Ballykissangel

Episode 2.6

Only Skin Deep

Written by Jo O'Keefe

Directed by Dermot Boyd

Produced by Chris Griffin

Transcribed by Margaret Pattison

 

 

SCENE: Eamonn's farm.

It is very sunny. Siobhan's jeep is parked in the farmyard. Chickens cackle

 

CUT TO: Barn interior.

Siobhan is kneeling next to a pig in a metal enclosure. The pig is lying down. Siobhan has a hypodermic needle in her hand. Pigs grunt. Siobhan stands up very slowly. There seems to be a small amount of blood in the hypo.

 

Siobhan:                                 There now. We're all done.

 

Eamonn:                                 So. What happens now?

 

Siobhan is still fiddling with the hypo: We should have the results in a couple of days.

 

Eamonn:                                 You seem to be taking this awful serious.

 

Siobhan:                                 Well, it's probably nothing. Just wanted to be sure.

 

Eamonn:                                 Be straight with me Siobhan. (He looks down at the pig) Am I going to lose them?

 

Siobhan:                                 Your pigs aren't vaccinated against Aljesky's (?) disease are they?

 

Eamonn looks at Siobhan in alarm.

 

Siobhan:                                 It's a virus. It attacks the animals' nervous system. (She looks down at the pig) I'm concerned. Because there was an outbreak on a farm in Cilldargan.

 

Eamonn looks at his pig sadly: Is it fatal?

 

Siobhan, gently:                                 Could be.

 

Eamonn shuffles closer to the pig: They might...just be lumps of bacon and eggs to anyone else, but they mean the world to me. (To the pig, affectionately) Isn't that right, Mary?

 

The pig snuffles.

 

Woman's voice outside calls: Eamonn!

 

Siobhan looks out into the yard.

 

Woman:                                 Eamonn!

 

Eamonn and Siobhan leave the pig enclosure.

 

CUT TO: Eamonn's house exterior.

A young woman with dark hair exits the house. She is wearing nothing more than a bath towel wrapped around her and a pair of high heels.

 

Woman, with an attitude: Is it asking too much to get a bit of hot water around here?

 

Eamonn looks slightly embarrassed and puzzled, turns to Siobhan, who looks extremely puzzled. Both look at the woman again.

 

ROLL TITLES

 

SCENE: Gymmasium interior.

A group of children is dancing a traditional Irish dance to traditional Irish dance music. Two men (we can only see the backs of their heads) are watching them. Niamh is standing before them.

 

Niamh:                                 Come on Aisling, keep up! Watch Josephine! That's it. Good. (She turns around and bends over to turn off the music.) OK, OK. (She stands up and faces them again.) Hold it there. (She looks over to the side.) Con, when you've quite finished stuffing your face.

 

Three kids are sitting on the edge of the stage, looking at Niamh sassily. One boy is holding a plastic bag full of sweets. He takes one out and chews it demonstratively.

 

Niamh:                                 The rest of you join the line.

 

The other two kids and one who was up behind them on the stage go over to the group.

 

Niamh:                                 Con, you too.

 

Con rolls his eyes, puts the sweets down on the stage, and hops down. He walks over and takes his place.

 

Niamh:                                 We'll go from the top, and this time smile please. Try and look like you're enjoying yourselves.

 

Con looks hostile. Kevin looks absent-minded. A girl next to Con smiles bravely.

 

Niamh:                                 One two three.

 

The music starts. The kids start dancing. Niamh looks around at the kids expectantly. Con and Kevin are jumping around. The girl is still smiling. Con shoves the girl on purpose. She falls, bringing down the kids next to her as well.

 

Niamh:                                 Hold it.

 

The music stops. Con and Kevin keep dancing, the others stop.

 

Niamh, slightly exasperated: Hold it!

 

Con and Kevin keep dancing.

 

Niamh insists:                                 Stop!

 

Con and Kevin stop dancing. The other kids get up.

 

Niamh:                                 Maybe I missed something, but I don't remember this being part of the routine.

 

Girl:                                 Con O'Neill pushed me, Miss.

 

Con:                                 I did not, you tripped over your big fat trotters.

 

Girl, loudly:                                 Liar.

 

Niamh, calmly:                                 Cut it out. I don't want to hear another peep out of either of you. Understood?

 

Con and girl:                                 Yes, Mrs. Egan.

 

Niamh:                                 Now get back into line and stop acting the goat.

 

The girl pushes her hair back behind her ear and looks at Con.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Assumpta is behind the bar. Padraig is sitting at his regular corner, Brendan is standing next to him.

 

Assumpta:                                Told you already Brendan, I'm too busy here.

 

Brendan:                                Come on Assumpta, get into the spirit of things. It's only once a year.

 

The hotel door opens. Peter enters. Assumpta looks at him calculatingly. Peter returns her look and closes the door firmly. Assumpta turns back to Brendan.

 

Assumpta:                                And I run a pub. Not a child minding service.

 

Brendan laughs derisively.

 

Padraig:                                 Where's your community spirit?

 

Assumpta:                                 Oh it's right here. Behind the bar, where it's staying.

 

Peter approaches tentatively.

 

Brendan:                                I think we need some divine intervention. Father. Will you tell Assumpta that we need her to help out at the festival.

 

Peter looks down.

 

Assumpta:                                Oh no, no. I'm not gonna be bullied into anything. (She looks at Peter, coldly.) Least of all by a priest.

 

Peter (to Brendan):                                The whole point is that we need willing and enthusiastic volunteers. It's no use asking people who have no interest.

 

Assumpta looks hurt by that comment.

 

Peter:                                 Come on Brendan the meeting started five minutes ago.

He turns and leaves.

 

Brendan and Padraig exchange a meaningful look. Brendan silently picks up his newspaper and jacket and leaves. Assumpta concentrates on her work behind the bar.

 

SCENE: Brian's house interior.

Brian, Niamh, and Peter are sitting around Brian's dining table. There are papers all over the table. Brendan is handing out a sheet of paper to each of them. It reads, "BALLYKISSANGEL FESTIVAL COMMITTEE - BALLYKISSANGEL FESTIVAL TIMETABLE OF EVENTS: 12:00 OFFICIAL OPENING WITH SCHOOL BAND - 12:15 BALLAD SINGING - 1:00 IRISH DANCING - 1:30 (BLANK) - 2:00 MUSICAL PROGRAMME OF LOCAL TALENT - 3:30 BATTLE OF THE ..."

 

Brendan:                                This is a rough timetable of the day's events.

 

Niamh takes a sip of coffee.

 

Peter:                                 Erm, what's the gap after the Irish dancing?

 

Brendan leans over Peter's shoulder to see the paper.

 

Brendan:                                Oh, that's Brian's contribution.

He smiles and waves his paper at Brian.

 

Brian is engrossed in his papers.

 

Peter:                                Well, come on Brian, don't keep us all in suspense, what have you got up your sleeve?

 

Brian:                                 Well you're obviously all familiar with the Rose of Tralee competition.

 

Brian stands, turns around to the kitchen counter and picks up a roll of paper. He removes the rubber band around it and unrolls it, holding it up for everyone to see. It is a poster with the title "THE LILY OF BALLYKISSANGEL". Then there is a drawing of a woman's head in the center. At the bottom is the "Babbling Brook Spring Water" logo and "Quigley Developments PLC".

 

Brian:                                Now, this is the Ballykay version.

 

Peter, somewhat taken aback: A-- a beauty contest?

 

Brian:                                Oh it's much more than that. We're searching for the new face of Babbling Brook. (He indicates the logo on the poster.)

 

Brendan, slightly confused: I'm not with you Brian.

 

Brian puts the poster down on the table.

 

Brian:                                Well I've managed to get sponsorship for the event from a company that bottles spring water. They're holding regional heats, to find the beautiful girl for their advertising campaign.

 

Peter looks concerned. Brian sits down, avoiding looking at anyone.

 

Brian:                                We're covering this area.

 

Peter:                                Well, erm, correct me if I'm wrong Brian, but I thought that our festival was going to be a celebration of Irish culture.

 

Brian:                                Absolutely. And what could be more cultural than a celebration of Irish beauty.

 

Peter looks at Niamh and Brendan with concern. Niamh sighs.

 

Brian:                                Competition is open to any girl provided she's under 24 and a native of Ballykay.

 

Brendan:                                Ach, pity. I had my money on Padraig.

 

Peter smiles wryly.

 

Niamh:                                And you'll be judging it, Dad.

 

Brian:                                No no. Representatives from Babbling Brook will make up the panel. I'm just going to compare it.

 

Peter:                                I still fail to see how a beauty contest will help promote culture in our community.

 

Brian:                                A winning beauty means publicity. And good publicity ups the tourist stakes for Ballykay. Just think of the potential. Look what the Rose Festival has done for Tralee.

