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BDSM Beginners Kit
Rules for Submissivies
Oh yes and by the way... [it's mutual]
- Be patient! A potential top will let you know if she or he
is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as
a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take
into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't
expect your top to be able to turn on like a light switch. The
timing must be right for both of you.
- Be humble. You may
be God's gift to the world and the most sought after prize in
town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You
will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No
matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene.
Don't set yourself up for failure by developing expectations
that you know you and your top can never reach.
- Be open.
You can learn something about SM and about yourself from
everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced
they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM is a very
personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will
make you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences, and ignore
potentially valuable SM friends.
- Communicate!
Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in
the appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information
about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and
turn-offs. But - unless it's an emergency - wait until your top
asks. Don't expect your dominant to be a mind-reader who
instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your
cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
- Be
honest. Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your
dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns,
and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being
less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will
base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing
problems, it can be dangerous.
- Be vulnerable. Your scene is a
two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of
your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to
certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract
with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your top
to be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's
far better to let your top surprise you, to extend your
limits, to take you to places you're never been before. When
you trust your top completely, let her or him know it, and let
him or her guide you into new fantasies.
- Be realistic.
Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops
have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention
to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between
reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines.
Few tops are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a
lavish layout of equipment. Your top's equipment is expensive
- respect it and don't abuse it.
- Be really submissive! This is
the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely.
Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your top.
Exchange information on your special needs before the scene
starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a
scene to your own specifications, then you should try being a
top. You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay
within those limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect
punishment if you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully.
Your top has many things to be concerned with, including your
safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and
enjoy your role.
- Be healthy! SM, like any strenuous activity,
requires that its participants - both active and passive - be
in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep,
your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday
stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your
dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy
is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it
all now" attitude when you aren't able to give your all will
leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant
and yourself best by staying healthy.
- Have fun! After all, sex
is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are
entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from
responsible, creative SM play.
Taken from The Janus Society San Francisco CA
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