We go to Oz

 

In a park somewhere.

Laura kicks Li’s head and knocks him out.

Laura: How many times do we have to battle you to get the point into your retarded heads that… Wait, why did we start battling in the first place?

After five minutes of silence from everyone thinking.

Jaime: Oh yeah! Those freaks aren’t supposed to be out in public.

Danielle: And you see how long that lasted.

Laura: ANYWAY, we beat you go hide in your hole again.

Ruby Moon: No.

Lucy: Do we have to beat the shit out you all again today?
Jenn: What’s that Gary? Uh, we should duck.

Lauren: Why?
Ruby Moon takes out some sort of ray gun.

Chris comes walking over from a corner and starts saying over and over again ‘I’m oh so musical.’

Ruby Moon and Sailor Venus: CHRIS!

Chris: Oh shit, not again.

Sailor Venus and Ruby Moon run over to Chris, dropping their ray gun.

Sakura picks it up and shoots it at, for the most part, the not anime freaks, but, they get Ruby Moon and Sailor Venus in the shot too. Everyone that was hit disappears.

Tomoyo: I told you it was good idea.

Eriol: Yeah, who would have thought, zapping them into a tape of an erupting volcano on a really small island with no place to go, would work?

Sakura looks at the movie in the slot.

Sakura: (in a high pitched scream) NO!

Tomoyo: What?
Sakura: This tape says ‘The Wizard of Oz’ on it!

Kero and Suppi move away slowly.

Sakura grabs them both by their necks.

Sakura: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TAPE!?
Kero: (in a choking voice) We were watching it and replaced it with another movie.

Suppi: (in the same voice as Kero) Let go please!

Sakura throws them into the ground.

Tomoyo: Well, at least there are flying monkeys, right?
Sakura: Stop being optimistic.

In land unknown to everyone that’s there.

Jaime (who’s now wearing a dress and has a basket with Gary in it [only now he’s the size of a small dog]): Where the hell am I and where the hell is everyone else, well of course with the exception of those anime freaks.
Jaime looks over and sees a house with two feet sticking out from under it with red shoes on the feet. Hundreds of munchkins run over to Jaime.

Jaime: What the fuck?!

Chris: Jaime, why are you so tall?
Jaime: You’re the one that’s short.
Chris: No, everyone’s the same size as me, you’re too tall.

Jaime: Because they’re munchkins too.

Munchkin dude: Yeah, you’re a munchkin too.

Chris: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?
Munchkin dude: We don’t use that kind of language here. Not to mention, it’s a bad influence on everyone else, you’re our mayor.

Chris: WHAT?!

A bubble comes floating over to everyone. The bubble gets bigger. Jenn walks out of it, wearing a dress and holding a wand.

Jenn: HELLO!
Jaime, Chris and Gary: @_@;

Jenn: What?
Jaime: You were floating in a bubble.

Jenn: So, Chris’s a munchkin.

Chris: (in a pissed off voice) I KNOW!

Munchkin dude: (starts crying)
All the other munchkins start crying too.

Jenn: Don’t worry, he didn’t mean it.

The munchkins stop crying.

Chris: Yes I did.

The munchkins start crying again.

Jenn: Chris, you made them cry again, just like you did to that little girl. You’re not a nice person.

Chris: (to Jenn) Shut up. (turns to the munchkins) Fine, if you stop crying (under his breath) like little assholes (back in his regular voice) then, I don’t mean it.

The munchkins stop crying again.

Jenn: Anyway, Jaime put on those shoes.

Jaime stares at Jenn in a what the hell are you on kind of look.

Jenn: Fine then put them in your basket, have Gary guard them and let no one take them.

Jaime: Fine but, I’m not picking them up.

Jenn: Why?

Jaime: It says on the bottom, ‘Property of Ruby Moon’ if anyone, get Chris to pick them up.

Chris: I hate Ruby Moon too, why would I be picking them up?

Jenn: Fine, one of you munchkins pick up the shoes and give them to Jaime.

One of the munchkins run over to the shoes picks them up and gives them to Jaime. Jaime opens up the basket and mutters under her breath: ‘This is the biggest load of shit!’

