stunned. Kathleen looks relieved. We can hear applause and cheers.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's exterior.

The crowd is laughing and applauding.

Liam leans over to Donal: ?? give lessons driving a dinky car.

Donal gives Kathleen and/or Edso the thumbs-up.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Kathleen, proudly: How was that Edso?
She can barely contain her smile.

We can still hear the laughter from outside.

Edso looks straight ahead, slowly, stunned: Well, there's just one or two things, we need to go over Kathleen.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's exterior.

The crowd goes back inside.

SCENE: Priest's house interior.

Fr Vincent carries a tray with tea things into the dining room: Come on Father it's the silly season. Typical bit of press nonsense.

Fr Mac is sitting at the table, holding the newspaper: You wouldn't have been mentioned at all, if you hadn't been with Guard Sullivan to investigate.

Fr Vincent puts the tray down onto the table, sits down next to Fr Mac. He pours a cup of tea: Well Donal and Liam seemed genuinely shaken. He looks at Fr Mac, gently: And they are my parishioners.

Fr Mac frowns, looks at Fr Vincent: Did you realize that the ghost stuff was tied in with the fishing rights when you decided to back Dooley?

Fr Vincent, defensively: No. Of course not.

Fr Mac regards Fr Vincent: I'd keep my head down if I were you. Distance yourself from all this.
He drops the newspaper onto the table.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

The bar is crowded. Several anglers walk in through the hotel entrance.

Paul is over by the bar: Ha! Gentlemen!
He walks over to the anglers, rubbing his hands together: Welcome to Fitzgerald's. What'll it be lads?

Angler, who bears a passing resemblance to Sean Connery as Indiana Jones's father: Oh nothing for us. We'll just drop our things off.

Some anglers are putting their equipment down next to the stairs.

Paul: Ah no we're just about to serve lunch...
He reaches for a menu: At very reasonable prices.

Angler/Connery: We've brought along sandwiches and six-packs. We're here to fish.

Paul: Ah ha.
He puts down the menu, tensely: Excellent.
He walks away.

Oonagh is standing there now, too, smiles at the anglers: Would you like to sign the register?

SCENE: Paul's car interior.

Paul has a chain with a padlock on it and a sign on the seat next to him. He smiles smugly to himself.

CUT TO: Country road.

Paul's car is driving slowly along a country road. He pulls over to the right side and stops.

CUT TO: Woods.

Fisheye is moving through the woods again. Fisheye spots Paul and stops. Paul walks away, not having seen Fisheye.

SCENE: BallyK road.

Brendan is cycling along the road toward a gate with his fishing bag slung over his shoulder. The gate is padlocked. Brendan stops in front of the gate.

CUT TO: Bridge.

Paul walks along a bridge, stops in the middle, leans over the railing to talk to some anglers down by the river: How's it going then?

Angler/Connery: Nothing stirring.

Paul nods in a friendly way.

CUT TO: Gate.

Brendan is leaning on the gate, calls politely: Paul...

CUT TO: Bridge.

Paul turns around, sees Brendan, walks over to him: Brendan.

CUT TO: Gate.

Brendan looks down at the padlock on the gate.

Paul arrives: You've got your pass then.

Brendan: My what?

Paul: Fishing pass.

Brendan chuckles in disbelief: You must be joking.

Paul shakes his head, calmly: Well these men have paid good money, it's only fair Brendan.

Brendan: What you expect me to pay as well?

Paul: You can get one at the bar.

Brendan, reasonably: But I already put good money across the bar.

Paul, regretfully: Rules are rules Brendan.

Brendan looks down, then back at Paul, disappointed, quietly: True Paul. Sometimes they're meant to be broken.

Paul looks like he wonders what Brendan is up to.

Brendan gives Paul a small sneaky smile, pedals away.

Paul turns around and walks back to the bridge.

SCENE: Daytime. Sunny. BallyK street outside Fitzgerald's.

A television reporter is standing in the street, holding a microphone and talking at a camera.

Reporter: By day the clatter of horse's hooves is rarely heard nowadays in this small peaceful town. But by night, does a ghostly highwayman ride these silent streets? Well the locals say that he does.

Frankie appears in the background, looking at a large gray van which is parked across the street behind the reporter.

Reporter continues: The spirit of Finnbar Corcoran has come back for one more for the road...
He turns to glance at Fitzgerald's, then turns back to the camera: ...at his favorite watering hole. Cut. He looks exasperated: I don't believe this.
He turns back around, watches Frankie as she proceeds to write out a parking ticket. He sighs.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Oonagh is behind the bar. Mary, Liam and Donal are at the usual end of the bar. There are some extras at the other end.

Paul steps up next to Oonagh, addresses the extras, briskly: Right folks, what's it gonna be, round of spirits is it?
He chuckles. Oonagh looks at him appreciatively. He walks to the middle of the bar.

Woman (voice off-screen): How long's the bar been haunted?

Paul addresses the extras: Oh about two hundred years, your man used to use this place as his hangout.

