We Kill Hamtaro and adventures in role-playing

 

Chicken: I miss mister worm.

Laura: Didn’t you eat him?
Chicken: Oh yeah. I WANT TO EAT HARRY POTTER’S OWL!
Jaime: Uh… Why?

Chicken: I don’t know.

Danielle: Wouldn’t you, in a way be a cannibal?

Chicken: It’s a small sacrifice.

Jenn: Gary says you should just stick to worms.

Gary nods.

Lauren: HMMMMM! Now I have a lead pipe and an unbreakable flute. WHICH ONE SHOULD I USE?!
Chris walks over to Lauren (who’s wearing these puffyish sleeves).

Chris: The sleeves, they’re-

Lauren: What’s it with you and sleeves?

Chris: I don’t know.

Danielle: Right… Getting back to the pipe, flute thing. Why don’t you just use the pipe as a weapon and the flute as an instrument.

Lauren: *.*; Ok, that was kind of stupid.

Laura: HAMHA! That’s just REALLY stupid.

Lucy: GAY HAMSTERS!

Everyone except Laura and Lucy: What?

Laura: You didn’t come to the gay chat with us.

Lucy: Not just ANY gay chat, a Hamtaro chat.

Jenn: Gary says that’s about happy hamsters.

Jaime: That show (coughs) likes.

Chicken: Are you ok?
Jaime: Forget it.

Chicken: Ok, I’m good at that.

The anime freaks fall out of a near by tree.

Chris: What the fuck?

Ruby Moon: WE FINALLY KNOW WHAT YOU HATE! HAMTARO!

Laura: Ok, that’s not true-

Jaime: You like Hamtaro?

Laura: Well, how do I know you guys don’t like it.

Danielle: No one here likes Hamtaro.

Jenn: Or do they…?

Chris: Jenn, are trying to tell us something?

Jenn: NO! I DON’T LIKE HAMTARO!

Tomoyo: Oh shit, I’m confused again.

Sailor Venus: Me too.

Ruby Moon: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THAT TO US?!
Jaime: It’s not our fault you’re all dumb asses.

A cricket starts chirping.

Lucy: What does it take to kill that thing?!
Chicken: I’LL TAKE CARE OF THAT CRICKET!
Chicken eats the cricket.

Chicken: Still good the (thinks for a minute) fifth time around!

Danielle: Whatever. So, you know we all hate Hamtaro, congratulations.

Sakura: Thanks.

Lauren: WHAT’S THE POINT?!
Venus: We’re getting to that, fag.

Lauren: MY NAME IS NOT FAG, DAMMIT!

Lauren takes out her pipe and flute and bashes Venus over the head with both of them at the same time.

Venus: @_@; Fag. @_@;

Chris: Lauren, put the pipe and flute down.

Laura takes pot out of her back pocket.

Jenn: Where’d you get the pot?
Laura: I stole it from the Yu-Gi-Oh assholes.

Danielle: But, if you took it from a cartoon, wouldn’t it be fake, cartoon pot that only cartoons can use?

Laura: Damn, you’re right.

Yue runs over and takes the pot out of Laura’s hand and starts snorting it.

Ruby Moon: That’s not how you do it Yue, you smoke pot, not snort it!
Li: Dude, you just wasted perfectly good pot.

Yue: YOU MIGHT SMOKE IT, BUT I SNORT IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kero and Suppi fly over from a near by candy store.

Suppi: WE SMELL POT! WHERE IS THE POT!
Ruby Moon: Yue snorted it.

Kero: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON?!

Jaime: Isn’t that a bit obvious?
Kero: Maybe…

Li: Did you all forget the reason we came here?
Lucy: You, told us why you came here?

Lauren: They came to piss us off.

Sakura: You told them why we came here?

Li: No.

Tomoyo: Then how did they know?

Chris: You always come here to piss us off.

Ruby Moon: (to Chris) I don’t like you anymore.

Chris: Finally.

Ruby Moon: FINALLY? FINALLY?! HOW DARE YOU?! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE UPSET!

