BALLYKISSANGEL Episode 6.7
"Getting Better All the Time"
Written by Kieran Prendiville
Transcribed by Margaret Pattison

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

The regulars are watching TV. It is a news program. We see a woman walking with two men in suits accompanying her, and shaking hands with people.

Announcer: Faith healer Consuela Dunphy has returned after thirty years. She starts her tour of Wicklow tomorrow.

The TV shows Consuela sitting next to a boy, possibly in a hospital, talking to him and running her hand over his head.

Announcer: Watched with interest by her critics, who argue against her claims.

The TV shows Consuela leaving the room, accompanied by two men in suits.

Announcer: Miss Dunfey, for her part, refuses to engage in any debate.

Dr. Ryan, sitting at the bar, dryly: Well there's a surprise.

Paul walks past, carrying two plates of food: Friendly (or Afraid of the??) competition, Doc?

Fr Vincent, sitting at the bar, laughs.

Brendan, standing by the bar, goodnaturedly, to Fr Vincent: Eh, when was the last time you cured anyone?

Fr Vincent points around at everyone: Hey. Just know that I can.

Frankie, from a side table: You talk the talk Father, she walks the walk.

Fr Vincent turns to look at Frankie, then turns back to the bar, slightly deflated.

Dr. Ryan: Well I think it stinks. These people are a menace.
He takes a spoonful of soup.

Fr Vincent takes umbrage: ?? on Doc. That's me you're talking about.

Dr. Ryan: What?

Fr Vincent: I visit the sick in hospital, I pray that they'll get better.

Paul: Yeah, but I think the difference is Father, when she does it...
He nods toward the TV: ...people expect something to happen.

Everybody laughs. Even Fr Vincent appreciates their humour.

ROLL TITLES

SCENE: Daytime. Sunny. Bridge.

A white bus rolls over the bridge into BallyK.

SCENE: Daytime. Street.

Fr Vincent watches the bus drive into town. It stops in front of Hendley's. People get off.

A woman greets Fr Vincent, flatly: Morning Father.

Fr Vincent, friendly: Morning Betty.
He turns to watch her walk away.

A man gets off the bus, sees Fr Vincent, drops his bag: Oy. Vinnie.
He opens his arms in greeting.

Fr Vincent turns around toward the man: Bares you old ??
He holds his arms open, too.

Barry and Fr Vincent embrace briefly, pound each other on the back, grab each other's shoulders, look very happy.

Fr Vincent grabs Barry's neck, happily: You look terrible!

Barry: So do you!

A woman is standing off to the side, watching them, objects: No he doesn't.

Barry and Fr Vincent turn to look at her. Barry looks slightly contrite: What am I thinking.
He steps over to the woman, puts his arm around her: Lynn, this is Vinnie.
He guides her over to Fr Vincent.

Lynn: You can't call a priest Vinnie.

Fr Vincent pushes her shoulder, shyly: Oh you can.
Then rousingly: I don't understand but it's lovely!
Then suddenly serious: Lynn, don't do it. Come away with me, we'll live free in the mountains.
He gestures around at the world and smiles.

Lynn: That's a good offer, Bares.

Barry agrees: Oh perfect.

Lynn, lovingly: I think he loves me.

Fr Vincent: He'd be insane not to but why do you love him.
He pokes Barry in the arm in mock aggression.

Lynn: Oh.

Barry: Hey.

Fr Vincent and Barry spar with each other briefly, then laugh and embrace and pound each other's backs again.

Lynn: Odd!

Barry and Fr Vincent put their arms around each other.

Barry: I haven't seen this man since he saved my life.

Fr Vincent: Talked him out of the priesthood.

Lynn nods.

Barry, to Lynn: That's a mate.

Fr Vincent looks pleased with himself.

Barry grabs Fr Vincent around the neck with one hand and shakes him, enthusiastically: That's a mate!
They embrace and pound each other's backs again.

SCENE: Daytime. Sunny. Hillside.

Liam's truck is parked on the side of a hill. Liam is standing next to the truck pouring some coffee from a thermos. Donal is sitting on a rock nearby looking at a newspaper.

Liam: What are you talking about investing. Ah that's so...that's so you!
He picks up two cups and brings them over to Donal.

Donal reminds Liam: It's a lot of money.

Liam: Ten grand. Oh yeah.

Donal: Well it was when you didn't have it. I'm tired of renting.

Liam, skeptically: And you want to buy a house for ten grand?
He hands Donal one of the cups: Where were you thinking? Chernobyl?
He laughs, sits down on the rock next to Donal.

Donal looks long-suffering: And what's your great idea? Drink it all away at Fitzgerald's?

Liam picks up the newspaper, looks at it.

Donal: What?

Liam: It's staring you in the face.

Donal looks at what Liam is looking at, scoffs: Ah Liam.

Liam: Donal, we're talking about The Cat.

CUT TO: Newspaper

Closeup of newspaper shows an advertisement with a picture of a racehorse and the title "ANOTHER WINNING SYNDICATE -- EVER THOUGHT THIS COULD BE YOU?"

Liam (off-camera): Avril Burke is syndicating The Cat.

CUT TO: Hillside.

Donal: ?? Why don't you just take the money and flush it down the toilet? Cut out the middle man.

Paul (off-camera): Hey!

Liam hides the newspaper behind his back.

Paul walks toward them: Is that rock going to move by itself? Huh?

Liam and Donal look at their cups.

Paul: What am I paying you two for?

Donal: Ah don't worry about that Mr. Dooley. Just ?? We'll be fine.

Paul stares at them like he doesn't know what they are up to.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's hotel entrance interior.

Oonagh enters, over her shoulder: Well, you're very welcome I'm sure.

Lynn, Fr Vincent and Barry follow. Fr Vincent is lugging a big suitcase.

CUT TO: Front desk.

Oonagh steps behind the desk: Mr. and Mrs. is it?

Lynn looks at Barry, then back at Oonagh.

Barry sets down his bag, looks at Oonagh: Are you serious?

Oonagh: Nope. It was really for Father Sheahan's benefit.

Barry laughs.

Fr Vincent: Well Oonagh you have three days to enjoy that joke. Because in three days, they really will be Mr. and Mrs.

Oonagh reaches for the room key: Well, I'll prepare you the honeymoon suite.

Lynn, surprised: You have a honeymoon suite?

Oonagh: Nope. We just take the TV out of your room.

Fr Vincent laughs knowingly at Barry and Lynn. Barry laughs and kisses Lynn's head. Lynn smiles and lowers her head in embarrassment.

SCENE: Daytime. Overcast. Hillside.

Liam and Donal are pushing on crowbars, trying to dislodge the rock. They are grunting and groaning, but nothing is budging. Paul is sitting on the flatbed, reading the newspaper.

Liam whispers to Donal: Donal come on look. I know about horses. I grew up on one.

Donal: What a rocking horse?

Liam: No. Flesh and blood. He was called Yoohoo.

Donal exclaims: Yoohoo?

Paul lowers his newspaper, looks at Liam and Donal: What?

Liam: Yeah. He was like...a pet for the whole estate.

Donal: And they named the pet horse for a tube of glue?

Liam: Kept him on his toes.

Donal: Didn't kick your pram did he Yoohoo?

Liam: Donal, we're talking about The Cat here.

Paul sneaks a look at Liam and Donal from behind the newspaper.

Liam: A racing machine.

Donal: Which has won one race in its life. A six furlong maiden at Wexford.

They both let go of the crowbars and gasp. Paul sighs and returns his attention to the newspaper.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Oonagh is behind the bar. Fr Vincent takes a glass of orange juice and a bottle of beer from her: Thanks Oonagh.
He brings the drinks to a side table, where Barry is sitting. He puts the glass down on the table and gives Barry the bottle. He sits down at the table: So mate, why now.

Barry: Don't know. Just...feels right.

Fr Vincent: Ten years Barry, you and Lynn. Sure you're not rushing into it?

Barry laughs: ?? mate.

Fr Vincent: Oh uh, before I forget Barry and I'm sorry to go on about it, but I need to see your marriage license, not now, just...

Barry looks vaguely uncomfortable, yet agreeable: No worries.

Fr Vincent holds up the orange juice.

Barry looks disgusted: Ooh, what's that?

Fr Vincent clinks his glass against Barry's bottle. They both drink.

