Jason Burke was the only eleven year old guy Jill knew who had a poster of Blackpool football club on his bedroom wall. The rest of the eleven year old male population seemed to only have eyes for Aussie Rules. To say none of them were fans of English soccer would have been an unfair generalization, but Jill felt the percentage of English soccer fans was smaller than, say, the percentage of Aussie Rules fans. Really.

Not that it mattered to Jason: he was a real Anglophile. He'd even cut his hair 2002 world cup David Beckham style. The effect was disastorous, but the idea was there. Luckily Jason didn't wear glasses, otherwise he would have lived up to the stereotype of the smart kid, aka 'nerd'. Jill thought it was stupid that people could categorise someone over that, but she had to admit he was the 'nerd' type. Crappy haircut, and he was starting high school at eleven, when most other kids were twelve turning thirteen that year.

Standing in Jason's room, Jill reflected that she had had quite an influence on Jason's love of all things British. After the Burkes had moved from the eastern states and had lived in their house for just over a week, Jill, being forced to make friends with Jason, decided that he had at least better have some taste in music, not the top 40 balderdash he was listening to. She had dumped a pile of her old Cure, Nick Drake and Beatles cds on his bed and had made him listen to them until he either a) liked them or b)i) didn't like them but ii) learnt who each band was and could recognise the sound in an instant. As Jason a) liked them and b)ii) learnt who each band was and could recognise the sound in an instant, Jill felt her mission was a success. The result was that the year seven kids in the neighbourhood thought Jason was weird for not knowing who Ja Rule was, but some of the guys from year 8, who had been through similar treatment from older brothers and sisters, thought he was cool and made friends with him.

Next to Jasons Blackpool football club poster was a photo of london Bridge at night, the Cure's 'Boys don't Cry' poster, and a picture of Monty Python's Gumby Man. Sitting on the floor was Jason, reading 'Lord of the Flies'. It was a considerably intense and disgusting book, and Jill hoped he had been flinching and not enjoying the book too much, otherwise that guy was SICK. Jill shoved her 'Five steps to madness' list in front of him.

'Look, that's all I have to do to be mad! And then freedom!'

'Yeah?... looks easy enough... but do you even have an accordian? And what's okra?'

'I think it's some kind of green slimy vegetable. I can always fake wanting to eat it. '

'You really think your year, and the rest of the school for that matter, are going to leave you alone if you're mad? Aren't most fifteen year olds pretty lenient about that stuff?' Jason asked.

'Hey man, you're eleven, you don't know. Like, would you want to be friends with someone who talked to themself and wore Louie the Fly sunglasses?'

'If it was you, yes.

Honestly, that kid needed his nose wiping, he was such a drip. Actually, Jason thought Jill was some kind of hero, and because, like Jill, he was an only child, she was a role model, which Jill HATED.

'Ahh, you're a dag,' she said punching him in the arm and sitting down next to him. 'Listen, I need some help. I can do half of step one all right, but it's this next bit, see. I can't answer my own questions.'

'What are you asking yourself?'

' "Hello, Jillian,how are you feeling today?" But I don't know how I'm feeling, so I can't answer it.'

'Maybe you should ask yourself more factual questions, like what your name is and stuff.'

' "Hello Jillian, what's your name?" "My name's Jillian, nice to meet you." Yeah, right.'

'You need the ultimate question and answer, hey? Have you...'

'Yes I have read the Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, and I'm not going to ask myself what six times seven is just so I can get the ultimate answer or whatever.'

'Well, I dunno.'

'I dunno either. Why am I still talking to you? Why are you still here?'

You'e in my house remember?'

'Um...'

Jill grabbed her list, and if she hadn't tripped up, she would have walked out with dignity.

Stupid dog