We go to The Amish Country

                        Oh yeah, I forgot to add this little note in my other battle (We go to a Power Plant), there is no main character (or any character) named squirrel or any squirrels, period in Yu-Gi-Oh. Or at least not in the dub…

 

 

Where the Yu-gi-Oh freaks are/ in a garbage dump.

Mai: We need a new hideout.

Yugi: But this place puts me in a horny mood.

Bakura: Me too.

Tristen: Every place puts you two in a horny mood.

Yugi: You’re right.

Duke: (who’s spinning his hair with his finger) I like can’t believe I have like a girlfriend.

Grandpa: (under his breath) I can’t believe you have a friend at all.

Pegasus: I don’t like those CCS people, they’re so bossy.

Téa: Yeah, I know.

Seto: Let’s do something about it.

Bandit Keith: I told you they were assholes.

Mokuba: (ignoring Bandit Keith) Like, kill them all?
Joey: Yeah, and then take over the world.

Yugi: That’s what we were trying to do and it didn’t work.

Mai: You can’t kill the CCS people.

Grandpa: And why not?

Mai: At least not yet…

Bakura: I want to inhabit they’re bodies with my soul.

Mai: You can kill them AFTER I break up with the Li guy. But, who knows when that’ll be.

Pegasus: EWW! You’re going out with one of them EWW! GROSS!

Grandpa slaps Pegasus in the ass.

Pegasus: (while rubbing his ass) Getting a little frisky, are we? It’s only 4:00(pm).

Grandpa: STOP ACTING LIKE A FAG! And besides, I’m saving my horniness for Yugi.

Yugi: Now Grandpa-

Grandpa: Don’t start Yugi.

Yugi: But Grandpa, remember, I’m already going out with someone.

Duke: You two fighting is so cute!

For some reason the garbage, in a way, explodes and goes flying onto everyone.

Pegasus: (starts crying)

Mai: DAMN IT! I JUST USED THE LAST OF MY PERFUME! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!

Téa: That’s it we’re getting a new hideout and whoever gives me shit about that, I’ll kill.

Shadi runs over.

Shadi: I heard a loud sound. What has happened?

Tristen: Stop talking like that.

Shadi: Fine, screw that.

Mai: I need a fuckin’ vacation.

Shadi: I was just going to tell you. I went to a travel agency and they said that they would sent us to Pennsylvania. But, to the Amish country. She also said, quote, If you ever bring your perverted ass back here, I will take out a hunting knife and kill you, unquote. Then when I asked her how my ass could be perverted, she got some security guy to make me go away. Kind of rude if you ask me.

Joey: So, in other words, she bribed you to leave?

Shadi: Well, she said if I left, the trip would be free. There were some other people there; they were being queer too…

Mai: Whatever. When do we leave?

A taxi beeps.

Shadi: NOW!

Everyone runs into the taxi and goes to Pennsylvania.

Where the CCS freaks are.

Li: Life sucks.

Sakura: Since you don’t have me, you should be saying that.

Li: (lifts an eyebrow) My life is so much better without you.

Tomoyo: (starts crying) STOP THE FIGHTING! I CAN’T TAKE IT!
Everyone stares at Tomoyo.

Tomoyo: I can’t help it, I’m easily upset.

Yue flies over to everyone.

Yue: I have the most bestest news in the world.

Kero: What? We can finally take over the world and kill those little kids that keep screwing up our plans?

Where the non-anime people are.

Laura: SOMEONE JUST CALLED US KIDS!

Laura takes everyone’s favorite gadget out. That’s right boys, girls and people of both genders, the remote. Laura presses a button.

Jaime: Duh! We’re teens.

Back where the CCS freaks are.

A pogo stick comes out of nowhere and starts jumping on top of all the CCS freaks (had to use pogo stick, I’m listening “Bounce” by System of a Down and it called to me). The pogo ceases the hopping.

Kero: You were saying?

Yue: WE’RE GOING ON A ROAD TRIP!

Eriol: And where are we going?

Yue: To Pennsylvania, the Amish part.

Ruby Moon: And how did you get the trip?

Yue: By being my EXTREMELY horny self, I-

Sailor Venus: YOU DIDN’T!

