BALLYKISSANGEL

Episode 2.7

"CHINESE WHISPERS"

Written by Rio Fanning

Directed by Dermot Boyd

Produced by Chris Griffin

-----

Transcribed by Margaret Pattison

 

SCENE: BallyK street. Sunny.

A car drives slowly into the intersection from the far side of the bridge. Two unknown men are in it, the driver is balding and wearing glasses, the other, slightly younger, has dark hair. The car stops. The driver reaches forward for a map lying on the dashboard. He opens it and consults it. The other man picks up a camera from the front seat and points it out his window. It is a Canon with a teleobjective. He takes two pictures of the street leading up to the church. He turns and takes another picture back toward the river. Ambrose approaches the car on the driver's side. He knocks on the window and indicates that the driver should lower the window. The driver complies. Ambrose leans over and quickly looks over the two men. (Note: In the credits, the names of the two strangers are given as "Tom" and "Jerry", but since those names are not used anywhere in the episode, I will identify them as "Driver" and "Camera man".)

 

Ambrose, smiling: Are you lost, gentlemen, or planning a heist?

 

The driver takes his wallet out of his inner breast pocket and shows Ambrose some sort of identification. Ambrose's smile fades. He looks slightly alarmed. He looks at the driver and takes the wallet. He studies the identification.

 

Ambrose: Ah. Right.

He looks apologetic and closes the wallet.

 

RUN TITLES

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's kitchen.

Water is dripping down over a ceiling lamp. It is dripping into a rectangular, white plastic pan on the table. Assumpta picks up the pan. Water drips onto the table. There are pots and towels spread around the table.Brian enters the kitchen. He is wearing blue coveralls over a blue and white checked shirt. He is wiping his hands on a dark blue towel with lettering that is obscured.

 

Brian: That's it. Tank's empty.

 

Assumpta: Any lead in the pipe?

She holds a black plastic bucket up underneath the drip.

 

Brian: Lead. As old as Methuselah's teeth. Just as many holes. You'll need a new tank as well that one's about to go any minute.

 

Assumpta sets the bucket down and looks at Brian: Well how much is that going to cost?

 

Brian: Insurance'll pay for water damage.

He walks into the public area.

 

CUT TO: Hotel desk.

Brian drops the towel onto the desk and picks up a jacket from the desk. He picks up an invoice booklet that was under the jacket and drops the jacket back down on the desk.

 

Assumpta follows him out of the kitchen: Well that's something I suppose. So how much.

 

Brian: Ah cash in hand.

He reaches for a pen.

 

Assumpta pulls her sleeves back down, which had been rolled up: How much cash in hand.

She wipes off her right hand on her hip, then shakes her hands off as if they were wet, then folds her arms.

 

Brian leans over the invoice booklet, ticks off some points with the pen: Well if we cut out all VAT and materials, uh...oh I don't know, say five hundred?

He writes something on the invoice.

 

Assumpta: Five hundred? And where am I going to spare five hundred quid?

 

Brian puts the pen back: What about, another poker tournament?

He picks up the towel again and walks away.

 

Assumpta: Hey can I open the pub still?

 

CUT TO: Stairs.

Brian is going upstairs. The lettering on the back of his coveralls reads "QUIGLEY DEVELOPMENTS".

 

Brian: Oh no problem that's connected to the mains itself, you won't have any hot water though.

He pauses at the turn and looks over the banister: Oh and your toilets won't flush.

He continues up the stairs.

 

Assumpta whines: Oh God help me.

 

Behind her, in the kitchen, the ceiling caves in with a rush of water. Assumpta starts, puts her right hand over her head in a protective gesture, and turns around.

 

Assumpta: Oh!

 

SCENE: Ballykissangel street. Sunny.

Niamh is pushing her bicycle along in front of the garda station. She stops and leans the bike against the wall. She sees Ambrose leaning over, talking to the driver of the car from before. Ambrose hands the wallet back to the driver.

 

CUT TO: Car.

 

Ambrose: Well if there's anything I can help you with, I'm just the house round the corner.

 

The driver nods and raises his window. Ambrose pulls his head back in order to avoid his nose being clipped.

 

CUT TO: Street.

 

The car drives slowly up the street toward the church. Niamh pushes her bike over to Ambrose, watching the car.

 

Niamh: Who were they?

 

Ambrose: Just passing through.

 

Niamh: Look very serious.

 

Ambrose: I told them not to park here.

 

Niamh nods slightly: Anyway. I'm away to Dad's. Do a bit of tidying.

 

Ambrose: Is he...up to anything, at the moment?

 

Niamh, suspiciously: What do you mean?

 

Ambrose: You're right, when isn't he up to something?

He nods and walks away, toward the garda station.

 

Niamh looks thoughtful, then determined. She turns the bike around and pushes it over to Fitzgerald's, looking carefully in both directions for traffic.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Assumpta is on the phone at the hotel desk. She is staring at the floor.

 

Assumpta, quietly, into phone: Yeah, well, I'm interested now. When?

 

The door opens, Niamh enters. Assumpta looks over toward her, then back at the floor.

 

Assumpta, into phone: Yeah OK.

She consults her watch: Yeah I'll see you then. Fine. Bye-bye.

She hangs up.

 

Niamh walks over to her.

 

Niamh: What happened?

 

Assumpta: Oh, I've made a burst pipe. Your father's upstairs trying to sort it out for me.

 

Niamh looks into the kitchen: What a mess.

 

Assumpta: Yeah, isn't it. Everything's collapsing around me. Feel as if I want to get out of here altogether.

 

Niamh, dismissively: You don't mean that.

 

Assumpta: Well what is there for me here would you tell me that?

 

Niamh: Do your friends mean nothing to you?

 

Assumpta: Well of course you do Niamh, but you have Ambrose.

 

Niamh: There's not just me.

 

Assumpta: Well apart from you, I don't think I'd be missed.

 

Niamh rolls her eyes and folds her arms: What's brought this on?

 

Assumpta: I had a letter today from a friend of mine, she wants me to put in with her and open a wine bar in Dublin.

 

Niamh, tentatively: You're not going?

 

Assumpta, challengingly: I just might.

 

Niamh: Listen Assumpta I'll come back later, I just wanted to have a wee chat.

 

Assumpta, fretfully: Oh I'm I'm sorry Niamh. What is it?

 

Niamh: Later Assumpta. We'll talk later.

She walks past her, putting her hand on Assumpta's arm as she passes.

 

SCENE: Street outside St. Joseph's.

Peter is walking down toward his cottage, carrying a cardboard box. The Javelin is parked in front of the cottage.

 

CUT TO: Car.

The two unknown men are in their car, parked just in front of the Javelin. The men see Peter coming and pretend to be very busy. The driver holds the map up in front of his face, and the camera man busies himself with something in his lap.

 

CUT TO: Peter.

Peter sees the men and looks at them curiously as he continues on his way toward his cottage.

 

CUT TO: Car.

As soon as Peter passes out of sight, the men get out of their car.

 

CUT TO: Cottage.

Peter goes around to the back of the cottage. The men walk up the gravel path.

 

CUT TO: Shed.

There is a run-down shed behind the cottage. Peter backs out of it and closes the door. The men corner him. Peter smiles at them.

 

Driver, pleasantly: Sorry to interrupt Father.

 

Peter: It's all right, er...how can I help you?

 

Camera man: We're on holiday you see. Thought we'd spend a few days around here. And, we wondered, is there a golf club handy?

 

Peter: Yes, Cilldargan golf club, about three miles.

 

Camera man: Is there a place we can stay?

 

Peter: Fitzgerald's, the pub, they'll put you up.

He helpfully points the way.

 

Driver: You're not from around these parts yourself.

 

Peter, cheerfully: No, Manchester.

 

Driver: That's your penance then. No wonder you're a priest.

 

The camera man chuckles. They both walk back toward their car, hands in their pockets. Peter watches them leave, a suspicious look on his face.

 

SCENE: Cilldargan. Daytime.

A busy street outside a business. A large sign on the wall reads "Cilldargan Builders Supplies--Proprietor Sean Tooley T.D.". The camera pans over to show the two unknown men sitting in their car across the street from the business. In the parking lot of the business we can see Brian Quigley standing. Camera man picks up his camera and takes a picture of the business.

 

Sean Dooley walks over to Brian (note this is the same man who re-appears as the regular character Paul Dooley in Series 6): Ah come on Quigley. ??

 

Behind them, Liam is carrying a big black tub, which he hands up to Donal on the back of a flatbed truck.

 

Brian: ?? bad history between us Dooley, do business with you, nevermore. Have we got a deal?

He holds up his hand.

 

CUT TO: Car.

Camera man takes a picture.

 

CUT TO: Business.

Sean: Sure we've got a deal.

He holds out his hand.

 

Brian takes his hand and they shake on it. A camera shutter clicks. Brian walks away. Liam jumps down from the truck. Paul turns toward the camera. The camera shutter clicks. Paul laughs to himself.

 

SCENE: Country road.

Assumpta's van is parked next to a white van pulling a horse trailer. Assumpta is standing at the side of the road, and two men are unloading something from the horse trailer into Assumpta's van.

 

Man: OK.

 

CUT TO: Behind Assumpta's van.

The van is full of crates of beer. Money changes hands. One of the men closes one of the rear doors on the van, and Assumpta closes the other.

 

CUT TO: Road.

Assumpta and the white van drive off in different directions.

 

SCENE: Brian's house exterior.

Niamh pushes her bike along next to the house. She stops and sets the kickstand just to the right of the door, then leaves the bike and goes to the door.

 

CUT TO: Door.

There is a hole in the glass of the door. The door is slightly ajar. Niamh stops. She looks back along the house, then at the door and slowly pushes it open. She goes in.

 

Niamh whispers: Dad!

 

CUT TO: House interior.

The house appears to be empty. Niamh tiptoes in, stops at the end of the main corridor.

 

Niamh whispers loudly: Dad!

She walks carefully into the next room.

 

CUT TO: Living room.

Niamh tiptoes around the living room. She looks carefully around but seems to find nothing amiss. Then she stops and bends over, looking at the lower portion of one wall. We cannot see what she is looking at. A figure appears.

 

Brian: Hello Niamh.

 

Niamh jumps upright.

 

Niamh breathes out: Oh thank God.

 

Brian: What the hell is going on?

He enters the room, removing his hat.

 

Niamh: Did you not see the back door?