Munchkin: Here are the shoes.

Jaime: Put it in the basket.

The munchkin drops it in and runs away laughing.

Another person comes out of thin air in front of everyone (Sailor Venus).

Sailor Venus: DUDE! I can go from one place and end up in another place!

Chris: Uh… Yeah.

Sailor Venus: Oh, Chris, baby, is that you?

Chris: WHAT?!
Sailor Venus: Yup that’s him. WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU!

Chris: Can you pretend I’m not here.

Sailor Venus: I’ll try, anything for you.

Sailor Venus points at Jaime and than notices her green hand.

Sailor Venus: AHHHHHHHH! I’m green.

Jaime: You were pointing at me, why?
Sailor Venus: Oh yeah. Give me those shoes, even though, I completely hate you, you hang out with Chris. I can’t let Chris hangout with someone that wears shoes that are that faggy! I MUST BURN THEM!

Jenn: Oh yeah, did I mention who ever has the shoes can control Chris.

Chris: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Sailor Venus: GIVE ME THEM! NOW!

Jaime: I REALLY want to, after all seeing Chris being controlled by you would be worth it.

Chris: Jaime, don’t do it!

Jenn: Jaime, she can also rule the world with those shoes.

Jaime: Oh damn! I hate it when I have to choose over these things. Fine, Venus, you can’t have the shoes… NOW GO AWAY!

Sailor Venus: I’ll get those shoes and I’ll kill you and all your friends EXCEPT CHRIS to get them!

Chris: What you just said would mean that you would have a brain and you having a brain is an oxymoron.

Sailor Venus disappears.

A bubble starts forming around Jenn.

Jenn: Ok, gotta go, follow the yellow brick road, take Chris with you and remember, don’t let anyone get those shoes! BYE!

The bubble fully forms and Jenn flies away.

Jaime: That was pointless.

The Munchkins (that aren’t Chris) start singing the yellow brick road song, or whatever they sing pertaining to that.

Jaime, Chris and Gary (who’s still in Jaime’s basket) walk down the yellow brick road. Chris turns his head back to the munchkins.

Chris: SHUT THE HELL UP!

The munchkins stop singing and start crying again.

Chris: I like their crying better than their singing anyway.

Jaime: Ok… Well I guess we’re in Oz.

Chris: Oz, the gay place Oz?

Jaime: Yes, Oz, the gay place.

Chris: I wonder who’s the straw man, the tin man, the lion and Oz.

Silence for a minute.

Jaime and Chris start cracking up.

Gary tries to say something.

Chris: Sorry Gary, we can’t understand you, that’s Jenn and she’s not here right now.

Jaime: Yeah, but, didn’t that fag Dorothy-

Chris: (starts laughing again) You are Dorothy.

Jaime: The fag in the movie, ass. Anyway, didn’t she go down the road so she could go home?

Chris: Yeah, so?

Jaime: We didn’t say we wanted to go back.

Chris: So you want to stay here?

Jaime: I didn’t say that.

Chris: Sure sounds like that. So, what are you saying than?

Jaime: You, know, I don’t know.

Chris and Gary: *.*;

They all walk over to a fork in the road.

Jaime: I wonder, which way we should go…

Lucy: FUCK OFF YOU MOTHER FUCKIN’ BIRDS!

Chris: What the hell? Why are there birds on your head?

Lucy: You think I want birds on my head?

Chris: I don’t know, maybe.

Lucy: I thought I was the one who doesn’t have a brain.

Chris: Are you saying I’m stupid?
Lucy: Think about it.

Lucy walks over to everyone.

Jaime: Hmmm… Which way should we go?

Chris: Wait, isn’t the scarecrow the one that doesn’t have a brain?

Jaime: Yeah.

Jaime and Chris start cracking up again.

Lucy: At least I can accept that.

Jaime: Look at these faggy shoes.

Jaime opens up her basket and Gary holds the shoes up.

Jaime: EWWWWW! How could you even touch those, they were on Ruby Moon’s feet! EWWWWW!

Lucy: So, you stole Ruby Moon’s shoes. AND YOU SAID I DON’T HAVE A BRAIN!

