We Meet Walter Sickert

 

 

Jenn: Penguins… EVERYWHERE!

Jaime: What?

Lucy: (points at Jaime) HO-BAG!
Jaime: HEY! At least it was a guy unlike-

Lucy throws an acorn at Jaime’s head (sorry, couldn’t help myself).

Lucy: IT DIDN’T SAY IT ON THEIR PROFILE!

Vanessa: Ewww…

Danielle: If you learn anything from knowing Lucy, never, under any circumstances, ask…

Laura comes running over with Chicken.

Laura: HI!

Chicken: (in a British accent) ‘ello.

Lauren: Why are you talking in a British accent?

Chicken: (with the accent) To turn you on. I can’t believe you had a boyfriend… AND IT WASN’T ME!

Lauren: Exactly, had. (Mutters) Cock sucking bastard… (In normal voice) As I told you before, I’m not going out with a chicken.

Chicken: (drops the accent) DAMN IT!

Vanessa: What ‘fun’ shall we have today?
Jaime: I dunno.

Laura takes a time machine out of her back pocket.

Danielle: Isn’t that the CCS time machine?

Laura: Yes… Yes it is.

Jenn: Where’d you get that?
Laura: I took it while they weren’t looking.

CCS walks over to everyone, angrily.

Tomoyo: Give it back… NOW!
Vanessa: Are you supposed to be scaring us? ‘Cause you really suck!

Tomoyo eyes start to well up with tears.

Sakura: Oh no. You used that trick on me five hundred and eighty six times to many. I’M NOT FALLING FOR IT AGAIN!

Tomoyo fights back forced whimpers. (I don’t know if ‘whimper’ is the right word… BUT IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR NOW! :D)

Sakura: No! I’m not going to make out with you again to make you stop crying!

Tomoyo: (acts normal again) FINE! SCREW YOU! Why don’t you just go back to being straight?! Huh?! Go back to your straight boyfriend and abandon your lesbian cousin, who was always there for you, and only wants a little love! Maybe some sex here or there, I wasn’t asking for too much! I don’t even know if we can have sex, BUT WE COULD HAVE TRIED AND THEN YOU LEAVE ME! OH GOD! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?  IT’S NOT FA-

Vanessa kicks Tomoyo in the face.

Vanessa: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Tomoyo tries to punch Vanessa. Vanessa simply turns her head.

Vanessa: As I stated before… YOU SUCK!

Eriol: Can we have back OUR time machine?

Danielle: No, you are too chaotic to have one.

The whole CCS group tries to tug it out of Laura’s hands, Laura starts pulling and everyone else that isn’t CCS pulls on Laura’s side. A huge flash appears and a new setting appears.

In Britain. All the British people have a British accent.

Lauren: (rubs head) Where are we?

Kero: How the hell should I know?

Lauren: I didn’t ask you!

Kero: Well maybe you should have!

Lauren: No…

Jenn: LOOK!   (points)

Everyone turns their head to where Jenn’s pointing.

Danielle: Yeah Jenn. Those things over there, the ones you were pointing to, they’re called people. Can you say people?

Jenn: I know what they are! You should be telling that to Lucy.

Lucy: What? I heard my name!

Danielle: No…

Laura: Lucy, say people… Peo-Ple. Say it.

Lucy: Mother fuckers?
Laura: No, people.

Lucy: That’s what I said, motherfuckers.

Laura: Say Pe-

Vanessa: Just give up, there’s no help.

Jenn: Anyways, those people, they’re (in a British accent) BRITISH!

Lauren: How can you tell?

Jenn: (in a normal voice) I just can. I’M SIGNIFICANT!

Laura: YAY!

Li: I thought there was some other person with you. A guy… A queer guy…

Danielle: Him and Gary, the octopus, eloped.

Laura: A gay wedding!

Ruby Moon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tomoyo: That’s not funny!

Ruby Moon: Whew! I’m sorry but, she just said the g-word.

Eriol: G-word?
Ruby Moon: GAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Danielle: You’re so immature.

Vanessa: But seriously, he’s in the witness protection program… And he’s never coming back.

The sun starts to set. Ten minutes later it’s nighttime.

Jenn: I can’t see! I’m blind!

Laura takes a flashlight out of her back pocket and turns it on in Jenn’s eyes (accidentally).

Jenn: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Laura: Whoops… Sorry.

Chicken: It’s ok, I’m fine.

Jenn: Not you!

Chicken: NO ONE LOVES ME!
Lauren: No one ever will either…

Chicken: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Laura: LAUREN!

Vanessa: What, you want us to lie to him?
Jaime: Hey, where’d CCS go?

Danielle: Who the hell cares?

A scream pierces the air. Hurried footsteps quickly get closer.

Jenn: Hmmm… Who’s that?

CCS goes running past everyone screaming and running.

CCS: INSANE KILLER! RUN!

Vanessa: Assholes.

A dark figure walks over to everyone with a blood stained knife.

Lucy: WICKED!

Laura shines her flashlight on the mysterious person, illuminating their face.

Jaime: Hey, this guy looks vaguely familiar…

Guy: Are any of you drunken prostitutes?

Laura and Lucy look at each other and start cracking up.

Guy: What? Is something funny to you?

Laura: You wouldn’t get it.

Guy: Yes, I would!