 

Brendan nods in agreement and looks at Peter. Peter tries to be happy about it, but can't quite. Niamh looks resigned.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Siobhan is sitting at the bar, talking to Assumpta, who is behind it, filling a glass with Harp.

 

Siobhan:                                There she was, this glamourous bit of stuff, all teeth, legs up to her armpits--

 

Assumpta:                                You sure it wasn't a horse?

 

Siobhan:                                Oh this was no horse, believe me. Standing there, acting as if she owned the place.

 

Assumpta:                                Well maybe he found himself a housekeeper now.

 

Siobhan:                                I've never known Eamonn to be involved with a woman. He's much too interested in his animals.

 

Assumpta:                                Well, maybe he finally struck lucky. So there's hope for us yet. Eh Siobhan?

 

Siobhan:                                Hah! Speak for yourself.

 

Assumpta takes the Harp to Padraig, who is sitting at his usual end of the bar. Brendan is next to him, reading a newspaper.

 

Padraig (to Brendan):                                 You're kidding. A beauty contest.

He hands a note to Assumpta.

 

Brendan, amused:                                I wonder what his angle is this time.

 

A door closes.

 

Padraig shrugs:                                White slave driving?

 

Brendan:                                You need beautiful young virgins for that.

 

Padraig nods in agreement. The outer door opens. Brendan and Padraig look over to see who is arriving. It is Eamonn, followed by the young woman from before. She has on a short, white dress with a flower pattern. Everyone gets big eyes.

 

Padraig whispers:                                Jeez!

 

Eamonn looks around:                                 Evening everyone.

 

Everyone:                                Evening.

 

Assumpta:                                What can I get you?

 

Eamonn:                                Eh the usual for me please Assumpta. And... (He looks invitingly at the young woman.)

 

Woman smiles:                                Just a mineral water.

 

Eamonn (to everyone):                                 I don't think I've introduced you, have I.

 

Padraig and Brendan look at each other, eyebrows raised.

 

Eamonn:                                This is Naomi. Me niece from Dublin.

 

Padraig gives her a little wave. Brendan smiles to himself. Siobhan and Assumpta exchange an "oh my" look.

 

SCENE: Egans' kitchen interior.

Niamh is sitting at the kitchen table, doing some sewing. She looks up. Ambrose comes down the stairs, in uniform. He enters the kitchen, walks over to Niamh, and kisses her on the cheek.

 

Ambrose:                                 You look done in. Maybe you should give rehearsals a miss tomorrow evening.

He opens a cabinet, takes out a cup, and fills it with water at the tap.

 

Niamh, unenthusiastically:                                Yeah why not. It's only three days left till the festival, the dancing is a complete disaster, so I might as well.

 

Ambrose turns toward Niamh, leans back against the sink, and takes a sip of water: What's the problem?

 

Niamh:                                The little demon, Con O'Neill. I keep trying to get close enough to see if there's three sixes tattooed on his scalp.

 

Ambrose, matter-of-factly:                                Tell him if he doesn't behave then he's out.

He walks over to the other side of the table.

 

Niamh:                                But that's exactly what he wants.

 

Ambrose takes a seat:                                 You just have to be firm with him. I certainly wouldn't stand for it.

 

Niamh takes offense:                                 Are you trying to say I can't cope?

 

Ambrose, defensively:                                 No, I'm trying to help.

 

Niamh, snippily:                                Oh good. Then you can make yourself useful and get sewing.

She tosses the piece she was working on toward Ambrose.

 

Ambrose stares at Niamh. She stands up and swishes out of the room.

 

Niamh:                                I'm going to the pub.

 

Ambrose picks up the sewing and looks at the hem.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Siobhan is sitting in the middle of the bar. She is looking over at Eamonn, who is sitting at the other end of the bar, grinning at Naomi, who has the rapt attention of Brendan and Padraig. Assumpta is standing over by the till, arms crossed, watching the spectacle.

 

Padraig:                                 Hm. That's very interesting. So tell me, what's life like in the big smoke?

 

Naomi:                                It's, ya know, Dublin.

 

Brendan:                                Dirty. Noisy. A seething hotbed of crime and corruption.

 

Naomi smiles:                                Must seem like that to country people.

 

Padraig raises his eyebrows at Brendan. The outer door opens. Niamh enters, closes the door behind her.

 

Niamh:                                Just a glass of lager please Assumpta.

 

Assumpta:                                Coming up.

 

Niamh walks over and rests her arms on the back of the stool next to Siobhan. Assumpta prepares the drink.

 

Siobhan:                                How are the rehearsals going Niamh?

 

Niamh, unenthusiastically:                                Oh spectacular.

 

The men folk burst out in appreciative laughter at something semi-witty which Naomi has just said.

 

Siobhan:                                Would you look at them. You'd swear they'd never seen a woman before.

 

Niamh:                                Who is she?

 

Assumpta:                                Eamonn's niece.

 

The camera starts at Naomi's feet and follows her legs up to her body, shows her holding a glass and smiling at Brendan.

 

Niamh:                                The last time I saw legs like that they were hanging from a nest.

 

Assumpta laughs weakly. A door opens. Assumpta looks up. Peter sticks his head in. He looks at Assumpta. She looks uncomfortable and walks over to Niamh with the drink. The men are still laughing with Naomi.

 

Padraig:                                Ah Father.

 

Peter closes the door behind him and walks over to the men.

 

Brendan:                                Ah Father Peter. Let me introduce you to Naomi. She's down from Dublin to rough it with us for a few days.

 

Assumpta slinks along behind the bar, avoiding looking at Peter. When she thinks he isn't looking at her, she looks at him.

 

Peter:                                Hello. (He shakes hands with Naomi.) So er, is this your first time in Ballykay?

 

Naomi, smoothly:                                Not at all I was born here.

 

Peter, pleasantly surprised:                                Oh. You're a local then.

 

Naomi:                                Hardly. I haven't been back since I was a month old.

 

Peter:                                Ah.

 

Assumpta is watching Peter.

 

Naomi:                                I hear great things about you.

 

Assumpta's gaze quickly shifts to Naomi. She looks almost jealous.

 

Peter, modestly:                                Oh now you don't want to believe anything that you hear in this place.

 

Padraig smiles.

 

Assumpta:                                Depends on who you're listening to.

She gives Naomi a catty look.

 

Naomi gives Assumpta a superior look.

 

Peter tries to ignore that:                                So, what do you plan to do while you're here, Naomi?

 

Naomi:                                Maybe you could offer a few suggestions.

 

Peter:                                Well there's our festival on Saturday, you must come to that.

 

Naomi:                                It's always amusing to see these little country traditions.

 

Assumpta rolls her eyes.

 

Assumpta:                                Oh yeah. You'll love it.

 

Naomi looks patronisingly at Assumpta.

 

Assumpta, lightly:                                We still burn witches at the stake.

 

Naomi smiles winningly at Peter. Peter smiles back, embarrassed.

 

SCENE: Gymnasium interior.

Niamh is leading the kids in a dancing practice session.

 

Niamh:                                 I want the first couple to lead the reel once around the floor. Understand?

 

Peter enters through a door behind Niamh.

 

Kids, dutifully:                                Yes, Mrs. Egan.

 

Peter carefully closes the door behind him, so as not to make any noise.

 

Niamh:                                 Right then. Let's walk through it. After three.

 

Con turns around and pushes Kevin and another boy.

 

Niamh:                                One two three.

 

The kids start dancing. There is no music. Con and Kevin are shoving each other a bit.

 

Niamh:                                Con? Are you waiting on a bus? Or what?

 

Girl:                                He won't do it Mrs. Egan.

 

Kevin teases:                                He can't do it.

 

The other kids giggle.

 

Niamh:                                That's enough. (Patiently) Con do you want me to go through it again?

 

Con complains:                                Why do we have to do this stupid dancing?

 

Niamh:                                If you don't want to join in Con, stand aside, and let us get on with it.

 

Con looks at Kevin, hesitates.

 

Niamh, sharply:                                Now!

 

Con:                                Stuff your dancing!

He runs out.

 

Niamh:                                Con...

 

Peter, who had been sitting by the door, stands up as Con runs past. He and Niamh look helplessly at each other.

 

SCENE: Ballykissangel street.

Liam and Donal are putting up posters on a telephone pole outside of Hendley's. Siobhan exits Hendley's and sees them. She walks over to them. She sees that the poster is the same "LILY OF BALLYKISSANGEL" poster that Brian had. Donal turns around and sees her.

 

Donal:                                Thinking of entering, huh Siobhan?

 

Liam, mean-spirited:                                Ah she would but it'd be unfair on all the other girls. That right Siobhan?

 

Siobhan clicks her tongue at Liam, disgusted. Liam laughs evilly. Siobhan gets into her jeep, which is parked on the street in front of Hendley's. Liam and Donal pick up their equipment and move on.

 

SCENE: Gymnasium interior.