SCENE: Daytime. Sunny. Hillside.

Liam and Donal are still working on the rock. Donal is lying on his back with his feet up against it, trying to push it. Paul is sitting on the flatbed. He unscrews the thermos and pours the last few drops into a cup. He looks annoyed.

Liam: No danger of a hand here, Mr. Dooley.

Paul: That's how communism started.

Liam: Mr. Dooley, even if we move it, there's no way we'll be able to get it up on that truck.

Paul clears his throat, hops down off the truck: Honest to God. The pair of you. You're like a pair of ??
He walks over to the rock: Here. Stand aside. Why don't we roll it.
He grabs the rock with both hands: On three.

Liam and Paul together: One two three. Aahh.
They all push really hard. Nothing happens.

Brendan approaches with lots of schoolkids following him.

Brendan: Quiet here children. Don't startle him. This is a rare sight. Paul Dooley, with his shoulder to his work.

Paul: You're welcome to join in.

Brendan: And why would I want to do that?

Paul: Well to show your class what we already know. That there's nothing you can't do.

Little boy asks Paul: Is that sarcasm sir?

Brendan, amused: No Jared, that's a fact. To Paul: And why would I want to move it in the first place?

Donal stands up, says as if it were obvious: It's in the way.

Brendan looks around: Of what?

Paul stammers: Why aren't they in school?

Brendan: Field studies.

Paul: Really. We're in my field.

Jared: Sir sir.

Brendan: Yes Jared.

Jared, kneeling by the rock: There's something here.
He points at the bottom of the rock.

Brendan walks over and kneels down.

CUT TO: Rock.

Closeup of a cross hewn into the bottom of the rock.

Brendan brushes his fingers over the cross: Oh yes.

CUT TO: Hillside.

Brendan looks up at Paul, seriously: Can't move this Paul.

Paul: Says who?

Brendan stands: It's a Mass rock.

Paul: What?

Brendan: It's a Mass rock Paul. Can't move this.

Paul looks like he doesn't know what to do.

SCENE: Dr. Ryan's office interior.

Dr. Ryan, wearing latex gloves, is bending over and manipulating Fr Mac's bare feet as Fr Mac reclines on the examining table. Sound of toes cracking.

Fr Mac exclaims in pain: Aaah!

Dr. Ryan: Hm. Little bit stiff.
He stands up straight and looks at Fr Mac: I hope you're not thinking of the Wicklow marathon.

Fr Mac, disdainfully: I was thinking of drugs.

Dr. Ryan, skeptically: I could give you something, but...
He shrugs and looks at Fr Mac.

Fr Mac, resignedly: I know.
He sighs: Osteoarthritis is my...my cross.

Dr. Ryan: Be thankful it's not rheumatoid.
He takes off one glove, walks over to his desk, optimistically: Still, things will get better with the warm weather.

Fr Mac, testily: It is the warm weather.

Dr. Ryan sits down at his desk, gives Fr Mac a warning look, and snaps off the other glove. He drops both gloves on the desk.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Fr Vincent and Barry are sitting at a side table, laughing and conversing. Paul enters from outside, followed by Brendan. Paul looks peeved.

Brendan: Because it's living history Paul.

Paul scoffs, walks away.

Brendan: Because it tells us the way we used to worship and what we're prepared to die for.

Paul stops, turns and looks at Brendan like he's crazy: What?

Brendan: Do you honestly believe in two hundred years that-- that that scholars and archaeologists are going to...What do you want that field for?

Paul, calmly: That's my business.

Behind Paul, Oonagh descends the stairs, indignantly: What's going on?

Paul turns to look at her.

Oonagh: What are all these children doing in here?

Brendan looks around, notices that the entire class has followed him in: Er...field studies.

Oonagh, incredulously: In a public house? Get them out. And you the headmaster.

Brendan insists: Oonagh, I will.
He turns to Fr Vincent: I've come for the priest.

Barry laughs: You go ahead mate. That's your line.
He takes a sip of his beer.

Oonagh beckons to Paul: Inside.
She turns and walks into the kitchen.

Paul makes a face that says, "Well fellas, gotta go."

SCENE: Fitzgerald's kitchen interior.

Oonagh is standing at the table, buttering a piece of bread, skeptically curious: A health farm? What health farm?

Paul gets down two cups from the sideboard.

Oonagh: What field?

Paul brings the cups over to the table and puts them down, dismissively: Just a scrap of land.

Oonagh: For a health farm?

Paul: Oh, only dreams. No Oonagh. I didn't buy the land. Only leased it.
He pours two cups of tea.

Oonagh doesn't believe him: So you can dream about a health farm? Where is this field?

Paul: Baleach na gCapaill.
He walks behind Oonagh to the refrigerator.

Oonagh: Baleach na gCapaill?

Paul: Yeah.

Oonagh puts down the bread, derogatorily: Sure who'd want to build a health farm up there?

Paul gets some milk out: What? It's beautiful up there!
He closes the refrigerator, walks back behind Oonagh to the table.

Oonagh: Because there are no buildings.

Paul pours milk into the tea, patiently: Well now, there's this consortium looking to build.

Oonagh taunts Paul: And they said, Paul. You don't know us, but, we'd love to make you rich?
She suppresses a laugh.

Paul, deflated: It's just something I heard.
He walks away: I'm doing me best.

Oonagh bites her lip. Paul walks out of the kitchen.

SCENE: Baleach na gCapaill. Cloudy.

Brendan, Fr Vincent and Jared are walking up to the Mass rock.

Brendan: It's no joke. Not ?? Threatens your religion.

Fr Vincent: But now you can.

Brendan: And nobody bothers I know.

Jared: Is that sarcasm, Sir?

Brendan: No, Jared, that's cynicism. It wasn't just the religion, it was the language, the culture.
He gestures toward Fr Vincent: You'd have been worth a few bob then.

Fr Vincent: What?

Brendan: A fiver. That's what you got if you turned a priest in.

Fr Vincent: Is that all?

They arrive at the rock.

Brendan scoffs: Hah. Well it was a fair bit of money back in the eighteenth century, wasn't it.

Jared examines the rock: It was.

Brendan: I'd say it's still a fair bit in Australia. He smirks at Fr Vincent: Anyway. Those that didn't want to practice the Mass in church, those with bottle, would come up here to the woods. They'd find a rock like this and they'd use it as an altar.

Fr Vincent shakes his head slightly: Pretty exposed, wasn't it?

Brendan points up the hill: Oh well the tree line's gone back since.

Fr Vincent looks up the hill in the direction Brendan pointed: Uh-oh.
He sees Paul approaching.

Brendan: Round two.

Paul: Are you done trespassing now?

Fr Vincent: Come on Paul.

Paul: This is my field. And that's my rock.

Brendan: Maybe. But this is our history.

Paul: OK then. Take it. It's yours. The pair of youse.

Fr Vincent: Paul this rock is sacred.

Paul grins slyly: Then it couldn't be in better hands, heh?

Brendan: Paul the rock is sacred because of where it is, not because of what it is.

Fr Vincent nods.

Paul: Then stick it below in St. Joseph's, I don't care. One way or another, this rock, rolls.
He looks triumphantly at them. Then he turns and walks away.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's exterior.

Donal slaps some paste onto the side of the pub with a large brush, then sticks up a poster with a big picture of Consuela which announces "CONSUELA DUNPHY". Dr. Ryan drives past in his car. He stops next to the pub and looks out the window at Donal. He looks annoyed. He puts his car into reverse and drives backwards.

SCENE: Frankie's kitchen interior.

Frankie is steaming and brushing her hat over the stove.

Dr. Ryan: Because she's a fraud.

Frankie: You have evidence of that, do you?

Dr. Ryan: Oh Frankie.

Frankie insists: Well do you? I mean what do you want me to do? She's not even on my patch.

Dr. Ryan: Oh and that makes everything all right, does it?

Frankie: Michael, what law is she breaking?
She finishes with her hat, moves the water off the burner and turns off the stove.

Dr. Ryan: Telling people with serious illnesses they're going to get better.

They hear something outside and look at the window.

CUT TO: Window.

Through the curtain, we can see Donal applying paste to the window with a large brush.

CUT TO: Kitchen interior.

Frankie and Dr. Ryan go outside.

CUT TO: Garda station exterior. It has just rained.