 

Brian, suddenly alarmed: What?

 

Niamh looks around, concerned: Well nothing seems to be missing...it's just this.

She indicates the place she was staring at before.

 

Brian whispers: My God!

He quickly leans over and inspects what we can now see is a wall safe. The door is ajar.

 

Niamh: What'd they take?

 

Brian stands up, looks stunned, swallows, whispers: Money a lot of money.

 

Niamh: I'll ring Ambrose.

She walks away.

 

Brian, quickly: No no, don't tell Ambrose, don't tell anybody.

 

Niamh, concerned: But Dad--

 

Brian shouts: No one do you hear!

 

Niamh stares at him.

 

Brian, thinking quickly: Now then...excuse me I have to make a phone call, to my accountant.

He hurries over to the other side of the room and picks up the phone, adds loudly: In private!

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's exterior.

Assumpta's van is parked outside the hotel entrance. Assumpta looks around to make sure no one is watching, then opens the back of the van. Peter comes out of the pub entrance and walks around to the back of the van. He knocks on the open rear door, startling Assumpta.

 

Peter: Er, Liam just told me what happened, is there anything I can do?

 

Assumpta: Oh ah, well you can help me in with these.

She smiles and indicates the crates of beer filling the back of the van.

 

Peter hesitates.

 

Assumpta: Quick as you like.

She takes a pack of 24 beer cans in.

 

Peter: Right.

He leans over and grabs another 24 cans.

 

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's interior.

Liam is standing around in the pub. Assumpta enters.

 

Liam: Can I lend a hand.

 

Peter goes past Assumpta and Liam and heads for the bar.

 

Assumpta, to Liam: Oh, thanks.

To Peter: No no no! In the kitchen.

She heads for the kitchen.

 

Peter follows her.

 

Assumpta: There's plenty more in the van out there.

 

Liam shouts up the stairs: Donal! Load of beer down here.

 

CUT TO: Stairs.

Donal comes galumphing down the stairs, stops at the turn and looks expectantly over the banister at Liam.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

Assumpta flips on the light switch next to a green door.

 

Assumpta: In here.

She pushes open the door, which leads to a storage room.

 

Peter, stupidly: Why in here?

 

Assumpta: Why not?

She sets her cans down with a sigh and walks back out into the kitchen.

 

Peter sets his cans down, too and follows her, looking up at the kitchen ceiling.

 

Peter: How much is this going to cost you?

 

CUT TO: Ceiling.

There is a gaping hole in the ceiling. Wires and pipes are visible.

 

Assumpta sighs: More than I can afford.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

Assumpta looks at Peter, then goes back out into the pub. Peter looks once more at the ceiling, then follows her.

 

CUT TO: Outside.

Liam walks out of the hotel entrance, followed by Peter, Donal, and Assumpta. Liam heads for the back of Assumpta's blue van, which is still parked right outside.

 

Liam, over his shoulder: We'll make a chain.

 

Peter, softly: OK. (Over his shoulder to Donal) We'll make a chain.

 

Assumpta walks past the three men, to the back of the van. Liam reaches in and picks up a crate of beer bottles, which he hands to Peter. Peter turns and hands it back to Donal. Liam reaches into the van for the next crate. Ambrose turns up and peers at the front of the van. Liam hands the next crate to Peter. Ambrose saunters to the back of the van.

 

Ambrose, good-natured: I see she's got you all working for her, Father. How does she do it?

 

Peter hands the crate off to Donal. Liam leans back into the van for a 24-pack of cans. At the sound of Ambrose's voice, Assumpta turns around and looks at Ambrose with a horrified expression on her face, which Ambrose doesn't see. Liam hands the cans to Peter then reaches for another pack of cans.

 

Peter groans: Don't ask me.

He shoots a long-suffering look at Assumpta. He passes the cans to Donal, then turns and accepts the next pack of cans from Liam.

 

Assumpta, nervously friendly: Ambrose, you're er... (she walks around to stand in front of Ambrose, puts her hand on his shoulder and turns him away from the van) you're looking very well today.

 

Peter hands his cans to Donal. Liam picks up another 24-pack of cans and hands it to Peter, who hands it to Donal.

 

Ambrose, overly pleased: Am I? Continental beer, eh? We get a great variety of drinks these days, don't we?

 

Liam picks up another crate of bottles and hands it to Peter.

 

Assumpta: Oh yes.

She nods emphatically and crosses her arms over her chest.

 

Peter hands the crate to Donal. Ambrose nods, grunts cheerfully, and walks away. Assumpta smiles at him. Liam picks up a cardboard box with "Heinecken" on the side and hands it to Peter.

 

SCENE: Brian's house exterior. Daytime.

A well-dressed man with greased-back hair walks around a BMW parked in the driveway and walks up the gravel path toward the house. It is Brian's accountant.

 

CUT TO: Patio door.

Brian looks out and opens the door from the inside.

 

Accountant (off-screen): What's so urgent?

 

CUT TO: Path.

The accountant is walking up the path, the stones are crunching under his shoes.

 

Accountant: I was in a meeting with Sean Dooley when you called.

 

CUT TO: Patio door.

 

Brian, angrily: Oh to hell with him, this is an emergency.

 

CUT TO: Living room.

Brian enters.

 

Brian: I've had a break-in.

 

The accountant enters.

 

Accountant: What did they take?

 

Brian stops behind the leather sofa and points at the wall. The accountant walks around the front side of the sofa and stops in the middle of the room.

 

Accountant: How much?

 

Brian: Two grand.

He puts his hands on his hips.

 

Accountant: Ouch.

 

Brian: Even more painful... (he looks at the man with a serious expression) They took a set of accounts books.

 

The accountant turns to Brian, a look of open-mouthed shock on his face.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Peter, Donal and Liam are sitting at the bar. Peter is writing something, possibly he is working a crossword. Assumpta, behind the bar, approaches with a plate and a glass.

 

Assumpta: The wages of sin.

She puts the drink and plate down next to Peter.

 

Niamh enters from the pub door and walks over to the bar next to Peter.

 

Peter: Ah very nice. Well any time you need a ?? team, we're your men.

He indicates himself and the other two with his pencil.

 

Niamh, quietly to Assumpta: Can you talk?

 

Assumpta: Sure, of course, come on through.

She points toward the kitchen, and walks that way.

 

Niamh puts a plastic shopping bag on the bar and walks toward the kitchen. The three men studiously ignore them.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

Niamh enters, followed by Assumpta.

 

Niamh: How are you now?

 

Assumpta closes the door firmly.

 

Assumpta, slightly breathless: Oh, I'm fine thanks. So what is it.

 

Niamh leans forward against the table. Assumpta leans back against the stove and crosses her arms.

 

Niamh hesitates, then: I think...I hope...(she looks at Assumpta nervously) I might be pregnant.

 

Assumpta, very pleased: Oh Niamh...

She starts to move toward Niamh.

 

Niamh: No please don't.

 

Assumpta, gently: What's wrong?

 

Niamh looks down: I don't know. Suppose I'm just frightened after what happened the last time.

 

Assumpta, tentatively: Well have you been to see Dr. Ryan?

 

Niamh looks at Assumpta: I know it's stupid. But what if he tells me I'm not pregnant.

 

Assumpta: So, what does Ambrose say?

 

Niamh: I haven't told him yet. I don't want to disappoint him again.

 

Assumpta stares at Niamh.

 

Liam, from out in the pub: Assumpta! Customer!

 

Assumpta calls back: Yeah I'll be right with you thanks!

She turns back to Niamh, quietly: Niamh, go and see Dr. Ryan.

 

Niamh looks down, looks forlorn.

 

Assumpta insists: Do it.

 

NIamh looks pleadingly at Assumpta: I will.

 

SCENE: Hendley's.

The two strangers who drove into town earlier walk up the steps and open the door. The bell rings. Both men enter. Kathleen is standing with her back to the customers, arranging things on a shelf behind the cash register.

 

Camera man: Hello.

He smiles.

 

Driver walks behind camera man and looks around.

 

Camera man: How're things?

 

Kathleen: Slow.

 

Camera man: Er...bar of chocolate there please.

He nods at the candy rack.

 

Kathleen picks up a candy bar, disinterestedly: This?

 

Camera man nods: Do fine.

 

Kathleen walks to the cash register, casting a suspicious eye on Driver, who is slowly wandering around behind Camera man. Camera man gets some change out of his trousers pocket and hands it to Kathleen. Driver walks over and stands next to Camera man. Driver lifts the flap of an open cardboard box that is on the counter, reads the contents, raises his eyebrows slightly, and lets the flap go.

 

Camera man: Business good?

 

Kathleen frowns at the cardboard box, answers reticently: I suppose...

 

Driver: Can I have a packet of fire please?

 

Camera man frowns slightly, turns to Driver: You don't smoke.

 

Driver: I'm thinking of starting.

 

Camera man's face lightens up, he turns to Kathleen with a superior look. Kathleen looks more and more unsure.

 

SCENE: Brian's house.

Brian exits through the patio door, holding a glass of liquor. The accountant follows him, also holding a glass of liquor.

 

Accountant: Been watching the place for weeks, I shouldn't wonder.

He walks to the other side of the patio.

 

Brian surveys the stunning view of the surrounding countryside: Well hopefully they'll keep the money and dump the books.

 

Accountant, from a seat in the sun: Question is, where will they drop them?

 

Brian: Right. If they get into the wrong hands I'm ban-jaxed. (??)

 

The accountant smiles, stands up and walks over to Brian: Calm down. I've nearly finished the official set. You can have them tomorrow. Then no matter who asks what, those are the only books you know about.

 

Brian nods slightly, not entirely convinced: Right.

 

The accountant frowns, looks back toward the burgled safe: I only hope this was burglars.

 

Brian: Who else?

 

SCENE: Country house.

Sean Dooley is standing in a field in front of a two-storey house, holding onto a horse. Siobhan's car and a horse trailer are parked in front of the house. Another car is parked to the side of the house. Siobhan is standing on the other side of the horse.

 

Sean: Siobhan...have you ever thought about becoming a peace commissioner?

 

Siobhan, surprised: Me?

 

Sean lets go of the horse and walks with Siobhan toward the house.

 

Sean: Why not? You're a sound woman. Level-headed. You'd do a great job.

 

Siobhan: I never thought about it.

 

Sean chuckles: Ah...well think about it now then.

 

Siobhan: Well I'm flattered.