Niamh is up on the stage, standing by a rack of costumes. Peter is down on the floor, looking up at her.

 

Peter:                                Con O'Neill seems a bit of a problem.

 

Niamh frets:                                And I didn't handle it very well.

 

Peter:                                Oh I think you did.

 

Niamh, flippantly:                                Oh yeah? So where is he now? (She looks down, remembers who she's talking to.) I'm sorry Father. It's just so unfair. Him disrupting things for everyone else. The other kids are working so hard. I don't know what to do for the best.

 

Peter:                                Would it help if I had a quiet word with him?

 

Niamh:                                You can have a loud one if you like.

She smiles and turns back to the costumes.

 

Peter smiles and leaves.

 

SCENE: School yard.

Kids in school uniforms are playing. Some are jumping rope, others are playing hopscotch, others are running around. Peter walks across the playground, apparently looking for someone. He finds Con alone at the side of the building, kicking a football against the wall.

 

Peter:                                 Hey.

 

Con picks up his ball and sits down with his back to Peter.

 

Peter:                                Why don't you have a kick about with the others?

 

Con, sulkily:                                Don't want to.

 

Peter:                                Where are your mates?

 

Con shrugs, picks at the ball. Peter walks over to the other side of Con. Con turns his back on Peter again. Peter crouches down and talks right next to Con's ear.

 

Peter:                                You know Con, Mrs. Egan's working very hard for this festival. And you're not making life any easier for her.

 

Con:                                She can't make me dance.

 

Peter:                                Well do something else then.

 

Con:                                I don't want to do anything.

 

Peter:                                Oh come on. All the other kids are joining in. I mean what about your family? Won't they be disappointed if you don't take part?

 

Con, aggressively:                                Leave them out of it!

He stands up and walks away.

 

Peter:                                Hey--

He stands up.

 

Con shouts over his shoulder:                                It's none of your business!

 

Peter, apologetically:                                Look, I was only trying--

 

Con screams:                                Just leave me alone!

He walks around the corner of the building.

 

Peter stands there.

 

SCENE: Eamonn's farm.

Siobhan's jeep drives into the yard near the barn and stops. There is another car parked near the house. Siobhan can see Brian get into the driver's side. Brian starts the car and drives away. Siobhan gets out of her car. We can hear faint strains of music.

 

CUT TO: Barn interior.

Eamonn is inside, singing to his pigs and tossing clean straw on them. A recording is playing in the background, which Eamonn is singing along to. Siobhan walks into the barn entrance.

 

Siobhan:                                Eamonn?

 

Eamonn doesn't hear Siobhan, or else simply ignores her. He continues singing and throwing straw around.

 

Siobhan, louder:                                Eamonn?

 

She smiles and walks over to a record player. She lifts the arm. The music stops. A cow moos in protest. Eamonn turns around and sees Siobhan. She leans against a metal fence.

 

Siobhan:                                Any change?

 

Eamonn:                                They hardly touched the last lot.

 

Siobhan:                                I saw Brian Quigley as I was on my way in.

 

Eamonn stutters:                                Er...er that's right, he er, had to drop something by.

 

Siobhan:                                Spose you heard about the beauty contest.

 

Eamonn smiles indulgently:                                Ah. It'll do no harm.

 

Siobhan:                                Not to him. That's for sure.

Siobhan walks away.

 

Eamonn watches her.

 

SCENE: School exterior.

Brendan and Peter are walking away from the school.

 

Peter:                                I feel terrible. I didn't realize he hadn't got a family.

 

Brendan:                                He has a family all right, they just don't want him. According to his teachers in Allenstown, the uh, parents split up and they just dumped him on his grandfather.

 

Peter, confused:                                Then why is he with foster parents?

 

Brendan:                                Because the old man died six months ago.

 

Peter:                                Oh the poor kid. Well he must feel like everyone's deserted him.

 

Brendan:                                Even more so now his friends have settled down.

 

Peter:                                So what do you reckon we do?

 

Brendan:                                We just leave him out of it all together.

He turns and walks back toward the school.

 

Peter reproaches himself.

 

SCENE: Hendley's interior.

Kathleen and a young woman with glasses are unpacking some bread. Siobhan is standing by the counter.

 

Kathleen:                                Be with you in a second Siobhan.

 

Siobhan calls over:                                No hurry.

 

Kathleen:                                (To young woman) If the delivery's as late as this again Deirdre, you tell your father I'll cancel all future orders.

 

Deirdre, shyly:                                Yes Mrs. Hendley.

 

Naomi walks over, carrying a bottle of shampoo:                                Have you any depilatory cream?

 

Kathleen, shocked:                                Any what?

 

Naomi:                                Cream, for removing hair from your legs and whatever.

 

Kathleen, primly:                                Indeed not. There's no call for that sort of thing around here.

She walks over to the counter.

 

Naomi, under her breath:                                I can well believe it. (Louder) How much is this? (She holds up the shampoo.)

 

Deirdre is suddenly standing next to Siobhan at the counter. She gives Naomi the once over.

 

Kathleen, bent over at the counter, counting Siobhan's money: You'll have to wait your turn, I'm serving someone.

 

Naomi, exasperated:                                Forget it. You can keep your sheep dip.

She tosses the shampoo onto the counter and leaves.

 

Deirdre and Siobhan smile at each other. Deirdre quickly leaves. Kathleen narrows her eyes at Naomi's back.

 

CUT TO: Outside Hendley's.

Naomi breezes off up the street. Deirdre trots down the steps, carrying a big wooden flat box, which she stows in a white van parked at the curb. Peter walks into the picture and passes Deirdre, to whom he is air. He gives her back a skeptical look. Deirdre closes the van's sliding door.

 

Deirdre:                                Hello Father.

 

Peter:                                Hello Deirdre.

He goes up the steps to Hendley's.

 

CUT TO: Hendley's interior.

Siobhan is still at the counter, Kathleen is still behind it. Peter enters.

 

Peter:                                 Afternoon.

 

Siobhan:                                Howrya Father.

 

Kathleen:                                Hello Father.

 

Peter walks purposefully past the women and looks for something on a shelf we cannot see.

 

Kathleen gossips to Siobhan:                                Heard you she's taking part in this spectacle of Quigley's.

 

Siobhan, noncommittally:                                Oh is that so.

 

Kathleen, disapprovingly:                                Disgrace. Grown women cavorting about on a stage. Displaying their wares for all to see.

 

Peter can't help but hear the conversation. He picks something up and walks back over to the counter.

 

Kathleen:                                I'm surprised at you of all people Father.

 

Peter:                                Me?

 

Kathleen:                                You're on the festival committee. It's your place to try to prevent this kind of vulgarity. Not encourage it.

 

Peter tactfully looks at the floor.

 

Kathleen:                                I'm sure Father MacAnally wouldn't approve.

 

Peter, coolly:                                Father Mac's on sabbatical, as well you know, and this beauty contest has nothing to do with me, I assure you.

He puts some change on the counter and leaves.

 

Kathleen, to Siobhan:                                Of all people. You'd think she'd have some shame.

 

Siobhan:                                What do you mean?

 

Kathleen:                                Well on the wrong side of the blanket. You get my meaning.

 

Siobhan, curious:                                Who to?

 

Kathleen:                                Eamonn's younger sister Rosalie. It was a real scandal at the time.

 

Siobhan:                                Naomi?

 

Kathleen:                                Rosalie and Eamonn had a terrible falling out over it. So she took the baby and moved to Dublin. She brought shame on the good name of that family.

 

Siobhan:                                And where's Rosalie now?

 

Kathleen:                                Last I heard she moved to America. And was living in sin with a plumber from Cork.

 

Siobhan:                                And Eamonn hasn't spoken to her in all these years?

 

Kathleen, happily:                                Not a word.

 

Siobhan:                                So why has Naomi turned up all of a sudden?

 

Kathleen, trimphantly:                                Exactly.

 

SCENE: Brian's garden. Cloudy.

Donal is painting a large banner, which is spread out on the grass. It reads "... BROOK IN ASSOCIATION ... -- LILY O--". Liam is standing next to Donal. Brian walks into the shot, looks at the banner.

 

Brian, testily:                                Is that it?

 

Liam:                                Eh? What's wrong with it?

 

Brian:                                I've seen better art work on lavatory doors.

 

Donal:                                You've company Mr. Quigley.

 

Brian turns around. A black car drives up.

 

Brian:                                Hurry up and dump that. Get your asses away up to the school. There's other things for you to be getting on with up there.

He walks away.

 

Liam:                                Right Mr. Quigley.

He drops the paint brush he was holding and taps Donal on the shoulder.

 

CUT TO: Driveway.

Brian walks over to greet the man who arrived in the black car. The man, bearded, is putting his sunglasses into his inner jacket pocket. He and Brian shake hands amiably.

 

SCENE: Street outside St. Joseph's.

