BDSM Beginners Kit
Top Ten Safety Tips For Submissives
Our Top Ten Suggestions for Persuing a SAFE and SANE D/s Relationship
MasterCAC and Snowbabie
[note: we wrote this with female subs in mind, but it also applies to male subs]
- Take everything out of your profile that could allow someone to
contact you in real life. This includes your real name, you real
location, any school references, etc. Some people can be very
resourceful with very little information.
- Do not give out your full name, phone number, or real address to
someone until you can get at least three positive references for that
person. Try to seek them independently, ask around. Also, past subs are
often good people to talk to concerning a Dom. If you get a bad
recommendation, consider it seriously and pursue even more references.
- Look for a female sub to help mentor you. A sub understands a lot of
what you are going through and has no hidden motives (eg. she isn't
going to try to seduce you). Many Doms are more than willing to befriend
you because they know that is how to get to a sub - if he befriends you,
you feel obligated......
- If you do not already have it, contact someone to get the D/s
information packet that has been put together for people new to the
scene. It has a variety of resources and is an excellent way to get
started (groups on line, reading material list, etc). We didn't put this
together but either of us would be happy to send you a copy if you ask
for it.
- Do not call someone until you have at least three positive references
for that person. With all the technology available, it is possible for
someone to get your number if you call them. Don't assume that you
calling them is a safe bet.
- A Dom can NOT demand you give him information that you do not want to
give out. Do not be mislead by a Dom who says you must give him
information because he is a Dom or because you are a sub. A good sub is
safe and smart, not blindly obedient.
- Do not meet someone in real life until you have at least five
positive references for that person. There is no need to rush into
anything. If he is a good Dom, he will be more than willing to wait till
you are sure of your safety. In fact, he should give you suggestions on
how to insure your safety. However, *you* need to be the one to make the
arrangements. Such as, have a person who knows where you will be at all
times, a contact person to call at a preset time during the meeting.
- Always have a first meeting in PUBLIC and preferably with another
person accompanying you. They don't have to sit at the table with you,
but should be near at hand should something go wrong and/or to walk you
to your car.
- Do not engage in any D/s or sexual activity during your first
meeting. That first meeting should be to get to know one another,
discuss ideas about D/s, set limits, etc. There is no need to rush into
anything. A good Dom will take the time to get to know you and make sure
there is good communication before any D/s takes place.
- Above all else GO SLOW AND USE COMMON SENSE!!!!!
D/s can be obsessively exciting for a new sub and consequently there is a tendency to think with something other than your brain. Before you do ANYTHING, give yourself time to think and be rational. Submission should be an intelligent choice, not a sexual frenzy. And talk to other subs - learn from our mistakes, benefit from our experience, there is no need to reinvent the wheel.