We go ‘Shopping’

                                    * Based on Jaime’s idea, but she didn’t feel like writing it… *

 

Chris: Guess what!

Laura: Calm down there…

Chris: Sorry, but I HAVE to take you guys to this really cool store I went to yesterday! It’s so cool!

Danielle: And what’s in this store?

Chris: Stuff that’s cool!

Lauren: That was vague and unhelpful...

Vanessa: Yeah, what kind of store is it?

Chris: A store with stuff.

Jaime: What kind of stuff?

Chris: Cool stuff.

Laura: Ok, right back where we started.

Chris: Well, I can’t really describe what they sell. BUT IT’S SOOOOOOO COOL! All of you will absolutely fall in love with it! I did.

Lucy: Hmmm…now how come I think we’re not all going to fall in love with it?

Danielle: How come you were thinking?

Lucy: I think on rare occasions…

Jenn: Whatever, let’s go.

Vanessa: Why?

Lauren: Yeah, all we’re going to see are indescribable but very “cool”, things.

Jenn: If we go, we’ll know what he’s talking about, thus making him stop talking about it.

Danielle: It’s logical, let’s go.

Jaime: Wait… Where is this place we’re going to?

Chris: Sunrise Highway. (Turns to Laura) Can I borrow your special remote?

Laura: No.

Chris: PLLLLLLLLLLEASE!

Laura: YYYYYEEEEEEEE- NO!

Chris: Drat!

Jenn pulls a transporter machine out of nowhere.

Jenn: Use this!

Chris enters in where everyone’s going (777 Sunrise Highway).

Chicken comes running over.

Chicken: HEY! WAIT FOR ME!

Chicken jumps into the machine right before everyone is transported away.

At 777 Sunrise Highway.

Chicken: (sarcastically) Thanks for waiting!

Laura: Forgot about you Chicken, sorry.

Chicken Hmph!

Chris: YAY! We’re here! YAY!

Chris runs out of the transporter, everyone else walks. He then runs over to open the door of the store when a 23-year-old woman opens it instead.

23-year-old woman: Hi there, stud.

Everyone except Chris and the 23-year-old woman: Stud???????

Chris starts blushing.

Chris: I didn’t see you here yesterday.

23-year-old woman: That’s because I wasn’t here yesterday, I just came today, Silly.

Vanessa: Does this freak anyone else out?

Lauren: Yeah, and what she’s wearing. (The 23-year-old woman is wearing a short skirt [REALLY short] and a shirt that barely fits her with the playboy bunny in the middle of it.)

23-year-old woman: How rude of me, why don’t you all step in.

Everyone walks into the building.

Inside 777 Sunrise Highway.

All over the store, there are females from 10 to 34 years old everywhere. In the center of the store, there is a staircase leading to a floor above.

All the females that aren’t the 23-year-old woman or the ‘normal’ female characters in battles: Hello!

Danielle: Damn, is this place scary!

Some of the 10 to 34 year old females start to approach Chris. The ones that did, start to take off his shirt then either starts rubbing his chest or licking it.

‘Normal’ characters that aren’t Chris: SHIT!

Jaime: CHRIS WHAT KIND OF ‘STORE’ IS THIS!?

23-year-old woman: (forces what’s supposed to be a ‘cute’ laugh) Store? Well, I guess you could call it that.

Lauren: What do you mean, ‘Guess you could call it that?’

15-year-old girl massaging Chris’s back: This is a female whorehouse.

27-year-old woman: Oh, I guess you’re all here for interviews, huh?

Vanessa: CHRIS, YOU PERV!

Chris: (who makes no effort to leave) Wasn’t a whorehouse when I was here yesterday.

13-year-old girl: Well, we just opened today.

27-year-old woman: So, how about those interviews?

Everyone except Chris and the whores run out of the whorehouse.

Chris: Oh well. Their loss!

All the whores in unison: OUR GAIN!

All the whores and Chris start to laugh together as Chris’s pants start to be undone and a whore starts to bite into his left shoulder from behind. Another whore starts licking his neck, while still two more are biting either his bottom lip or ear.

Outside 777 Sunrise Highway.

Everyone except Chris (well duh…) is walking along the street.

Jaime: Sure it opened today…

Chicken: OH! OH! LOOK!

Chicken starts pointing at another store.

Laura: You want to go in there?

Chicken: YEAH! YEAH!

Lauren: Fine.

Everyone walks into 789 Sunrise Highway. Guys are all over the store, which has the same setup as 777 Sunrise Highway. Hot guys (for the majority, they’re hot, but not all are! Remember that…Or die…) wearing skin tight, black pants are sitting around.

Guy in high-pitched voice: HI!

Laura: Ok, what?

Lucy: Did you just get kicked on the balls or something?

Vanessa: Sounds like it.

Another guy: Would you like me to remove these concealing clothes?
Jenn: You mean strip.