Yue: What?
Sailor Venus: Get down and dirty!

Yue: No, I just walked in and she gave this free trip, I didn’t even have to say anything.

Sailor Venus: Good.

Sailor Venus and Yue kiss passionately.

Sakura: When do we leave?

Yue stops kissing.

Yue: Uh…

Suppi drives up to everyone in a sports car and beeps.

Yue: Now, I guess.

Li: How are we supposed to fit in there?

Suppi: Don’t question, just get in the car.

Everyone except Li is already in the car, so Ruby Moon grabs him and pulls him in. Yue pushes Suppi out of the driver side and drives himself.

Where the normal people are.

Jenn: Something seems queer…

Danielle: Oh?

Jenn: Yeah, I just can’t figure out what it is.

Laura pulls some little device thingy out of her back pocket.

Lauren: What’s that?

Laura: It’s my queer finder.

Chris: That is…?

Laura: It locates stuff that’s queer and right now, there are two queer groups.

Chicken: I want to eat bacon.

Laura: AS I WAS SAYING! They’re heading for Pennsylvania.

Lucy: Where in Pennsylvania?

Laura: The Amish part.

Jaime: Yeah, that’s queer.

Lauren: It’s boring around here and, I’m about 99% positive I know who the queer groups are.

Danielle: You’re right, let’s go. After all we don’t want them scaring those Amish people with a lighter.

Everyone leaves to go to Pennsylvania.

Where the Yu-Gi-Oh assholes are/ in a taxi.

Pegasus: Are we there yet?

Grandpa hits Pegasus upside the head.

Pegasus: THAT HURT! WAHHHHHHHH!

Yugi: Grandpa-

Grandpa: No Yugi, he keeps saying that every five milliseconds.

Mokuba: You’re more of a kid than me, Pegasus.

Pegasus: Shut up!

Mai: I can’t take this, this taxi smells like shit! I CAN’T TAKE IT!

Bakura: We’re almost there. Aren’t we, driver?

Driver: An hour and a half and we’ll be there.

Bakura: Screw stopping the fighting.

Yugi and Bakura start making out.

Where the CCS people are.

Yue: OK! I figured out how to drive the car.

Sakura: Then let’s go!
Yue starts to drive the car.

They go about five minutes and see the non-anime people. Yue sees Jaime first. He stops the car. Yue rolls down his window a little just so only his eyes are seen.

Yue: Hey.

Jaime: What?

Yue: You have the biggest head I’ve ever seen.

Jaime: WHAT?!

Everyone except Jaime and the anime freaks start laughing.

Yue: Yeah, you’re head turns me on.

Jaime: My head isn’t big! It’s normal sized.

Yue: That’s not important, baby.

Jaime: WHAT!?

The people laughing, laugh harder.

Yue: You want to have sex with me?

Jaime: NO!

Yue: Oh, come on, I’m really horny.

Jaime: You pervert!
Lucy: (stops laughing) What?

Jaime: NOT YOU!
Lucy: You said, you pervert.

Jaime: Well… I  WASN’T TALKING TO YOU!

Lucy: Ok, ok.

Yue: (ignores Lucy) Once you experience me, you’ll yearn for more.

Jaime: I’M NOT SHAGGING WITH A DICK SUCKER!

Yue: Sorry, strictly balls. Come on, we can do it just for a small bit. It can be our secret.

Jaime starts walking away. Everyone that was laughing follows her, along with Yue, who no one knows is Yue.

Yue: Please, I can’t get any with my girlfriend now. And I can just vision you and me together. I can feel it, I can taste it-

Lauren: Ok, we’re getting a little too nasty now. Let’s keep fantasies, ONLY that.

Yue: Shut up fag.

Lauren: I’M NOT A FAG!

Lauren takes out her flute and smashes the car window, revealing Yue, the CCS freaks and a heart broken Sailor Venus.

Jaime: YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Yue: PLEASE!

Jaime: There would be a better chance of me screwing Dungeon (some person Jaime cybered with and is in denial about)

Yue: Some cyber man slut! You’re choosing a cyber man slut over me.

Danielle: That’s what it sounds like.

Yue: Screw you bitches!
Yue speeds away in his car.