Donal is sticking another Consuela poster to the window. Frankie comes out.

Frankie: What did you think, Donal?

Donal looks at Frankie, caught in the act.

Frankie: I wouldn't notice?

Donal: I thought you were out.

Frankie glances at the poster, flatly: You know what to do.

Donal, humbly: Yes guard.

Frankie, haughtily: And when it's off I don't want to see a speck of dirt on that window.

Donal, humbly: No guard.

Frankie orders: Come to think of it, on any of them.

Donal: Right guard.

Frankie turns to Dr. Ryan, who is standing in the street next to her: Tell you what I'll do Michael. I'll see the show.
She goes back to the door: For the craft.
She closes the door, then walks over to her police car: And if I think an offense is being committed, which it won't be, I'll pass it on to Cilldargan, OK?
She puts on her hat.

Dr. Ryan follows her, agrees: Good enough.

They both walk right past the car.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Liam is cutting out the newspaper advertisement about the syndicate. Oonagh leans over on the bar and watches him sympathetically. Edso comes over and looks over Liam's shoulder.

Liam stops cutting and looks at Edso: What?

Edso: Are you serious?

Liam: How's that any of your business?

Edso: Well it's my newspaper.

Liam: Oh. Well. Right.

Edso: Go ahead. I won't be needing that bit anyway.
He backs off and sits down, still watching what Liam is cutting.

Oonagh watches him, too.

Liam continues cutting, looks at Oonagh, demands: What?

Oonagh: Are you serious?

Liam, defensively: Yes Oonagh I am serious. I'm serious about making some real money.

Oonagh and Edso smile slightly.

Liam: Yeah well maybe one day Edso I'll be smart enough to change a wheel, or fit an exhaust. But a man like me's got to work up to it.

Edso smiles slightly at him, looks at Oonagh. Oonagh shrugs. Edso shakes his head and looks away.

SCENE: BallyK street. It has recently rained.

Barry is bicycling along the street. He passes Fr Vincent's car, which is parked next to a building with a "TO LET" sign in the window.

CUT TO: BallyK church exterior.

Fr Vincent exits the church.

Barry calls (off-camera): Hey Vinnie!

Fr Vincent looks around, walks to the fence: Hey.

Barry cycles past.

Fr Vincent: She went that way. Bout half an hour ago.
He looks in the direction that Barry went, then steps away from the fence.

CUT TO: Church gate interior.

Barry cycles through the gate: Yeah right.
He cycles up to Fr Vincent.

CUT TO: Church exterior.

Fr Vincent: She not with you?

Barry: No, getting some shut eye.

Fr Vincent looks at Barry for a second, then asks suspiciously: She all right?

Barry shrugs: Just a bit queasy. That's what you get for not drinking on the way over.

Fr Vincent: Ah.

They both laugh.

Fr Vincent: So now you've come to waste my time.

Barry looks down.

Fr Vincent, seriously: What's up mate?

Barry takes a deep breath: That certificate you asked for...cannot find it mate, must have left it at home.

Fr Vincent, reproachfully: Barry--

Barry, apologetically: It's just a bit of paper mate.

Fr Vincent: No, it is not only a bit of paper, Bares, it's a license that tells me that you guys are free to marry.

Barry: I know Vin, what can I tell you?

Fr Vincent: Barry, I told you on the phone how important this was.

Barry nods, looks away.

Fr Vincent, conciliatorily: Let me make a call, I'll see what I can do.

Barry looks around, rolls his eyes sheepishly.

Fr Vincent, angrily: You're out of line mate.
He walks away.

Barry looks around ruefully.

SCENE: Sacristy interior.

Fr Vincent is speaking into the phone: I think it was an honest mistake, Father.

Fr Mac over the phone (off-camera): And we have his word for that do we?

Fr Vincent glances out the window: I can vouch for him Father. They've uh, come a long way.

Fr Mac over the phone: ?? Father it just seems like that.

Fr Vincent: Ah they've made plans for a honeymoon Father.

Fr Mac over the phone, sarcastically: How nice, I bet they didn't forget their passports.

Fr Vincent: Well I just thought I'd run it past you.

Fr Mac over the phone, shortly: You did.
He hangs up.

Fr Vincent holds the receiver away from his ear, looks at it and hangs it up.

SCENE: Avril's kitchen interior.

Avril walks away from the sink, carrying a dish towel: Liam, I'm not saying she's useless, but the racing game is high risk.
She drops the towel onto the table and continues walking around the room

Liam: Can't go wrong at stud.

Avril stops in front of the board with all of her ribbons, leans on the desk, puts one hand on her hip: Of course you can. Even if you're a stallion, which she's not.

Liam: Well what are you syndicating her then, if she's an old rag.

Avril: She's not an old rag, I just don't want to see you lose your money.
She sits down at the desk.

Donal: What will we get for ten thousand?

Avril: Maybe the saddle.

Donal and Liam look around, frustrated.

Liam: Look, we're serious.
He points to himself and Donal.

Avril: Liam. Donal. Will you listen to me. Owning a horse, even the shoe of a horse, is a gamble. So don't bet what you can't afford to lose.

Donal shrugs at Donal, looks frustrated.

Liam: How, can we lose?

Avril looks at them, sees their pitiful eager faces, has mercy, shrugs: Welcome aboard.

Liam enthuses: Yes! Ha ha ha ha!
Then suddenly serious: When's she out next?

Avril: Saturday.

Liam looks upward, counts silently to himself.

Avril smiles, proudly: She's got a good chance.

Liam, enthusiastically: Ooh hoo hoo hoo!
He turns to Donal, places his hands on either side of Donal's head, and kisses him on the cheek. He continues to laugh and walks away.

Donal looks dazed.

SCENE: BallyK church exterior.

Fr Vincent walks out of the church, looks around. He sees Barry's bicycle leaning against the wall. He walks across the church yard, sees something and stops.

CUT TO: Church yard.

Barry is standing in front of a statue of the Virgin Mary set in a garden on a low wall.

CUT TO: Fr Vincent.

Fr Vincent puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles.

CUT TO: Barry.

Barry turns around.

CUT TO: Fr Vincent.

Fr Vincent waves to Barry to come back.

CUT TO: Barry.

Barry smiles.

SCENE: Sacristy interior.

Fr Vincent is leaning against the sink.

Barry stands in the doorway, puts one arm up on the frame and leans on it: So what's the story mate?

Fr Vincent: Story is mate, we are down to the wire. But I think we might have one last shot.

Barry smiles, enters the sacristy.

Fr Vincent: I think if I could just call your parish priest, get him to confirm that he gave you this license.

Barry's smile fades.

Fr Vincent: But I don't think there'd be much point in doing that, would there Barry?

Barry looks caught.

Fr Vincent: Because you don't have this bit of paper, do you? And you never did.

Barry: Are you listening to yourself?

Fr Vincent stares at him, stony-faced.

Barry: Licenses, bit of paper?

Fr Vincent: I don't make the rules, Barry.

Barry, mocking: Whoa, radical.
He turns away: Really went native in South America didn't you buddy.

Fr Vincent, threateningly: One more crack like that and I'll forget how close we were.

They stare at each other. Barry backs down first. He blinks, looks around and sighs.

Fr Vincent, more kindly: What's the story Barry?

SCENE: Dirt path. Sunny.

Fr Vincent and Barry are walking along the path. Barry is pushing his bicycle.

Barry: Of course it was a mistake. I was young, I was stupid, and...a long way from home.

Fr Vincent: I'm not blaming you for that, I'm blaming you for not telling me.

Barry: You were in South America.

Fr Vincent: Not when you phoned to fix this wedding I wasn't. How long were you married?

Barry: Three weeks.

Fr Vincent: A whole three weeks? What anniversary is that? Popital? (??)

Barry laughs: I told you, she did a run off.

Fr Vincent: So a Collingwood supporter. (??)

Barry: They won the flag that year.

Fr Vincent, disgusted: Oh, they didn't.

Barry: Mm.

Fr Vincent: Was the wedding Catholic?

They stop by a fence. Barry leans on his bicycle: Yes.

Fr Vincent leans against the fence: And that's what you want this to be.

Barry: Well what do you do, Jewish? Of course I want it to be Catholic.

Fr Vincent is curious: Why?

Barry, as if it were obvious: Because Lyn does.

Fr Vincent: You're really making a case here.