Chris: Sorry, I’m not.

Eriol: Ok, everyone’s getting sidetracked.

Eriol throws out a little ball with screwed up powders inside of it. It explodes on impact with the ground. All the ‘normal’ people disappear.

In the world of Hamtaro. (scared yet?)

A bunch of poorly drawn hamsters run over to everyone.

Laura: HOLY SHIT IT’S THE ATTACK OF THE FAG HAMSTERS!
Hamtaro: (gasps) We don’t say words like that here. We all play nice and are always happy.

All the hamsters: HAMHA!

Harry Potter flies over on a broomstick to the hamsters.

Harry Potter: HAMHA EVERYONE!

Lucy: Are all the fags accounted for now?

Jaime: No, the Pokémon freaks aren’t here.

Danielle: And the Yu-Gi-Oh freaks.

Jenn: Let’s not go through the list, it’s way too long.

The hamsters all stare at Gary. Gary starts backing away slowly.

Harry Potter: AWWWWWW! They like you.

Jenn: Gary says get the hell away from him.

The hamsters all jump on Gary and start hugging him. Gary tries to shake them off, but they had super glue attached to them when they jumped onto Gary, so they’re stuck to him.

Jenn: GET OFF OF GARY!
Harry Potter: They’re super glued onto him, they’re not coming off.

Chris: Super glue usually has that effect on things.

Lauren: Well, then rip them off.

Harry Potter: I could never do that to my best friends.

Chicken: Hey, pothead, where’s you’re owl, I want to eat it.

Harry Potter: You can’t eat my owl.

Laura: ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! THAT ACCENT’S PISSING ME OFF! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Everyone stares at Laura.

Laura: What, it’s annoying.

Hamtaro: I LOVE GARY!

All the other hamsters: US TOO!
Harry Potter: I CAN’T RESIST!
Harry Potter jumps onto Gary too.

Jenn: MY GOD! GET OFF GARY!
Danielle: This is so fucked up.

Harry Potter: Great scott! THAT’S AN EXCELLENT IDEA!

Jenn: DANIELLE!

Danielle: I didn’t mean it like that.

Jaime: Maybe we should rip him off before he starts.

Everyone starts trying to rip Harry Potter off of Gary.

Harry Potter: YOU CAN’T TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY TRUE LOVE!
Chris: Why is it that every made up character is a homosexual?

Lauren: Why don’t you just say gay?

Chris: I don’t know…

Harry Potter turns and looks at Chris.

Harry Potter: Ello. (for anyone confused about what ‘ello’ is, it’s hello with out the ‘h’)

Chris: Not again…

Jaime: What do you mean again…? Ruby Moon and Venus were females, or are you trying to tell us something?

Chris: NO!

Harry Potter jumps off Gary and onto Chris (here’s the image and keeping it civil, piggyback ride).

Chris: AHHHHHHHHHHH! GET OFF ME!
Lucy: Hey, Laura, does this remind you of role-playing too?

Laura: Yeah.

Lauren: That’s a good idea.

Danielle: What?

Lauren: Role-playing.

Jenn: This isn’t the best time for that.

Jaime: What are you planning on doing?

Lauren: This isn’t like me at all, but, cyber sex.

Everyone except: Lauren, Harry Potter (who’s enjoying it the way it all ready is), Gary and the Hamtaro freaks: LAUREN!!!!

Lauren: I told you it wasn’t like me.

Danielle: The scary thing is, it might work.

Jenn: Ok… I GOTTA SEE THIS!

Chicken: Hey, pothead, get off.

Harry Potter: But I just got to the ear. Oh and what’s this? THE GOLDEN SNITCH! (nice idea Danielle)

Everyone except Harry Potter and the Hamtaro assholes: @_@; / *.*;

Chris: INVASION OF PERSONAL SPACE!

Chicken: (turns to Laura) Ok, we need the stun gun.

Laura: For which one?

Chicken: Just shoot ‘em.

Laura: FINE!

Laura takes a stun gun out of her back pocket and shoots Harry Potter.