Peter is walking along the street outside the fence. He is smiling and looks to be in fine spirits. As he enters the church grounds, he sees Eamonn leaning against the wall, apparently waiting for him.

 

Peter:                                Well this is a pleasant surprise.

 

Eamonn takes a couple of tentative steps toward Peter. Peter walks up to him.

 

Peter:                                What can I do for you Eamonn?

 

Eamonn, timidly:                                I need your advice, Father.

 

Peter:                                Sure, what is it?

 

Eamonn:                                How does the Church view pigs?

 

Peter:                                Well to be honest I'm not aware it has any particular standpoint, why?

 

Eamonn:                                Well...when they pass on...

 

Peter, sympathetically:                                Oh I'm sorry Eamonn I didn't realize yours had.

 

Eamonn shakes his head:                                They haven't-- what-- I'm preparing myself for the worst.

 

Peter:                                Well I'm sure that if it comes to that, I could come round and say a few prayers.

 

Eamonn:                                That's all I wanted to know. (emphatically) Thank you Father.

He walks away.

 

Peter looks like he wishes he could have been of more comfort. He walks over to the church door and pushes it open. It was apparently unlocked. Siobhan appears outside the fence.

 

Siobhan calls:                                Father Clifford!

 

Peter turns around and looks at Siobhan with an expectant expression. Siobhan walks onto the church grounds.

 

Siobhan:                                Have you a minute Father?

 

Peter walks toward her:                                Of course Siobhan.

 

Siobhan:                                I was wondering if I could have a look at the parish register.

 

Peter, helpfully:                                Sure. Drop by later, I'll sort it out for you. Anything in particular you're looking for?

 

Siobhan:                                I won't know until I find it.

She turns to go.

 

Peter:                                Oh, is there any news on Eamonn's pigs?

 

Siobhan:                                I'm still awaiting the results of the blood tests.

 

Peter looks sympathetic:                                Poor Eamonn.

 

Siobhand nods:                                Mm. I don't suppose there's a patron saint of swine?

 

Peter:                                No, but, all nominations will be gratefully received.

 

Siobhan smiles and walks away. Peter turns and goes into the church.

 

SCENE: Brian's garden.

It is windy and overcast. Brian and his visitor are seated on lawn chairs at a table fitted with a parasol. There is a golf hole flag visible near the table.

 

Visitor:                                It's a big job Brian. Do you think you're up to it?

 

Brian and the visitor are perusing architectural plans for a house.

 

Brian:                                Seems straightforward enough.

 

Visitor:                                Then provided all goes well...the contract's yours. Is everything all right?

 

Brian, self-satisfied:                                Everything is in hand, as they say.

 

Visitor nods slightly:                                Excellent. Then here's to a job well done.

He picks up a glass of scotch from the table. Brian picks up the other glass. They clink glasses and drink.

 

SCENE: Schoolroom interior.

Niamh enters the school room. She sees Con fishing around in a hand bag.

 

Niamh, suspiciously:                                What are you doing in here?

 

Con straightens up and turns around, guiltily:                                Nothing.

He leans against the blackboard and wrings his hands.

 

Niamh walks over and picks up the bag. She looks through it. She holds out her hand.

 

Niamh:                                Give it.

 

Con turns away. Niamh grabs his elbow.

 

Niamh:                                Oh no you don't.

 

Con shouts:                                Leave me alone let me go!

 

Niamh grabs both of Con's arms:                                You're not going anywhere until you tell me what you've done with my purse.

 

A wallet falls down onto the floor. It was probably hidden in Con's shirt.

 

Niamh:                                Right. I've had just about enough. (She holds the wallet and Con's arm with one hand, picks up the bag with the other hand.) We'll see what the guard has to say about this.

She marches Con out.

 

SCENE: Egans' lounge interior.

Ambrose is sitting on the sofa watching television. He has a sandwich and a drink on the table in front of him. The telly shows a picture of a power drill going through a concrete block.

 

Television announcer:                                You'll need a hammer drill with at least 500 watts of power. Other features you should look out for would be reversing action and variable speed.

 

Ambrose looks intensely interested. He takes a sip from his cup.

 

Con shouts (off-screen):                                Get off! Leave me alone!

 

Ambrose looks toward the door and puts down his cup.

 

Niamh shouts (off-screen):                                Ambrose in here!

 

Con shouts (off-screen):                                Leave me alone!

 

Ambrose picks up the remote control and turns off the TV. He puts down the sandwich and the remote control. He stands up. The door opens, Niamh pushes Con into the room.

 

Ambrose:                                What's going on?

 

Niamh:                                I caught him red-handed stealing my purse.

 

Con whips around to Niamh, hotly:                                I was not!

 

Ambrose tries to remain calm:                                Niamh, a quick word.

He walks past Niamh and Con and waits by the door.

 

Niamh shoves Con away from her.

 

CUT TO: Hall.

Ambrose indicates Niamh should leave the room first. She does. Ambrose closes the door.

 

Ambrose:                                What are you doing bringing him in here?

 

Niamh:                                Well, this is your chance to give him a talking to.

 

Ambrose:                                I'm trying to have my lunch!

 

Niamh:                                This is serious. Sort him out. I'll be back in an hour.

She walks away.

 

Ambrose sighs, then opens the door again.

 

CUT TO: Lounge.

Con is kneeling on the floor, looking at Ambrose's collection of LP records.

 

Ambrose:                                Come away from there.

He pushes the door shut behind him.

 

Con:                                I'm only having a look.

 

Ambrose:                                Well you can't so sit down.

He points toward an arm chair.

 

Con puts the record back on the shelf and sits on the chair. Ambrose stands in front of him.

 

Ambrose:                                I shouldn't have to tell you that stealing is very serious business.

 

Con looks unimpressed.

 

Ambrose:                                Do you know what happens to thieves, Con?

 

Con continues to look unimpressed.

 

Ambrose:                                They go to prison. Is that what you want?

 

Con squirms out of the chair and kneels down in front of the records again.

 

Con:                                My Da went to prison.

He pulls a record off the shelf and looks at the cover.

 

Ambrose, sensitively:                                What did he go to prison for?

 

Con:                                All kinds. Nicking stuff mostly.

 

Ambrose sits down next to Con.

 

Ambrose, gently:                                You must understand, Con, that stealing isn't big or clever.

 

Con, with interest:                                Have you ever nicked anything?

 

Ambrose, hotly:                                Indeed I have not.

 

Con reads off the back of the record cover:                                Property of Cilldargan public library, 1979?

He turns and looks at Ambrose.

 

Ambrose's eyes get big. He grabs the record away from Con and looks at it himself. He opens his mouth to say something, then looks away.

 

SCENE: Siobhan's kitchen interior.

Siobhan is standing behind the kitchen counter, talking on the phone.

 

Siobhan, with interest:                                Oh. Are you sure about that? (She listens.) I see. (She listens.) Right. Well. Thanks for your trouble. You've been very helpful. Goodbye.

She hangs up, looking thoughtful. A clock on the wall behind her shows 2:50.

 

SCENE: Eamonn's property.

It is sunny. Eamonn is pushing a wheelbarrow across some grass. Siobhan drives up in her jeep. Eamonn puts the wheelbarrow down and walks over to Siobhan.

 

Eamonnn:                                It's bad news, isn't it.

 

Siobhan leans out of the window:                                You might say that.

 

Eamonn, downcast:                                I knew it. Me poor pigs is finished.

 

Siobhan:                                Nothing to do with your pigs Eamonn. It's about your niece.

 

Eamonn, confused:                                What do you mean?

 

Siobhan:                                Come on Eamonn. Fess up. I know what you've been up to.

 

Eamonn knows he's caught:                                You'd better come inside.

He walks away.

 

Siobhan gets out of her jeep and closes the door.

 

SCENE: Eamonn's house interior.

Eamonn and Siobhan are sitting across from each other at a table.

 

Eamonn admits:                                Her real name is Fionnuala.

 

Siobhan, shocked:                                So Quigley's rigged this beauty contest.

 

Eamonn:                                He says she'll win because she's more glamourous than any of the girls around here.

 

Siobhan:                                I might have known that sleaze bucket was up to no good!

 

Eamonn tries to calm her:                                Fair play now Siobhan, he didn't force me into it.

 

Siobhan:                                He didn't have to! He knew you were short of cash.

 

Eamonn:                                Promise me you won't say anything.

 

Siobhan stands up.

 

Eamonn:                                Please, Siobhan.

 

Siobhan looks troubled.

 

SCENE: Egans' lounge interior.

Con and Ambrose are sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking at records. There are records strewn about on the carpet. Some pop music is playing softly in the background.

 

Con:                                You've got some good music here.

 

Ambrose grins.

 

Con:                                For an old fella.