Chris: WAIT! I’M A SON OF A BITCH, NOT A BITCH!
Laura: You’re so stupid…

Chris: You’re right, well, you’re not right but, you are, I just should have said I’m not a bitch.

Lauren: It’s what you should have said, but you didn’t.

Chris: Whoops.

Jenn: (turns to Jaime) Looks like you have a stalker now.

Lucy: Must kill… (Laura, sometimes Jaime and I all stalk people online)

Chris: What?

Lauren: Don’t ask…

Everyone gets to Pennsylvania, to the Amish part.

In the Amish part of Pennsylvania.

Yugi: Wow, this place is soooo cute!

Mai: It’s so old!
Mai starts to strangle Shadi.

Shadi: (in a gagging voice) HELP!

Mai: (with rage) YOU ASSHOLE!

Bandit Keith: Speaking of which.

The other anime freaks are walking on the other side of the street from the Yu-Gi-Oh freaks.

Duke: OH MY GAWD! YOU’RE RIGHT! (yells across the street) HI SAKURA!
Mokuba: What are you, doing they’ll see us!

Duke: Oh well. SAKURA! SAKURA! OVER HERE!

Sakura looks up and sees Duke.

Sakura: HI!

Seto: Wait, what are they doing here and where’s that winged guy with that ugly white hair?

Pegasus: Who cares, they’re all meanies.

Grandpa smacks Pegasus’s ass…Again.

Grandpa: STOP USING THAT 5-YEAR-OLD LANGUAGE!

Pegasus: (holding back tears) I-I’m sorry.

Sakura runs over to Duke and the rest of The Yu-Gi-Oh freaks. All the other anime freaks follow.

Bandit Keith: (to Duke) You ass, why the hell did you have to yell!?

Duke: Um, because I saw my um, girlfriend and I um, like my girlfriend like, um, yeah.

Shadi: (gagging) STIL BEING STRANGLED HERE!

Mai sees Li. She drops Shadi on the ground and he falls down flat on the pavement.

Shadi: (taking deep breaths) Thank God…

Mai: LI!
Li: Hi.

Li and Mai both start to make out together.

An old Amish man walks up to Mai and Li.

Old Amish guy (a.k.a. Old man Jacob): THE DEVIL HAS COME! THEY’RE IN OUR HUMBLE TOWN AS I SPEAK!
Mai and Li go on with their make out session.

Old man Jacob hits Li in the head.

Li: What the fuck…?!
Old man Jacob: GO AWAY DEVIL!

Mai: Excuse me you hoary man, we were making out.

Old man Jacob: TWO DEVILS! LEAVE OUR TOWN! LEAVE NOW!
The not anime people and Yue all come walking into the Amish part of Pennsylvania where the other anime freaks are.

Jaime: (to Yue) STOP FOLLOWING US!
Yue: I’m only following you.

Yue blows a kiss at Jaime.

Tomoyo: Is that Yue?

Sailor Venus: Yeah and with one of THEM nonetheless!
Sailor Venus walks over to Yue and puts a dog collar on him and then attaches a leash.

Jaime: Thank you.

Sailor Venus bitch slaps Jaime.

Jaime: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!?
Chris tries to hide behind Chicken.

Laura: Are you trying to sexually abuse my Chicken, Chris?
Chris: OF COURSE NOT!
Sailor Venus: You don’t need to hide Christopher, I can see you perfectly fine.

Jenn: Christopher?

Jenn starts to point at Chris and everyone except Chris, the anime freaks and Jaime start laughing.

Sailor Venus: And I have no more interest in you anymore, anyway. (turns to Yue) AS FOR YOU-

Yue: Look, things aren’t working out and, Jaime seems to be there for me, no matter what. Right dear?

 Jaime: When the hell was I ever there for you? I’ve been beating the shit out of you! AND DON’T EVER CALL ME DEAR OR USE PET NAMES WITH ME EVER AGAIN!
Yue: Exactly, you’ve been beating me. I know you want to beat me sexually, but you’ve just been too nervous to and you’re also afraid of what your friends might think. And you seem so much cuter with pet names.

 Yue winks at Jaime. She cringes.