Harry Potter: I HAVE FUCKED UP MAGIC ON MY SIDE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The hamsters: (gasps) YOU SAID THE F WORD!

Harry Potter: Whoops.

Hamsters: HOW COULD YOU!?

Harry Potter: I was temporarily possessed.

Hamsters: OK, WE FORGIVE YOU!
Laura adjusts the stun gun to the power of the third rail.

Laura: If this doesn’t work, then screw it.

Laura shoots Harry Potter. He jumps off of Chris and is really hyper.

Laura: Ok, that wasn’t supposed to happen.

Harry Potter starts jumping in circles and won’t stop.

Lucy: Is this annoying anyone else?

Laura: I’LL SHOOT HIM AGAIN!
Everyone except Laura, Harry Potter, Gary and the hamsters: NO!

Laura puts the stun gun back in her pocket.

Harry Potter: (to Chris) Can I screw you?

Chris: NO!

Harry Potter: PLEASE!
Gary ‘magically’ gets all the hamsters off of him and sends them into a hamster cage.

Jenn: Oh, Gary, I forgot you where there.

Gary: >_<;

Harry Potter: Can I suck-

Lauren: OK STOP! How about this-

Chicken: Pothead.

Lauren: I’m not a pothead.

Chicken: I was saying pothead’s name, see you were going to say ‘Harry Potter’, but I corrected you.

Lauren: Right… Ok, ‘Pothead’ how about you have cyber sex with Chris, instead of real sex.

Harry Potter: Where’s the fun in that?

Jaime: You know what I just realized?

Danielle: Do we want to now?

Jaime: I’m not going to answer that. Well, here’s what I realized, ‘Pothead’ looks like Eriol, so if you think about it-

Chris: Jaime, stop, it’s bad enough without you telling me that.

Harry Potter: There’s another guy?! HOW COULD YOU?! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOUR CHEATING ON ME!
Chris: We were never going out.

Jenn: Does that mean you are seeing another guy?

Chris: AHHH! NO! I’M STRAIGHT!
Lucy: Are you saying ‘ahhhh’ because you’re upset that you’re straight?

Chris: NO! I’M STRAIGHT AND I’M HAPPY BEING STRAIGHT!

Harry Potter: Hmmm… You won’t have real sex with me, so, will you have cyber sex with me?

Chris: Hell no.

Harry Potter: Does that mean I can have a ‘piggy back ride’ again?

Chris: I’ll role-play with you, happy?

Hamtaro: GET US OUT OF THIS CAGE! (starts hyperventilating)

Laura: I CAN’T STAND YOU!
Laura takes a gun and shoots all the hamsters, then she takes a knife and stabs them.

Laura: Ok, I’m done.

Harry Potter: Oh, I just can’t wait to role-play with you.

Lauren: Well, I said cyber sex, but whatever, it’ll work either way.

Harry Potter: We need computers, I’ll go run home and get one. You all go to your computers and we’ll all role-play together.

Harry Potter skips back to where he’s going to find a computer. Everyone else goes to get their computers.

Everyone signs online.  (ok, this is going to be a tad bit confusing for people how are as stupid as me. Anyway, I’m going to write the person’s name and that’ll be like their screen name and then I’ll right whom they’re role-playing as next to their name so it’ll look like this- Laura: Yugi:. By the way, don’t try to figure out why we role-play the way we do or why we choose to role-play with the characters we role-play as, it’s too confusing. [Oh yeah, Laura and I both hate Yu-Gi-Oh {if you haven’t figured that out all ready} so we role-play making fun of it.])

In a chatroom.

Harry Potter: Hello all.

Jaime: Lets start rping.

Lucy: RPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRP!

Danielle: Lucy, shut up.

Laura: I’ll rp as the same person as always.

Lucy: Same!

Harry Potter: I’ll rp as…ME!

Jaime: I’ll be Naru. (Naru’s from Love Hina, for all you people who don’t know)

Chris: I’ll be a wall.

Harry Potter: I’ve always wanted to hump a wall.

Chris: Thats just wrong. Fine, I’ll be Danielle.