 

Ambrose, proudly:                                I've always been something of a musical trend-setter. I was the first kid in my home town to buy a Bay City Rollers record... And this was the first album I ever bought. (He puts down the record he was holding and picks up another one.) I was only ten. (He turns over the record and reads the back cover.) Brilliant. They don't make them like this anymore. (He hands the record to Con.)

 

A close-up shows the record cover. The title is "...EAN SISTERS, Vol. 1". There are five clean-cut looking young women with very 1970's haircuts and clothes pictured.

 

Ambrose looks up at the wall, where a violin is hanging:                                I'd love to have been a musician, but...I've no real talent for it.

 

Con looks up at the violin, then back at Ambrose, with interest:                                Do you play?

 

Ambrose:                                Would it be stuck up there on the wall if I did?

 

Con:                                Yeah. Could I have a look.

 

Ambrose, unsure:                                Yeah well--

 

Con, earnestly:                                I won't nick it, if that's what you're worried about.

 

Ambrose smiles and gets up. He takes the violin and bow down from the wall.

 

Ambrose:                                It was a twelfth birthday present from my parents. (He hands the violin to Con.) They were hoping I'd turn out to be a musical genius but it's been hanging on walls ever since.

 

Con smiles and looks at the violin.

 

Ambrose:                                How about yourself, can you play?

He goes and sits down on the sofa.

 

Con keeps his gaze fixed on the violin:                                A bit, me grandda taught me. He was a brilliant fiddler.

 

Ambrose:                                Give us a tune then. Go on. You can't be worse than me.

 

Con:                                I'm a bit out of practice. I don't have a fiddle. I used to play grandda's until after he died and it disappeared.

 

Ambrose hands Con the bow:                                Here, give it a go.

 

Con takes the bow, positions the violin under his chin, and starts to play. He plays a light Irish tune. Ambrose watches him, fascinated. Con sees Ambrose staring at him and stops playing.

 

Ambrose:                                Would you like to borrow it?

 

Con, enthusiastically:                                Yeah!

 

Ambrose smiles:                                All right then, but only on one condition.

He holds up his index finger.

 

SCENE: Street outside the garda station. Sunny.

The street is completely deserted, except for Niamh, who is walking slowly toward the police station. Ambrose and Con come out. Ambrose hands Con a violin case.

 

Ambrose:                                Better hurry up and get back to school.

 

Con, bashful:                                Yeah thanks.

 

Ambrose:                                Kay I'll see you later.

 

Con:                                See ya.

He leaves.

 

Niamh:                                What's he doing with that?

 

Ambrose gives Niamh a wise look and taps the side of his nose with his index finger. He goes back into the station. Niamh follows him.

 

SCENE: Street outside Hendley's.

Peter is walking toward Hendley's from the church. He sees Naomi in front of Hendley's and stops to greet her.

 

Peter:                                Hi Naomi.

 

Naomi says something too softly to hear.

 

Peter:                                I'm fine ... (his voice is too soft to hear the rest)

 

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's interior.

Assumpta opens the door and picks up an empty metal keg, which she carries outside.

 

CUT TO: Outside.

Assumpta brings the keg outside. She looks across the street. Naomi and Peter are chatting. Naomi thrusts her chest out a bit. Their voices are too soft to hear what they are saying. Assumpta hauls the keg up onto one of the blue benches. She sets it down with a loud clang. Naomi and Peter look over to see what made the noise. Peter smiles.

 

Peter calls over in greeting:                                Assumpta.

 

Assumpta:                                Father. (She rolls up her sleeves a bit more. To Naomi, falsely polite:) Hello.

 

Naomi, to Peter, seductively:                                Goodbye.

She walks away, watching Assumpta over her shoulder.

 

Peter twists around to say goodbye:                                Bye.

He watches Assumpta.

 

Assumpta goes back inside, watching Naomi leave. Peter crosses the street to Fitzgerald's. Assumpta brings out another empty keg, which she sets down on the bench with another loud clang. Peter arrives.

 

Peter:                                Busy?

 

Assumpta wipes off her hands, coolly:                                When am I not?

She starts to go back inside.

 

Peter:                                You really should get help you know.

 

Assumpta stops, crosses her arms, and leans back against the doorway, sarcastically:                                Oh yes. Bar staff or therapy.

 

Peter looks down, reproachfully:                                I'm trying, Assumpta.

He walks away toward the police station.

 

Assumpta looks hurt. She goes back inside.

 

SCENE: Eamonn's farm.

It is sunny. A taxi is stopped outside Eamonn's house. Naomi gets out of the back seat. She slams the door. The taxi drives on. Naomi looks around. She takes off her sunglasses. The faint sound of music can be heard. Naomi walks toward the barn.

 

CUT TO: Barn.

The pigs are lying in heaps of fresh hay, grunting contentedly. Recorded music is playing somewhere. Eamonn is kneeling next to the pigs' enclosure. Naomi enters cautiously, looking half disgusted, half curious.

 

Eamonn, to the pigs:                                What's the matter, eh? Don't youse worry about a thing. It'll be all right. Uncle Eamonn'll look after you.

 

Naomi's expression softens somewhat. She leaves quietly.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Padraig, Siobhan, and Brendan are at their usual corner of the bar. Assumpta is behind the bar near them. Peter is sitting a couple of seats further down, in casual clothes.

 

Padraig:                                Must say, I can't see the harm in it.

 

Brendan shrugs:                                Me neither.

He looks around at Peter for support and finds none.

 

Siobhan, reproachfully:                                Well you are men, you wouldn't.

 

Padraig, impatiently:                                Oh come on, Siobhan, what is wrong with showing a little admiration for the female form?

 

Siobhan, indignantly:                                I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer Padraig. The whole thing is a joke!

She looks to Assumpta for support.

 

Assumpta, reasonably:                                Well I'm all for it if it'll help improve business for Ballykay.

 

Siobhan can't believe her ears:                                What?

 

Assumpta explains:                                Well, the Rose of Tralee festival helped put Tralee on the map.

 

Siobhan, sarcastically:                                Oh thanks for the support!

 

Assumpta:                                I run a business, Siobhan, I can't afford to knock anything that might help me.

 

Siobhan rants:                                Help you? Would you wake up Assumpta? Beauty contests were set up to make money out of stupid, vain women and dirty old men. They're just glorified cattle markets.

 

The outer door closes. Siobhan turns around to see who it is. It is Brian.

 

Brian, coldly:                                In your opinion.

 

Brendan and Peter watch Brian carefully.

 

Brian stalks over behind Siobhan:                                What do you know about beauty contests.

 

Padraig:                                Ah children, please.

 

Brian:                                Let's face it. Long time since you qualified for a beauty contest of any kind, if ever! (He removes his hat and places it on the bar between Siobhan and Padraig.) A large whisky please Assumpta. (He removes some money from his pocket.)

 

Peter is watching Brian judgmentally. Siobhan silently gets up, looks at Brendan, and leaves.

 

Peter tightens his jaw:                                There was no need for that Brian.

 

Brian:                                She shouldn't dish it out...(he tosses a note onto the bar) if she can't take it back.

 

Padraig picks up his drink and walks over to join Brendan and Peter.

 

Brian murmurs:                                She was only trying to make trouble.

 

Peter:                                You're well out of order and you know it.

 

Brian stands there stiffly.

 

Peter, quietly, to Padraig and Brendan:                                Shouldn't one of us go after Siobhan?

 

Assumpta:                                No, I think she wants to be left alone right now.

 

Brendan:                                I'll call in to her on my way home.

 

Assumpta places a glass of whisky in front of Brian.

 

Assumpta:                                Mind you don't choke on it eh?

 

Brian picks up a carafe of water and pours some into the glass.

 

Brendan:                                You must have been the star pupil at charm school, Brian.

 

Brian raises his glass to them all:                                Thank you.

He takes a sip.

 

Peter looks daggers at Brian.

 

Assumpta, quietly, to Peter:                                He's lucky I'm on this side of the bar or I'd lob him one.

 

Peter looks at Assumpta with a half-smile, then back at Brian.

 

Peter:                                Yeah, the thought had crossed my mind.

He looks at Assumpta.

 

She returns his look. They seem to have made up.

 

SCENE: Siobhan's lounge interior.

Siobhan is sitting on her sofa, a drink in her hand. A loud knock sounds at the door.

 

Siobhan, lethargically:                                Go away.

 

Someone knocks at the door again, rather more insistently.

 

Siobhan, louder:                                Go away will ya!

 

Brendan (off-screen):                                Ah come on Siobhan. Answer the door, or I'll break it down.

 

Siobhan drains her drink and stands up slowly. She walks to the front door. We cannot see the door.

 

Siobhan (off-screen):                                You haven't been at the pub all this time?

 

Brendan (off-screen):                                I have, yes.

 

The door closes. Siobhan walks back into the living room, closely followed by Brendan. He stumbles a little. Siobhan goes over to a low cabinet and pours a drink. Brendan stands behind her and watches her.