In the background, Mary, Liam and Donal go over to a table in the back and sit down together. Camera pans to follow them and reveals Louis, sitting at another table off to the side by himself, looking dour.

Paul: We serve special drinks to celebrate his memory, like this. Try a Finnbar's Fizzer.

Louis lowers his drink, looks like he has indigestion.

Paul: It's a highwayman's cocktail. One of these and you need to be held up.
We hear chuckles.

CUT TO: Side table.

Brendan, Liam, Donal, and Mary are sitting around a table together.

Brendan lectures: Bit like a Robin Hood character. Stole from the rich and gave to the poor.

Liam: Makes more sense to steal from the rich.
He nods: Poor have no money.
He laughs.

The others laugh, too.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's lounge interior.

The TV reporter is talking to Grainne and Dermot. The TV camera is set up in front of them.

Reporter, to the camerman: Running?
He turns to Grainne and Dermot: Kay. Now. You youngsters live here, you must know a lot about Finnbar Corcoran, huh?
He gives them a toothy grin.

Grainne looks down.

Dermot: No. But I know a man who does.
He looks over at Louis.

The reporter frowns, turns around to see whom Dermot is looking at.

CUT TO: Louis.

Louis is sitting alone at his table, reaching into his jacket for something, or perhaps just to scratch himself.

CUT TO: Lobby.

The reporter quickly goes over to Louis, to cameraman: Let's get this.

The cameraman follows him.

Camera pull back to show the reporter walking to Louis's table and sitting down.

The reporter sits down across from Louis, brightly: Er hi, er, Steven James, eyewitness.

The cameraman kneels down next to Steven to get a shot of Louis.

Stevan: I believe you're the local expert on the legend.

Louis screws up his face and spits: ?? Just stole-- stole my cottage, just stole it. I know he's trying to exploit-- exploit my ancestors.

Steven looks taken aback.

Louis points at the camera: ?? this television do you know that. It's a disgrace. Exploit my ancestors. Disgrace. Just don't just don't ??.

Steven turns around, looks at Dermot. Dermot nods as if to confirm what Louis said.

CUT TO: Side table.

Mary: So you blame Paul Dooley for claiming the owner's rights to the fishing.

Brendan, seriously: Yes. Absolutely.

Liam turns to Brendan: In fairness Brendan, Dooley doesn't own the place.

Mary: No?

Donal leans over to Mary, helpfully: Father Sheahan bought it.
He pronounces the name "SHEE-han".

Mary leans over to Donal, incredulously: Father Sheahan...the local priest actually owns this pub?

Liam nods.

SCENE: Street outside Fitzgerald's.

Frankie is still writing up illegally parked vehicles. Fr Vincent walks along the sidewalk toward Frankie. Frankie glances behind her and sees Fr Vincent.

Frankie: Great way to drum up business Father.

Fr Vincent: Nothing to do with me.

Frankie: Oh I heard wrong then. You didn't have the casting vote that started all this nonsense.

Fr Vincent walks into Fitzgerald's. Frankie rips the ticket out of her book and places it under the car's windshield wiper.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's interior.

Fr Vincent can barely open the door for the crowd. He squeezes in, looks around. He walks toward the bar: Oonagh...

Mary approaches from behind, smiles: Hi Father, ah, Mary O'Shea, the Wicklow People?
She holds out her hand for him to shake.

Fr Vincent shakes her hand, gives her a small smile: Vince Sheahan, how you doing.
He looks around for Oonagh some more.

Mary: I gather you're the owner here, great story, priest owns haunted pub.

Fr Vincent gives her a bigger smile: I'm ah-- I'm actually looking for someone.
He gestures around with his finger and looks around again.

Mary presses on: Ah, how does a priest with a pub feel about having ghosts in his bar?

Fr Vincent's smile disappears: On balance I prefer their company to journalists' excuse me.
He smiles dismissively, leans over the bar, urgently: Oonagh, Oonagh! Where's Paul?

Mary walks away.

Oonagh, irritated: I'll tell you where he is.

SCENE: Daytime. Cloudy. Path next to the river.

Paul is being interviewed by Steven James next to the river.

Paul leans on the fence, talks into the camera: Well with the...good food the quality beer and the great fishing...

Steven looks bored.

Paul: ...it's not surprising that the bogeymen want to use Fitzgerald's as their local haunt.

Fr Vincent comes into view walking toward the group.

Paul: In fact there's a great story actually--

Steven spots Fr Vincent, quickly leans over, taps Paul on the shoulder, smiles engagingly: Ah listen ah, thanks very much Paul, we'll let you get back to serving your two spirits.
He gestures to the cameraman: Come on.
They rush over to Fr Vincent.

Paul, lamely: It's a very good story, very short--

Steven: Ah Father Sheahan, Father Sheahan! Listen, if we could just have a word.

Fr Vincent stops: You can have two, but as I'm a priest, don't tempt me.
He smiles tightly at Steven, turns to Paul: Paul.

Paul nods to Steven: Excuse us.

Paul and Fr Vincent leave.

Steven steps in front of the camera: Well as you can see Father Sheahan was very busy--

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Meadow.