 

Sean: Ah, but are you interested.

 

CUT TO: Road.

A black car is driving slowly by, next to a cemetery. It is the two strangers.

 

CUT TO: Siobhan and Sean.

 

Siobhan nods: Yes I suppose I am.

 

Sean: Well good. I'm throwing a little celebration here tomorrow night. All the right people will be there. Why don't you come along.

 

CUT TO: Car.

Camera man takes a picture out the window. The suggestion is that he is taking a picture of Sean and Siobhan.

 

Siobhan (off-screen): Thanks. Maybe I will.

 

CUT TO: Siobhan and Sean.

 

Sean: How much do I owe you?

 

Siobhan: Twenty-five pounds. Do I send you a bill?

 

Sean: No no. Here.

He takes a money clip out of his pocket and peels off a note: Here's twenty.

 

Siobhan holds out her hand. Sean cradles her hand in his and puts the note in it.

 

Sean: Cash in hand.

 

CUT TO: Car.

Camera man takes a picture, again supposedly of Sean handing Siobhan the money.

 

Sean (off-screen): We'll call it quits.

 

Camera man lowers the camera, nods to Driver. They drive away.

 

SCENE: Brian's house interior.

Brian is pacing impatiently in the lounge. He has his hands in his pockets. Niamh is standing at the kitchen counter, the white plastic shopping bag from before on the counter in front of her.

 

Brian: Niamh, leave it will you please!

He turns away from her.

 

Niamh looks down at the plastic bag and takes out a can, which she slams down onto the counter, grimacing. Brian turns back around to face her.

 

Brian, quietly and slightly shocked: What is the matter?

 

Niamh: It's upsetting me this.

 

Brian looks down and away, then walks back toward Niamh: Look, all right, I'll tell you why I don't want Ambrose to know.

He pauses, still looking down, more quietly: There was something else in that safe, besides the money.

 

Niamh puts one hand on her hip: Such as?

 

Brian, guiltily, still looking down, quietly: Books.

 

Niamh: You kept books in a strongbox?

 

Brian, guiltily, looks away: Didn't want anyone to see them.

 

Niamh, disappointed, slight disgust audible: Oh Dad...

 

Brian looks at Niamh, surprised: Not those sort of books! Business! Accounts!

He turns away again.

 

Niamh: What use should robbers have for accounts?

 

Brian, back to Niamh: If it was robbers...

 

Niamh: Who else?

 

Brian turns back to Niamh: Well Cathal thinks--

 

Niamh rolls her eyes, interrupts: Oh well if you can trust an accountant who conducts his business out of the back of a car...

 

Brian, seriously: Cathal thinks it might have been the revenue themselves.

 

Niamh looks down, half to herself: Revenue...

She walks away.

 

Brian: Where are you going?

 

Niamh stops at the door, turns around: I'll ring you.

She opens the door and leaves, looking worried.

 

Brian watches her go. The door closes.

 

SCENE: Egans' house interior.

Ambrose, in his uniform, comes down the stairs leading into his office. He takes off his hat and places it on the filing cabinet just inside the office door. We hear a door open.

 

Niamh (off-screen): Ambrose!

 

Ambrose: Yes?

 

Through the doorway, Niamh appears in the kitchen. She drops her wallet on the table and strides into the office.

 

Niamh: I want a straight answer. Those two men, what are they doing, why are they here?

 

Ambrose looks at Niamh, completely innocent: What two men?

 

Niamh: Are they from the revenue?

 

Ambrose looks down at some papers in his hand: As far as I'm concerned they're just tourists.

 

Niamh: Are they after my Dad?

 

Ambrose, seriously: Niamh, don't get involved.

 

Niamh, indignantly: How can I not get involved, he's my father. And he's your father-in-law remember.

 

Ambrose: I don't get a chance to forget it.

 

Niamh snarls: You should be protecting him.

She pushes past Ambrose into the office and picks up the phone.

 

Ambrose protests: I'm the guard! It's my job, I'm here to uphold the law. If people were above board, if people didn't hide things--

 

Niamh (into phone): Dad, it's me. Listen. This might be bit of a guess, but there's two strangers in the village. It's just possible that they might be from the revenue.

 

Ambrose, in the background, drops his mouth open and rolls his eyes.

 

CUT TO: Brian's house.

Brian is sitting in front of his computer, talking on the phone.

 

Brian: The revenue?! So Cathal was on the right tack. (whispers) Thanks Niamh.

He hangs up the phone quickly.

 

CUT TO: Guard's office.

Niamh hangs up the phone and turns to Ambrose. Ambrose stares at Niamh, wide-eyed.

 

Ambrose: Why did you do that?

 

Niamh saunters over to Ambrose, flippantly: He's my father Ambrose. What did you expect me to do?

 

Ambrose raises a finger to Niamh: Just remember, I've said nothing one way or the other.

 

Niamh presses her lips together, then walks back into the kitchen. Ambrose stands there and rolls his eyes around thoughtfully.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Assumpta serves Padraig a glass of beer at the bar. Padraig stands up wordlessly and heads for the loo.

 

Assumpta: Where are you going?

 

Padraig stops, looks around: The gents.

 

Assumpta: Well there's a bucket just inside the door.

 

Padraig: Yeah well I'll wave to it as I go by.

 

Assumpta: No use it!

 

Padraig, completely confused: What?

 

Assumpta: Well I'm going to refill it from this tap when you're finished.

She indicates a tap behind the bar.

 

Light dawns on Padraig (if not on the rest of us). He smiles: Oh right, for a moment there I thought you-- (to himself) I wonder if I have time to go home...

He considers the state of his insides for a moment, mutters: Probably not.

He goes into the loo.

 

CUT TO: Bar.

Brendan is sitting at the end of the bar next to where Padraig was. Peter is sitting a little ways away. Siobhan walks over to Peter with a full glass of beer, which she puts down next to him. She glances over at Brendan, as if to assure herself that he isn't listening. She leans against the bar with her back to Brendan.

 

Siobhan: Can I ask you a possibly hypothetical question.

 

Peter leans back in his chair: This reminds me of the seminary.

 

Siobhan eases down onto the seat next to Peter: If someone asked me to apply to be a peace commissioner, what should I do?

 

Peter frowns slightly: Is that like a magistrate?

 

Siobhan explains: No, they don't pass sentence, they just hear cases and decide whether it's to go for trial or not.

 

Assumpta, behind the bar, skeptically: And they want you?

 

Siobhan, indignantly: Why not?

 

Assumpta: Too good for the likes of us then.

 

Siobhan: Would I?

 

Assumpta: Mm-hm. Couldn't sit in a pub playing cards and drinking pints.

 

Siobhan: Oh, that might be no harm.

 

Peter: Go for it Siobhan.

 

Siobhan nods appreciatively at Peter. Ambrose enters from outside, removes his hat.

 

Ambrose, politely, to Peter: Erm, could I have a word?

 

Peter: Yeah.

He leans over to Siobhan: Keep a judicial eye on me pint, will you?

 

Siobhan chuckles, picks up her glass and takes a sip. Peter gets up and follows Ambrose toward the far end of the bar.

 

Peter, genially: What is it Ambrose?

 

Ambrose: Erm...you're a priest, Father.

 

Peter: Yeah...

 

They stop, stand at the far end of the bar.

 

Ambrose: Have you ever noticed that being a guard is a bit like being a priest?

 

Peter, neutrally: No, er, I hadn't noticed that.

 

Ambrose: Confidences, secrets...

 

Peter frowns: What's the problem, Ambrose?

 

Ambrose: I possess confidential information that affects other people, but I can't say anything.

 

Peter, sympathetically: Yeah, that is a problem.

 

Ambrose: Not that they mightn't deserve a bit of trouble, some of them.

 

Peter admits: I've often felt the same way.

 

Ambrose: What would you do about it?

 

Peter: Say nothing.

 

Ambrose: No doubt about it?

 

Peter: Well there's no other option.

 

Ambrose: It's not easy is it.

 

Peter: It's very hard.

 

Ambrose: Maybe it's the price we pay for living in a small community, it might be easier in the city.

 

Peter: Well, I'm not so sure.

 

Ambrose: Better'n't to be. Assumpta's got the right idea.

 

Peter, quizzically: Has she?

 

Ambrose: Oh, you're right, you're quite right, Niamh said to keep it quiet for a minute.

 

Peter, more confused: Keep what quiet?

 

Ambrose beams: Ah, you're better at this than I am aren't you. Well, thank you then for the advice, Father. You've been a great help.

He walks away.

 

Peter watches him go, still frowning in confusion. He licks his lips and turns back around toward the bar. He wipes his mouth, rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb.

 

SCENE: Country road.

Eamonn is standing between a run-down red car and a rusty old tank. The tank has "DIESEL AGRICULTURAL USE ONLY" printed on it. Eamonn picks up a hose leading from the tank and inserts the other end into the gas tank of the car. He squeezes the handle. We can hear liquid running in.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Liam and Donal come down the stairs. Liam is carrying a bucket. Donal is carrying a brown paper sack with antlers sticking out. They walk to the hotel entrance. Brian meets them on his way in. Brian looks around the pub, then enters.

 

Brian: Come here you two.

He nods for them to follow him and walks over to the reception desk.

 

Liam and Donal follow Brian and lean in close.

 

Brian whispers: Pay attention to me. The two fellas in town, it's odds on they're from the revenue.

 

Donal: Oh Jenny Mackey!

 

Liam pinches his lips together and cranes his neck around to see if anyone has heard them.

 

Brian: So, mouths shut.

 

Liam: Oh no doubt.

 

Brian, to Liam: If they do talk to you, watch what you say, every word.

 

Liam nods.

 

Brian turns to Donal: Not that I've anything to hide myself of course.

 

Donal immediately assures him: Oh we know that!

 

Liam: Course we do.

 

Brian: But you never know with others.

 

Liam whispers, conspiratorially: Oh, I could tell you some stories--

 

Brian: Well don't tell them to these two fellas!

 

Liam, indignantly: What do you take me for?

 

Brian: I need notice at that question.

He walks away.

 

Donal whispers to Liam: He's got nothing to hide himself.

 

Liam rolls his eyes at Donal's thickness and walks away.

 

CUT TO: Bar.

Siobhan, Brendan, and Eamonnn are sitting at the bar. Assumpta is behind the bar. Eamonn hands Assumpta some coins.

 

Assumpta: I'll get your change.