Danielle: U rp as me, U die.

Chris: Fine, I’ll be Chicken.

Laura: Chicken says he’s flattered.

Jaime: BORED! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Laura: Don’t start this shit again.

Jaime: BORED!!!!!!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Lucy: :: Shoots an acorn at Jaime’s head::

Laura: That guy was such a fag!

Jenn: I’ll rp as Tomoyo. All the revenge… HAHAHAHA!

Lauren: I guess I’ll be myself…

Danielle: I’ll rp as Chris.

Chris: Then y can’t I rp as u?

Danielle: Because he wants to hump u and I don’t want u to rp as me and… all the bad thoughts…

Chris: But your rping as me so won’t that make him hump u?

Laura: Who cares?

Jenn: Can we rp now?

Harry Potter: YIPPE!

Jenn: Tomoyo: I MUST GET CROBAR!

Laura: Yugi: WHY IS MY HAIR SO GOD DAMN POINTY?! IT’S NOT NORMAL!

            ::pokes hair::

Danielle: Chris: What’s going on…?

Lauren:  This is so screwed up.

Harry Potter: I don’t know which Chris I want…

Jaime: Naru: Now where’s that peeping tom? ::stares at Chris::
Lucy: Bakura: Finally you stopped accusing yugi and I!

Jaime: Naru: I never said that!

Jenn: Tomoyo: HI HO!

Chris: Um… Chicken: Gobble, gobble…?

Laura: U ASS! CHICKEN DOESN’T SAY ‘GOBBLE GOBBLE’! Chicken says to stop rping as him.

Chris: Fine… I’ll be Gary.

Jenn: Gary says no.

Chris: Then I’ll be a clown.

Danielle: Where did that come from?

Chris: It came to mind.

Danielle: I don’t want to rp as u any more, I’ll be Molly.

Jaime: y that?

Danielle: Well everyone else is rping as a fag, I guess I will too.

Lauren: I’M NOT A FAG!

Danielle: I didn’t mean u!

Laura: Yugi: I just don’t get this hair, it’s 3 different colors and pointy! GOD DAMN

             IT! MY HAIR’S TALLER THAN I AM! Does my hair turn u on?

Jenn: Tomoyo: Oh yea… ::starts having convulsions:
Chris: Clown: I’m a sad clown…

Jaime: Naru: Well, I guess since I can’t find where that other peeping tom went, I’ll just

            have to go back to my first to suspects. ::walks over to Yugi and Bakura::

Harry Potter: What’s going on? I thought this was supposed to be a porn chat!

Harry Potter: AHHHHHHHHH!

Harry Potter: I NEED PORN!

Everyone clicks on ‘Pothead’s’ name and clicks ignore.

Lauren: Ok, he’s gone.

Danielle: Molly: Oh, I miss him all ready! ::runs to find Harry Potter::

Chris: Clown: I’m depressed.

Jaime: Naru: Time to make that peeping tom/ panty thief pay! ::pushes everyone out of                                         her way::

Chris: Uh… Jaime…? Panty thief?

Jaime: yea.

Danielle: Molly: ::runs back:: Couldn’t find him.

Lauren: ::walks over to Naru:: How do you know there’s even a ‘peeping tom’?

Jaime: Naru: PICTURES! ::takes out pictures of peeping tom::

Lauren: I’m just not asking…

Laura: Yugi: I DIDN’T TAKE THEM!

Jaime: Naru: What about u? ::turns to Bakura::

Lucy: Bakura: For the last time… I’M A SUICIDAL HOMO! ::impales himself on

yugi’s hair:: See?

Laura: Yugi: Will you stop doing that?

Lucy: Bakura: 19 more souls to go!

Chris: Clown: Y is life so mean to a clown?

Jenn: You know, I’ve often wondered that myself.

Everyone’s computers suddenly shut down and all the electricity is gone.

Danielle: Now what did those anime rejects do?

 

 

Who knows what they did? I don’t, I still have to think of that for my next battle. I can’t tell you the name cause I haven’t thought of it yet… Oh well!