Grainne is riding a horse across a meadow. Avril is leading the horse.

Grainne: Do you think I'll ever be able to take her on my own?

Avril: Maybe. But I'd feel better being with you.

Camera pan over to road.

Edso's blue car is jerking down the road.

Edso (voice off-camera): Well you-- you seem to be getting the hang of it now Kathleen. So I'll tell you what, why don't you just pull over for me now OK?

CUT TO: Car exterior.

The car slowly pulls off the road.

CUT TO: Car interior.

The car stops. Kathleen is beaming. Edso looks tired. He sighs, looks out Kathleen's window. Kathleen turns to see what he is looking at.

CUT TO: Meadow.

Avril is standing in front of the horse, holding its head. Grainne is sitting on the horse's back.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Kathleen realizes what is going on, looks out in front, conversationally: Nice spot, isn't it.

Edso, dreamily, still watching Avril: It's not bad, yeah.

Kathleen: Choose it for the view?

Edso looks at Kathleen, then back at Avril, then hangs his head and smiles, abashed.

Kathleen, understandingly: I was young once myself.
She looks at Edso: You have a bit of a shine for her, haven't you?

Edso looks away: Nah, no way.

Kathleen: She'd be a lucky girl to have you.

Edso looks at Kathleen, hopefully: Think so?
He shakes his head: Aah. She doesn't want me, Kathleen.
He looks away: At least...
He looks at Kathleen: The thing is, I never know where I am with her. She doesn't fall for the usual...
He flaps his fingers in an imitation of someone talking: You know.

They both look out the passenger side window.

CUT TO: Meadow.

Avril walks away, leading the horse with Grainne.

Kathleen (voice off-screen): She's a challenge Edso.

Edso, in agreement (voice off-screen): Heh.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Edso is nodding his head, looking out the front windscreen.

Kathleen turns to Edso: You're good at those.

Edso turns toward Kathleen, smiles: Oh yeah?

Kathleen changes the subject: What's next?
She looks around: Five point turn did you say?
She grins, starts the engine.

Edso, gamely: Well we'll have a go Kathleen, we'll have a go.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Stables exterior.

Avril is leading the horse with Grainne into the yard.

Grainne: So will it be a race horse then?

Avril: Aah, more a cart horse really. Belongs to a friend. You can have her. Whoa.
She stops, pats the horse, helps Grainne down: There we go. OK.

Grainne: Well he's beautiful.

Avril chuckles, pulls the reins around over the horse's head into the front: Hey you need a lift home?

Grainne: Ah no. I'm cool.

Avril: OK.

Grainne: Hey, here. I'll take her.
She takes the reins from Avril's hand.

Avril: Oh OK.

Grainne: See you tomorrow.
She walks away, leading the horse.

Avril steps back: See you tomorrow.
She watches them walk toward the stables, then goes to her apartment.

CUT TO: Yard.

Grainne is walking with the horse, looks back toward Avril, walks the horse away from the open stall.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Oonagh is at the bar. Louis is sitting at a table off to the side. She brings something to Louis.

Fr Vincent lifts a chair and carries it toward the lounge: You're turning this place into a circus Paul.

Paul follows Fr Vincent.

Fr Vincent: It's not what we had in mind when we agreed to the fishing.

CUT TO: Lounge.

Brendan, Liam, Donal, Dr. Ryan, Fr Vincent, and Paul sit down.

Brendan, reproachfully: Didn't I tell you what he'd be like.

Paul: Would you listen to him. He mimics Brendan: ?? Me bag of fish has disappeared.

Donal chuckles.

Liam reminds Paul: It's you making the money. Regulars couldn't park the car never mind get to the bar.
He inclines his head toward the bar.

Paul: Here I thought the idea was to make money for your trust.

Dr. Ryan: The trust does not condone vulgar exploitation.

Donal, superiorly: Hear hear. Well said.

Fr Vincent looks impatiently at the others.

Liam, condescendingly: You're not even on the trust, Donal.

Donal makes a lah-dee-dah face.

Fr Vincent: Now I ask that everyone lays off this whole ghost thing.

Paul: Well don't blame me, it was Donal who spilled the beans there.
He gestures toward Donal.

Donal rolls his eyes.

Liam: You were happy to cash in I noticed.

Fr Vincent looks at Liam: To some people the spirit world is no laughing matter. He looks around at the others: Now if anyone's playing games here or knows of anyone that is, they should drop it now.

Donal looks at Fr Vincent, seriously: What if it's not a game?
He glances at Liam then back at Fr Vincent: If it actually was Corcoran's ghost we saw.

Liam looks thoughtful.

SCENE: Evening. Woods.

Edso walks around the blue car to the driver's side: Better if I take us back Kathleen. He gets in.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Kathleen is sitting on the passenger's side.

Edso sits down, pulls the seat belt across his chest: It'll be quicker.
He looks at Kathleen: You don't mind do you?
He buckles his seat belt and starts the engine.

Kathleen looks disappointed.