Jaime: I need to keep them because if Sailor Venus gets them-

Lucy: What would she want with them?
Jaime: LET ME FINISH! Anyway, if Sailor Venus gets them, she could take over the whole world AND she could control Chris!

Lucy: So?

Jaime: So I’m supposed to keep them so Venus doesn’t get them. Jenn told me to keep them.

Lucy: Where is she?
Jaime: She’s that good witch person.

Lucy: Ok then…

Chris, Jaime, Gary and Lucy all decide on a road to go down and go that way.

Farther down the road.

Chris: Hey, there are some apple trees, let’s pick some and throw them at Sailor Venus next time we see her!

Jaime: Ok.

Lucy: Whatever.

Everyone picks some apples.

Apple Tree: WHAT THE HELL’S YOUR PROBLEM!
Chris: I was going to ask you same thing.

Tree: Give me back my apples!

Jaime: We have to throw these at someone.

Tree: YOU INVOKED MY RATH! TREESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Lucy: Right, trees.

All the other apple trees start attacking everyone.

Chris: New plan! Throw the apples at the trees!

Everyone that’s not a tree starts throwing the apples at the trees. The trees start attacking them with their branches. Everyone runs away from the psycho trees.

Jaime: That was so screwed up.

A familiar voice: Hey, over here.

Lucy: That’s a familiar voice.

Chris: Yeah, I just can’t point my finger on it, whose voice is that?

Jaime turns around and sees a tin man holding an ax, looking like it’s ready to kill someone with it.

Jaime starts cracking up.

Lucy: It’s not that funny Jaime.

Jaime points at the tin man.

Chris and Lucy both look.

Chris: Yeah and?

Jaime: Who does it look like to you?

Chris: An ax murderer?
Lucy: I don’t know?

Jaime: Who does it sound like?
Lucy: Did you miss the whole conversation of us trying to figure out whose voice it was?

Chris: I don’t know, Danielle’s.

Jaime: That doesn’t sound like Danielle.

Tin Man: I’m-

Jaime covers its mouth (no offense with the ‘its’ thing).

Chris: Jaime we really don’t care who it is.

Jaime: Fine it’s Laura.

Tin Man: Yes, I’m Laura; can you get the oilcan so I can actually move?

Lucy: Should we?
Jaime: I don’t know.

Gary waves his tentacles’, that are sticking out of Jaime’s basket and Laura can move again and doesn’t need her oilcan any more. Gary brings his tentacles back inside of the basket.

All the sudden Sailor Venus appears on the roof of a house.

Sailor Venus: GIVE ME THE SHOES!
Jaime: How many times do I have to tell you, NO!

Sailor Venus: YOU ALL SHALL PAY!
Laura: Why are you green?

Sailor Venus: SHUT UP!
Laura: I was just asking, you don’t have to get all bitchy on me.

Sailor Venus: Chris, get Jaime’s shoes and give them to me.

Chris: Hell no!

Sailor Venus: Come on! The ones in her basket.

Chris: NO!

Sailor Venus: You would be helping us.

Chris: There is no us.

Sailor Venus: JAIME GIVE ME THE SHOES!

Jaime: No.

Sailor Venus: FINE!

Sailor Venus throws a fireball at Lucy (straw’s flammable) it misses by five feet.

Lucy: You missed ass!

Sailor Venus: I’ll get those shoes and I’M NOT AN ASS!

Sailor Venus disappears.

Chris: That was even more screwed up than last time.
Laura: Maybe it was screwed up, but that was pretty funny with her skin all green.

Jaime: Whatever you say Laura.

They all head down the road.

In a dark forest down the road.

Laura goes and hides behind a bush.

Jaime: Where’d Laura go?

Laura jumps out from the bush.

Laura: BOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE! I’M THE MOTHMAN!

Chris: Ok…

Jaime: Oh, and for anyone that brings it up, here’s your warning, I’m not saying that lion tiger and bear shit.

Lucy: That’s nice.

Jaime: Yeah, that’s all.

All the sudden a lion jumps out of a bush.

Laura: Hello, lion.

Lauren: Damn, I still can’t find a good flute!
Everyone except Lauren: What?