She turns to the till. She notices Brian standing at the end of the bar.

 

Brian beckons to Assumpta. Assumpta puts the coins down next to the till.

 

Assumpta: Brian?

She walks over to Brian.

 

Eamonn watches her go, no doubt wondering what about his change.

 

CUT TO: End of bar.

Brian: Erm, bit of a problem has come up Assumpta.

 

Assumpta: What?

 

We can see that Dr. Ryan and Peter are also sitting at the bar.

 

Brian turns his back to the bar, whispers: Well, the nub of it is, I've got to be above board with the work I'm doing for you here. Can't be cash in hand anymore. It's got to be all the paperwork, estimates, receipt, everything.

 

All five people at the bar are now looking down at Assumpta and Brian.

 

Assumpta, shocked, whispers: What?!

 

Brian looks very regretful, then looks around at all the people listening. He turns slowly to face them.

 

Brian: Well, I suppose...everyone's entitled to know. A source of information...informs me that it's just possible there's a couple of revenue men nosing around the village.

 

Assumpta looks down.

 

Brian: It's unclear what they're looking for, so I suggest we all keep our cards very close to our chests.

 

Eamonn, horrified: Holy God! Oh Holy God!

He leaves quickly.

 

Assumpta: Eamonnn?

 

The door slams behind him.

 

Dr. Ryan: He left his cans.

He points with his thumb toward where Eamonn was sitting.

 

Assumpta, worried: And his change.

She holds up a coin.

 

They all look at each other.

 

SCENE: Hendley's interior.

Kathleen is behind the counter serving Father Mac. Donal enters.

 

Donal: Howdy ??

He walks up to the counter.

 

Fr Mac: Donal.

He puts something into his jacket pocket.

 

Donal: Just a pack of the mints Kathleen please.

He indicates something on the wall. Kathleen goes to get it.

 

Donal, cheerfully: Have you heard about the revenue men?

 

Fr Mac picks up a newspaper from the counter and folds it up, turns to Donal with interest: Revenue, do you mean revenue as in income tax?

 

Kathleen returns with the mints and puts them down on the counter. Donal puts some coins on the counter, which Kathleen takes.

 

Donal: The two fellas hanging around the village.

 

Kathleen, wide-eyed: Those two? So that's who they are. Tax men.

 

Donal nods and smiles at Kathleen.

 

Fr Mac muses: Nothing much doing in their line around here.

 

Donal: Well you never know. But if you're doing anything, stop it. Hah!

He turns quickly and leaves with his mints.

 

Kathleen whispers: Oh dear God! You don't think it could be me do you?

 

Fr Mac: Kathleen, what could they possibly want from you?

 

Kathleen confides: I've never been good with the books Father.

 

Fr Mac reassures her: Oh Kathleen I'm sure you haven't a thing to worry about anyway we all bend the rules a little now and then, why even I myself--

He stops and thinks of something, gets a panicked expression on his face, and quickly heads for the door.

 

Kathleen: Don't go Father, I need you to advise me.

 

Fr Mac pauses at the door with his hand on the handle: Er, talk to Father Clifford.

He opens the door.

 

Kathleen protests: I never talk to Father Clifford.

 

Fr Mac walks down the steps.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Peter is sitting at the bar, Dr. Ryan is standing next to him.

 

Dr. Ryan: Hands up anyone who's never fiddled their tax, and I'll show you a saint.

 

Siobhan, Brendan, and Brian are also at the bar. They nod morosely. Peter raises his hand. Dr. Ryan laughs. Brian rolls his eyes.

 

Brian: There's always one.

 

The door from outside slams. Everyone looks to see who is there. It is the two strangers.

 

Camera man smiles: Ah, Father. The very man.

Both he and Driver walk up to Peter.

 

Peter looks around at them, unsure: Me?

 

Camera man: We're here on your recommendation.

 

Peter looks relieved and nods.

 

Camera man: Who's the proprietor of this place?

 

Peter looks over at Assumpta, who is standing behind the bar.

 

Assumpta: I am.

 

Camera man: Good afternoon madam.

 

Assumpta nods and smiles.

 

Camera man: This decent man of a priest says you can provide us with rooms for the night.

 

Assumpta, apologetically: Oh well eh...it's not very convenient at the moment.

 

Driver: We don't mind roughing it a bit.

 

Assumpta: Oh. Fine. Fine.

She walks over to the registration desk, a smile plastered onto her face.

 

Peter smiles at the two strangers and they smile back.

 

SCENE: Brian's bedroom interior.

Brian is lying in bed, eyes open. The phone rings. Brian rolls over and picks up the phone. A clock on the bedside table shows 7:30.

 

Brian (into phone): Yes.

 

Man's voice on phone: Mr. Brian Quigley?

 

Brian: Yes.

 

Man: I've got something of yours.

 

Brian: What.

 

Man: Books.

 

CUT TO: Other man.

Close-up of a man's lips speaking into a telephone receiver.

 

Man: Are they worth a thousand pounds to you?

 

CUT TO: Brian.

 

Brian: They might be.

 

CUT TO: Other man.

 

Man: I thought they might. Get the money then. And wait for another call.

 

CUT TO: Brian.

Brian hangs up the phone. He looks worried. He pulls back the covers.

 

SCENE: Egans' kitchen interior. Morning.

Ambrose is sitting at the table, drinking a cup of tea and reading the newspaper. He picks up the teacup. A door somewhere closes. Niamh enters from upstairs.

 

Niamh: Ambrose. Somebody to see you.

 

Assumpta walks in after Niamh.

 

Ambrose looks over at Assumpta, stands up, pleasantly: Assumpta.

 

Assumpta: Hi. Erm, I'm worried about Eamonn.

 

Ambrose: Eamonn?

 

Assumpta: Well, erm, he...ran from the pub yesterday leaving these behind, it's just a couple of cans of Coke and his change...

She holds up a plastic bag and puts it on the table: I've been ringing him ever since but there's no answer.

 

Ambrose: Did something upset him?

 

Assumpta: I'm just guessing, but I think it was those men.

 

Ambrose almost sneaks a glance at Niamh, who is standing behind him at the sink. He looks back at Assumpta.

 

Ambrose: What men?

 

Assumpta: You know, those two fellas pretending to be on a golfing holiday.

 

Ambrose: Maybe they are on a golfing holiday.

 

Assumpta: Not at all, sure everybody knows what they're up to.

 

Ambrose, surprised: Do they?

His mouth flaps open and closed a couple of times: Erm...excuse me will you, I...need to get ready.

He pushes past Assumpta, then stops and turns around: Look, I'll, erm, take Eamonn's stuff from you--

He picks up the plastic bag from the table: and er, I'll drop it in to him on my way back from Cilldargan.

He holds out his hand.

 

Assumpta, somewhat dazed: Oh thank you, thanks.

She gives him a coin.

 

Ambrose backs out of the room subserviently. He and Assumpta smile at each other. He stops outside the door. Assumpta turns to Niamh.

 

Assumpta: Well. Bye.

It seems like she'd like to stay, but has no further business.

 

Niamh smiles at Assumpta.

 

Assumpta: Bye.

 

Ambrose: Bye.

 

Assumpta goes past Ambrose and runs up the stairs.

 

Assumpta (off-screen): Bye!

 

We hear a door close somewhere.

 

Ambrose scolds Niamh: You shouldn't have said that to your father, I'll get the blame.

 

Niamh, haughtily: What for? Sure you told me nothing.

She looks him up and down disdainfully.

 

Ambrose doesn't know what to say.

 

Niamh: Who are they anyway?

 

Ambrose makes a face at Niamh and walks away into the office, where he slams the door.

 

SCENE: Brian's house interior.

Close-up of the burgled safe. Brian is standing next to it. The phone rings. Brian goes to answer it.

 

Brian (into phone): Yep.

 

Man on phone: Go for a drive Mr. Quigley, and take your mobile phone with you. Oh and...don't forget the money.

 

Brian hangs up.

 

SCENE: Ballykissangel street. Sunny.

Niamh approaches a house. She stops outside the door. Then she goes inside.

 

CUT TO: Closeup of door.

A plaque next to the door reads "Dr. Michael Ryan MB BS OCH Tel. 0409 35177 -- SURGERY Mon-Fri 2-7 Sat 11-1". The door closes.

 

SCENE: Eamonn's farm.

The big rusty tank with "DIESEL FUEL - AGRICULTURAL USE ONLY" is standing in Eamonn's chicken yard. Ambrose walks through the yard, holding the plastic bag he got from Assumpta earlier. His police car is parked in the background, in front of the house. Chickens are cackling and fluttering around. Ambrose looks around, keeps walking.

 

CUT TO: Barn interior.

Eamonn is using a pitchfork to cover the red car with hay. Ambrose appears in the entrance.

 

Ambrose: What are you doing Eamonn?

 

Eamonn puts the pitchfork down and climbs down from the pile of hay: Go away! Leave me alone!

 

Ambrose: Why are you throwing hay on the car?

 

Eamonn strides quickly out of the barn and past Ambrose: I don't want to talk to ya, I don't want ya here!

 

Ambrose protests: Eamonn!

He follows Eamonn.

 

SCENE: Country road. Sunny.

A phone rings. A car is driving along the road. The phone rings again.

 

Brian (off-screen): Quigley.

 

Man on phone: Do you know St. Bridgid's well?

 

CUT TO: Car interior.

Brian is driving the car, phone to his ear.

 

Man on phone: Just leave the money there. At ten to twelve.

 

Brian (into phone): Leave the money at the well, just like that.

 

Man: Just do what you're told.

 

Brian demands: Who is this?

 

The man on the other end hangs up. Brian turns his phone off.

 

CUT TO: Road.

The car drives away.

 

CUT TO: Another road.

Another car is driving along another road. It is the accountant's BMW.

 

Cathal: A thousand? Hah. Cheap at the price.

 

As the car approaches, we can see the accountant driving the car, with a phone to his ear.

 

CUT TO: Car interior.

Cathal is driving the car, a phone to his ear.

 

Cathal, smiling, into phone: Anyway, I'm bringing the official books over right now.

 

CUT TO: Road.

Ahead, two gardai step into the road. One of them raises his hand to signal the car to stop.

 

Cahtal (off-screen): Hang on Brian, I'll call you back.

 

CUT TO: Car interior.

Cathal puts the phone down.

 

CUT TO: Road.