Edso: See the thing is, I actually like women. I mean, I don't just fancy them.
He looks at Kathleen, then he looks away: A lot of men...love their women.
He shakes his head, looks at Kathleen: Doesn't mean they like 'em. Jeez am I boring you?

Kathleen smiles warmly: Oh, you could never do that, Edso.

Edso, gratefully: Thanks Kathleen.
He puts the car into motion.

CUT TO: Car exterior.

The car rolls along a dark little road in the middle of the woods.

CUT TO: Woods.

Fisheye is in the woods. Sound of horse's hooves and heavy breathing, reminiscent of Darth Vader.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Edso is driving, Kathleen is in the passenger's seat.

Edso: Thing I don't understand is, why when I'm near her, WHY do I make such an eejit out of myself?
He glances at Kathleen, mocks his own words which he said to Avril earlier: You've got beautiful eyes.
He hits himself on the forehead with his open palm: Duh! I don't know Kathleen, I mean maybe--

CUT TO: Windscreen.

Shot of the road as seen through the windscreen. A horse gallops across the road from right to left.

Kathleen shouts: Stop!

The horse, with a dark little rider atop it, gallops into the woods on the other side. Edso and Kathleen watch it, stunned.

CUT TO: Car interior.

Kathleen turns slowly to Edso, whispers, scared: What in the name of God was that?

They both face forward and stare straight ahead.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Oonagh approaches the group of men sitting in the lounge. They are talking quietly amongst themselves, we can't hear what they are saying.

Oonagh walks into their midst, puts something onto the mantelpiece, walks toward the stairs. When she passes Paul, she puts her hand on his arm, says quietly: Thanks for all the help Paul.

The men continue talking.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's hallway interior.

Oonagh is upstairs. She walks to a door, opens it. It is dark inside. She pauses, hears a sound. It sounds something like clip-clopping. She turns, listens, walks out of the room, continues down the hall.

CUT TO: Room interior.

The room is dark. Oonagh opens the door. She tries the light switch several times, but the light does not come on. She goes over to the window and looks out. Something flies past her head. She cries out, raises both hands to her head. She screams, tries to brush away whatever is flying around. It looks like a bird on a string.

Oonagh screams: Paul! Aaaaghh!

CUT TO: Lounge.

Camera is up on the landing of the stairs, looking down. The men are still sitting there. They hear Oonagh scream.

Oonagh (voice off-screen): Paul! Aaaaagh!

Paul jumps up and runs up the stairs. Fr Vincent is close behind him. Dr. Ryan gets up and follows them, too. Donal and Liam stand up, peer up the stairs. Brendan remains seated, looks up, concerned.

SCENE: Room interior.

The lights are on now. Dr. Ryan holds Oonagh by the shoulders, eases her into a chair: Easy, easy now Oonagh.

Oonagh looks stricken.

Dr. Ryan: Take deep breaths.

Oonagh: I heard the horse.

Paul is at the window, looking outside. He drops the curtain: There's no horse down there love.

Oonagh insists urgently: I heard it. And I felt something fly past me, it attacked me.
She looks at Fr Vincent: Father, I think the place really is haunted.

SCENE: Morning. Fr Mac's kitchen interior.

The radio is on. Fr Mac, dressed in a bathrobe, picks up the teapot from the stove. He sits down at the kitchen table, pours himself a cup of tea.

Radio announcer: Hey did you catch the story in the Cilldargan Times?
He makes his voice sound spooky: A haaaaunted pub in BallyK...
He changes to an Australian accent: ...run by an Australian priest, how about that, crikey!

(Once again, thanks to my baby, we have a lovely interlude from the show "Casualty," I believe. When we return...)

SCENE: BallyK church interior.

Fr Mac and Fr Vincent are standing up front near the altar.

Fr Vincent says something, then Fr Mac shakes his head in concern, responds: ...getting out of hand. Two more separate sightings last night.
He looks at Fr Vincent: We may have to do something to restore confidence.

Fr Vincent, reasonably: Sometimes it's better to take no action until it's clear what's really going on.

Fr Mac looks away.

SCENE: Hendley's interior.

Kathleen walks toward the counter, carrying a blue bottle: The cold light of day Edso. I've finally seen reality. She stands behind the counter, glances over at Edso, who is looking at a nearby rack: I'll never make a driver.

Donal is in the background, looking at the refrigerated foods.

Edso walks over to the counter: Ah no, it's only last night put you off.

Kathleen, decisively: No no. I've finished with it. Whatever it was we saw...
She looks at Edso, raises her eyebrows: I'm taking it as a sign. I'll drive no more.
She starts ringing up Edso's purchases.

Donal turns his head, looks at Kathleen, frowns.

Kathleen: I'll sell the car as soon as it's delivered.

Edso, resignedly: Whatever you think yourself Kathleen.

Kathleen smiles at Edso: Edso, if there's anyone around here has beautiful eyes, believe me, it's you.

Edso looks around, embarrassed: Ah go on now will you?

Kathleen: About Avril. Say less. Let those big blue beauties do the talking, right?