Chris: How miniscule is your brain? Jaime doesn’t like you, so go away.

Danielle: (whispers to Chris) Say ‘fuck off,’ it sounds better.

Chris: Oh, right, right. Fuck off, Yue.

Yue stares at Chris in one of those one eyebrow lifted and mouth have open in disbelief ways.

Chris: What?

Yue is still staring at him with that look.

Sailor Venus: TIME TO GO YOU DAMN MALE PROSTITUTE!

Sailor Venus drags Yue away.

Yue: JAIME! I NEED YOU!

Jaime stands there and gives Yue the middle finger while she smiles cynically at him.

Bakura: I’m in the mood for a duel.

Yugi: Me too.

Téa: Ok, stop with emphasizing your words like that.

Yugi and Bakura: (in unison) Sorry, Téa.

A group of Amish blacksmiths walk over to everyone.

Blacksmither John: There are the devils, they are standing before us.

Chicken: We’re devils…? COOL!

Lauren: Wrong thing to say…

One of the blacksmiths takes out a hammer.

Blacksmither John: NOW WE MUST KILL YE DEVILS!

All the blacksmiths take out hammers.

Blacksmiths: ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

All the blacksmiths start to chase everyone with the hammers.

Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Kero: Wait, I want to take a picture of this authentic moment.

Kero turns around and flies backwards as he takes out a camera and gets ready to take a picture of the Amish blacksmiths.

Blacksmith John: AHHHHHHHH! THE SOUL STEALING DEVICE! RUN!
All the blacksmiths run away from the anime outcasts and the ‘normal’ people.

Bakura: Did he just say (turns evil) soul stealing?

Yugi: No Bakura.

Bakura runs after the blacksmiths.

Yugi: (yells to Bakura) BAKURA NO! (turns to Kero) DAMN YOU FLYING um… WHATEVER YOU ARE!

Yugi runs after Bakura.

Laura, Danielle and Lucy start cracking up.

Téa: IT’S NOT FUNNY! THEY’RE GOING THROUGH ONE OF THEIR EPISODES!
Laura: Exactly, they’re going through one of their episodes and that’s what makes it funny.

Pegasus: I guess you’re right. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Pegasus starts laughing too, which causes Laura, Danielle and Lucy to stop laughing, because of how deeply disturbing it is.

Grandpa picks up one of the hammers that the blacksmiths dropped and hits Pegasus over the head with it.

Pegasus: ;_; OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Grandpa: No action for you!

Pegasus: Ooooooooohhhhhh…

Duke: (still twirling hair) Like maybe we should go find them. Make search parties too… (winks at Sakura)

Téa: Great idea. Groups of umm-

Jaime: That’s so stupid.

Téa: We have to find them, so you can just shut the hell up. It’ll be 4 teams of 7 peeps.

Jaime: Wait, why do I care what you’re doing, we’re not helping you. And stop trying to sound all DIFFERENT!

Chris: But Jaime, think of the poor Amish people that have to go through the terror known as anime.

Jaime: But we would be helping them.

Lauren: But if we don’t help them, they’ll destroy the Amish.

Téa: Screw you, you’re on my team, I don’t trust you.

Jaime: I’m not being on your faggy ass team!

Téa: You are now.

Chicken: HAHAHA! I LAUGH AT YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jaime: Die chicken, just fall and die.

Chicken: YOU’RE SO MEAN!
Laura: It’s one thing to be mean to people in chat rooms, it’s another to be mean to Chicken. Be nice to Chicken.

Jaime: Don’t get me started.

Mai: Shut up you ignorant brats!

Yue: I’M ON TÉA’S TEAM!
Jaime: NO!!!
Téa: Yes, he is, we need someone who can fly and see over stuff.

Yue: C’mon Jaime, I’m not that bad.

Jaime: You’re worse!

Lucy: Wait, worse than what?

Jaime: Just worse!

Mai: SHUT THE HELL UP!
Mai takes out a little pink, squeaky hammer and hits Jaime over the head with it.