Barry: Will you just listen Vinnie. Yes, I was married in the Catholic church, but two days later my then-wife tells me, she's been married before. And where does that leave me, huh?

Fr Vincent insists: I can't give you dispensation.

Barry, hopefully: I won't tell anyone.

Fr Vincent starts to get angry: Barry, it doesn't work like that.

Barry gets angry, spits: Bullshit! It works any way you want!
He slams his bicycle around, walks away, through his teeth: Worker priest.

Fr Vincent watches him go.

SCENE: Fr Mac's living room interior.

Fr Mac puts his foot into a foot bath, leans back in his armchair, sighs in relief, sniffs, looks up: Well I can see your dilemma.

Fr Vincent: Probably the oldest friend I have in the world Father. Or he was.

Fr Mac, reasonably: Oh I'm sure some compromise can be found.

Fr Vincent, desperately: Anything.

Fr Mac looks up sharply: Compromise from him.

Fr Vincent looks disappointed.

Fr Mac, as if it were obvious: We don't marry divorcees, Father.

Both look around.

Fr Mac, half joking: Maybe the voodoo woman from Kerry would.

Fr Vincent: I believe she's a faith healer.

Fr Mac, cynically: Faith? She's not in it for charity.

Fr Vincent looks around, frustrated.

SCENE: BallyK church interior.

Fr Vincent walks quickly into the church. He passes a poster for Consuela pasted to the church door. He stops inside the church, does a double take, turns around and rips the poster down.

Frankie, standing by the candles: Does a thorough job, doesn't he?

Fr Vincent looks up, surprised: You know who put this up?

Frankie walks over to Fr Vincent: I'm no rat. You know she's doing a matinee today.

Fr Vincent: No I didn't.

Frankie: Aren't you a little curious?

Fr Vincent: Why should I be?

Frankie scoffs: Oh stop it.

Fr Vincent: Frankie--

Frankie, insistently: I want to check her out. I could use your input.

Fr Vincent looks down.

Frankie: Oh come on!

Fr Vincent, reluctantly: Yeah why not.

Frankie walks past him to the door, turns around: I'll pick you up in twenty minutes.

Fr Vincent tries to wave to her, but the poster in his hand gets in the way. He shakes his hand but the poster is stuck.

SCENE: Field.

Several white tents are set up in a field. People are hurrying to enter.

CUT TO: Tent interior.

Consuela is standing on a blue cross-shaped stage with a golden-robed choir singing to her right and some musicians in black playing to her left. There are two chairs set up on the stage and the backdrop is an abstract cross with clouds, rays, and birds.

Consuela: ...nor things present, nor things to come, nor heights, nor depths--

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie, wearing civil, looks around, exasperated: What am I doing here?

Fr Vincent, sitting next to her, in civil: Having a lot of fun, I'd say.
He gives Frankie a smile.

Frankie: If I don't get a miracle in the next five minutes, I'm off.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: ...Christ our Lord. Well. Good afternoon, Cilldargan.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie closes her eyes and laughs to herself at the cheesiness of it all.

CUT TO: Stage.

The music from the choir swells. Consuela walks out into the audience and shakes people's hands. She returns to the stage. The choir lowers its volume.

Consuela: You know...a lot of people have said a lot of things about me. You may have heard some of them on TV.

CUT TO: Audience.

People nod and smile.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: I've heard them. Fraud...miracle worker I love that one...con artist...saint. Do I look, like any of these things?

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie: Yup.

Fr Vincent whispers, embarrassed: Shut up.

A woman behind Frankie shushes her.

Consuela (off-camera): I'm nothing special. I make no claims.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: I work no wonders. But you know who does.

CUT TO: Audience.

Old man calls out: The Lord Jesus!

Shouts of "yeah".

Frankie puts her hand to her temple: And who does the Lord use?

Fr Vincent and the woman behind them shush her.

Consuela (off-camera): And I don't mind--

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: It scares me to death that for no reason I can think of, sometimes, he works through me.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie, sarcastically: Imagine.

Fr Vincent shushes her.

Consuela (off-camera): So here's my promise.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: If you're sick...I can't make you better not in a million years. But if you step up here and you truly believe...I know a man who can.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie looks sickened.

A middle-aged man stands up and goes forward.

Consuela (off-camera): Good man. Step on up. Don't mind anybody.

CUT TO: Stage.

The music picks up. Consuela touches the man on the forehead.

CUT TO: Audience.

A man on crutches is being helped forward.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela pushes the man on crutches on the forehead. He falls backwards into the waiting arms of her helpers.

CUT TO: Audience.

Everyone applauds.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela shakes the hand of the man who was on crutches.

CUT TO: Audience.

The man who was on crutches walks stiffly through the audience unaided.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela pushes on the forehead of a woman. The woman falls backwards into the arms of the helpers.

CUT TO: Audience.

A young woman wearing a cross smiles and applauds. Everybody applauds.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela puts her fist to her forehead, closes her eyes, holds her other hand in front of her mouth. The choir continues to sing.

SCENE: Baleach na gCapaill.

Liam and Donal are measuring the rock. Paul is standing a ways off, looking into the distance.

Liam: And what's that.

Donal: Seven and eleven.
He points at Liam's end of the tape measure: No put it at the edge of the rock.

Liam: The edge is down there.
He leans over onto the rock and writes on a piece of paper: Seven foot eleven.

Paul sighs at their incompetence.

Donal calls to Paul: What about the weight of it?

Paul, over his shoulder: What?

Donal: Well the fellow with the lifting gear'll need to know that won't he?

Paul, exasperated: Donal, do they miss you on Neptune?

Donal: What?

Paul: If we can't lift it, how are we gonna know the weight of it?

Liam and Donal look at each other.

Paul sighs again.

Donal points at the paper Liam was writing on: Put down...very heavy.

Paul: Yeah he'll get the idea.

Liam leans over and writes on the paper again.

SCENE: Revival tent interior.

Consuela's show is still in full swing.

Consuela: Good man. Ah. I feel so happy today.
She turns to the choir: Aren't you?
She laughs.

The choir nods and smiles at her while they sing.

Consuela invites someone: Come on up here.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie looks around to see who is going forward. When she sees who it is, she quickly turns to Fr Vincent and taps him to turn around.

Consuela (off-camera): Yes come on. Come on my dear.

Fr Vincent turns around. It is Lyn and Barry. They look slightly embarrassed. They walk past Frankie and Fr Vincent without seeing them. Frankie and Fr Vincent watch them, open-mouthed.

Consuela: Well don't rush. No hurry, this is not a race.

Frankie: Your friends, huh?

Fr Vincent nods silently.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: Come up here.

Barry leads Lyn up to the stage, leaves her next to Consuela.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie: What's the matter with her?

Fr Vincent shakes his head in utter ignorance.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: Now then. What's your name?
She holds the microphone out to Lyn.

Lyn hesitates, looks out at the audience.

Consuela, understandingly: Ah that's not a problem.
She puts the microphone back on its stand and walks back to Lyn. She puts her ear to Lyn's mouth and listens as Lyn whispers to her.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie: What's going on?

Fr Vincent: I guess she doesn't want the world to know what her problem is.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela leads Lyn over to the microphone: Now then. Will we do this?

Lyn looks over at Barry, who is standing off to the side.

Consuela: Do you believe in the Lord, Lyn?

Lyn, agreeably, but very quietly: Yup.

Consuela: No, don't just say it Lyn. Mean it.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie shakes her head in disgust.

Fr Vincent looks intent.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela asks Lyn: Do you believe in the Lord?

Lyn nods.

Consuela nods: I think you do, too. She leads her over to the side of the stage.

Lyn looks at Barry. Barry winks at Lyn. Consuela guides Lyn into position. Lyn looks nervous. Consuela begins whispering and moving her hands. Lyn closes her eyes.

CUT TO: Audience.

Frankie and Fr Vincent are watching intently.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela puts her hand to Lyn's stomach, then raises her hand to Lyn's forehead.

CUT TO: Fr Vincent.

He is watching intently.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela has her hand on Lyn's forehead: In the name of Jesus...
She licks her lips: Let his woman blossom.
She pushes Lyn back. Lyn falls into the arms of the helpers.

Barry starts forward, then stops.

The helpers stand Lyn up again. She looks slightly dazed.

