The Day of the Clowns

 

Lauren: I wonder if the CCS people died when they were going back in time.

Jaime: Probably.

A clown from the CCS circus (that has a nice ring to it!) walks over to Chris and gives him a balloon that says ‘The whole world loves you.’ The clown disappears in a puff of smoke.

Chris: What the hell?

Laura: AWWW! The whole world loves Chris.

Chicken: I hate clowns, they have no life. Actually, no one believed me, but, clowns are really rapers in disguise.

Laura: You’re silly Chicken.

Chicken: THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAID!

Chris pops the balloon and a weird/ eerie light shines everywhere.

Chris: Uh… Yeah.

A little six-year-old girl runs up to Chris and starts hugging his leg.

Chris: What the hell?
Lucy: A new girlfriend?

Chris: HELL NO!
Six-year-old girl: I love you Chris, have sex with me!

Everyone except Chris and the little girl: (starts cracking up)

Six-year-old girl: Something funny?!

Chris: Get off of me.

Six-year-old girl: But I enjoy humping your leg.

Chris: HOLY-

Jaime covers his mouth before he says ‘shit’.

Jenn: Chris, you’re a bad boy!

Six-year-old girl: Will you hump my head?
Jamie: Ok, you can say it now.

Lauren takes out her flute and prys the little girl off of Chris. She runs away crying.

Chris: What the fuck!?
Jenn: She likes you.

Chris: NOT FUNNY!
Jenn: It’s the truth.

A sixty-year-old man: Hello youngsters.

The old man looks Chris.

60-year-old man: (to Chris) Hello, horny boy.

Chris: Oh shit.

Chris backs away slowly.

60- year-old man: Where you going sexy? You should know an old man like me can’t catch up to one hot sex machine like you.

Lauren: (slowly) Oh my God!

60-year-old man: HE’S MY SEX MACHINE! GO FIND YOUR OWN!
Lauren: He’s all yours.

Chris: (shocked) LAUREN?!
Lauren: What, I don’t want to have sex with you. No offense.

The old man tries to run over to Chris. As he’s running he falls and breaks his hip.

60-year-old man: Hey! Help me up!

Everyone except broken hip man walk away quickly.

Chris: What’s going on.

Danielle: You’re asking us?

Chicken: I’ll tell you Chris, the clown hired those people so he could rape you.

Laura: Chicken, you’re being naughty again.

Jenn: I guess the whole world does love Chris.

Chris: GOD DAMN CCS!
Lucy: Oh, yeah, it was their circus.

Danielle: Uh… Yeah.

Jaime: They enchanted the balloon.

A whole bunch of towns people walk over to everyone.

One of them: WE LOVE YOU CHRIS!
A little boy runs over to Chris and stares at him.

Chris: Back up please.

Little Boy: I wrote a poem for you.

Chris: Please, I don’t want to hear it.

Little Boy: (starts reading the poem) ‘Whenever I see you,

A chill goes up my spine,

I see you and I my heart starts to race.

                        How can I express my feelings for you with

simple words,

It can’t describe my feeling in full.

There’s only one way

I can think of to make you realize my passionate love for you,

Get in bed with me and I’ll make all your dreams come true!’

What’d you think?

Chris: (in disbelief) My God.

Lauren: That was interesting.

Jenn: Point for creativity.

Jaime: Yeah, that really touched me.

Little Boy: I don’t want to get in bed with you sluts! I WANT CHRIS!
Danielle: And who said anything about wanting to get in bed with you?

Little Boy: I’m too horny for words, but Chris is way hornier for words than I. I want him. Yum!

Chris: He’s sounds like Mr. Mean!
Little Boy: He’s my uncle! (and if anyone couldn’t tell, this is my revenge battle!)           

Chris: Holy crap!

Lucy: Doesn’t life suck?

The towns people start chasing Chris. Everyone that’s not the towns people run away.

After losing the people, an hour later.

Chris: Ok, how come  the whole world’s in love with me, except for you people (Danielle, Jaime, Jenn, Lauren, Laura, Chicken and Lucy)?

Jenn: Because, we’re special.

Lauren: It was that clown.

Laura: You mean we have to go back to the circus.

Danielle: Yeah.

Everyone leaves and goes back to the circus.

At the circus.

Jaime: Now where are those clowns?
A knife drops from the top of the tent, nearly impaling Chicken. No worries though, Chicken faints, Laura grabbed Chicken before he got hurt.

Laura: Who tried to hurt my chicken!?

A clown jumps out of know/ no ( I hate trying to figure out which ‘know/no’ goes in Know/ No where) where and lands on Chris. (AWWWW, it likes him!) The clown starts ripping (not ripping off) Chris’s shirt.

Chicken: SEE! THE CLOWN IS A RAPER!

Laura: Wow, you were right.

Danielle: Aren’t you going to hit the clown off?

Lauren: I would be disrupting natures delicate balance.

Chris: DISRUPT IT! DISRUPT IT!

Lauren: I would feel so wrong.

Chicken: I’ll do it.

Chicken takes the flute in his beak and hits the clown off with it. The clown goes into a wall. The clown wipes the make-up off its face and reveals Sailor Venus.

Everyone except Sailor Venus: *.* (shocked expression)

Lucy: Didn’t you go back in time?

Sailor Venus: (gets up) No, that was a hologram.

Jenn: So that’s why the time machine is still there.

Sailor Venus: I can’t take it, I CAN’T HAVE ALL THESE PEOPLE AFTER CHRIS! HE’S MY SUGAR HONEY!
Chris: What?

Sailor Venus: I’m taking that enchantment off of everyone.

Chris: Good but, I’m still not going out with you.

Sailor Venus: WHAT?!

Sailor Venus runs into the time machine, upset and goes back to where CCS went.

Lauren: They still couldn’t affect history… Right?