Danielle: Whatever, what’s with the knife?

Guy: It’s complicated… And those losers were trying to steal it. Seriously who gives a shit if I’m trying to kill and mutilate the body of woman I find on the street?

Lauren: You’re asking the wrong group of people.

Guy: I guess I am. Well, if you excuse me, I have to hunt them down. Ta ta.

The man walks away.

Danielle: That was pointless.

Jaime: But he looked familiar, I know I’ve seen him somewhere before…

Lucy: I know-

Danielle: Lucy knowing something, that’ll be the day.

Lucy: As I was saying… I know who that is.

Lauren: Sense when do you know people in Britain?

Lucy: I don’t know any personally but I’ve seen that guy’s picture in a book I’m reading, its Walter Sickert.

Vanessa: Who?

Lucy: My idol, except for the deformed dick, Jack the Ripper!

Danielle: So, we were talking to a serial killer the whole time and you couldn’t tell us?

Laura: He seemed kinda’ nice, not like a killer.

From out of nowhere, someone yells out “Haura Thunder Pants!”

Laura: STOP! THAT’S NOT MY NAME!

Lucy: HAHAHAHAHA! He’s even calling you that now! Sucks for you!

A guy on a horse walks by everyone yelling out “Hurry! Buy your thorny plants!”
Lucy stops laughing at Laura’s supposed misfortune.

Jaime: …Thorny plants…?
Everyone stands there for five minutes trying to figure out what the hell just happened and why it just happened.

Five minutes later.

Jenn: Ok, we’ve been standing here long enough…

Everyone walks away.

Where CCS are.

 Sakura: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack the Ripper slashes a knife at Sakura just barely missing her.

All the CCS freaks run around in a circle, with the Jack the Ripper in the middle, screaming.

Jack the Ripper: Will you stop! You’re giving me a bloody headache!

CCS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! KILLER! SAVE US! SAVE US! SPARE US!
Jack the Ripper takes a stride forward and then slashes out cutting Tomoyo’s shirt and a little skin, causing minimal bleeding.

Tomoyo: (lets loose a blood curdling scream, which is terribly high pitched)
The CCS circle breaks and everyone scatters in different directions (well not everyone goes in different directions, some ended up going in the same direction. Three is the maximum.) Jack the Ripper stands there for a second thinking of which way to go. He decides to head north where Sakura and Li unintentionally ran together.

Where Li and Sakura ran.

Sakura: Wonderful! Just great! I ran where you did! Of all the people! Damn it, do I hate you!

Li: (sighs) I know… This really isn’t the time for that now, if you don’t remember, a killer of some sort is chasing us.

Loud footsteps approach the two anime characters. They hide behind a garbage can, if they even had those back then.

Li: (whispers to Sakura) Be quiet, if he hears us, we’re both dead.

Sakura nods. The footsteps draw closer. Li picks up a big stick conveniently placed near him. The footsteps stop and the killer is just inches away from their hiding place. Li grips the stick tightly. Sakura gets up and quickly runs away down the alley they were in, screaming and crying. Li gets up and hits the person over the head with his stick (knocking JTR out), then turns and yells down the alley to terrified Sakura.

Li: And you wonder why our relationship didn’t last!

Where the normal people are.

Jenn: This time era is pretty damn boring…

Danielle: I guess so; want to head back or something?

Jaime: Read my mind!

Laura: Poor Danielle.

Danielle: Why?

Laura and Lucy: You can read Jaime’s mind. Hey! You copied me! I said it first!

Laura: No! I said it first!

Lucy: That’d be negative, I said it first!

Laura: COPIER!

Lucy: NO!

Vanessa: You both said it at the same fucking time! God almighty, you two are assholes!

Lauren: Time machine.

Laura: Oh, right.

Laura pulls it out of her back pocket and places it on the ground, and sets the year, season, month, day, number of the day, time in hours, seconds and tenth of a second. Yue comes out of nowhere and jumps onto Jaime’s head as the time machine clicks on and sends everyone back.

Jaime: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I thought we could have left CCS there and they would never come back again!

Vanessa: He’s not the only unwanted one that came back…

Vanessa holds up Sickert by the collar of his shirt.

Jenn: He’s not that bad…

Jaime: Yeah, he’s cool.

Laura: I agree but…Where’s Chicken?

Lucy: Jack the Ripper’s cool! And I saw Chicken eating a worm but he never came back with us.

Danielle: Serial killers aren’t cool.

Vanessa: They’re a hazard to everyone’s health!

Lauren: Send him back.

Jaime: Awwwww… Give him a chance.

Yue: Do that, it’s what Jaime wants, it’s best.

Danielle, Vanessa and Lauren: NO ONE ASKED YOU!

Yue: Sorry…

Vanessa: You know what… I’m the one suspending him in the air, soooo…

Vanessa throws Jack the Ripper into the time machine and sends him back to his time (the late 1800s I think).

Jenn: Oh… He was cool too.

A flashlight bursts from the time machine and CCS walks out.

Kero: I thought we were dead!

Suppi: (laughs nervously) Yeah, me too.

Vanessa: (whispers to Danielle and Lauren) Maybe we should have kept him here…

Laura: But Chicken’s still there! OH NO!

In the past.

Chicken and Jack the Ripper start dancing.

 

 

The End!