The car stops just in front of the gardai. One of them, a man with salt-and-pepper hair, still has his hand raised. When the car stops, the guard lowers his hand and walks over to the driver's side.

 

CUT TO: Car exterior.

Cathal lowers his window.

 

Guard: Mr. Cathal Quinn?

 

Cathal nods.

 

SCENE: St. Brigid's well.

A shrine has been erected on a pile of rocks underneath a very old tree. Brian is there, looking around. It is windy. Brian holds onto his hat. He takes an envelope out of his inner breast pocket, looking all around. He puts the envelope behind the shrine.

 

CUT TO: Long shot.

Brian is walking quickly away from the tree, still looking all around.

 

CUT TO: Well.

A man wearing black jeans and brown boots approaches the shrine. He leans over and picks up the envelope.

 

SCENE: Egans' kitchen interior.

Niamh is ironing. Peter is watching her, arms crossed.

 

Peter, worried: I just...hope she isn't in any trouble.

 

Niamh: Why would she be?

 

Peter: She was obviously worried about those two men, whoever they are. And then the talk of her leaving...

 

Niamh looks up at Peter: Where did you hear that?

 

Peter: Ambrose suggested it-- Why is she going?

 

Niamh looks momentarily perturbed. Then she shrugs, gazes into the distance: She wants a bit of life. Family of her own perhaps. Don't we all.

 

Peter: Of course we do. There are just...different kinds of family.

 

Niamh glances at Peter, then resumes her ironing.

 

Peter, more to himself: Different kinds of love.

 

Niamh: I'll really miss her if she does go.

 

At Niamh's words, Peter realizes his thoughts have been wandering too far afield and re-focuses on what Niamh is saying.

 

Niamh looks at Peter, smiles slightly: You will, too.

 

Peter: We all will.

 

Niamh: Anyway she's only thinking about it. There's nothing definite.

 

Peter, downcast: Right.

He tries to smile bravely.

 

SCENE: Hendley's exterior.

Kathleen exits the store, pulling the door closed behind her. She is dressed to go out, with her coat, hat, and purse.

 

Brendan (off-screen): I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Quigley on the hob.

 

Kathleen looks around, goes down the steps quickly.

 

Brendan (off-screen): And Assumpta. Even Kathleen.

 

Kathleen walks away up the road.

 

CUT TO: Padraig's shop.

Padraig is working on the back of a television with a screwdriver. He looks amused. Brendan is reclined in a chair, a coffee mug in his hand. He sits forward.

 

Brendan: Mind you, the revenue could look at you as well you know.

 

Padraig stops working, looks at Brendan: What for?

 

Brendan: Fixing tellies. Cash in hand.

 

Padraig: Will they bother?

 

Brendan: Well why wouldn't they? They have nothing else to do.

 

Padraig: Well that's the end of that then.

He puts the screwdriver down on top of the television. No more of that.

He stands: Until they've gone.

He closes the back of the car in which the television is apparently standing. He sees someone approaching: Ah Father Mac.

 

Fr Mac enters the garage: Padraig.

He walks over to Brendan: Brendan.

He stops in front of Brendan, leans over slightly, confidentially: We need to talk.

 

Brendan: Do we?

 

Fr Mac glances at Padraig, then back at Brendan, meaningfully: Summer camps.

 

Brendan frowns slightly: Yes?

 

Fr Mac: Well don't look so blank. Now there're two men from the revenue commission that are lurking about. I took some advice last night.

He glances at Padraig again, then back at Brendan: We may both have a problem.

He walks away.

 

Brendan looks at Padraig, dumbfounded, then at Fr Mac. He stands up, picks up his jacket from where it was hanging, puts his mug down on the roof of the car in which the television is standing, looks at Padraig, then hurries after Fr Mac. Padraig looks stumped.

 

SCENE: St. Joseph's interior.

Peter is walking along between the pews, hunched over, running both hands along the bottom sides of the pews. He comes to the end of a row and stands up. We can see he is holding a wadded-up handkerchief in one hand and a butter knife in the other. He wipes something from the knife onto the handkerchief, then leans over and starts on the next row back. He stops, stands up, and tries to wipe some extra-sticky gum from his fingers onto the handkerchief.

 

Peter: Tsss.

 

He leans over and keeps going.

 

CUT TO: Floor.

Peter's foot kicks a brown paper bag on the floor. It is the right size and shape to hold a sheaf of A4 papers. He puts the knife down on the pew, wipes his fingers on the handkerchief, puts the handkerchief down on the pew next to the knife, sits down, and picks up the bag. When he straightens up, his face is all red, probably from leaning over so much. He pulls two thin books out of the bag, probably ledgers. One is red and one is green. He opens the red one, which is the one on top.

 

CUT TO: Book.

It is an accounts book. The top line on the left page reads "Quigley Developments PLC" and then there are some entries with numbers. A loose sheet of paper is tucked into the book. Peter puts his fingers under the words "Quigley Developments PLC", then turns over the loose sheet. It reads, "NEXT TIME YOU PLAY WITH YOUR MONEY MAKE SURE NO ONE'S WATCHING -- BLACK DAZZLER". The words are hand-printed in all caps with blue pen.

 

CUT TO: Church interior.

Behind Peter, Kathleen enters. Peter turns suddenly around. He quickly closes the book and puts both books down, covering them with the paper bag. He turns around where he is sitting as Kathleen approaches.

 

Peter: Kathleen.

 

Kathleen does not respond. When she reaches the top of the aisle, she turns and genuflects. Then she straightens up and turns to Peter.

 

Kathleen whispers: I've got to talk to you Father.

 

Peter: Yes, of course.

 

Kathleen sits down on the pew next to Peter. She looks down.

 

Kathleen: Don't think this is easy for me.

 

Peter: Oh is it confession you want?

He looks toward the back of the church, then back at Kathleen.

 

Kathleen looks at Peter, horrified: No!

 

Peter mouths "Oh."

 

Kathleen: It's just...I'm sick with worry, Father. Those men from the revenue, they're after me.

 

Peter looks like that's ridiculous: Now, we don't know that they're from the revenue, everyone's guessing.

 

Kathleen: They're revenue all right. I can tell from their eyes. I have to go on the run Father.

 

Peter gives her the same look: Oh, Kathleen.

 

Kathleen whispers: Head for Dublin maybe. Where nobody knows me. Assumpta's stirred up the right idea in leaving this place.

 

Peter looks hurt.

 

Kathleen: What can I do, Father?

 

Peter is at a loss for words. He reaches out and holds Kathleen's arm.

 

SCENE: Brian's car interior.

The phone rings. Brian picks it up and turns it on, holds it to his ear.

 

Brian: Quigley.

 

CUT TO: Other man.

This time we can see the back of the man's head. He is holding a phone to his ear. He has short black hair and is wearing a checkered shirt. He does not look familiar, not from the back anyway.

 

Man: All sweet as a daisy so far Mr. Quigley.

 

CUT TO: Brian.

 

Brian: What about my books?

 

Man (over phone): I've got to put some distance between us first. Stay on your mobile, and wait for my call.

 

Brian: And how do I know you won't rip me off.

 

CUT TO: Other man.

 

Man: I'm an honest man, Mr. Quigley. Unlike some.

He hangs up his phone.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

The two strangers are seated at the bar, next to the kitchen. Driver is looking dour, Camera man is smiling. Camera man reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a wallet.

 

Camera man: Can we have some sandwiches please?

 

Assumpta, behind the bar, nods.

 

Driver: It's lunch time you see, and I hope you have ham.

He delivers this line as if it were a famous quote, or the lyrics to a song.

 

Assumpta: Yeah, we have ham.

She responds as if she gets the joke.

 

Peter enters behind the two strangers.

 

Peter: Ah Assumpta, sorry, can I have a word with you?

He points toward the kitchen.

 

Assumpta: Erm...yeah. It'll just have to be quick. Scuse me.

She goes into the kitchen.

 

Peter puts the paper bag with the books down on top of the bar, right in front of Camera man.

 

Peter, to the strangers: Sorry.

He is about to go into the kitchen.

 

Driver: Father!

 

Peter turns back to him.

 

Driver: Can I er, have a glass of stout?

He nods at the taps.

 

Peter smiles at their little joke, goes into the kitchen, and closes the door behind him. The two strangers chuckle and look at each other.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

Peter enters, closes the door.

 

Assumpta: What's the matter?

 

Peter stops awkwardly next to the stove: Is it true you're leaving?

 

Assumpta: Oh. This place drives you mad, you say something and you might as well post it on a wall.

 

Peter: Are you?

 

Assumpta whispers urgently: Right now, I have something rather more important on my mind.

She goes over to the pantry, where they had stored the beer before, and opens the door. She points at it.

 

Peter: Beer?

 

Assumpta closes the door, nods: Yeah.

She turns off the light switch next to the door.

 

Peter: What about it?

 

Assumpta whispers, points urgently toward the bar: It's duty free!

 

Peter: What do you mean?

 

Assumpta: It was smuggled into the country, I didn't pay any duty on it.

 

Peter, incredulous: What?

 

Assumpta: I had burst pipes and an exploding tank to pay for, I had to do it.

 

Peter: You had me carry it in for you.

 

Assumpta pleads: Oh don't be so pious.

 

Peter: Why didn't you tell me?

 

Assumpta: Whether I should sell bootleg beer?

 

Peter: You know what I mean. About leaving Ballykay.

He looks like he might cry.

 

Assumpta can't believe his audacity: It's my business.

 

Peter looks hurt: I care about you Assumpta.

 

Assumpta stares at him.

 

Peter shrugs it off: Well, perhaps you're right.

He licks his lips: Mean-- it is your business. No I just thought that we--

 

Assumpta: Yeah I know Peter but um... I haven't decided anything yet.

 

Peter puts the tip of his tongue against his top lip and nods.

 

Assumpta: When I'm ready, I'll-- You'll all know what I'm going to do, OK?

She walks past Peter and opens the door to the bar.

 

Peter stands there.

 

CUT TO: Bar.

Assumpta sticks her head out of the kitchen, asks: Erm, how many sandwiches?

 

Camera man looks at Driver: Couple each?

 

Assumpta walks over to the bar. Peter comes out of the kitchen, looks in Assumpta's direction.

 

Driver, slyly: Would you er...like a drink, Father?

He glances at Assumpta.

 

Peter, with a nervous smile: Oh, uh, no, thanks, I--

He turns and knocks the paper bag with the accounts books off the bar and onto the floor.