Same guy: Duh, what else would I mean?

Filosa: Yeah, you want to see what we got?

The ‘normal’ people go running out screaming after Filosa said those disturbing words. (Filosa is a guy that’s a fag, who is um…a scary) Filosa runs out the door a few steps and then stops.

Filosa: HEY WAIT! You didn’t get to-

Another guy: You scare away all the business, you know that right?

Filosa: My sexiness is hard to resist, I know.

The guy pulls Filosa back inside the store and locks him in one of those cages people dance in, then destroys the key and destroys any hole to put keys in. In other words… He’s screwed!

Along Sunrise Highway.

Danielle: CHICKEN!

Chicken: What?

Laura: Why did you choose another whorehouse?

Chicken: I can’t read! Couldn’t read the sign!

Jenn: I think that image of Filosa will be forever be seared into my brain. And if that ever fades away, it’s still stuck in my optic nerves!

They pass by another store.

Lauren: Let’s go in here, it seems normal enough.

Jaime: Yeah, and this time it’ll be a warehouse!

Danielle, Jaime and Lucy all start cracking up.

Everyone else: What?

Danielle: You would have had to have been there.

Lucy: Luckily for them, they weren’t.

Jaime: Yeah. Wait, did I just agree with Lucy?
Lucy: Uh huh.

Jaime: Oh my god…

Lauren walks into the store she saw and everyone follows.

Inside the store.

Vanessa: A religious store…

Jenn: What…?

Lucy: THERE IS NO MERCY!
Chicken: What do they sell here? And why are there T’s with guys hanging from them everywhere?

Some old man turns around.

Jenn: PRIEST DUDE! COOL!

Priest: IT’S THE DEVIL!
Everyone except the priest: Who?

The priest points an old finger at Chicken.

Priest: LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Chicken: (tears well up in his eyes) What’d I do?

Priest: You’re disrespecting Jesus Christ! And… YOU TALK!! CHICKEN’S CAN’T TALK!

Laura: Well, Chicken can, so stop hurting his feelings.

Priest: YOU BOTH ARE LUCIFER!
Laura: No, we’re not the devil.

Priest: STOP TRYING TO TEMPT ME WITH YOUR EMPTY PROMISES!
Vanessa: Go down to the whorehouse for the ‘tempting’ part.

Priest: SATAN! LEAVE HERE! GO BACK TO HELL!
The priest takes out a machine gun and starts shooting it at Laura and Chicken. Everyone goes running out of the store and far away from the insane priest.

Jaime: What happened to priests being peaceful!?

Chicken’s on the ground with a bullet whole through his wing and not moving.

Laura: Oh my god, they killed Chicken.

Lucy: Those bastards!
Chicken gets up.

Chicken: I’m just fine but why are you quoting South Park?

Laura and Lucy: Dunno.

Screams are heard from behind everyone.

Danielle: Wonder who that could be…

Chris goes running up to everyone screaming in boxers (or maybe briefs, or maybe he goes commando, I don’t have the slightest idea, nor do I EVER want to know).

Laura and Lucy: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Jenn: What happened to your pants?
Lauren: And your shirt.

Jaime: But you’re still wearing socks?

Chris: MUST LEAVE! MUST HURRY AND LEAVE!
Danielle: Oh, why? We’re just having the best time here. You were too.

Chris: TAKE OUT THE TRANSPORTER!

Jenn: Why?

Chris: I’ll tell you everything once we get back!
Jenn: Say please.

Chris: PLEASE!

Jenn: All right.

Jenn takes out the transporter machine and zaps everyone back to Jaime’s house.

Jaime: My house?

Jenn: First place I could remember.

Jaime: Whatever. Now tell us what happened.

Danielle: No, first put some pants on and a shirt, and then tell us what happened.

Chris: Ok.

Chris goes running back to his house, puts on some clothes and comes back ten minutes later.

Chris: Ok, I’m back.

Vanessa: Wearing clothes, good now talk.

Chris: Ok, I was in the whorehouse, and everything was going absolutely great. One of the whores was feeling me up while the other ones were biting me.

Jaime: Perv…

Chris: Anyway, it got a little weird when one of them was trying to stick their tongue into my bellybutton, but I didn’t really care. Then one of them started stripping, so I was damn happy…until they finished removing their vanity and the whore had a DICK!
Everyone except Chris starts laughing their Asses off.

Chris: IT’S NOT FUNNY!
Everyone still laughs.

Chris: ALL OF THEM WHERE EITHER DRAG QUEENS OR HAD AN OPERATION! NONE OF THEM WERE FEMALE!
Everyone laughs harder.

Chris: Thank god those whores don’t know where I live.

Lauren: Try going in a whorehouse and seeing Filosa trying to show off his equipment.

Chris: Trying not to vomit as it is!

Danielle: It was your fault; you brought us all there.

