SOME YEARS AGO
Some years ago
I thought of being and becoming
a high
school mathematics teacher
imagining
that I could make a difference
in the
life of rural Nepali children.
I was romantic
to be a
mathematics teacher
in a
rurally exotic place
where I
can meditate
where I
can sing like birds
where I
can tell stories like a narrator.
Some years ago
I dreamt to be a leader
who could show the way to his people
who could lead the mass for better
who could really work for the people
who could bring ‘sunshine’ and ‘clear
sky’
in the life of people.
My image of leader
was a mix of ‘ideal revolution’ and
‘Ahimsa’
was benevolent, kind and helping
something that could be heroic
much like Arubindo,
Kennedy and Uncle Ho
would be a father figure like Gandhi
could be a liberator like Mandela.
Some years ago
I wished to be a sage
dispelling the worldly realities
renouncing the prabriti
knowledge
staying away from desires, wants and
illusions
embracing the notion of Mokshya/Nirvana
aiming to cultivate the inner Atman
that can help me to realise the Ultimate
Self.
I thought of different ‘figure-sages’
angry, happy, meditating and many more.
I could not decide
who I needed to embrace.
But my sage-image
was benevolent and kind
could work for humanity
could think for an ecological world
would renounce mechanistic thinking
would like to dispel the man-made
hierarchy
of race, caste, geography and culture.
Some years ago
I wrote some poems
thinking that I would be a poet
aiming to create layered texts
hoping that I could make sense of embedded
aesthetics
that could help others to understand my
meaning.
The poet in me
was looking for perpetuating
inequalities
was embracing local aesthetics
was writing to open up multiple horizons
was planning to write for many
representing the unrepresented
depicting the unheard.
Some years ago
I thought of becoming a mathematician
to bring out Nepali mathematics
to present the world with unique
mathematical wisdom
to excavate the mathematics of my
culture
to explore my mathematical self
in a so-called uncanny part of the
world.
The mathematician I imagined
could not be found anywhere
in the contemporary world.
Some told me - it will be an ancient idea
Others told me - you will not be suitable.
Wandering around
in the process of being
I happened to be
a mathematics teacher educator
who teaches Western Mathematics
knowing that he has the wealth of
mathematical worlds
around him
within his culture(s)
which gave the world the most precious
the most unthinkable
the sophisticated concept and symbol of
counting.