 

Camera man: Whoop!

He jumps up and bends over to retrieve the bag.

 

Peter looks embarrassed.

 

Camera man hands the bag back to Peter: Parish accounts are they Father?

 

Peter takes the bag, smiles: Accounts, yeah.

He puts the bag under his arm. He looks at Assumpta again, then leaves.

 

Camera man and Assumpta watch him go. Then Assumpta goes back into the kitchen. Camera man looks down at the floor and notices something. He bends over and picks up a piece of paper. He unfolds it. It is the note from Black Dazzler that was in the red ledger. He hands it to Driver. Driver reads it, looks at Camera man, folds it up again, and puts it in his pocket.

 

SCENE: Farm.

A garda car drives along next to a big stone wall, behind which is a farm with a large red barn. Siobhan is standing next to a gate, talking to a man. The man looks like an old farmer. Siobhan's van is parked next to the gate. The garda car stops next to Siobhan and the man.

 

CUT TO: Garda car.

Ambrose leans out of the driver's window.

 

Ambrose: Siobhan!

 

CUT TO: Gate.

Siobhan walks away from the farmer and toward Ambrose.

 

Siobhan: Yes Ambrose?

 

CUT TO: Garda car.

 

Ambrose: I've just been out to Eamonn. He's being very strange.

 

Siobhan smiles: Stranger than usual?

 

Ambrose: I don't know what, but he's terrified of something.

He drives away.

 

Siobhan stands there and watches the car leave.

 

SCENE: Dr. Ryan's office interior.

 

Niamh: You're sure?

 

Dr. Ryan: Absolutely certain.

 

Niamh looks away. She looks troubled.

 

Dr. Ryan: I thought you'd be happy.

 

Niamh: I am.

She doesn't look it: It's just because of what happened the last time.

 

Dr. Ryan: Niamh, so far as one can be certain in these matters, you should have no problems at all.

 

Niamh smiles a little: I can tell Ambrose then.

 

Dr. Ryan: Course you can. And don't worry. I'll keep a close eye on you.

 

Niamh smiles, walks right up to Dr. Ryan and holds his arms: Thank you doctor.

 

Dr. Ryan laughs a little, looks embarrassed: It's Ambrose you should be thanking.

 

Niamh smiles some more, then walks away. Dr. Ryan smiles, watching her go.

 

SCENE: Driveway.

Sean and a woman are standing in a driveway, behind a small red car. The back of the car is open, and "Catering Division Tel. 288 5806" is printed on the side. The woman is dressed all in white, like a chef, and is holding something wrapped in tinfoil in front of Sean. Sean puts his finger into whatever is in the tinfoil and then puts his finger in his mouth, as if to taste it. He nods and points toward the inside of the car. Brian drives up behind them. The driver's window is open.

 

Brian: Dooley, I want a word.

 

Sean, over his shoulder: Just a minute.

 

Brian: It's urgent.

 

The woman puts the tinfoil item back into the back of the car. Sean walks over to Brian's car.

 

Sean: What is it.

 

Brian: I've changed my mind about our arrangements. I'll pay the full whack. And I want proper VAT receipts.

 

Sean: What the hell for?

 

Brian: I just want it all above board all right?

 

Sean points angrily at Brian: Sure you can't do it.

 

Brian puts his car into reverse and backs away, calling out the window: Sue me.

 

Sean runs after the car, pointing and grumbling. As the car drives away, Sean stops and shouts: Ah you've gone soft Quigley! Lost your nerve!

He adjusts his tie and walks back to the caterer. We can now see that the driveway belongs to the same house outside of which Sean and Siobhan were discussing her running for peace commissioner earlier.

 

SCENE: Curate's house exterior.

Peter walks up the path to the curate's house, carrying the brown paper bag with the two accounts books. As he gets to the door, he pauses, considers the bag, then turns and walks toward the shed behind the house.

 

SCENE:Lane/Driveway.

Brian's car is driving down a narrow lane. A phone rings. Then we hear a beep.

 

Brian (off-screen): Yes?

 

The car stops at the bottom of the lane. The left turn signal goes on.

 

Brian (off-screen), disbelieving: St. Joseph's?

 

CUT TO: Brian's car.

Brian is sitting in the driver's seat, holding a phone to his ear.

 

Brian (into phone): What'd you put them in there for?

 

Man on phone: This is Black Dazzler...

 

CUT TO: Other man.

Mossy Phelan is on the phone.

 

Mossy: Signing off.

He laughs evilly and puts the phone down.

 

CUT TO: Brian.

Brian puts his phone down and turns it off. He looks thoughtful, then nods slightly.

 

Brian murmurs: Mossy Phelan.

He drives away.

 

SCENE: Peter's shed interior.

Peter opens the door and enters the shed. It is very rough and tumble. He is still holding the bag with the accounts books. He looks around, as if he is looking for a place to put the bag. He walks over to a table or workbench and puts the bag behind a big green piece of wood leaning against the wall on top of the table.

 

Fr Mac (off-screen): Father Clifford!

 

Peter calls: Yes?

He goes outside.

 

CUT TO: Curate's house.

Fr Mac and Brendan are standing outside the front door, looking up at the upper storey windows. They apparently hear Peter coming and turn toward the shed.

 

Fr Mac: Oh.

He and Brendan walk back toward the shed. Peter meets them halfway and they all stop.

 

Fr Mac: I'll come right to the point Father we have a small problem that we figured you may be able to help us with.

 

Peter looks accommodating: If I can.

 

Fr Mac turns to Brendan: Explain Brendan.

 

Brendan looks caught off guard: Me?

 

Fr Mac: Yeah it's better coming from you.

He waits.

 

Brendan hesitates: Well... Yes erm... You know I took the summer camp for Father MacAnally last year.

 

Peter nods, yet looks a little blank.

 

Fr Mac, impatiently: Yes of course he does.

 

Brendan: Well...

 

Fr Mac: Well Brendan accepted money from me without declaring it for tax.

 

Brendan: You suggested it Father.

 

Fr Mac growls: Just tell him Brendan.

 

Peter folds his arms.

 

Brendan: The last thing I want to do is stand up in court and plead guilty to tax evasion. So--

 

Fr Mac: So Brendan wondered, if it could be claimed, that you took the summer camp as part of your priestly duties, without any extra payment.

 

Peter is obviously very uncomfortable with this suggestion. He looks down at the ground.

 

Peter looks at Fr Mac and Brendan: I'm sorry, no.

 

Brendan looks disappointed.

 

Peter: I don't want to get involved in any of this.

 

Fr Mac sighs: Listen Father--

 

Peter, coldly: I will not collude, Father MacAnally.

 

Fr Mac: And that's your final word?

 

Peter looks from Brendan to Fr Mac, firmly: Yes.

 

Fr Mac: You may find you're too self-righteous for your own good Father.

 

Peter laughs bitterly: I'm a priest.

 

Fr Mac, sarcastically: Oh yes. We must never forget that.

He turns and walks away.

 

Brendan looks at Peter. Peter looks away with a stony expression. Brendan looks like Peter has disappointed him deeply. He turns and walks away too. Peter looks unhappy.

 

SCENE: Country road.

A man in a hard hat and yellow fluorescent vest is up on a ladder against a telephone pole. He has some wires in one hand, and with the other hand he give the thumbs-up signal. Down on the ground, the two strangers are leaning against their car. Behind them is a garda car with a guard standing next to it, and behind that is a red car.

 

Camera man (to guard): OK, off you go.

 

The guard opens the passenger door of his car and gets in. The blue lights on top start flashing. The garda car pulls out from the side of the road, followed by the red car. They drive past the two strangers, who are still leaning back against their car.

 

Camera man (to Driver), bored: Well, all we can do now is wait.

 

Driver: That's the bit I hate. I get bored.

 

Camera man agrees: Don't tell me.

 

Driver suggests: Tell you what. Why don't we head back to the pub, and worry the natives?

He turns to Camera man.

 

Camera man looks very impressed by that suggestion: Why not?

He laughs.

 

Driver walks around to the driver's side of the car and Camera man reaches for the passenger's door.

 

SCENE: Ballykissangel garda station exterior.

Ambrose is just exiting his vehicle. He closes the car door and walks to the station entrance. Niamh is waiting for him.

 

Niamh, breathless: Ambrose!

 

Peter approaches from the village road: Ambrose!

 

Ambrose: Yes Father. (To Niamh) Just a second dear sorry.

He signals for Niamh to wait and walks back out onto the road to greet Peter.

 

Peter: Scuse me Niamh. (To Ambrose) Ambrose, who are those two men?

 

Ambrose gives his standard answer: What two men?

 

Peter coaxes: Come on, everyone's in a panic, Kathleen's close to a breakdown.

He glances in the direction of Hendley's.

 

Ambrose protests: That's not my fault.

 

Peter, reasonably: Maybe not, but you could help calm them. Mean are they from the revenue or what?

 

Ambrose insists: I can't say!

 

Peter: Or won't say.

 

Ambrose: Father, I'm only following your advice.

 

Peter exhales, then walks determinedly toward the pub.

 

Niamh has been waiting in the doorway all this time.

 

Niamh whispers excitedly: Ambrose!

 

Ambrose turns to Niamh, exasperated: What?

 

Niamh, excitedly: Come here!

 

Ambrose, exasperated: What!

He walks over to Niamh.

 

Niamh grabs Ambrose's face and gives him a big kiss on the lips.

 

Ambrose pulls away, scolds: I'm on duty Niamh, please!

He looks up the street to see if anyone saw them, then back at Niamh: Can't it wait till dinnertime?

 

Niamh, with suppressed excitement: I have something very important to tell you, very serious.

She grabs his hand and pulls him inside. The door closes.

 

After a moment, we hear Ambrose give a joyful shout.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

Padraig and Brendan are at their usual end of the bar, talking to Assumpta, who is behind the bar. The two strangers are at the opposite end of the bar, near the kitchen. Peter enters, slamming the door behind him. He walks directly over to the two strangers. He leans one elbow on the bar top.

 

Peter: What are you two doing here?

 

Camera man, straight-faced: Doing the crossword.

He is, it's true.

 

Driver: Having a cup of coffee.

 

Peter, disdainfully: You know what I mean.

 

Camera man turns to Driver, frowns slightly: Do you know what he means?

 

Driver turns to Peter: No.

 

Peter: What satisfaction do you get out of upsetting a community? Panicking a respectable woman?