Chris: Yeah but- OH MY GOD!

Danielle: What?

Chris: I remember what the store was!

Vanessa: Oh?

Chris: It sold lamps! See I told you it was really cool!
Everyone except Chris: *.*; Lamps?
Chris: Yeah. Wait…THOSE WHORES STOLE MY WALLET! Come on we have to go get it back!

Chicken: Must we?

Chris: I’m not going back in that whorehouse by myself, and all of you could pretend to be my whores.

Everyone except Chris: ¡¿WHAT!?

Chris: I know, it’s genius.

Lucy: You’ve never really experienced pain have you?

Vanessa: You’re sooo dead Chris!

Everyone starts beating up Chris, even Chicken because he’s got no clue what’s going on.

Chris: Ow…

Everyone gets into Jenn’s transporter and goes back to 777 Sunrise Highway.

At 777 Sunrise Highway.

Everyone walks in. There are piles of pants everywhere, but no whores in sight.

Jenn: You think they all died?

Jaime: No.

Lauren: Ok, Chris, which pants are yours?
Chris walks over to all the piles of pants, searching for his.

A half an hour later.

Chris: I CAN’T FIND ‘EM!
A loud bang (well, ‘bang’ is suitable for a whorehouse, right?) is heard. Everyone turns their heads. There is huge hole in the wall where CCS is hiding.

Danielle: Damn, I thought we could have gone a day without seeing you!

Sakura: Well… YOU CAN’T SO HA!
Laura: Ok…

Tomoyo walks out and over to Chris.

Tomoyo: Lookin’ for these?

Tomoyo holds up a pair of pants she had been concealing behind her back.

Chris: (gasps) MY PANTS!

Tomoyo: I suppose that’s all that’s important to you!

Chris: No, it’s the wallet that’s in the pants but the pants are nice too.

Tomoyo: THEN COME AND GET THEM!
Tomoyo throws the pants to Yue, who then starts smelling them.

Chris: ARE YOU MOLESTING MY PANTS?!

Yue: No, only smelling the scent of Jaime on them.

Jaime and Chris: WHAT?!

Jaime: Why would my scent be on his pants?

Yue: Well, you do hang out with him.

Jaime: STOP PUTTING BAD IMAGES IN MY HEAD!

Jaime starts beating up Yue. Who then throws the pants to Ruby Moon.

Chris runs after Ruby Moon, who’s flying and starts jumping to try to grab his pants.

Sakura: You should be so grateful to us! We’re the ones that opened ran, hired and even did some work in this whorehouse!
Chris: OH GOD!

Tomoyo: I just couldn’t resist your stomach!

Chris: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Vanessa: Will you give him back his fucking pants so we can leave?
Sakura: NEVER! WHORE’S AID US!
Whores come jumping out of the walls and start to attack everyone except CCS. All the ‘normal’ people start fighting against the whores until they all run away.

Laura: That was so easy!

Sakura: ERRRRRRRRR!

Jenn: You need a rabies shot?

All the CCS characters start to fight.

Chris: JUST GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!

Sakura starts hitting Chris with her wand.

Sakura: Why not take one of the other pairs we left out for you?

Chris: ‘Cause they’re not mine!
Chris grabs Sakura’s wand away from her and hits her on the head. Crying Sakura goes running over to Tomoyo, who is fighting with Lauren.

Sakura: HE HURT MY HEAD!
Jenn starts burping the ABC’s. Kero and Suppi join in. When they finish, Jenn takes them by their necks and bashes their heads together, knocking them out. Vanessa is fighting Eriol, until she kicks him in the balls and he falls down in a feudal position. Lauren who is fighting with Tomoyo takes these chopstick things she wears in her hair sometimes and sticks them in Tomoyo’s eyes (sort of like if you’ve seen “Bless The Child” when the old lady sticks her sewing stuff in the guys eyes, it’s like that). Laura, who’s fighting Sakura, hits her over the head with Chicken, which makes her cry more. Since Jenn took out Suppi and Kero, Danielle and Lucy are fighting with Li, they both kick him in his shins and he falls down (you can’t hop if both your legs are in pain). Jaime’s still fighting with Yue, even though he’s half dead anyway. Chris takes the wand he stole from Sakura and starts poking Ruby Moon with it.

Ruby Moon: AHHHHHHHHHHH! CAN’T TAKE THE POKING!
Ruby Moon falls to the ground dramatically, dropping Chris’s pants.

Chris: YES! I finally got back my pants. (He starts singing “I finally got back my pants” over and over again).

Jaime stops beating up Yue.

Danielle: That was the most useless battle we’ve ever had to take part in.

Laura: Yeah.

Everyone except Chris, who is rejoicing the return of his pants, gets into the transporter and goes back to Jaime’s house.

Chris: (who notices everyone’s gone) Hey, where’d everyone go?

 

 

                                               

                                                The End