Consuela: It's all right. It's all right it's all over.
She leads Lyn to the microphone: You're all right.
She puts her arm around Lyn: And you are closer to God now than you have ever been, Lyn.
She looks over at Barry: Go in peace.

Barry walks over and puts his arm around Lyn and leads her off the stage.

CUT TO: Audience.

Scattered applause. Frankie and Fr Vincent both look troubled.

CUT TO: Stage.

Barry and Lyn walk slowly away.

Consuela: Something...special happened here today.

CUT TO: Audience.

Barry and Lyn walk past Frankie and Fr Vincent again, apparently without seeing them. Frankie and Fr Vincent watch them go by, both looking grim.

Consuela: And it will happen again tomorrow you tell your friends.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: And I'll be here.

The choir stops singing and throws their hands up into the air. The audience applauds.

CUT TO: Audience.

Applause continues, people stand up and start to leave the tent. Barry kisses Lyn on the temple, stands behind her with both hands on her arms.

Fr Vincent makes his way over to them: Barry! Barry--
He reaches them, puts his hand on Lyn's back: Are you all right?

Barry mumbles: Not now mate.
They turn away.

Fr Vincent: What was all that--

Barry and Lyn leave.

Fr Vincent turns around to see where Consuela is.

CUT TO: Front of tent.

Consuela is greeting extras: Thank you, I'm so glad you're better.

Fr Vincent walks up to her: What did you do to her?

Consuela turns to another man: Go in peace now, God bless you.

Fr Vincent insists: What is the matter with her?

Consuela takes his hand: I'm Consuela Dunphy, God bless you.

Frankie walks up: Take it easy Father.

Consuela, surprised: A priest? How nice.

Fr Vincent tries to smile, more calmly: What did you do to her?

Consuela: Do to whom?

Fr Vincent: To Lyn. That young woman.

Consuela remembers: Ah yes. Well now, that's between ourselves and the Lord, Father.

Frankie: What did you do to her?

Consuela holds out her hand to Frankie: I'm Consuela Dunphy. God bless--

Frankie shakes her hand: May God bless you too, I'm Guard Sullivan.

Consuela: A guard and a priest, well I am honored. Oh.
She asks Frankie innocently: Is this official?

Frankie: No.

Consuela asks Fr Vincent: Father?

Fr Vincent: They're friends of mine.

Consuela, satisfied: Good.

Fr Vincent: Is she ill?

Consuela: Father, please--

Frankie: You put your hand on her stomach. In your act.

Consuela: It's not an act. I prayed for her.

Fr Vincent: To get better.

Consuela: To get well.

Fr Vincent: And you've cured her have you?

Consuela: I don't cure people.

Fr Vincent, bitterly: No but you know a man who can.

Consuela: Why are you so hostile?

Frankie narrows her eyes: But it's something to do with her tummy.

Consuela: Guard please.

Frankie looks down, then realizes: She wants a baby doesn't she.

Fr Vincent looks at Frankie suddenly, realizes she's right.

Consuela sighs, gives up, nods: Yes.

Fr Vincent looks at Consuela.

Consuela chides him: Oh Father.

Fr Vincent: And now she thinks she's going to get pregnant because you rubbed her stomach.

Consuela, innocently: Don't you believe in the power of prayer Father?

Fr Vincent: You're a class act.

Consuela: I don't think there's much I can teach the Catholic church. Excuse me.
She walks away.

Fr Vincent watches her go.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's upstairs.

Fr Vincent knocks on door number 4.

Barry (from behind the door): What.

Fr Vincent: Barry?

Barry opens the door: What.

Fr Vincent: Barry what's going on.

Barry: What's going on Vincent is we came here to get married. We still on?

Fr Vincent sighs and looks down.

Barry: Guess not.
He starts to close the door.

Fr Vincent pushes the door open again: Hey.

They stare at each other. Barry backs down again. He looks down. Fr Vincent takes his hand off the door. Barry closes it.

SCENE: The Cat's stall interior.

Siobhan is feeling The Cat's leg. Avril is kneeling in front of the horse with her hand over her mouth, looking concerned.

Siobhan: And she worked out fine this morning.

The Cat whinnies.

Avril: Ran like a train yup. Must have happened after her feed.

Siobhan: Yeah, she's hit it quite hard all right.

Avril: But she hasn't...
She can hardly bring herself to say it: Broken it.

Siobhan, reassuringly: No no.
She stands up and walks over to the side: But uh, she won't be racing for a while.

Avril clicks her tongue and sighs in frustration.

Siobhan looks over at her: What.

Avril, reproachfully: I've declared her for Saturday. Narvin. (??)

Siobhan shakes her head sympathetically.

Avril sighs and shakes her head.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Oonagh walks behind the bar from the kitchen. She slows down when she sees Barry sitting at a side table, looking dejected. Barry raises his drink and swallows the last gulp. Oonagh watches him sympathetically, then turns her attention to adjusting some valve. She hears a door slam upstairs.

Grainne: ...just go away from me!

Oonagh walks toward the stairs.

Dermot: Gimme it!

Grainne: No you can't have it!

Dermot: It's not yours!

Grainne: Get lost!

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's upstairs.

Dermot is chasing Grainne down the hall. He catches her from behind, tries to wrest something from her grasp: Gimme it. Come on gimme it now.

Grainne fights against him: No, go away.

Dermot: Please.

Grainne: Go away!

Oonagh hurries onto the scene: Ap ap ap.

Grainne and Dermot step apart.

Grainne: Mom, will you tell him.

Oonagh: I don't care whose it is, or what it is. We are supposed to be running a hotel here.

Grainne looks triumphantly at Dermot.

Oonagh: We have paying guests who do not want to be disturbed by your yelling and screaming.

Dermot looks like he's about to laugh.

Oonagh: What is it anyway.

Grainne holds up a lipstick.

Oonagh: That's mine! And...what do you want with lipstick anyway.

Grainne: He was gonna face paint my goat.

Dermot nods.

Oonagh: Give me that.

Grainne hands it over.

Oonagh: Go on play outside.

They don't move.

Oonagh widens her eyes, orders them: Out.

Grainne and Dermot shuffle past her toward the stairs. Oonagh walks quietly to door number 4, knocks softly.

Lyn, from behind the door: Hello?

CUT TO: Room interior.

Oonagh opens the door: Sorry about the kids, I hope they weren't--

Lyn is sitting on the bed crying.

Oonagh: Lyn. What's the matter?
She enters, closes the door.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Paul is behind the bar, pulling a drink. Barry sits down at the bar.

Paul: So. Last day of freedom, huh?
He hands Barry the drink.

Barry: What?

Paul: Getting married tomorrow.

Barry: Good for one. (??)

Paul: No it is. No--
He laughs.

Barry takes a sip of the drink.

Paul, gently: Were you having second thoughts?

Barry puts the drink down: Only about your priest.

Paul tries to make a joke: Ohp. You gonna marry him?
He sees that that didn't go over too well: Sorry it's none of my business.
He walks away and fiddles with something on the wall.

Barry: Are you glad you got married?

Paul thinks a moment, then admits: Sunday mornings.

Barry smiles at that.

CUT TO: Upstairs room interior.

Oonagh: Why did I get married? Oh, he asked me. And he was sober.
She shrugs, kind of embarrassed: And I loved him.

Lyn: And you'd marry him again tomorrow.

Oonagh hesitates, looks up at the ceiling: Well, I'd probably wait a few weeks, but...
She looks down, admits: Of course.
She looks at Lyn: Don't tell him that.

Lyn: That's nice.

Oonagh gives her a look that says, "Yeah I'm afraid it is."

Lyn: Did your...children come easily?

Oonagh gives her a questioning look.

Lyn: I I mean when you wanted them.

Oonagh: A little ahead of schedule. Which one do you want?

Lyn doesn't smile.

Oonagh: Oh I've said the wrong thing haven't I?

Lyn stares off into the distance.

CUT TO: Bar.

Barry: It didn't seem so important when we didn't have kids. But now that we can't have them, it's like the most important thing in the world.

Paul takes a sip of beer from his bottle, thinks about this situation: So. You wanna get married...because you can't have kids.

Barry nods. Paul considers the logic behind that.

Barry: You find that strange?

Paul: Hey, wha...
He squints his eyes at Barry with a look that says, "Yeah, afraid I do."

