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Questions to Ask a Prospective Dominant

Subj: Ds questions..for potential Doms..2nd try
Date: 96-09-21 08:43:39 EDT
From: KiwiMaiden
To: Claudia tu, Peace4angi, MNSwtLdy

  1. How long have you been involved in the D/s lifestyle, and what led you to it in the first place?

  2. Do you have or plan to have a more than one slave/submissive, on or offline?

  3. What sort of relationship are you looking for? Online only, phone, real world, potential marriage/permanent partner?

  4. How much time are you willing to devote to training a new sub, and how much of her time would you require in return. Would you have daily contact with your submissive/slave?

  5. Do you indulge in these pleasures with women/men in "real life?" If so, what precautions for health and safety are involved? What type of safety precautions do you feel are necessary for an online or phone relationship?

  6. What sort of training/education have you had to be the dominant member of this relationship? Have you had experience training a submissive who is new to D/s? What made you decide this was for you?

  7. What are your basic philosophies with regard to D/s.

  8. What are your rules, contracts, agreements, etc.? What do you require of your slave and of yourself?

  9. What sort of structured training do you prefer to use? What sorts of discipline/punishment for infractions? What kinds of tasks do you assign your save to perform for you?

  10. What are your deepest desires, pleasures, hopes for this relationship? What, in your opinion, does the Dom receive in return for his time, love and protective care over his sub?

  11. Do you have any references available that I might contact?

  12. Please read the following file. I would like to discuss with you what level of submissive you feel you are looking for. Tho I realize this is not a hard and fast, I do feel that we can learn more about our potential as a Sub/Dom pair by discussing this.


Many of us that meet partners interested in BDSM on-line need to deal with the issues involved in a long-distance relationship. This isn't the ideal place to meet, if what you are seeking is a physical connection, but for some of us, it may be the first place we find others with the same interests.

Communication with your partner is essential! Whether you communicate with your partner on the computer, on the phone, by letters, or in person, keeping in touch with how your partner is feeling is crucial in maintaining a relationship! It's easy to assume the other person is dealing with this separation well, and just as easy to conjure up all types of scenarios that will drive you mad....<s>

How to deal with this? Find small rituals that you can incorporate into your daily life that reminds you of your partner. Some find that a daily log with notes to their partner helps ease the time apart. Assignments that are a reminder of your connection keeps your relationship as a focus to other parts of your life.

Phone calls when possible is a big help. The verbal connection reinforces your commitment and connection. Emails on a routine basis, with even the smallest bits of your life shared, lets you know you are thinking of each others. Some have found that a cassette tape exchange through postal mail can bring the memory of the others voice to mind, with a smile...<s>

One thing that many don't like to think about when they are attracted to a partner online is the fact that they are not able to maintain a long distance relationship. The initial attraction is so strong, and the desire for this person so overwhelming, that they do feel that having a long distance relationship is possible. The decision is indeed difficult if maintaining is more stressful than it is pleasurable.

Consider how much time and energy you are willing to put into your relationship. Are you able to communicate your needs and have these needs met by your partner? Can you be satisfied with seeing your partner only a few times in a years span? Possibly never, if you have a cyber only relationship? Are you able to function in your daily life, maintaining your usual routine?

Long distance has its own pleasures and its own pains. It takes a lot of work and trust in your partner, well worth it if this is what you decide upon. It takes a lot of courage to decide that you can't handle this type of relationship.


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