Lauren: I know, you’re all shocked that no one sells good flutes!

Chris: You didn’t notice you were a lion?

Lauren: (who, the whole time was just looking for a music store and didn’t look at anyone else, let alone herself) What are you talking about?

Jaime: Hey Gary, you got a mirror?

Gary sticks a tentacle out with a mirror.

Jaime: Thanks.

Jaime shoves the mirror in Lauren’s face.

Lauren: Hey! AHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL!?
Laura: And I’m made out of tin, Jaime’s the Dorothy person, Chris is a midget, Jenn’s the good witch, Gary’s the dog and Lucy’s the straw man.

Lucy: I’m not a guy Laura!
Laura: Fine, straw person.

Lucy: Better.

Lauren: Ok, we’re so kicking CCS ass! Where are they anyway?

Jaime: They shot us into Oz.

Lauren: And you mean they had enough of a brain to not shoot themselves in here too?

Chris: They shot in Ruby Moon, but she got hit by a house, and Sailor Venus, she’s an evil witch who will do anything to kill us, except me, which I really regret, to get the faggy shoes.

Lauren: What about Danielle?

Laura: We haven’t seen her yet. Or did you see her?
Jaime: No.

Lauren: This place is really gay; let’s find Danielle and leave.

Chris: You think, maybe she’s a flying monkey or one of those screwed up trees that went psycho with the apples.

Everyone stares at Chris in an ok, we’re going to pretend that made sense kind of way.

Chris: What?
Jaime: Can we just go onward?

Chris: Onward? I didn’t think I would hear you say that word.

Jaime: I might not use whatever that word was you used in your stupid, battle that made you sound like you were 80 but I still use different words and… Yeah. This is getting really confusing, can we just go now?

Everyone except Jaime: Yeah.

Everyone heads down the road. They reach a field of poppies.

Jaime opens up her basket.

Jaime: (to Gary) Hey, Gary, can you use some magic to make us not fall asleep?

Gary shakes his head.
Jaime: That sucks.

Lucy: Why don’t you just ask Gary for a flame-thrower and then burn down the field.

Lauren: Let’s not.

Everyone stands there procrastinating.

Chris: The sooner we go through the field, the sooner we get out.

Laura: We’ll be asleep.

Chris: Jenn’ll wake us up.

Jaime: Jenn’s riding on a bubble somewhere.

Chris: Well nothing’s going to happen with us standing here.

Lauren: It would be really funny if when we go through there, you (Chris) fall asleep and then Sailor Venus starts making out with you. I can picture that.

Chris: And I’m sure you really enjoy the picture.

Lauren: I’m sure you would really want to be in the picture.

Chris: Venus wouldn’t be able to think of that, she’s an asshole.

Laura: We all know we’re going to fall asleep, let’s just go and get it over with!

Everyone except Laura: Fine.

Everyone walks through the field and then falls asleep shortly after. Jenn flies by on her bubble.

Jenn: DUDE!

Jenn’s bubble gets bigger. Jenn and three of her midget homies (who are dressed like rappers) walk out of it.

Jenn: You guys wait in the bubble.

Midget: I’m down wit’ dat.

Jenn walks over to everyone.

Jenn: WAKE UP!
No one wakes up.

Jenn starts poking Jaime. Jaime still doesn’t wake up.

Jenn: WHAT DOES IT TAKE!?
Jenn runs over to Laura and rips one of her tin arms off. She wakes up.

Laura: What happened to my arm?
Jenn: I’m borrowing it. I’ll give it back later.

Laura: I sort of need it.

Jenn: No, you can live with one.

Laura:   `_‘

Jenn: You’ll get over it.

Jenn runs over to everyone and hits them with Laura’s arm until they wake up. Jenn throws Laura back her arm once she’s done with it.

Jenn: Now, go through the field and Gary, don’t be mean.

Everyone except Jenn and her midget homies: What?
Jenn: GOODBYE!

Jenn walks into her bubble and floats away. Everyone else runs through the field before they fall asleep again.

At the other end of the field.

Jaime: Ow that was painful.

Lucy: It pays to be made out of straw. I never thought I’d say that, than again, I never thought I would be a scarecrow.