Barry admits he's right: Yeah.

CUT TO: Room.

Lyn: He wanted to show me that it didn't matter. No that it did matter but that...he wouldn't let us be damaged by it. By getting married, we-- we'd show each other that we were all we had but-- we were everything we had and...I'm not making sense, am I?

Oonagh smiles understandingly: Perfect. You love each other.

Lyn, happily: So I said of course. Yes please. But I'm a Catholic. Not a great Catholic. Go to Mass, not enough.
She squints her eyes at Oonagh: But you know.

Oonagh: You wanted a Catholic wedding.

Lyn: Whistles and bells.

CUT TO: Bar.

Paul: But...you were divorced.
He sets two shot glasses on the bar.

Barry: She knew I was divorced. I told her. You don't keep something like that secret.

Paul: No. Church is a bit funny about stuff like that.
He takes a sip of his drink.

Barry: She knows that too. And she says to me--

CUT TO: Room.

Lyn: Barry I said, just because it's what I want doesn't mean I expect to get it. I'll marry you in a bus station so long as it's you I'm marrying.

CUT TO: Bar.

Barry: So I said Lyn, if you want a Catholic church wedding, you will have a Catholic church wedding.

Paul looks like the alcohol is getting to him. He rests his head on his hand, nods: Yeah.

Barry: No ifs.

Paul mumbles: No ifs.

Barry: No buts.

Paul: No buts.

Barry: I guarantee it.

CUT TO: Room.

Lyn: My best mate he said is a Catholic priest. He'll do it.

Oonagh looks sympathetic.

Lyn: I'd heard of this guy obviously but I thought...
She looks skeptical: Oh yeah.

CUT TO: Bar.

Barry: I told her no. You don't understand. You're English.

Paul: Yeah.

Barry: I'm Australian.

Paul nods.

Barry: My mate's Australian.
He gives Paul a knowing look: Hah?

CUT TO: Room.

Lyn: And in Australia the bond between mates is greater than any other bond on earth.

Oonagh looks skeptical: He said that?

CUT TO: Bar.

Barry is leaning his head on his hand, in embarrassment: I actually said that.
He sighs.

CUT TO: Room.

Lyn: And the funny thing is, I know it sounds crazy...but I'm mad at the priest. He is his oldest mate. He could do something.

Oonagh: Tell him.

SCENE: Priest's house exterior.

Lyn is standing outside the door. Fr Vincent opens the door.

Lyn storms in: What is it Father. You jealous of a faith healer? Or just guilty about shafting your old mate?

CUT TO: Priest's house interior.

Fr Vincent closes the door: I don't want you to get hurt.

Lyn: I am hurt. I'm hurt that the man I love who almost hero worships you, could be so humiliated.

Fr Vincent: Humiliated?

Lyn: He was depending on you.

Fr Vincent: That's not what I meant.

Lyn: OK.
She puts her bag down: Let's talk about your agenda.

Fr Vincent: What agenda?

Lyn turns around and walks farther into the room: Do you know what I really feel about this afternoon?
She turns back toward Fr Vincent: I feel embarrassed.
She looks around: You know we only went there as a joke and the next thing I know I'm telling a complete stranger with a gospel choir behind her...I want a baby.

Fr Vincent looks down.

Lyn: In case you're wondering it's called unexplained infertility.
She challenges Fr Vincent: Shall I draw you a diagram?

Fr Vincent looks at her, quietly: I'm sorry. I understand. She's very plausible.

Lyn walks a few steps away, until she is right in front of a picture of the Pope, then turns around again: Do you know Father scientists have identified an area of the brain specifically receptive to religious belief.

Fr Vincent: I didn't know that.

Lyn, lightly: Yep apparently you get a knock to the head the next thing you're speaking in tongues.

Fr Vincent frowns.

Lyn, seriously: I'm not that person. I am a Catholic, but I have low expectations of the clergy.

Fr Vincent looks away.

Lyn walks over to where she dropped her bag: And even less of a faith healer.
She picks up her bag and walks to the door: So don't worry about me.
She turns and takes two steps back to say to Fr Vincent's face: Worry about your mate.
Then she turns and walks out the door.

CUT TO: Priest's house exterior.

Lyn walks out the door. Fr Vincent stands inside, watching her go. Then he walks to the door and watches her go.

SCENE: Avril's yard exterior. Overcast.

Avril walks out of The Cat's stable. She closes and latches the door. She pets The Cat's nose. She turns around and starts suddenly.

Avril: Oh, don't do that.

Fr Vincent is standing at the next stable, petting the brown horse there, smiles: What?

Avril walks toward him: What, sneak up on me like a...

Fr Vincent: An Apache?

Avril walks past him: A vampire. What do you want?

Fr Vincent: Ah, it's not important.

Avril: Vincent, I have all the guilt I need right now. What is it?

Vincent looks at the brown horse.

SCENE: Avril's yard exterior. Sunny.

Avril and Fr Vincent are sitting on the ground next to the stables, drinking coffee or tea.

Avril, incredulously: You're asking me?

Fr Vincent: Sure.

Avril: But...I'm not a priest.

Fr Vincent: But if you were.

Avril: Well I couldn't be.

Fr Vincent waves his hand at her: Abracadabra. It's done.

Avril: No I meant...our understanding of logic could be different. I mean what's he done that's so bad. Lied to you about some bit of paper. He had to. You'd have told him not to bother coming.

Fr Vincent: It's not just a bit of paper.

Avril: Oh Vincent, come on. They're two single people in a stable relationship who love each other and want to get married. One of them even goes to Mass.

Fr Vincent sighs.

Avril: You know what your real problem is.

Fr Vincent: What.

Avril: You won't like it.

Fr Vincent: Go on.

Avril: You like it here too much. You don't want to upset Father Mac.

Fr Vincent: That's ridiculous.

Avril: Is it? Can I stop being a priest now?

Fr Vincent regards Avril thoughtfully.

SCENE: Trailer exterior.

Fr Vincent, in civil, walks over to a trailer in the field next to the revival tent.

CUT TO: Back side of trailer.

Fr Mac is trying to peek into the windows, which are shuttered.

CUT TO: Front of trailer.

Fr Vincent steps up to the door and knocks. In the background, we can hear the choir singing.

CUT TO: Back of trailer.

Fr Mac is still looking for a way to peek inside.

CUT TO: Front of trailer.

Fr Vincent gives up and walks away. He sees Fr Mac standing at the side of the trailer, trying to jump up high enough to see in the side window.

Fr Vincent: Think she's probably rehearsing Father.

Fr Mac: Have you seen her?

Fr Vincent: Well I was looking for you. They said you'd be here.

Fr Mac: I expect they sleep during the day don't they. Faith healers. She'll have to be confronted.

Fr Vincent isn't too sure about that: Um...

Fr Mac gets fed up and walks away.

CUT TO: Field. Sunny.

Fr Vincent follows Fr Mac.

Fr Mac, over his shoulder: What did you want me for anyway.

Fr Vincent: I want to marry my friends from England. In St. Joseph's. It's why they're here.

Fr Mac: Not because there's a credulous priest. Not in my church.

Fr Vincent: Excuse me?

Fr Mac: Is there some part of no that you don't understand?

Fr Vincent: Your church?

Fr Mac: Any church in my parish. Is it clear to you now?
He walks away angrily.

Fr Vincent stands there and watches him go.

SCENE: Avril's kitchen interior.

Edso is sitting in a chair in front of the fireplace: But she was fine. I saw her.

Avril is sitting at her desk: I know.

Edso puts a paper into his inner breast pocket: Will she race again?

Avril shrugs: Lucky escape, huh?

Edso stands up: I guess that's racing.
He walks to the door, then stops and asks: What about the boys? Liam and Donal?

Avril shrugs slightly, heartlessly: That's racing.

Edso: Done their money, have they?

Avril: Edso, be glad you hung onto yours.

Edso nods.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's upstairs.

Fr Vincent walks along the hallway. The door to room number 4 is open. Inside, Barry is packing.

Fr Vincent stands outside the door: Hey.

Barry looks up: It's open.

Fr Vincent walks into the room, watches Barry packing for a moment: Leaving already?

Barry nods: Tomorrow.
He looks at Fr Vincent: We found another priest in Dublin.

Fr Vincent: Where's Lyn?