 

Driver holds up his hands: I never touched a respectable woman in my life.

 

Camera man, curiously: Er, what respectable woman?

 

Peter: Kathleen in the shop.

His eyes move in the direction of Hendley's.

 

Camera man looks amused: I only bought a bar of chocolate.

He looks at Driver.

 

Driver: Ah. Guilt and sin Father. The world is full of it.

 

Peter: What?

 

Driver: Well that is your environment.

He looks at Camera man.

 

Camera man (to Peter): Your problem?

 

Peter nods: Right.

He walks around behind the two strangers, then signals to Assumpta, Padraig and Brendan to go into the kitchen.

 

The three friends look at Peter. Peter points urgently toward the kitchen and mouths "In there now!" Assumpta, Padraig and Brendan look quizzically at each other. Then Assumpta moves slowly toward the kitchen. Padraig moves to get up from his stool.

 

CUT TO: Kitchen.

Liam is standing on the table, presumably working on the hole in the ceiling. Donal is writing something.

 

Liam: Erm, two foot.

 

Assumpta silently enters the kitchen from the bar. Peter enters from the door behind the reception desk. He mouths to Assumpta "Close the door." Donal looks from one to the other. Liam gets down from the table. Peter and Assumpta both close their doors as quietly as possible. Peter puts his finger to his lips to indicate that Donal shouldn't say anything. Donal continues writing something. Liam leans over his shoulder. Padraig enters the kitchen, followed by Brendan. They aren't trying to be quiet, and they leave the door open. Peter indicates that they should close the door, which Brendan does. Padraig looks around cluelessly.

 

Peter whispers sarcastically: Well I hope you didn't arouse suspicion.

 

Assumpta whispers: What is it?

 

Peter, hands on hips: Well now that you're all here... Brendan, I took the summer camp, OK?

 

Brendan, pleased: Thanks Peter. Thanks a lot.

 

Peter: Assumpta...

He reaches for the pantry where the duty-free beer is stored: Your hooch...

 

Padraig: What hooch?

He looks at Assumpta.

 

Peter: Tell them.

 

Assumpta flutters her eyes a bit, then admits: It's duty-free. I bought it cheap.

 

Brendan and Padraig lean over to get a glimpse of cheap liquor.

 

Peter: We can store it in my shed.

 

Assumpta, surprised and relieved: Oh.

 

Brendan: Let's get it out of here right away, yeah?

 

Assumpta: Well we can't-- we can't bring it through reception they'll see us.

She points toward the bar with her thumb.

 

Padraig: What we need is a diversion. Assumpta, is the van unlocked?

 

Assumpta: Well yeah--

 

Padraig: Right. Liam, Donal, while we create the diversion, you'll load all of that stuff into the van, OK?

 

Liam and Donal look at each other.

 

Liam: Yeah OK, great.

 

Peter: What diversion?

 

SCENE: St. Joseph's exterior.

Brian's car drives up the street outside of the church. It stops in front of the gate. Brian gets out of the car and hurries to the church.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

The two strangers are sitting in the same position at the bar. Driver is tossing cardboard coasters around.

 

Driver: What's keeping them.

 

Camera man: Hell of a lot of paperwork to get through.

 

Driver: Well I've had enough sitting around.

He starts to get off his stool.

 

Camera man: Where are you going?

 

Driver: I won't go far.

He stands and walks toward the other end of the bar (or the toilet?).

 

Camera man: Make sure you don't.

 

Padraig emerges from the kitchen behind them, waves at Driver, and hurries to catch up to him.

 

Padraig: Ah, eh, are you going now?

 

Driver turns around: Yes, I am.

 

Padraig and Peter corner him. Brendan goes over to stand next to Camera man.

 

Padraig: Er, could you hang on for just a couple of seconds. You see, there's something that I wanted to ask you, both of you, in fact erm... Have you ever heard of a singer called Delia Murphy?

 

Driver: Yes I have.

 

Padraig: Have you heard her sing, "Three Lovely Lassies from Banion"?

 

Driver: My granny used to sing that song.

 

Padraig: Terrific, terrific.

 

Peter looks pleased.

 

Padraig: You see for ages now, I have been trying to describe this song to Father Clifford, haven't I Father?

 

Peter: Yes, yes you have, you have indeed Padraig.

He nods emphatically at both Padraig and Driver.

 

Padraig: And I wanted to let him know how it goes, but I can't remember all of the words.

 

Driver: I think I could manage most of it.

 

Peter, pleased: Oh!

 

Padraig, pleased: Fantastic! Now, you would be doing us a great favor, if you would help us with this song.

 

Driver: We'll ??

He smiles and goes to sit back down.

 

Brendan pushes a stool over for him so that he is facing away from the reception entrance. Peter pulls up a chair for himself. Padraig and Brendan station themselves behind Driver.

 

Padraig: Now, I know that it starts,

                There are three lovely lassies from Banion--

Brendan and Driver join in: Banion, Banion, Banion.

                There are three lovely lassies from Banion

                And I am the best of them all.

In the background, Assumpta sneaks across the room and opens the outer door.

                And I am the best of them all.

Padraig, apologetically to Peter: This is the part I never remember.

He hands it over to Driver.

 

Driver sings:

                Me father has forty white shillings

Padraig exclaims: That's the one!

In the background, Donal and Liam sneak across the room, each carrying a crate of beer.

Brendan and Padraig join in:

                Shillings, shillings, shillings.

 

CUT TO: Outside.

Assumpta opens the van. Liam and Donal hastily dump their crates into the back of the van.

 

CUT TO: Inside.

Peter joins in, too:

                Me father has forty white shillings

                And grass for a goat and a cow.

In the background, Liam, Donal and Assumpta run back across into the kitchen.

                And grass for a goat and a cow.

 

SCENE: Garda office interior.

Siobhan is sitting on a chair. Ambrose enters.

 

Ambrose: Siobhan! What can I do for you?

 

Siobhan: Ambrose.

She stands: I've found out what's bothering Eamonn.

 

Ambrose sits on the edge of the desk and folds his arms: Ah. Really.

 

Siobhan: He's been using farm diesel in his car.

 

Ambrose rolls his eyes: Sure half the farmers around here are guilty of that.

 

Siobhan: Well he's convinced the revenue men are after him.

 

Ambrose is getting tired of this: What revenue men?

 

The phone rings. Ambrose holds up one finger to indicate that Siobhan should wait a moment. He leans over and picks up the phone. He covers the mouthpiece with his hand.

 

Ambrose: Sorry, Siobhan, duty.

 

Siobhan gives him a dirty look, but leaves. Ambrose puts the phone up to his ear.

 

SCENE: Curate's house exterior.

Donal is directing Assumpta's van backwards along the path next to the curate's house leading to the shed. He puts his hand on the back.

 

Donal: Whoa!

 

The van stops. Donal opens the back doors and takes a crate out. Liam gets out of the van and comes around to the back. Donal carries the crate toward the shed.

 

CUT TO: Shed interior.

Donal enters, carrying a crate of beer. He hoists it up onto the table with the green board where Peter hid the accounts books.

 

SCENE: St. Joseph's exterior.

Brian exits the church, looking peeved. He stops, looks around a little, and then walks away.

 

SCENE: Garda station exterior.

Siobhan exits the station, closing the door behind her. The faint sound of distant voices is audible. Siobhan looks toward the pub.

 

CUT TO: Fitzgerald's exterior.

The sound of singing is coming from the pub.

 

CUT TO: Siobhan.

Looking intrigued, she walks toward the pub.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

The men are still at their diversion.

 

Padraig and Driver sing:

                And on next Sunday morning I'll meet him

                Meet him, meet him

                And on next Sunday morning I'll meet him

Siobhan enters, looks blankly at the sight which presents itself.

                And I will be dressed like a queen.

Assumpta winks to Siobhan. Siobhan looks extremely skeptical.

                And I will be dressed like a queen.

 

Padraig: How about that there Father.

He laughs and applauds.

 

Brendan and Peter applaud, too.

 

Padraig: I think he did a great job.

 

SCENE: Assumpta's van exterior.

Donal and Liam are taking crates out of the back.

 

CUT TO: Shed interior.

Liam stacks a crate of beer on top of several others. The table is now full of beer bottles and cans.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

The party is breaking up. Driver goes back to his seat at the end of the bar. Peter turns the chair back around that he had been sitting on and puts it back at the bar. Padraig, Brendan, Camera man, Siobhan, and Assumpta are also still there. Brian enters from outside. He closes the door behind him. He walks up to the bar next to Siobhan.

 

Brian, to Siobhan, through his teeth: Still here, they're like vultures.

 

Siobhan avows: You should have seen them a minute ago. They were singing.

 

Brian, loudly: Erm, you didn't happen to find any books up at the church, did you Father?

 

Peter leans on the bar next to Brian, nonchalantly: Oh there's all sorts of books up at the church, Brian. (Quietly) What specifically did you have in mind?

 

Brian, loudly: Er books, (very quiet) accounts books with my name on them.

 

Peter leans in, whispers: What were they doing at St. Joseph's?

 

Brian, excitedly: You have them?

 

Peter: Well not here.

 

Brian: Come on! (to Assumpta) Em, I'm just going up to Father Clifford's Assumpta, if my accountant Cathal should come in, tell him I'll be back in a minute.

He heads for the door.

 

Peter puts his hands in his pockets, smiles genially at the company, and beats a hasty retreat. The door closes.

 

CUT TO: End of bar.

The two strangers have been watching the exchange with interest. The door slams.

 

Padraig: See you later.

He waves dismissively at the strangers and walks away.

 

CUT TO: Brendan and Siobhan.

Padraig walks behind Brendan, puts his hand on his shoulder.

 

Padraig: Come on Brendan.

He walks on out the door.

 

Brendan smiles but doesn't move. Siobhan turns her head to Brendan.

 

Siobhan, bored: Do you want to come to a party with me tonight?

 

Brendan: Where?

 

Siobhan: Sean Dooley's

 

Brendan: Sean Dooley's?

 

Siobhan: Mm-hm.

 

CUT TO: End of bar.

A mobile phone rings. It is Camera man's. He picks it up and beeps it on. He holds it to his ear.

 

Camera man: Hello?

 

In the background, Liam appears in the hotel entrance and gives Assumpta the thumbs-up. Assumpta nods slightly.

 

Camera man: Oh OK.

He turns the phone off and lowers its antenna. (To Driver): Not yet. Won't be long now.