Chris: Well, us people that are made out of flesh are in pain.

Lucy: My condolences.

Lauren: Shut up!

Jaime: Well, we reached that screwed up place thingy.

Everyone walks inside of the building, where the wizard is.

Some strange person sitting at a table: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?
Jaime: The door was open.

Strange person: Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?

Jaime: Yeah.

Ten minutes later, after the strange person decides to say something.

Strange person: So, what do you want? Why did you come here?
Lauren: Why did we come here?
Jaime: I think this is the part where we’re supposed to ask if we can see the wizard freak or something.

Stranger person: You’re annoying, you can’t see the wizard.

Laura: When she said ask, she meant it more of an order than a question.

Strange person: You’re probably assassins!

Lucy: (sarcastically) Oh damn, you figured us out.

Strange person: I KNEW IT!

Jaime: I’m tired of this shit.

Jaime pushes the strange person off his chair and everyone walks past him.

Chris: Was there a point of pushing him off of the chair?

Jaime: No, I just felt like it.

Gary pops his head out of the basket and starts trying to lecture Jaime on people skills.

Jaime: We can’t understand you.

Gary goes back into the basket and puts his middle tentacle up at Jaime.

Jaime: WHAT’D I DO?!

Laura: It’s obvious, you were mean!
Jaime: I said we couldn’t understand him.

Laura: You were supposed to make an effort, since you didn’t, you hurt his feelings and pissed him off.

Jaime: How do you know?
Lauren: She had Chicken.

Chris: But wasn’t he a robot?
Laura: So, it was the same thing, basically.

Jaime: But Gary actually has flesh.

Laura: So, Chicken was supposed to act normal!

Jaime: But than he turned evil and exploded!
Laura: He was a good chicken for the most part.

Lauren: Am I the only one wondering if they’re fighting or just trying to prove a point?
Gary grabs the shoes and hits Jaime and Laura over the head with one of them and then holds up a sign that says ‘Find the wizard!’

Laura and Jaime: EWWWWWWWWWW! THAT WAS ON RUBY MOON’S FOOT! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Chris: Get the disinfectant.

Jaime and Laura: NOT FUNNY!

Lauren: Let’s go and find the wizard.

Everyone except Lauren: Ok.

Everyone goes looking for the wizard. As they look they open various doors until they find the one where the wizard is.

They open the door and head inside.

There are flames and a giant Danielle head.

Everyone: DANIELLE!?

Danielle: Yeah?
Chris: You’re a giant head. So, you’re the wizard?
Danielle: I guess so. So as the wizard, go kill the evil witch and bring back the broom.

Jaime: Do we have to?

Danielle: Stop complaining and go.

Jaime: I don’t want to be attacked by flying monkeys!
Danielle: So get a gun or a flame-thrower (I’m obsessed with flame-throwers, if you can’t tell) or some weapon and kill them, problem solved.

Jaime: But I like monkeys, I don’t want to hurt them.

Danielle: So don’t than.

Jaime: But I don’t want to be attacked by them either.

Danielle: Well you don’t have much of a choice. Now go away.

Everyone leaves.

Jaime: (yells at Danielle) I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!

Danielle: Shut up Jaime and go.

Everyone except Danielle leaves to find Venus.

Where everyone is, looking for Venus.

Jaime: I’m paranoid!

Laura: Is that a monkey?
Jaime: WHERE!? I’LL KILL THEM ALL!

Jaime starts looking everywhere for the monkey.

Jaime: There was no monkey!
Laura: Nope, I just liked watching you go insane looking for it.

Jaime: LAURA!
Gary sticks his tentacle out of the basket and hits Jaime.

Jaime: WHAT’D I DO?!

Lauren: Just a thought, but I think Gary hates you.

Jaime: What’d I ever do to him?

Laura: You were mean.

Jaime: No.

Laura: You didn’t try to understand him.

Jaime: Not that again.

Laura: It’s true.

Lauren: Now the monkeys are coming.

Jaime: Are you serious?

Chris: If you look, you’ll see them.

Laura: Oh, wicked, zombie-flying monkeys.

The zombie flying monkeys fly into each other and fall apart.