Edso sighs: Well, I'll give it a go.

Kathleen smiles in satisfaction, winks at Edso.

Edso: What do I owe you?

SCENE: BallyK church interior.

There are a few parishioners scattered among the pews, praying privately. Fr Mac and Fr Vincent are walking among the pews.

Fr Vincent: He was a South American Indian guy on Bomasingu River, and ah, out of the blue strange things started to happen around him. Neighbor's cattle died, crops failed. The tribe became convinced that he was possessed by devils. Eventually he was driven out into the jungle. They ritually speared him to death.

Fr Mac, with humour: Well I'm not...a great fan of Paul Dooley but, I don't think I'd quite advocate that.
He stops, faces Fr Vincent: It's a different culture you're speaking of.

Fr Vincent faces Fr Mac: Is it? He'd recently taken a wife. The witch doctor wanted the same woman. Now it seems to me that revenge is a common motive in every culture.

Fr Mac considers this, then asks: So who's our witch doctor then?

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Dr. Ryan, Brendan, Louis, Liam and Donal are at the end of the bar. Paul is behind the bar. The anglers are in the pub, too.

Angler/Connery: Not a single solitary bite in two days.

Paul distributes coasters along the length of the bar: Well I can't understand that. It's the most sought after salmon fishing for miles.

Brendan, meaningfully: Maybe the salmon and trout refuse to buy a pass as well.

Paul makes a face that says "Look at the wise guy".

Brendan walks away to a table.

Liam leans around Donal to call over to Edso, who is sitting at a side table: Hey Edso. I hear you're giving crash courses in how to become a driving instructor.
He laughs: I hear crash courses are your speciality!
He laughs some more. Donal laughs, too.

Edso makes a face that says "Ha ha, very funny."

SCENE: Daytime. Partly sunny. BallyK street.

The police car is driving along the street. It approaches Fr Vincent, who is strolling along the sidewalk, minding his own business. As the car pulls even with Fr Vincent, it honks. Fr Vincent looks at the car, stops.

Frankie gets out of the car: For a small village, you take some finding.
She walks around the front of the car to the sidewalk.

Fr Vincent: Just getting some air.

Frankie: Not out ghostbusting, then?

Fr Vincent: Now you're a rational sort of person. What do you make of these sightings?

Frankie looks around, then back at Fr Vincent: Is that meant to be a compliment?

Fr Vincent: Well aren't police officers rational beings?

Frankie leans against the car: I'm also a woman. Who are supposed to be instinctive rather than rational.

Fr Vincent: All right. What do your female instincts tell you?

Frankie: I'm not sure.

Fr Vincent: Any particular reason you were looking for me?

Frankie: Thought I'd see what's stirring in the woods. Do you want to come?

Fr Vincent, hopefully: Can we put the siren on?

Frankie, decisively: No, we cannot.
She walks around the front of the car to the driver's side.

Fr Vincent gets into the car on the passenger's side, smiling.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Woods.

Shot through the windshield out onto the road. The car is driving through the woods on the same road where Edso and Kathleen saw the horse the night before.

Fr Vincent: You don't know anyone who'd uh, hold a grudge, any old disputes?

CUT TO: Car exterior.

Frankie: Too many to list.

CUT TO: Windshield view.

A horse with a small dark rider dashes across the road from right to left in front of the car.

Frankie: Jeez what was that?

CUT TO: Road.

The horse disappears into the woods on the other side. The police car screeches to a halt. Fr Vincent gets out of the car.

CUT TO: Woods.

The horse is running through the woods.

CUT TO: Road.

We hear the horse whinny loudly. Fr Vincent closes the car door, runs into the woods.

CUT TO: Woods.

The horse is running through the woods.

CUT TO: Fisheye shot.

Fisheye is in the woods.

CUT TO: Woods.

Fr Vincent and Frankie run into the woods. The horse runs up an incline.

CUT TO: Fisheye shot.

Fisheye sees trees.

CUT TO: Woods.

Fr Vincent and Frankie run through the woods. The horse runs through the woods.

CUT TO: Fisheye shot.

Fisheye sees the path.

CUT TO: Woods.

Fr Vincent and Frankie run through the woods.

CUT TO: Fisheye shot.

Fisheye sees the horse and rider. The horse whinnies. The rider falls off. Fisheye goes over to the rider and unmasks her. It is Grainne, her face painted white.

Grainne looks up at Fisheye, calls out in fear: No! No!

Fisheye looks up, sees Fr Vincent and Frankie running onto the scene.

CUT TO: Woods.

Dermot, video camera in hand, is kneeling next to Grainne. Grainne sits up, sees Fr Vincent and Frankie.

Dermot: Uh oh.

The horse snorts.

Fr Vincent and Frankie reach Dermot and Grainne, give them superior looks. Dermot and Grainne look caught.

Dermot whispers to Grainne: I guess it's a wrap.

Grainne turns around to Dermot.

Fr Vincent and Frankie exchange a look.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's kitchen interior.

Frankie and Fr Vincent are standing by the door. Paul, Dermot and Grainne are on the other side of the kitchen.