Barry: She's at the Doc's. Been feeling crook since we got here.

Fr Vincent: Too much fresh air.

Barry: Too much something.

Fr Vincent: Sorry it came to this.

Barry: Didn't have to.

Fr Vincent: Yes it did. Deceit between friends. You did try to con me Barry.

Barry looks down.

Fr Vincent: It's always going to come to something like this.

Barry cannot look him in the eye.

Fr Vincent: Still good to see you.

Barry looks up. Fr Vincent holds out his hand. Barry takes it and smiles. They embrace and pound each other on the back. They take one step apart.

Fr Vincent: You're my best mate.

Barry: Prove it.
He turns away.

SCENE: Avril's kitchen interior.

Avril is holding two cashier's cheques from the Credit Bank of Ireland made out to her for 10,000 Irish Pounds each, one from Liam and one from Donal. She puts them down on the desk and looks at them.

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Oonagh puts down a pint in front of Edso.

Edso: Thanks Oonagh.

Oonagh walks down the length of the bar, past Liam, Donal, Fr Mac, Frankie and Brendan.

As she passes him, Brendan says: Pint of stout Oonagh.

Oonagh: What's the magic word, Brendan?

Brendan, flatly: Today.

Oonagh: You should let Consuela Dunphy take a look at that face of yours.
She starts clearing off a table where Louis is slumped over asleep.

Frankie, to Brendan: You wouldn't dare.
To Fr Mac: What if she's genuine.

Fr Mac grumbles: Genuine. She gives faith a bad name.

Donal: Well we're going to see her.

Liam: Donal's bringing his lotto numbers.

Donal: The truth is out there.

Oonagh is back behind the bar. The door opens. Oonagh looks up: Avril.

Avril enters, walks up to the bar.

Oonagh: How's it going?

Avril: Grand, Oonagh, thanks. Erm...give us an orange there will ya?

Oonagh goes to get the drink.

Avril pats the top of the bar nervously with her hands.

Liam: So. How's it going for ??

Avril looks around nervously at Edso: Erm...

Oonagh puts an orange soda and a glass on the bar in front of Avril. Avril puts some money on top of the bar: Come on and sit down.
She takes the bottle and the glass and walks over to a side table.

Liam looks at Donal, nods at him, picks up his bottle, and follows Avril. Donal picks up his bottle and follows them.

CUT TO: Side table.

Avril sits down. Liam and Donal pull up chairs and sit down too.

Donal: Something wrong?

Avril: The Cat is lame.

Liam: What?

Avril: She can't walk, let alone run.

Liam: Since when?

Avril: This morning. After you left.

Liam: What happened?

Avril: She took a knock. It happens.

Donal: Will she get better?

Avril: You mean will she run again?

Donal shrugs.

Avril: I hope so.

Liam: But you're not sure.

Avril shrugs.

Liam looks at Donal, resignedly: That's us then.

Donal looks resigned.

Avril reaches into her pocket: I didn't cash them.
She pushes the two cheques across the table: You don't have to take them.

Liam and Donal look hopefully at the cheques, then at each other, then at the cheques again.

Liam reaches for the cheques: We will.

Avril looks regretful.

Liam hands Donal his cheque.

Donal: If you hadn't told us...we wouldn't have known.

Avril looks at the two of them, stands up and walks out of the bar, not forgetting to meet Edso's eye as she passes him. Edso swallows and looks at Liam and Donal. He turns around and smiles to himself.

SCENE: Dr. Ryan's office interior.

Lyn is sitting in front of the desk. Dr. Ryan is standing at the sink. He walks toward the desk, drying his hands on a paper towel.

Dr. Ryan, happily: Congratulations. You're pregnant.

Lyn breaks out into a huge smile: Oh my God!

Dr. Ryan stands behind the desk, smiles: There's no doubt.

Lyn, happily: You've no idea how long I've waited to hear someone say that.
She looks down.

Dr. Ryan leans across the desk: I am so happy for you.

Lyn: Thank you.

Dr. Ryan sits down: You know...you were pregnant before you came here.

Lyn: Yes, I suppose I was.

Dr. Ryan: Well I only say that in case you were going to go back to Consuela Dunphy to choose the sex.

Lyn looks like she doesn't know what to say to that.

Dr. Ryan: I'm sorry, it's um...it's a small town.

Lyn smiles: Thank you.

SCENE: Revival tent interior.

The choir is in full song. Consuela walks among the audience, greeting people.

CUT TO: Audience.

Liam and Donal are in the audience. Liam says something to Donal and reaches over for the scrap of paper Donal is holding in his hands.

CUT TO: Stage.

The choir finishes their number. The audience applauds.

CUT TO: Audience.

Everyone applauds enthusiastically. Fr Vincent pulls back a tent flap and looks in. He sneaks in.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: Are you well?

CUT TO: Audience.

Everyone: Yes!

Consuela (off-camera): The Lord is here tonight.

Fr Vincent takes a place standing near the back.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: Can't you feel it?

CUT TO: Audience.

Everyone: Yes.

Donal is still clutching his piece of paper.

Consuela (off-camera): I said this yesterday.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: And I will say it again today. I have no magic powers.

CUT TO: Audience.

Donal folds up his piece of paper and looks disappointed.

Consuela (off-screen): But I do have faith.

Donal rolls his eyes.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: Do you have faith?

CUT TO: Audience.

Everyone: Yes!

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: Do you want to test it? Anyone out there want to test it?

The choir starts singing softly.

CUT TO: Audience.

Liam looks sideways at Donal. They both look at the scrap of paper.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: Now you don't have to. Faith is a private thing. But I will be gone tomorrow. I'm nothing. But we are here now. And so is Christ, the healer.

Fr Mac stands up near the back, shouts: Prove it!

Consuela motions for the music to stop. The audience gasps.

Consuela points at Fr Mac: Father...?

CUT TO: Audience.

Fr Mac: MacAnally.

Fr Vincent takes a few steps.

Consuela (off-camera): What would you have me prove, Father?

Fr Mac makes his way out of the row: That God speaks to you.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: He speaks to all of us.
She gestures around the room.

Fr Mac walks toward the stage: Not as he does to you.

Consuela: Why are you doing this?

Fr Mac looks around: We want to believe.

Consuela warns him: I don't do miracles Father.

Fr Mac: I have faith.

Consuela nods: If you think I can help.

Fr Mac: Oh I do.
He hobbles up onto the stage.

Consuela: Come and sit with me Father.
She puts the microphone back onto its stand and takes a seat on one of the chairs at the back of the stage. Fr Mac joins her.

The musicians begin to play and the choir begins to sing softly.

CUT TO: Fr Vincent.

He looks like he doesn't understand what Fr Mac is doing.

CUT TO: Stage.

Fr Mac and Consuela regard each other coolly.

Consuela: Why are you doing this?

Fr Mac: I have arthritis.

Consuela: You have anger.

Fr Mac: Anger goes away.

Consuela closes her eyes and nods: OK.
She reaches down to touch Fr Mac's hands, but he pulls them away. She nods in acceptance. She puts one hand to her forehead and holds the other one out toward Fr Mac's hands.

CUT TO: Audience.

The audience seems to be getting restless from waiting.

CUT TO: Stage.

Fr Mac watches Consuela very skeptically. She still has her eyes closed and one hand to her forehead.

CUT TO: Audience.

Fr Vincent looks at his watch.

CUT TO: Stage.

The choir continues to sing.

CUT TO: Audience.

The audience seems to be getting restless from waiting. Liam yawns. Donal rubs his face.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela indicates to Fr Mac that he should stand and come to the front of the stage. They both stand up.

CUT TO: Audience.

Liam and Donal perk up somewhat. Fr Vincent watches with interest.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela picks up the microphone: Tell the people how you feel Father.
She holds the microphone in front of Fr Mac.

Fr Mac: My dear lady, good manners prevents me from ah, saying what I really feel...

CUT TO: Audience.

Donal and Liam exchange a look.

CUT TO: Stage.

Fr Mac, derogatorily: But I do know, that the Holy Spirit does not work through a circus performer.

CUT TO: Audience.

Everyone gets restless and starts murmuring.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela: I have no wish to fight with you Father.
She holds the microphone in front of Fr Mac.

Fr Mac, resignedly: Let's do it, whatever it is that you do.

