An Opinion About Switches
Subj: One of my better IMH posts..
Date: 95-08-09 11:37:00 EDT
From: OKsLaptop To: OverKnees
These are some characteristics *I* like to see in my submissive, and try my best to give when I submit. YMMV...
- Honesty. This is very important to me. Without honesty, there can be
no trust. Without trust D/s is nothing. On a safety note, be truthful in
your desires, experience, fears and limits. I have seen many submissives
tell "little" lies thinking it will make them more desirable. It usually
ends up getting them hurt.
If you have questions about what your Dom/me desires or expects, be honest and speak up. There is nothing wrong with asking questions respectfully, and is much preferable to looking ignorant. Remember, all Dom/mes are different. Don't assume because one wants you to wear stockings that another will enjoy them. Ask what he expects you to wear, how he expects you to act, what he prefers to be called, etc.
- Submissiveness. While I enjoy the occasional SAM, I prefer my subs to
submit. I want them to surrender their will to me. I like them to be
polite, compliant, and to show me the respect I have earned. There is
nothing that turns me off faster than a submissive trying to top from
the bottom, or manipulate the scene. A polite, respectful "Mistress, if
it pleases you, I would enjoy being spanked." is going to make that
happen much sooner than intentional misbehavior.
- Intelligence. Make intelligent choices about who you submit to, and
how deep your submission goes. If it is a relationship situation, get to
know the person as a friend before you consider submitting. If it is
scene-play, get references and follow safety rules, watch them Top
others, or play in the presence of people who can watch out for you.
Out of role, intelligence goes a long way. Think, and share those thoughts with your Dom/me. Take time to find out what he is interested in, and get to know more on the subject. Keep up on current events and trends and be able to discuss them. Perhaps take up some of the same hobbies as your Dom/me. These are good relationship skills...be it vanilla or D/s.
- Service. Find out what makes your Dom/me happy, and do your best to
provide. It is your job to make your Dominant happy. If you will be
serving him food, find out what he likes to eat, and how he likes it
served. Find out what his turn-on and turn-offs are. If it is your
responsibilty to set things up for the scene, find out what he requires,
and have everything handy. Don't be sloppy in your service, and don't
make your Top have to tell you a preference more than once. If I have to
tell a sub two times that I like my coffee with cream and sugar, it
gives me the impression that she is not thinking, or just doesn't care.
This is not at all pleasing.
Put some thought and creativity into your service. Listen when he tells you his fantasies and dreams, and try to fufill his desires. Be observant. If you have the chance, study his surroundings for clues on the type of things he enjoys. Does he have candles sitting out? Make sure you have some at your place, too. What kind of toiletries does he use? Buy them and have them ready for him when he visits. What does he like to drink? Make sure you keep it on hand.
- Communication. Contrary to what some believe, Dominants are not
psychics. It is frustrating to have to try and figure out everything
that pushes your sub's buttons. I would much rather have my sub tell me
her fantasies so I can store the info to use when I choose, than have to
guess. I don't like to play with subs that constantly say "Whatever
pleases you, Mistress". If she is not enjoying it, chances are I won't
be enjoying it, either.
Admittedly, I am an occassionally narcissistic, and enjoy only what I want, but not 100% of the time.
- Patience. I have often been told that patience is the mark of a good submissive. I have also been told that this is something I need to work on. I guess I will have to get back to you on this one. I do know that the best things are worth waiting for, and pushy, demanding submissives are really not submissives at all. So, patience is something I am slowly learning. Perhaps someone could help me out with this? <g>
Your loving subbie...