The video that Dermot made is running on fast forward on a TV screen. Dermot points a remote control at the screen, turns it off.

Dermot, proudly: The Corcoran ghost project.

Grainne: Crap idea, crap title, crap director.
She directs her last remark at Dermot.

Oonagh, standing near Fr Vincent: Where'd you get the money for that?

Frankie picks up the video camera from the table, inspects it.

Dermot, impressed by his own cleverness: Seven day approval deal. Send it back once I've shot the movie.

Frankie folds her arms, addresses Grainne and Dermot: You two could be in serious trouble.

Paul: Just a bit of mischief. No real harm in it was there.

Frankie: Taking a horse without permission is theft.

Paul: They only borrowed the horse.

Frankie thinks she has a revelation: Your bright idea was it all this?

Paul squints his eyes: What?

Frankie: Grainne plays a ghost, frightens a few gullible people, Dermot makes a movie, all part of your haunted pub scam to drum up trade?

Paul, self assured: Load of nonsense.

Oonagh, horrified: My God, did you get my own children to frighten the life out of me?

Paul, defensively: In the name of God, woman, what do you think I am?

Oonagh: You know what I think YOU are.

Grainne pipes up: No Mom, we weren't here that evening. We had a night shoot.

Fr Vincent approaches Oonagh: They couldn't have been in here spooking you because they were out with the horse scaring Edso and Kathleen.
He smiles slightly at Dermot and Grainne: Right?

Dermot shakes his head, seriously: They ruined my closeup on the horse.

Paul, amused: There you are then. It wasn't the kids that frightened you.

Oonagh, wide-eyed: Then who, or what was it Paul?
She looks around: Because I'm still shaking.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Edso's garage exterior.

Liam's truck is parked outside Edso's garage. Liam opens the cab door and gets out. He walks toward the building.

Edso is under Fr Mac's car, calls out: Service out there sir I'll be with you in a minute.

Liam stops in front of the car, bends over, calls: That's Father Mac's car. Got a problem has he?

Edso calls out from under the car: Well if he has it's none of your business.

Liam laughs evilly, walks away.

SCENE: Hendley's interior.

Kathleen is carrying a big box toward the front of the store. Liam is standing at the magazine rack. He sees Kathleen pass by, puts the magazine back that he was looking at. He walks over to where she is stocking a shelf.

He nonchalantly picks an item off the shelf: Little feathered friend tells me you'll be selling your new mobile?

Kathleen eyes Liam suspiciously, pretends she didn't hear him: Is that the lot? Or will you be needing birdseed for Donal?
She walks over to the counter, puts the box down.

Liam follows her, leans over behind her, confidentially: I'll take it off your hands. Save you the bother of finding a buyer.

Kathleen looks interested.

Liam leans over even closer: Give you a fair price.

Kathleen turns to Liam, astonished: Cash up front?

Liam nods.

SCENE: Edso's garage exterior.

Through the front window, we can see Edso inside, on the phone. He puts the phone down, walks to the door, opens it, looks out. We can hear Avril's horse box pulling up, squeaking to a stop, rattling, and the engine turning off.

CUT TO: Gas pump.

Avril jumps down from the cab: Hey Ed. Just er...
She steps away from the truck, stands next to the gas pump, forced normalcy: Fill her up please.

Edso walks over to the pump, picks up the hose, puts it into the tank.

Avril: And I'll settle up with you. So? Not a bad sort of day is it?

Edso leans against the side of the trailer, looks at Avril in a friendly yet noncommital sort of way.

Avril comes over and leans against the trailer next to Edso: You been busy?

Edso sticks out his lower lip, nods his head from side to side to indicate "Sort of, not really."

Avril: Laryngitis, is it.

Edso: What?

Avril: No voice?

Edso shakes his head, nihilistically: Words. Who needs 'em. I'll get your bill.
He walks away.

Avril watches him, dumbfounded.

Fr Vincent's car pulls up, Fr Vincent gets out: Hey Avril.
He walks over to Avril.

CUT TO: Building exterior.

Edso looks back at Fr Vincent as he walks to the building.

CUT TO: Avril and Fr Vincent.

Avril, emphatically: You are a different species.

Fr Vincent: Referring to horses, clerics, or...Australians?
He gives Avril a winning smile.

Avril: Men! Odd isn't the word!

CUT TO: Building exterior.

Edso looks at Fr Vincent and Avril as he opens the door to the building.

CUT TO: Avril and Fr Vincent.

Avril: Care to enlighten me on your sex?

Fr Vincent, slightly embarrassed: Oh. Tough one.

Avril shakes her head and smiles.

Fr Vincent points toward his car: She'd uh...like to apologize about your horse.

CUT TO: Fr Vincent's car interior.

Grainne is in the passenger's seat, looking contrite.

CUT TO: Avril and Fr Vincent.

Avril looks from Fr Vincent to Grainne, taken aback.

CUT TO: Fr Vincent's car interior.

Grainne give Avril a small smile.

SCENE: Daytime. Partly sunny. Cilldargan church exterior.

