BDSM Beginners Kit
Submissives' Rules for First Time Meetings
More Safety Rules
Eldersign's Seven Rules for Safe First Contact
These rules may vary, according to what you have to work with, or are able to reveal, or decide to use....but whatever you do, don't ignore the basic safety you will require, as a submissive meeting a new dom for the first time. There are people out there who are simply predators, and your new dom may be wonderful, online and the phone, but admit you don't really know him, and protect yourself until you do.
- Before you even plan a meeting, be sure you discuss your personal
safety with your new dom. Tell him how you feel, and listen to what he
says. If he's really a man who cares for you, he'll add things to
protect you, and agree to anything you wish to do. If he does not, then
treat it as a first clue to use caution.
- Once you plan your meeting, find two people who know you personally:
Your name, your address, your phone # and most of all, your background.
Make sure they know who you are meeting: HIS name, his address, and his
background, as well as any other info about him you might know. Leave
them as detailed a plan of your visit as you can foresee, and arrange
with them for regular telephone check-ins...and what to do if one of
them is not made. Obviously you don't want the police breaking down a
hotel door, while your dom has you tied to the bed, but it might just be
that you'll be glad to see them.
- Meet with your dom in a public place...somewhere that there are lots
of people...and don't LEAVE that public place until you feel comfortable
with the person you are meeting. If you don't get comfortable right
away, be sure you have some sort of alternative plan available, in lieu
of going with him. Try to have YOUR car available...or better yet, a
large, muscular friend to see you off, and meet your dom with you. :)
- For the first meeting, do not travel to a remote place to get
acquainted. Find a comfortable, well-staffed hotel or inn, where there,
again, are PEOPLE. Other people are your best defense against
injury....and if necessary, run to them...even naked. The old cabin in
the hills, where he says you can really "be alone", might sound
wonderful, but it is not safe, and should not be considered.
- Never, never travel away from your planned itinerary with a new dom.
You planned that schedule so people could find you...if you leave it,
they can't...and your new dom ought to understand that. Stay where you
said you would be, when you set up your security, and resist, to the
point of running away, any attempt by your dom to take you away.
- D/s and playing. It's normal for you to want very much to please this
man who means so much to you...to give him everything he asks for...and
delight in the pleasure he enjoys. But like everything else you do, for
the first time, you have to protect yourself...and as exciting as a
caning might sound, while tied and gagged...once you start, remember
that stopping him is going to be a problem. Use safe words...there's
nothing to be ashamed of, in doing so, and if you need them, you WILL
need them. Resist any sort of neck or throat bondage. Resist any sort of
oxygen deprivation play....these are dangerous kinds of play, and
require enormous care...and you don't know your dom, yet. Sex
itself...well, AIDS is around, but it's silly to try and convince two
people in your situation to refrain, so use a condom. Insist on it, in
fact, and don't give in.
- This is from me, to all of you. You are submissives, and there is nothing I've found in my world which is more wonderful. You are all special...and we can't afford to lose you, cause there aren't enough to go around, now...so please, take care of yourself. When you do come back, show us your new collar, or your welts, or whatever you value most from your visit, and we'll love you more for having done it. But, whatever you do, come back to us.