 

Brendan:                                Just a small one for me please Siobhan.

 

Siobhan puts the bottle down and walks toward the sofa, carrying a drink in her hand.

 

Siobhan, depressed:                                Help yourself.

 

Brendan, impressed:                                Mmm.

He pours himself a large drink.

 

Siobhan sits down on the sofa and mopes.

 

Brendan:                                Are you all right?

He takes a sip of his drink.

 

Siobhan, sarcastically:                                Why shouldn't I be. Sure I enjoy being humiliated in front of all my friends.

 

Brendan scoffs:                                Oh, pay no mind to Brian, Siobhan. Sure he didn't mean it.

He sits down in an arm chair across from Siobhan.

 

Siobhan, unconvinced:                                Maybe. But he has a point.

 

Brendan:                                Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

Siobhan:                                God knows I'm no oil painting.

 

Brendan:                                You know what that is? That's drink talking. You know you're a good looking woman.

 

Siobhan scoffs:                                Says who.

She takes a sip of her drink.

 

Brendan quickly swallows:                                Mm. Me, I do for one.

 

Siobhan, irritated:                                Ah you're just saying that. (She puts down her drink on the coffee table.) To make me feel better.

 

Brendan sighs in exasperation, gets up, goes over to the sofa and sits down next to Siobhan. He puts his drink down on the coffee table and his arm around her shoulder.

 

Brendan:                                We've been friends for years, have we not?

 

Siobhan nods.

 

Brendan:                                Well then you know I wouldn't lie to you about anything like that. You're a very attractive woman. The only one who doesn't know it is yourself.

 

Siobhan turns to Brendan, sadly:                                Do you really think so?

 

Brendan:                                I'm telling you. Looks and brains, a deadly combination in any woman. (He smiles.) Sure, I don't know why you weren't snapped up years ago.

 

Siobhan:                                I've had me fair share of offers.

She smiles a little.

 

Brendan:                                I can believe it.

 

Siobhan, softly:                                Oh Brendan.

She puts her hand on his cheek and moves closer to him. It looks like she wants to kiss him.

 

Brendan moves back slightly. This is obviously not how he wanted things to go.

 

Brendan, quickly:                                Eh, I'd best be going now.

 

Siobhan takes his face between her hands and kisses him. She leans against him and he puts his arm around her shoulder in order to stop himself from falling backward. He holds up his drink to avoid spilling it.

 

SCENE: Irish countryside.

Aerial shot of green fields. It is morning.

 

SCENE: Siobhan's bedroom interior.

Sun is streaming through the open window. Birds are chirping. Brendan is lying in Siobhan's bed. His nose twitches. He rubs it with the back of his hand. A slight breeze billows the curtain out the window. Brendan opens his eyes and blinks several times. He looks around, realizes where he is, and slowly sits up. He is wearing his blue dress shirt from the previous night. He groans slightly and puts his hand against his forehead. He looks at the bed next to him and closes his eyes again in self-reproach. Siobhan is sound asleep. Brendan gets quickly out of bed and picks something up from the floor.

 

Brendan:                                Oh my God.

 

Brendan ducks out into the hall, wearing his shirt and boxer shorts and carrying his pants in one hand and his shoes and socks in the other. He stops and looks back at the bedroom and sighs at his stupidity. He goes downstairs. Back in the bedroom, Siobhan is sound asleep.

 

SCENE: Gymnasium interior.

The kids are practicing their dance routine again. Niamh is standing before them, watching them sharply.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen interior.

There is apparently a small kitchen adjacent to the practice room. Peter is sitting on a counter there watching the dancers. The tapping is audible, as are Niamh's comments (but not intelligible to us). Brendan walks past behind him and goes over to the sink, where he gets himself a glass of water. He looks hung over and miserable. He opens a pill bottle and shakes out a couple of pills. Peter turns around and sees Brendan standing there.

 

Peter:                                You look like you could do with some sleep.

 

Brendan looks past Peter into the gymnasium, sees something that startles him, and dashes over to hide behind the wall. Peter turns around to see what caused that reaction.

 

CUT TO: Gymnasium.

Siobhan enters the room. She is smiling and chipper, in complete contrast to Brendan. Siobhan sees Peter and nods to him in greeting. She walks over to him.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

Siobhan leans back against the counter next to Peter.

 

Siobhan:                                Have you seen Brendan, Father?

 

Peter:                                I uh... (Peter looks over to where Brendan is hiding. Brendan waves his hand and mouths 'NO'. Peter looks back out at the dancers.) I don't know uh Siobhan um he was here a little while ago.

 

Siobhan doesn't seem bothered:                                Ah sure never mind. I'll catch up with him.

 

Siobhan and Peter nod and smile at each other and Siobhan leaves. Peter looks intrigued. He turns toward Brendan, who slowly comes out of hiding.

 

CUT TO: Gymnasium.

Siobhan leaves.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

 

Peter:                                What was all that about?

 

Brendan:                                I made the mother of all mistakes.

 

Peter:                                It can't be that bad.

 

Brendan:                                You wanna bet?

 

Niamh (off-screen):                                Father Clifford.

 

Peter turns to look at Niamh.

 

CUT TO: Gymnasium.

The dancers have stopped. Niamh is looking over at Peter.

 

Niamh:                                Have you got a minute?

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

Peter smiles at Niamh and hops down from the counter.

 

Peter (to Brendan, smugly):                                Talk to you later.

 

SCENE: Siobhan's house exterior. Sunny.

Brian lays a bouquet of flowers on Siobhan's doorstep and tucks a card in. He walks quickly away and gets into his Range Rover.

 

SCENE: School exterior.

Peter and Brendan are sitting on the steps.

 

Brendan:                                One minute I was offering her a little...friendly comfort, and the next--

 

Peter:                                Yeah I get the picture.

 

Brendan sighs.

 

Peter:                                Has Siobhan said anything?

 

Brendan:                                She doesn't have to. It's all in the eyes with women. 's why I'm trying to avoid her.

 

Peter:                                Brendan...

 

Brendan:                                It was just... Well you know how it is.

 

Peter looks at him like, "look who you're talking to".

 

Brendan:                                We had a bit to drink and one thing led to another.

 

Peter:                                Right. And you think Siobhan might have ideas about something more, permanent.

 

Brendan:                                I think she's in love with me.

 

Peter states the obvious:                                Well you can't keep avoiding her.

 

Brendan pleads:                                I just don't want to hurt her feelings, that's all.

 

Peter:                                All the more reason why you should say something.

 

Brendan stands up and walks a few steps away, then turns back to Peter.

 

Brendan:                                I can't. Not until I've had a good night's sleep anyway.

 

Peter:                                Coward.

 

Brendan nods in agreement, smiles:                                Knackered coward.

He walks away.

 

Peter sits there. He looks like he thinks Brendan's making a mistake.

 

SCENE: Siobhan's house exterior.

Siobhan closes the back of her jeep and walks toward her front door. She slows down as she sees the flowers. She picks them up. As she does so, the card falls out. She doesn't notice.

 

Siobhan:                                Brendan.

She looks at the flowers. It is unclear what she thinks. She puts her key in the lock and opens the door.

 

Just in case anyone missed it, a close-up of the doorstep shows the card is lying on the ground. Siobhan steps over the card and goes inside without noticing it. As she closes the door, a gust of air blows the card away.

 

SCENE: Street outside Fitzgerald's. Sunny.

Assumpta's van is parked outside Fitzgerald's. Back-to-back with the van is a red van. Assumpta and an unknown man are loading alcoholic beverages from one van into the other.

 

Peter:                                What's all this?

 

Assumpta:                                Oh it's uh, my contribution to the festival.

 

Peter:                                That's very generous of you.

 

Assumpta, dryly:                                Sure I'm all heart.

She picks up a flat of drinks from the back of the red van and heaves it over to her van.

 

Peter:                                Um, can I ask a favour?

 

Assumpta:                                What is it?

 

Peter:                                I really need your help.

 

Assumpta:                                That bad is it? Um... (To the man with the red van:) John, two minutes? (She holds up two fingers at him. She looks at Peter and inclines her head toward the pub.) Come on inside.

She walks around her van toward the pub entrance. Peter follows her.

 

John carries another flat of drinks into Assumpta's van.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's kitchen interior.

Assumpta is sitting on the table, Peter is in a chair in front of her.

 

Peter:                                Would you talk to her?

 

Assumpta looks uncomfortable:                                It's not my place to. What happened between Siobhan and Brendan is their business.

 

Peter:                                Yeah but we can't just stand by and watch them fall out over this.

 

Assumpta:                                Well, things might work out between them.

 

Peter:                                No. These kind of complications always end up ruining friendships.

 

Assumpta:                                It happens. Sometimes it can't be helped.

 

Peter:                                I hate to see people I care about get hurt.