Wide shot. Liam's truck is parked outside the church. A figure is visible entering the church.

CUT TO: Church interior.

Liam walks down the center aisle, removes his hat. His footsteps echo in the empty hall.

CUT TO: Pew.

Fr Mac is sitting alone in a pew near the front of the church. Liam sits down immediately behind him, looks around behind him, then leans forward and whispers: Father could I have a quick word?

Fr Mac turns around, sees Liam, pleasantly surprised: Oh of course.
He stands up. Liam stands up too. Fr Mac: Is there any reason why you can't confide in your own priest er...Father Sheahan?

Liam looks confused: No. Then Liam realizes what he means: No no it's-- it's not confession I'm seeking Father.
He looks down: No I um...
He looks at Fr Mac, seems nervous: Wanted a discreet chat about um--

Fr Mac, reassuringly: I'm a man of the world, Liam.

Liam blurts out: Motorcars, Father. Now I gather yours might be after some money.

Fr Mac starts walking up the aisle, admits: Well Edso did say that he had to take the head off that's as much as I know.

Liam accompanies him: Yeah well I've got a chance of a brand new one.
They both stop: Show room condition.
He opens a magazine that he has been carrying, shows Fr Mac a page and points at something on the page: I can cut you a deal.
He leans over to say in Fr Mac's ear: At less than show room prices.

Fr Mac points toward the back of the church: I think we should discuss this outside don't you?

Liam: Right.
They walk toward the back of the church.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's kitchen.

Oonagh takes something out of the oven, slams down the oven mitt on top of the stove: They didn't get the idea out of thin air.
She turns around and confronts Paul, who is standing in the middle of the kitchen holding a book open.

Paul protests: Oonagh I did not put them up to it.
He looks at the book.

Oonagh: Oh no but you're a lovely influence.

Paul closes the book, holds it at his side.

Oonagh: They saw you milking this ghost business and followed suit.

Paul walks out of the kitchen into the pub: Rubbish.

Oonagh follows him.

Paul walks behind the bar: Dermot never listens to a word I say.

Oonagh throws a glance over toward the lounge, tries to keep her voice down: Inviting the press here, pouncing around on television.

Paul tries to defend himself: Now Oonagh--

Oonagh continues: It's no wonder they walk the rails with you for a role model.

Customer at the bar holds up his empty glass: Same again.

Paul looks at the customer, friendly: Oh Ned.
He looks at Oonagh: Oonagh...
He nods at Ned: Ned.

Oonagh looks at Ned.

Paul greets someone in the lounge: How's it going lads?

CUT TO: Lounge.

The anglers are coming in with all their gear.

CUT TO: Bar.

Oonagh silently takes Ned's glass, refills it.

Angler/Connery (voice off-screen): You could die of old age before you found a fish in that river.

CUT TO: Lounge.

Paul: Can't understand it normally they're leaping out at you.

Angler/Connery walks toward the stairs: Perhaps the ghost show I was on about it scared them away at least that's what the big fellow says.
He gestures over his shoulder.

The other anglers start going upstairs.

Paul follows the anglers to the foot of the stairs: Now let's get this straight there was no ghost all right? There never was. Just a harmless bit of fun.

The anglers file upstairs.

Paul: What big fellow?

Angler/Connery mutters: I'm not crazy about the beer either.

Oonagh walks past Paul, snippily: Which could do with changing by the way.
She follows the anglers upstairs.

Paul mutters to himself: Big fellow...
He walks toward the bar, realizes: Brendan!

SCENE: Fitzgerald's cellar.

Paul descends the stairs, turns on the light, muttering to himself. He walks briskly over to the kegs lined up along the wall, checks one, walks over to a full keg, starts dragging it over when the lights go off.

Paul leans on the keg, exasperated: For God's sake.

We hear something that sounds like faint horse's hoofbeats. Paul slowly turns around: Oonagh?
Something flutters down onto his head and flaps around. Paul yells and waves his hands around his head: Aaaaagh! Aaaaagh!
He runs up the stairs.

CUT TO: Bar.

The bar is empty.

Paul comes up from the cellar and slams the door shut. He grabs a glass from the bar and pours himself a drink, downs the whole thing in one gulp. He exhales, thinks for a moment: He's here.

SCENE: BallyK church interior.

Paul and Fr Vincent are walking down the center aisle toward the altar.

Paul, still excited from his adventure: I mean, I'm not asking for myself. Well, not being a regular attender and all but. Isn't there some sort of...exorcism thing? See, Oonagh's a bag of nerves.

Fr Vincent stops at the front of the church, looks at Paul, friendly: An exorcism is meant to banish a demon from a possessed person. It's not meant for beer cellars.
He genuflects toward the altar.

Paul starts to walk away, disheartened: Right.

Fr Vincent turns toward Paul, offers: I can say Mass. Give a blessing.
He gestures with both hands that he is helpless to do more.

Paul, gratefully: Whatever. Throw the whole lot in it. Oonagh would appreciate that.