Jaime: What are you doing?
Mai: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
After a long time of arguing, the teams are finally made up. The first team- Mai, Duke, Li, Sakura, Mokuba, Chicken and Chris. The second team- Téa, Jaime, Yue, Seto, Lauren, Grandpa and Jenn. The third team- Pegasus, Laura, Kero, Danielle, Suppi, Sailor Venus and Lucy. The fourth team- Ruby Moon, Bandit Keith, Shadi, Joey, Tristen, Tomoyo and Eriol.

Téa: LET’S GO FIND THEM!

Shadi: I’ve been keeping this too myself for a long time… I have to tell you… You are one high, cock sucking, stupid ass bitch.

Shadi starts kissing Téa.

Ruby Moon: And that turns him on?

Danielle: You’re not one to talk, trees turn you on.

Jenn: Isn’t that Jaime?
Jaime: I DON’T LIKE TREES!
Yue: HEY! DON’T OFFEND MY JAIME!
Yue flies over to the ‘normal’ people.

Yue: Who the hell do you think you are? Talking to my Jaime in such a manner!
Lauren kicks Yue in the balls (or if he doesn’t have any, where they should be).

Yue doubles over in pain. (guess he does, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?)

Yues’ balls fall off, and fall down his pants onto the ground. (or who knows what two  seconds will bring).

Jenn: Didn’t see that coming.

Chris: I think we’re going to have to amputate the foot.

Jaime walks over to the disabled Yue.

Jaime: I’m not your Jaime, I’M NOT A DAMN PROSTITITE!

Laura and Lucy start to crack up.

Jaime: What?

Laura: You’re a prostitute for Dungeon.

Lucy: Yeah, you even admitted to it.

Jaime: WILL YOU DROP THAT?! I WASN’T CYBERING!

Laura: Then, what’s ‘Massages dick with tongue’?

Jaime: I was bored!!
Lucy: The reason we won’t drop it is because, you’re in denial, and we want you to except it.

After fighting over the cyber sex for five hours, Yugi and Bakura walk over to everybody with they’re clothes ripped everywhere.

Tristen: What happened to you guys? You look like shit.

Bandit Keith: What do you mean look?
Tristen: Shut up! Bakura’s my boyfriend, with my every purpose ‘rope.’

Bakura blushes.

Yugi: He’s not your boyfriend.

Joey: Who cares who’s going with who. What happened to you guys? Did they attack you!?

Yugi: That’s one way of putting it…

Joey: OH GOD! DON’T TELL ME YOU WENT STRAIGHT!
Bakura: No worries about that, mate.

Joey: Thank the lord.

Yugi: Yeah, I just went with Bakura.

Grandpa: Yugi…

Yugi: Oh shit.

Grandpa has a heart attack.

Yugi: (starts crying and weeping over Grandpa) GRANDPA!
Bakura: Oh Yugi, I’m sooo sorry.

Suppi: What happened?

Kero: I don’t know, I’m pretty confused myself.

Pegasus: NO YOU CAN’T DIE GRANDPA! WAIT! I can save him!
Pegasus steals his soul.

Yugi: YOU ASSHOLE!

Yugi jumps up and starts strangling Pegasus.

Bandit Keith starts cracking up because Yugi is dangling from Pegasus’s throat, hanging on for dear life, not even constricting, and Pegasus can’t breathe.

Yugi: (while trying to strangle Pegasus):WHAT DO YOU MEAN SAVE HIM?! YOU STOLE HIS INNOCENT SOUL AGAIN!
Pegasus: (while gasping for air) He can’t be innocent, how the hell do you think you were brought in to the world?! Yugi… I’m you’re other Grandfather!

Yugi lets go of his neck.

Yugi: (wiping tears from his eyes) R-R-Really.

Pegasus: Y-Y-Yeah, where do you think you got the s-s-stutter from?

Yugi: OH MY GOD!
Yugi and Pegasus start hugging.

All the anime characters and Chicken start crying.

All the ‘normal’ people stand there confused.

Chicken: How can you not be touched?! Those two just found out they were family, it’s sooo touching!

Laura: That’s it Chicken we’re-

The Amish people turn a corner and start to chase everybody away from Pennsylvania with pitchforks. Everyone goes running through a cornfield and out of Pennsylvania.

Jaime and Jenn start singing Amish Paradise and the Amish run after them faster.

The End