 

Assumpta nods:                                All right all right. (She slides down off the table.) I'll talk to her. When I get a chance.

She walks past Peter, toward the pub.

 

Peter:                                Thanks. (He stands up.) I really appreciate this.

 

Assumpta stands in the doorway and nods:                                What are friends for.

 

Peter goes past Assumta into the pub. She follows.

 

SCENE: Eamonn's farm.

Siobhan, looking cheerful, walks into Eamonn's barn. We can hear recorded music playing. A cow moos. Siobhan stops in the barn entrance. Eamonn is back in the barn, mucking out the stalls.

 

Siobhan:                                Good news Eamonn.

 

Eamonn stops mucking and looks at Siobhan.

 

Siobhan, happily:                                Your pigs are clear.

 

Eamonn, ecstatic:                                I don't believe it. Oh music to me ears. (He shuffles over to one of the enclosures and talks to one of the pigs.) You hear that Mary?

 

Siobhan joins Eamonn next to the enclosure.

 

Eamonn:                                Oh look. She's over the moon Siobhan.

 

The pig grunts.

 

Eamonn turns to Siobhan, worried:                                So what have they got?

 

Siobhan:                                A strain of flu virus. The symptoms are similar to Arjesky's (?). (She turns to look at the pigs.) I'll start them on a course of antibiotics straight away. (She turns back to Eamonn.) And they'll be as right as rain in no time.

 

Eamonn:                                You know, I reckon all this is my punishment for getting involved in Quigley's little scheme. Twenty years of being throwing. (??) (He leans over and looks at the pigs.) Least you know where you are with an old sow. (He cocks his head and looks at Siobhan.) Eh Siobhan?

 

Siobhan stops smiling and looks sadly at Eamonn, then back at the pigs.

 

SCENE: Fairgrounds.

An elderly couple is standing behind a little table set up on the grass, collecting money for tickets. Two girls buy tickets. A car drives past. The camera pans around to show a field with lots of cars parked on it, and lots of people milling around. There are a couple of tents set up, a couple of food wagons, and a stage.

 

SCENE: Stage.

Peter and Brendan are sitting on the edge of the stage, people-watching.

 

Brendan:                                Here we go.

He watches someone pass and smiles at Peter.

 

Peter smiles back:                                Have you spoken to Siobhan yet?

 

Brendan:                                No.

He jumps down off the stage.

 

Peter:                                Are you going to?

 

Brendan, irritated:                                Yes, later, later.

He puts his hands in his pockets and looks off into the distance.

 

There are crowds of people are arriving. Padraig, Siobhan, and Assumpta with Fionn are visible. Brendan sees them. He gets a panicked look.

 

Brendan:                                Oh, no.

He leaves.

 

Peter admonishes him:                                Brendan...

 

Padraig, Siobhan, Assumpta and Fionn are approaching. Various scenes of general merriment: children playing ring-toss, kiddie rides.

 

SCENE: Stage.

Kevin is up on stage, reciting a poem. Brendan is sitting slightly behind him.

 

Kevin:                                ?? by John Montague. The sounds of Ireland, that restless whispering you can never get away, comes seeping out of low bushes and grass, heather rows and fern, wrinkling ?? and scraping tree branches, light haunting cloud, sound hounding sight, a hand, ceaselessly combing, (Ambrose and Con are standing at the back of the audience, Con hugging the violin case) stroking the landscape, through the valley gleams, (Padraig is sitting in the audience, listening proudly) up the pile upon the mountain, ??

 

The audience applauds. Padraig looks around proudly. Brendan applauds politely. Ambrose applauds dutifully. Con hides his face against the violin case. Next come the dancers. Niamh stands at the side of the stage, watching. The kids she had been coaching are up on stage, in dark green costumes. Out in the audience, Peter gives Niamh the thumbs-up, mouthing 'It's great!'

 

SCENE: Tent interior.

Brian and the bearded man who visited him earlier with the architectural plans, are there, getting coffee.

 

Man:                                I hope after all this, my daughter isn't going to be disappointed, Brian.

 

Brian:                                No worries.

 

Man:                                Fionnuala's been through a lot for this. Living with that man and his pigs.

 

Brian:                                Sure she had to be local. Anyway, she looks a million dollars. Trust me, Dessi. She'll walk it.

He takes a sip of coffee.

 

Dessi:                                I certainly hope so.

He takes a sip of coffee, all the while watching Brian closely.

 

SCENE: Audience.

Peter is standing behind Siobhan and Assumpta. Assumpta turns around and looks at Peter. Peter motions between Assumpta and Siobhan and mouths, 'Have you been able to...?' Assumpta shakes her head. Peter purses his lips. Assumpta gets Siobhan's attention and mimes drinking. Siobhan looks amenable to that idea. They both stand up. Assumpta looks back and Peter. He nods slightly to her in encouragement. Up on stage, the dancers are still dancing. Niamh is still watching them.

 

SCENE: Tent.

On the outside of a yellow and blue tent hangs a printed sign, 'CONTESTANTS ONLY'.

 

CUT TO: Tent interior.

There are several pretty young women standing around. Naomi is sitting at a dressing table before a mirror, putting on lipstick. She looks at herself.

 

SCENE: Stage.

A drum roll sounds. A line of middle-aged musicians is seated on stage. Liam and Donal are standing off to the side, on stage. Brian comes out from behind the stringy gold foil that serves as a curtain or backdrop. Brian is applauded. Two strings of gold foil wrap themselves around his neck. He neatly frees himself. Brian steps up to the microphone and starts talking. There is no sound. Brian looks at Liam and Donal. Donal bends over and fiddles with a sound box. There is a whistling sound from the electronic equipment.

 

Brian:                                Ladies and gentlemen. (He waits until the whistling sound stops.) Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Lily of Ballykissangel contest. Organized in conjunction with Babbling Brook, the unique taste of pure Irish spring water.

 

Heckler in the audience:                                Oh go on! We want to see the girls!

 

Audience titters.

 

Brian forges on:                                It promises to be a most entertaining event, and so I would ask you to put your hands together, for our first contestant, May Hoolihan. Big round of applause for May.

 

Audience hoots, whistles and claps. A young woman with red hair and a short blue sleeveless dress clomps out onto the stage and takes a turn.

 

SCENE: Beer tent.

Siobhan has got two beers in plastic cups from a vendor.

 

Brian (off-screen, in the distance):                                Thank you, May. And now, a lass, with a twinkle in her eye... (He continues to talk, but his voice blends into the background.)

 

Siobhan walks over to where Assumpta is sitting and hands her one of the cups.

 

Siobhan:                                Here.

 

Assumpta:                                Oh. Cheers.

 

Siobhan sits down next to Assumpta. They have a good view of the stage but are a good ways back from it.

 

Brian (off-screen, in the distance):                                Maureen O'Reilly, sweet sixteen...

 

Assumpta, gossipy:                                So. Come on Siobhan. What's the gossip?

 

Siobhan, surprised:                                Gossip?

 

Assumpta:                                Well you've been keeping something to yourself, I can tell.

 

Siobhan looks like the cat that ate the canary.

 

Assumpta, eagerly:                                Well?

 

Siobhan:                                Don't breathe a word to a soul. Eamonn's niece, Naomi, is an imposter.

 

Assumpta, completely taken off guard:                                What?

 

Siobhan, matter-of-factly:                                She's not who she says she is.

 

Assumpta cocks her head:                                What are you talking about?

 

Siobhan:                                I've been doing some research. The real Naomi is a nun. Works with the Little Sisters of the Poor in Liverpool. Has done for years.

 

Naomi, in a short, red, sleeveless dress, her hair done up fancily, steps out onto the stage. Out in the audience, Eamonn is applauding wildly. Dessi is sitting behind Eamonn, smiling smugly.

 

Assumpta gestures toward the stage with her beer cup.

 

Assumpta:                                So who's she?

 

Siobhan:                                Fionnuala McMichael.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala is strutting around the stage. The back of her dress is quite scanty. The audience is hooting and whistling.

 

Siobhan (off-screen):                                Her father runs a big shipping company in Dublin. He's an old buddy of Brian's. She wants a modeling career. So, they fixed up an agreement.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala shakes hands with Brian and takes her place behind him in the line-up.

 

Siobhan:                                 If she wins the contest, Quigley gets himself a major building contract.

 

Assumpta:                                And this is gonna help her?

 

Siobhan:                                If she gets through, and wins the final. First prize is a huge modeling contract to help them move that piddle.

She inclines her head toward the table of Babbling Brook product behind them.

 

Assumpta, incredulously:                                Oh I don't believe this.

 

Siobhan:                                Oh, Quigley reckons there's no competition. As far as looks go, she's a dead certain.

 

The contestants are all lined up behind Brian. All of the other girls have on long, cotton print dresses. Naomi certainly stands out.

 

Assumpta:                                Oh is that a fact?