He puts the phone in his inner jacket pocket.

 

Driver: This waiting around really drives me crazy.

 

Camera man: Well sing them a song.

 

Driver: I've got a better idea.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the piece of paper which fell out of the accounts book earlier: Why don't we give the priest a hard time.

 

Camera man beams. Driver chuckles. They both get up.

 

Assumpta, from behind the bar, watches them go with daggers in her eyes. Siobhan and Brendan also watch them leave. The door closes behind them.

 

Assumpta, quietly: Siobhan do me a favor. Keep an eye on the till and make sure no one drinks me dry. I'll be back in a minute.

She walks away. Siobhan glances at Brendan, then back at the door.

 

Siobhan asks Brendan: What is going on?

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's exterior.

Assumpta exits the building. She sees the strangers' car driving away, up toward the church.

 

Niamh (off-camera): Assumpta!

We can hear running footsteps approaching.

 

Assumpta turns: Yeah Niamh?

 

Niamh stops behind Assumpta: I am pregnant. Dr. Ryan's confirmed it.

 

Assumpta: Oh Niamh! Niamh I'm so happy for you!

She hugs Niamh: And Ambrose?

 

Niamh: He's dancing with delight.

 

Assumpta: I'm sure he is.

 

Niamh: I'm just on my way to tell Dad is he in the pub?

 

Assumpta: No but uh...

She turns to look toward the church: I know where he is. Come on. Come on.

She takes Niamh by the arm and heads for the church.

 

SCENE: Peter's shed interior.

Peter enters the shed, followed by Brian. Brian looks at all the beer.

 

Brian: Has the price of altar wine gone up?

 

Peter, absolutely straight-faced: It's Assumpta's. She overstocked.

 

Brian: I'll believe you. Thousands wouldn't.

 

Peter: Books are behind here.

He points toward the hiding place, then reaches in. He reaches really far back: Hang on.

He grunts and pulls out the bag: OK. Got them.

He is about to hand the bag to Brian when--

 

Driver (off-camera): Father.

 

Peter does a quick about-turn and keeps the bag. Both he and Brian turn toward the door with dopey grins. Driver and Camera man are there.

 

Driver walks into the shed, holding out the paper: We uh picked this up from the floor of the pub earlier. Blown out from your little bag of books there.

He holds the paper out to Peter.

 

Peter takes the paper with a short laugh: Oh that. Thanks.

 

Camera man: Oh and uh, a word of warning Father. Don't keep your accounts in a paper bag.

 

Driver: Funny books get funny looks.

 

Peter smiles appreciatively, looks at Brian, and lays the bag down on top of the pile of beer next to him.

 

Camera man admires the beer: How ?? is this shed? Right little Aladdin's cave in here isn't it?

 

Peter looks over the pile: Oh that's just for personal use. Plus a few parishioners.

 

Camera man looks incredulous.

 

Brian, shortly: For the party.

 

Peter echoes firmly: The party.

 

Camera man: What party?

 

Niamh and Assumpta enter.

 

Niamh, breathless with joy: My party.

 

Driver and Camera man turn around.

 

Brian echoes mechanically: Her party.

 

Niamh: It's a celebration.

 

Camera man cracks a smile: Right. Uh what's the celebration?

 

Niamh: I'm pregnant.

She looks at Brian, smiles: I'm having a baby.

 

Brian, mechanically: She's pregnant, she's having a baby.

 

Niamh, proudly: Yes.

 

Peter: Assumpta is providing the drink and I've been storing it for her. Right Assumpta?

 

Assumpta: Yeah. Ah-- You'd be more than welcome to join us.

 

Driver, graciously: We'd uh, like to.

 

Camera man graciously declines: But we've got something else on tonight.

 

Peter looks disappointed. NOT!

 

A mobile phone rings. It is Camera man's. He takes the phone out of his pocket, puts up the antenna, and turns it on.

 

Camera man: Yeah? Right.

He turns the phone off and turns to Driver.

 

Driver nods slightly.

 

Camera man, to Brian and Peter: Excuse us. We will see you later.

He smiles and puts the phone back into his pocket.

 

Peter smiles at them. Brian is stiff as a board. Driver and Camera man leave.

 

Brian: I'm going to be a grandfather. Official?

 

Niamh smiles and nods: Yes.

 

Brian walks over to Niamh and hugs and kisses her.

 

Peter: Congratulations Niamh.

 

Niamh: I'm putting you down for the christening Father.

 

Peter: I'll be honored.

 

Brian picks up his books and turns to Assumpta: And don't worry Assumpta, I'll pick up the tab.

He winks at her and leaves with Niamh.

 

Assumpta: Ha ha. Thanks Brian. That's a relief.

She walks into the shed.

 

SCENE: Dooley's house exterior.

There are several cars parked in the driveway. A couple is walking among the cars. Siobhan's van is parked right next to the door. She and Brendan walk up to the door. The door opens.

 

Sean: Hello Siobhan. And Mr. Kearney.

 

CUT TO: Dooley's house interior.

Sean stands in the open doorway.

 

Siobhan indicates Brendan: My escort for the evening. I hope you don't mind.

 

Sean: How could I possibly mind. Come in.

He stands aside.

 

Siobhan enters, followed by Brendan. Sean holds out his hand to Brendan.

 

Sean: You're very welcome sir.

 

Brendan shakes his hand: Thank you.

 

Sean: Now. Before I introduce you to everyone. I've got a present for you Siobhan.

He closes the door and walks over to the side to get something.

 

Siobhan, surprised: Thanks.

 

Sean holds up a long thin object.

 

Siobhan: What is it?

 

Sean: It's uh... It's a back scratcher.

He smiles and hands it to Siobhan.

 

Siobhan purses her lips but accepts the gift. Sean walks away toward the door, which he opens again.

 

Brendan: It's a back scratcher eh? Now you know what's expected of you.

 

The next guests to enter are the familiar two strangers.

 

Siobhan: Ah take a drink and shut up.

 

A server appears with a tray of drinks. Brendan and Siobhan both take one.

 

Camera man, to Sean: Garda bureau of fraud investigation Mr. Dooley.

He shows Sean his ID.

 

Brendan notices what is going on behind them: Siobhan!

 

Siobhan turns around and sees the men talking to Sean.

 

Camera man: We'd like a few words with you.

 

Sean makes a face and indicates that the men should follow him into another room. Driver saunters past, giving Siobhan an evil smile. A uniformed garda has accompanied the two men. Siobhan and Brendan pointedly ignore him.

 

SCENE: Fitzgerald's interior.

The place is decorated with balloons and is full of strangers. All the duty-free beer is set out on a table. Brian takes one. Assumpta comes out from the kitchen, carrying trays of cookies. Peter is standing at the reception desk with a bottle of beer in his hand.

 

Peter, morosely: Thought this was supposed to be a party.

 

Brian joins him: Well the shadow of the revenue men still falls.

 

Assumpta: I wish everyone would hurry up and drink the evidence.

She puts the trays down on the table next to the beer.

 

Niamh and Ambrose are standing by themselves next to the hotel entrance.

 

Niamh whispers to Ambrose: Why don't you put them out of their misery?

 

Ambrose whispers back: I didn't put them into their misery.

 

Niamh looks fretful: It's all so gloomy. I wanted a celebration instead I find myself in the Alamo. I've a good mind to come with you to Dublin Assumpta.

 

Assumpta looks up. Peter looks intently at Assumpta. Brian looks up, too.

 

Brian: What's this?

 

Assumpta tries to play it down: Oh, it's just an opportunity that's arisen. A partnership in a wine bar. I'm tempted.

 

Niamh: I couldn't blame you.

 

Eamonn, Dr. Ryan and Padraig are standing at the base of the stairs with drinks in their hands.

 

Eamonn: What's Dublin got that Ballykay hasn't?

 

Ambrose: Better prospects of promotion.

 

Niamh: Cinema, clubs, excitement.

 

Eamonn: That's right. I wouldn't mind a bit of that myself.

 

Padraig and Dr. Ryan smile at each other.

 

Brian: Well if you do decide, give me the word. Might take the pub off your hands.

He lifts his beer bottle to take a sip.

 

Padraig: If you're still in business.

 

Brian stops the bottle millimeters from his lips and lowers it again.

 

Siobhan (off-screen): Great news everybody!

 

Siobhan and Brendan enter from the pub entrance and walk through the pub to where the regulars are gathered.

 

Siobhan: You can all relax. The revenue men ain't revenue men. They're the fraud squad.

 

Brendan: And at this minute they're asking Sean Dooley some very very searching questions in regard to bribery, corruption, and tax evasion. You name it. Sean Dooley's done it.

 

Assumpta laughs in relief: Then, that's what those men were doing here?

 

Brendan: Waiting for some break to pay off.

 

Dr. Ryan and Padraig are laughing.

 

Brian: You sure that's all they were doing here?

 

Siobhan: That's what the gardai told me.

 

Padraig: Did they bother you Quigley?

 

Brian: Why in the name of God should they bother me?

 

Brendan: You get yours in heaven Father.

Brendan and Siobhan walk over to Padraig, Dr. Ryan and Eamonn.

 

Fr Mac, over at a side table with Kathleen, raises his brandy snifter to Peter. Peter nods appreciatively at him. Brian stands up and goes over to the group at the base of the stairs, too.

 

Niamh, to Ambrose: You knew who they were all the time, didn't you.

 

Ambrose: All I know is that, I'm going to be a father. And I love my wife. Will you dance, Mrs. Egan?

 

Niamh: You're lucky I'm in a good mood.

She hands her glass to Ambrose: Come on.

 

Music has started playing. It's "Celebration". Ambrose takes Niamh's glass and puts both his glass and hers down on a nearby table.

 

Peter: Is that what you are looking for Assumpta?

 

Assumpta looks wistfully at the dancers: No. No, no, I-- I don't know what I'm looking for. Anyway I'm not likely to find it here.

She turns and looks directly at Peter: Am I?

 

Peter looks longingly at Assumpta: You can find it anywhere.

 

Assumpta: Do you believe everything you hear?

 

Peter: Why not? I'm a man of faith, aren't I?

He clinks his bottle against Assumpta's and takes a sip.

 

Assumpta stares at Peter for a second, then looks back at the dancers. She hesitates, then takes a sip, too. The camera pans back to show the dancers. Ambrose and Niamh are boogeying hard.

 

CLOSING CREDITS