Consuela: I already have.

Fr Mac smiles superiorly: I don't think so.
He walks off the stage.

Consuela puts the microphone back onto its stand.

CUT TO: Audience.

Fr Vincent watches Fr Mac.

Fr Mac walks down the center aisle.

Donal points at Fr Mac's feet: His limp is gone!

The audience gasps and exclaims. Fr Mac looks at his feet.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela beams.

CUT TO: Audience.

Fr Mac looks confused. Everyone applauds.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela bows.

CUT TO: Audience.

Fr Mac looks furious. He walks out. Fr Vincent watches him go then looks back at Consuela.

CUT TO: Stage.

Consuela puts both hands over her heart and closes her eyes. The choir continues to sing.

SCENE: Later. Tent exterior.

The last stragglers are leaving. Consuela walks out of the tent and toward her trailer. She hesitates when she sees someone standing outside the trailer, then keeps going when she sees who it is.

CUT TO: Trailer exterior.

Fr Vincent is leaning against the side of the trailer, slowly applauding Consuela.

Consuela walks up to the door: What do you want?
She opens the door: Root canal?

Fr Vincent points at her: You're very good.

Consuela: Is that all? I was a class act the last time you came.

CUT TO: Trailer interior.

Consuela enters: Won't you come in?

CUT TO: Trailer exterior.

Fr Vincent steps up to the door.

CUT TO: Trailer interior.

Fr Vincent enters.

Consuela takes a can out of the refrigerator: You want a beer?

Fr Vincent leans against the wall, politely demurs: Oh no thank you.

Consuela pops the can open, takes a sip.

Fr Vincent: You ever work in a holiday camp?

Consuela almost can't swallow: What?

Fr Vincent: Yeah I saw a man hypnotize a chicken once.

Consuela: Really. Into thinking he was a priest?
She walks past Fr Vincent into another room.

Fr Vincent chuckles: You hypnotized him didn't you.

Consuela looks around the corner: I don't hypnotize people.
She disappears into the other room again.

Fr Vincent: No. He steps away from the wall, looks around the tiny kitchen: But Father MacAnally. You hypnotized him didn't you.

Consuela, from the other room: Is he your boss?

Fr Vincent shrugs: Suppose.

Consuela, from the other room: Doesn't he get up your nose?

Fr Vincent chuckles: What have you done to him?

Consuela comes back into the kitchen: Helped alleviate his pain. It'll come back. He'll be vindicated.
She takes another sip from her beer can.

Fr Vincent: I thought you couldn't hypnotize someone who doesn't want to be hypnotized.

Consuela: I didn't tell him. Anyway. Who says he doesn't want to be hypnotized. He may not want to acknowledge it, he may not be fully aware. Do you have arthritis?

Fr Vincent shakes his head: No.

Consuela: It hurts.
She takes a sip from her beer, then points at Fr Vincent: I didn't hypnotize your friend.

Fr Vincent: No. She's pregnant.

Consuela pauses, in disbelief: Get away.

Fr Vincent: Better believe it. I'm gonna marry them tomorrow.

Consuela, very pleased: Damn I'm good.

Fr Vincent and Consuela smile at each other.

SCENE: Sacristy interior.

Fr Vincent is donning a white vestment with yellow trim. He steps to the door into the chapel, then walks through.

CUT TO: Church interior.

Fr Vincent walks across to the altar, faces the altar, looks up, genuflects, stands, turns around and faces...an empty church. He smiles, walks off to the side.

SCENE: Church exterior. Sunny.

Fr Vincent walks out of the church with a backpack over his shoulder and a bible in one hand. He walks to his car, which is parked right next to the church. (License plate WZF 670) He gets into the car and drives away.

CUT TO: Street outside the church.

Fr Vincent's car pulls out onto the street and drives away.

SCENE: Baleach na gCapaill. Sunny.

A bulldozer is driving across the field. Liam, Donal and Paul are hanging onto the sides. Paul signals for the driver to stop.

Oonagh, in a dress suit and carrying a posy of flowers, steps in front of the bulldozer and holds up her hands: That's far enough.

Paul: What's going on?
He jumps down from the bulldozer.

Donal: Are they making a film?

In the distance, Fr Vincent is standing at the Mass rock, making some preparations, and several people are standing around nearby. It is too far away to see who they are.

Oonagh: Take the truck home Paul, now or after the wedding, I don't care.

Paul: What wedding?

Oonagh points to the people near the rock: That wedding. And the rock stays.

Paul: What?

Oonagh, to Liam: And take that stupid hat off. Don't you know where you are?

Liam squawks: What?

Paul holds his hand up to Liam to signal him to be quiet and wait, Paul will take care of everything.

SCENE: Field.

Dr. Ryan walks with Lyn on his arm. She is wearing a red dress and red jacket. He hands her off to Barry. Barry takes her hand and stands next to her, looking proud.

CUT TO: Long shot.

From far away, we can make out Fr Vincent in his flowing white robes. The other figures are too small to see who they are.

Fr Vincent: No wedding ever seemed so right. No...

CUT TO: Mass rock.

A candle, a red book, a silver chalice with a lace cover, flowers, and a white cloth are on the rock. The guests are Brendan, Oonagh, Siobhan, Avril, and Dr. Ryan.

Fr Vincent: ...two people, more certain. No couple more...more meant to be. Barry and Lyn want nothing more than to be married in the sight of God. I will not deny them.

CUT TO: Closeup of hands.

Fr Vincent is holding Lyn's and Barry's hands: What God has joined together, man must not separate.

CUT TO: Barry and Lyn.

Fr Vincent: May the Lord confirm the consent that you have given, and enrich you with His blessing.

Barry and Lyn kiss.

Barry: Thanks Vin.
He holds out his hand to Fr Vincent.

Fr Vincent smiles: That's what I'm here for.
He shakes Barry's hand.

Fr Vincent looks at Avril and smiles.

Avril smiles and raises her eyebrow at him.

SCENE: Dr. Ryan's office interior.

Dr. Ryan is sitting at his desk, putting on his latex gloves. Fr Mac puts his bare foot up on the desk.

Fr Mac: There you are. What did I tell you.

Dr. Ryan: You don't have to convince me they look very swollen.
He stands up to inspect the foot. He touches the toes.

Fr Mac exclaims in pain: Ooh!

Dr. Ryan: Sorry Father I'm sure it's very painful.

Fr Mac: Painful? It's worse than it's ever been. Thanks be to God.
He sighs in relief.

Dr. Ryan: What?

Fr Mac admits sheepishly: Well, for a while I thought that woman had...

Dr. Ryan: Cured you?

Fr Mac: Well not cured but...done something.

Dr. Ryan: I think she has.

Fr Mac: What?

Dr. Ryan: Was it the other foot?

Fr Mac frowns, looks at his foot.

Dr. Ryan laughs: Just kidding. No you'll be happy to hear that your foot is as bad as ever it was and probably won't get better.

Fr Mac smiles: Thank you doctor.
He laughs.

Dr. Ryan removes the gloves: I thought that would cheer you up.

Fr Mac laughs, then his smile fades and he looks thoughtful.

SCENE: River Angel. Sunny.

Brendan and Fr Vincent are standing under the bridge, fishing.

Brendan: Your friends get away all right Vincent.

Fr Vincent: They did Brendan. Think Barry's back teeth were afloat.

Brendan squints at Fr Vincent, then looks out across the river: Sure you only get married once.
He smiles slyly and looks at Fr Vincent: Isn't that right Father?

Fr Vincent vacillates: Well...

Brendan chuckles. He looks up at the bridge and sees Fr Mac walking over it: He's looking for you.

Fr Vincent: I heard.

Brendan: He's not too happy about the wedding.

Fr Vincent, mysteriously: He's lucky I didn't marry her myself.

Brendan laughs. Fr Vincent chuckles.

CUT TO: BallyK street outside Fitzgerald's.

Fr Mac walks toward Fitzgerald's, using his walking stick.

Brendan (off-camera): Did I hear right Vincent? Fr Mac went to see Consuela Dunphy?

Fr Vincent (off-camera): You did Brendan.

Brendan (off-camera): See her off did he?

Fr Vincent, satisfied (off-camera): No contest.

Daddy G (Grainne's goat) walks onto the scene, wearing eye and lip make-
up.

ROLL CREDITS