 

Assumpta:                                Well we'll soon see about that.

She starts to get up.

 

Siobhan puts her hand on Assumpta's arm and stops her:                                No. Wait until she's pronounced the winner. (She gives Assumpta a mischievous smile.) Why spoil the fun?

 

Assumpta smiles back.

 

The contestants are filing off the stage. The audience is applauding.

 

SCENE: Fairgrounds.

Shots of kids enjoying themselves. Ambrose is walking through the crowd with Con.

 

Ambrose, reassuringly:                                Relax. You'll be fine.

 

Con:                                I'm going to be sick.

 

Ambrose chuckles:                                That's just your nerves. It happens to all great performers. There's nothing to worry about. (He looks around at the crowd.) There's only a couple of hundred people here.

 

Con stops walking, gives Ambrose a panicked look, and runs away.

 

Ambrose, fretfully:                                Oh no. (He calls after Con.) Con!

 

Con runs away into the crowd. Ambrose stands there with his hands in his pockets. A drum roll sounds. Ambrose looks up at the stage.

 

SCENE: Stage.

The beauty contestants are filing back onto the stage with Brian. The audience applauds. Naomi/Fionnuala has a big plastic smile on her face.

 

Brian:                                And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment we've all be eagerly awaiting.

 

Out in the audience, Dessi is eagerly awaiting. Outside the beer tent, Assumpta and Siobhan are making their move. Assumpta has Fionn on a lead.

 

Assumpta:                                Let me do it.

 

Siobhan:                                Not a chance, I've been looking forward to it.

 

Assumpta:                                Hah!

 

Up on stage, a woman hands Brian an envelope.

 

Brian:                                Thank you. In here is the winning name. (He opens the envelope.) The winner is... (He pulls a gold card out of the envelope.) The winner is...

 

Naomi/Fionnuala is grinning like crazy. She takes half a step forward.

 

Down on the ground, Assumpta is struggling to keep Fionn under control. Siobhan looks dead earnest.

 

Siobhan:                                Right.

She takes half a step forward.

 

Brian, disappointed:                                Deirdre Patrick.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala's smile fades. The audience erupts into applause.

 

Siobhan and Assumpta look at each other in gleeful surprise. Assumpta laughs heartily. Siobhan applauds.

 

Siobhan shouts:                                Good woman!

 

Assumpta whoops and raises her fist. Siobhan hoots.

 

Up on stage, Deirdre (remember her from the bread delivery at Hendley's?) steps out from behind Brian and they shake hands. She looks very pleased. Brian looks trapped. Out in the audience, Dessi and Eamonn both look shocked. Naomi/Fionnuala looks like she feels cheated.

 

Brian:                                Great big round of applause for Deirdre. Well this is indeed a proud day for Pat Patrick.

 

A woman puts a sash over Deirdre's head. The sash says 'Lily of Ballykissangel'. Deirdre looks delighted. She kisses the woman.

 

Brian:                                And now Deirdre...your prize. (He hands Deirdre an envelope. Behind them, the other contestants file off the stage.) You will go forward to the national heat, in the search for the new face for Babbling Brook.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala gives Brian a look of disgust as she leaves the stage.

 

Brian:                                Oh yes and, (He hands Deirdre another envelope.) A free hairdo from Millian's premier styling salon. Well done.

 

The audience applauds on cue. Dessi does not applaud. Siobhan and Assumpta are still laughing, Siobhan is still applauding, Assumpta is still pulling on Fionn's lead. Fionn barks.

 

SCENE: Stage.

Brendan is standing at the mike.

 

Brendan:                                And now back to our musical program. We're about to enjoy a contribution from one of our visitors from Allentown. Con O'Neill.

 

Out in the audience, Ambrose is looking worried. Padraig is standing behind him.

 

Brendan:                                He's gonna play a little something that's uh...guaranteed to get your feet tapping. Con O'Neill. (He turns around and claps.)

 

Out in the audience, Ambrose and Padraig are applauding. Ambrose still looks worried. Up on stage, Brendan peers around behind the gold foil, looking for Con. He looks out at the audience, then back behind the foil. Out in the audience, Niamh and Peter are looking apprehensive.  They stop applauding as they realize that something is wrong. Niamh looks over at Ambrose. Everyone stops applauding. Ambrose shrugs and mouths 'I don't know' at Niamh. The audience starts to murmur. Up on stage, Con appears tentatively from behind the gold foil. Ambrose starts applauding heartily. The rest of the audience joins in politely. Con looks very nervous. He walks forward to the front of the stage, where another mike is set up. He stops and looks out at the sea of faces. Everyone stops applauding. Ambrose is the last one to stop. He adjusts his wedding band, then folds his arms. Con sets the violing under his chin and starts playing. He is off-key. Ambrose rubs his chin. Niamh looks embarrassed and glances at Peter. Peter looks worried. Con grimaces, realizing he is off-key, but keeps playing. Members of the audience look embarrassed for him. Con stops, then starts again, but he is still off. Ambrose, Niamh and Peter look worried. Up on stage, Brendan signals to the middle-aged musicians that they should start playing along. Con stops playing. A woman musician starts beating out a rhythm on an Irish drum (there is probably a particular Irish name for it, but I don't know it). Con turns around and looks at the musicians. He turns back toward the audience and places the bow on the strings. Out in the audience, Ambrose mouths 'Come on' to himself. Con catches the beat and starts playing again, this time in tune. Ambrose smiles in great relief and starts clapping along. Other members of the audience join in. Niamh and Peter also smile and clap along. The other musicians also join in playing. Some members of the audience up in front start dancing a reel. The aisles fill with dancing audience members. Niamh and Peter look on, pleased. Con is now smiling as he plays.

 

SCENE: Tent.

Eamonn is outside the blue and yellow beauty contestants' tent. He totters over to the entrance and pulls back the tent flap.

 

CUT TO: Inside.

Naomi/Fionnuala is sitting at the dressing table, dejected. Eamonn approaches her.

 

Eamonn, tentatively:                                S-ssorry you didn't win.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala, grudgingly:                                Thanks.

 

Eamonn turns to leave. Naomi/Fionnuala sits up.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala:                                Eamonn?

 

Eamonn turns back around.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala, sincerely:                                I'm glad your pigs are OK.

She gives him a little smile.

 

Eamonn smiles back and leaves. Dessi storms in and goes over to Naomi/Fionnuala.

 

Dessi, impatiently:                                Come on, let's go.

 

Naomi/Fionnuala stands up and gathers her things.

 

Dessi:                                OK?

 

They leave.

 

CUT TO: Outside.

Naomi/Fionnuala and Dessi walk quickly across the field. They pass Assumpta and Siobhan. Brian tries to catch up to them.

 

Brian calls:                                Hey wait! Dessi, wait up!

 

Dessi stops and turns around. Naomi/Fionnuala hurries on. Dessi draws a line at his throat, then puts his hands in his pockets and leaves.

 

Brian:                                Dessi!

 

A woman in a business suit walks up to Brian and shakes his hand.

 

Woman:                                A wonderful show Mr. Quigley. We've got ourselves a real country beauty, exactly what we're looking for.

 

Brian, ingratiatingly:                                Oh thank you very much indeed, thank you, that's very kind, thank you.

 

Assumpta and Siobhan are watching this exchange, schadenfreude all over their faces. The woman leaves. Brian raises his hand to call after Dessi again.

 

Brian:                                De--

 

Siobhan:                                Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Eh Brian?

 

Brian turns to look at Siobhan. He looks at Assumpta. He leaves.

 

SCENE: Fairgrounds.

Brian and Peter are walking at the edge of the crowd around the stage. They walk right up to Assumpta and Siobhan. Brendan looks a little nervous. Peter looks right at Assumpta.

 

Brendan:                                Siobhan, can I have a quick word.

 

Assumpta:                                Come on Father, let's have a go.

 

Assumpta and Peter take a few steps away. Peter leans over to pet Fionn. Assumpta looks back at Siobhan and Brendan.

 

Brendan:                                Siobhan, I have something I have to say to you.

 

Siobhan puts her hand on his arm:                                Brendan. You're a great pal. You know that and I think the world of you. But that's all. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but, I have to be honest. I'd much rather we stayed friends. I'm sorry.

She pats him on the arm consolingly and walks away.

 

Siobhan passes Brian, who is walking in the direction of Brendan.

 

Siobhan turns around and calls:                                But thanks for the flowers.

 

Brian turns around, thinking that Siobhan is talking to him. He is standing right next to Brendan.

 

Siobhan points at Brendan/Brian:                                They were a lovely thought.

 

Both Brian and Brendan smile at her, somewhat bemused. They look at each other, then back at Siobhan, frowning.

 

SCENE: Audience.

Con is still playing up on stage with the other musicians. Assumpta and Peter, with Fionn, walk up the aisle to the front of the stage.

 

ROLL CREDITS