Fr Vincent stands in front of the altar, both hands clasped before him. Paul turns to go.

Fr Vincent: Paul...

Paul turns around.

Fr Vincent: You said there was a bat or something in there. Could have been a bird?

Paul is not sure: Maybe.

Fr Vincent looks thoughtful.

SCENE: Countryside.

Fr Vincent walks past a sheep pen. The sheep bleat.

CUT TO: Louis's property exterior.

Fr Vincent opens a low gate in a wall, enters, pulls it shut behind him. He is in Louis's yard. He stands there and looks around. There are two pigeon boxes next to him. He bends over and looks at them. He opens one of them, reaches in, and carefully takes out a black pigeon. He looks around. He takes one hand off the pigeon, looks at some black stuff on his fingers.

CUT TO: Louis's house interior.

The door opens and Fr Vincent enters. He looks around: Louis?
He notices something on the table. It looks like a very weird contraption. He turns the handle. It makes a sound like wind. Louis appears in the doorway. Fr Vincent stops turning the handle and looks at Louis.

Louis enters the house, looks caught: Swindled me out of me cottage. Taking up all the fishing. He asked for it.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. BallyK street.

A car is being unloaded from an auto transporter. Liam is watching. He walks away, over to Kathleen's store. Kathleen is standing in front of the store.

CUT TO: Hendley's exterior.

Liam: Now. Pay Kathleen Hendley eight thousand pounds.
He hands Kathleen a cheque.

Kathleen: It's a steal.
She takes the cheque: Fifteen hundred less than the show room's price.
She looks at Liam: I checked.

Liam, indignantly: Hah! Sure I've got the risk! And the cost of selling it. And finding a buyer's not easy.

Donal comes out of the store, carrying a plastic bag of groceries. He stops next to Liam. Kathleen walks up the steps toward the store. Liam grins after her.

Donal, to Liam: You don't need a car! Hope you know what you're doing.
He nods toward the auto transporter.

A woman comes up to Kathleen, standing next to the door. Kathleen shows her the cheque and points at Liam conspiratorially.

Liam, evilly: Oh yeah. Father Mac's agreed to pay nine grand for it. It's really a done deal.
He chuckles.

Donal winces: Can't see Father Mac in that somehow.
He looks toward the auto transporter.

Liam squawks: What?
He turns around.

CUT TO: Street.

Another car is being unloaded. This one is pink with little hearts all over it and a Sheer Rapture logo on the front which shows a pair of shapely legs.

Liam looks from the car to Kathleen, squeaks: Kathleen that--

Kathleen descends the steps again, offhandedly: Did I not tell you about the advertising logos?

CUT TO: Street.

The car is pink. The legs are shapely.

Liam sighs.

CUT TO: Hendley's exterior.

Kathleen disappears into the store. Donal snickers. Liam looks defeated.

SCENE: Night. BallyK street.

All is quiet. A dog barks in the distance.

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's interior.

Siobhan, Fr Vincent, Brendan, Liam, Donal are at the bar. Paul is behind the bar.

Frankie, carrying a fishing bag, walks over to Brendan, hands him the bag: Washed up down river. Yours I believe.

Brendan, astonished: Yes. Yes it is.
He looks around, helplessly: Must have fallen in.
He looks at Frankie, jokes: No fish left in there are there?
He shakes the bag.

Everybody laughs. Everyone but Frankie, that is.

Frankie snaps: No laughing matter, all this.

Everybody shuts up.

Fr Vincent, gently: Well, no actual offense has been committed, has there, guard?

CUT TO: Door to kitchen.

Dermot and Grainne look out from the kitchen.

CUT TO: Bar.

Frankie: Hasn't there? There's a serious offense on the statute Father. It's called wasting police time.
She starts walking along the length of the bar, eyeing each of the patrons as she goes: In fact there's a few here, wasted so much of my time, that I've none left to fill out a report. So we'll leave it at a warning.

Fr Vincent claps Brendan on the shoulder. They both smile.

CUT TO: Bar entrance.

Louis enters.

CUT TO: Bar.

Paul sees Louis, points at him, gets in a huff: Oh no no no. You'll never be served in here again.

Louis lets loose with an incomprehensible, accusatory speech.

Paul squints his eyes, it is clear he doesn't understand a word Louis is saying (neither do I).

Paul: What?

Fr Vincent: I...think he'd like to shake hands and buy a pint.

Paul: No way.

Brendan, irritated: Oh for God's sake. Shake his hand.

Paul looks at Brendan. Brendan looks back at Paul, intently. Paul looks at Louis. Finally, he holds out his hand resignedly.

Paul: Go on.

Louis shakes his hand, mumbles something, then points at the liquor: A shot.

Oonagh smiles and walks over: That calls for a toast.

Brendan: To the memory of Finnbar Corcoran.

Paul: Aye. May he definitely rest in peace.
He places the drink on the bar for Louis.

Everyone raises their drinks in salute: Finnbar Corcoran, hear hear.

The picture falls off the wall again with a crash. Everyone falls silent, looks at the picture.

ROLL CREDITS