Jaime: Those were the monkeys?

Lucy: a brain dead freak sent them, what did you expect?

Jaime: Oh yeah.

Laura: STARBOARD!

Lauren: Starboard?
Laura: I’m obsessed with that word!

Chris: Whatever you say Laura.

Laura: WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT!?

Everyone heads to where Venus is.

Outside the place where Venus is.

Lauren: Should we just walk in or, will there be a trap?
Jaime: If there’s a trap for us, she’s already in it.

Lauren: Yeah, you’re right.

Everyone walks inside.

Inside of the building.

Laura: No one’s here!

Green freak soldiers jump down from the ceiling and start attacking each other. Everyone walks past them and goes to find Venus.

Jaime: Hmmmm… If we were Sailor Venus, were would be right now?

Laura: She would be… Wait, no.

Jaime: What?
Laura: I was going to say that Sailor Venus would be screwing Chris right now, but Chris is right here, so, that can’t be right.

Chris: Hell no.

Laura: ‘Hell no’ as in you want to screw Venus?

Chris: No one with a brain would get in bed with her.

Laura: Whatever you say.

Everyone searches some more. Out of nowhere, Sailor Venus appears.

Sailor Venus: Hey Chris, I saw you looking for me. I KNEW YOU WANTED ME! I JUST KNEW IT!
Chris: Ok, no.

Sailor Venus: I’ll tell you one more time Jaime, give me the shoes.

Jaime: No.

Sailor Venus starts chasing everyone into a kitchen. Jaime gets a cup of water and pours it onto Venus.

Sailor Venus: Damn, I’m soaked! What was that for?
Jaime: Why didn’t you melt? IT WORKED IN THE MOVIE!

Sailor Venus: It’s not like I’m lactose intolerant. You’re so stupid!

Lauren: Being lactose intolerant, doesn’t have anything to do with water, it involves dairy products.

Sailor Venus: Shut up, fag.

Lauren: WHY THE HELL DO YOU ALWAYS CALL ME ‘FAG’!?
Sailor Venus: It suits you well.

Lauren: I’M NOT A ‘FAG’!
Lauren starts beating up Sailor Venus and leaves her unconscious.

Jaime: Ok, now can we go?

Lucy: No one killed Venus.

Jaime: It was close enough.

Jaime picks up the broom.

Jaime: Let’s go.

Chris: Why are you so eager to leave?
Jaime: Because I don’t want to stay here anymore.

Lauren: Whatever, let’s go.

Everyone leaves and heads back to where Danielle is.

Where Danielle is.

Laura: We got the broom can we leave now.

Gary waves his tentacles and opens the curtain Danielle’s standing behind.

Danielle: Hello again.

Everyone except Danielle: Hi.

Danielle: Ok, you found me. Can we leave?
Jenn rides in on her bubble.

Jenn: Hi.

Everyone except Jenn: Hi.

Jaime: Can we leave now?
Jenn: NO!
Chris: Why?
Jenn: Gary.

Laura: What about him?
Jenn: Give me the basket.

Jaime hands Jenn the basket. Jenn opens it. Gary jumps out and starts trying to kill everyone.

Danielle: Why is Gary insane?

Jenn: He’s high on the shoes it does that, if you stay with them for too long.

Jaime: So, how do we get Gary to be sane again?
Jenn: We have to destroy the shoes.

Danielle: This wasn’t in the movie, was it?
Jenn: No.

Jenn takes the shoes and starts beating them up with a saxophone.

Danielle: That isn’t working!

Danielle grabs the shoes and throws them into the fire where her head was when she was the wizard (when she had the huge head). The shoes burn and everyone’s transported out of the movie.

Out of the movie, in the real world.

Lauren: That was so screwed up.

Sakura: HEY! Why aren’t you stuck in the movie?

Laura: Because we got out.

Eriol: I knew it was too good to be true. Them… Gone.

Lucy: Nope, you’re going to have to try harder.

Danielle: Yeah, we never die, sorry.

Gary starts hitting the CCS freaks (which omits Ruby Moon, it’s still in the movie with Sailor Venus).

Jaime: Come on; let’s go do something.

 

The End