Li Vs. Yugi

The Fight for Sakura

 

Announcer Guy: To his friends he’s Yugi but to his enemies he’s Yugi-Oh!

Crowd: Wooooooo! (Cheering continues)

Yugi walks out on stage.

Yugi: Hello all of my adoring fans! Did you miss me?

Girl in crowd: Oh he’s such a dreamboat!

Cheering continues.

Yugi: Well enjoy the show!!

More cheering.

Yugi walks off the stage.

Assistant 2 walks out on stage and pays everyone in the audience.

Back Stage

Yugi: Damn retards! Hello? Where’s my water!?!

Assistant 1: Here you are sir.

Yugi: Took you long enough!

Assistant 1: (Whispering to Assistant 2.) Asshole.

Assistant 2: You’re telling me!

Assistant 1: And he plays such an admirable character on TV!

Assistant 2: Yea if his “fans” saw him like this they’d hate him!

Yugi: How are you Bakura?

Bakura: Good now that you’re here.

Yugi and Bakura kiss passionately.

Yugi: I’m doing a photo shoot tomorrow outside the Sunrise Mall on Long Island.  Wanna come and spend the weekend with me? 

Bakura: I’d love to, but I have to check with my agent first.

Yugi: already did.

Bakura kisses Yugi.

Bakura: That’s why I like you.

Yugi walks away.

Bakura: (thinking to himself) Oh no! A weekend with Yugi! I know he wants to go all the way with me! But what if I’m not ready! What if I’m bad at it! What if my…nah it’s a perfect size! My ex-girlfriend said it was good! Maybe for her, that’s when I realized I was gay! Ahhhhhh, gay and… am I in love with Yugi? I think I am! I’m gonna tell him this weekend! We’ll end up getting married some day and have kids. Well we won’t have kids, maybe a dog or something.  Yea! A gay dog!

Yugi: Bakura! Are you coming? We’ve got a plane to catch.

Yugi winks at Bakura

Bakura: Coming Yugi!

…

Lucy: OMG! Laura guess who’s gonna be at Sunrise Mall tomorrow!!!!!!!

Laura: Who, who, who!!!

Lucy: Yugi and Bakura!!!!

Jaime: Don’t you mean Yugi-Hoe?

Laura: (ignoring Jaime) Awesome! We can meet them in person and insult them like the gay fags they are!!!!!!

Danielle: No way am I going to meet some gay character from some TV show.

Lauren: Me neither!

Jenn: Yugi-oh? Isn’t that gay character on TV?

Chris: Yea.

Jenn: Why do they want to see him then?

Jaime: Because they’re gay fags and they have no life!

….

Danielle: I can’t believe were at Sunrise Mall to see Yugi-Hoe!

Jenn: Guess they’re not the only ones who have no life.

Jaime: For an appearance the mall isn’t very crowded.

Everyone looks around and there’s no one in the mall except the store clerks, janitors, and security guards.

Lauren: Do you think they’re at the other side of the mall?

Chris: They might be.

Laura: LET’S GO!!!

Lucy and Laura go running to the other side of the mall.

Guard: Hey! No running!

Lucy: Screw you!

Laura and Lucy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Lucy and Laura run away.

Guard: Damn Kids!

…

Lucy: Looks like this is where they’ll be!

You see a stage set up by Sears blocking the whole entry.

Laura: Hey, there are only three people besides us!

You seen three girls dressed up in Yugi merchandise with Yugi-oh wigs on.

Behind the curtain

Bakura: oh Yugi!

Yugi: shhhh… You don’t want to be caught.

Bakura starts kissing Yugi really hard with tongue.

You can see Yugi’s hand down Bakura’s pants.

Bakura: ohhh, ohhh, ohhhh!

Yugi puts his other hand affectionately over Bakura’s mouth.

Yugi: SSSHHHHHHHHH… I know

Bakura: Oh Yugi, I know we’ve gone this far before but, I’ve never felt this good.

Yugi: I got to go on now.

Yugi takes his hands out of Bakura’s pants and wipes them off.  He gets up off the floor.  He bends down and kisses Bakura one last time.  He goes over to the mirror, fixes his hair and walks out towards the crew.

Bakura is still on the floor.

Bakura: It’s dark in here…

…

Out On Stage

Yugi: Hey all of my adoring fans!

Everyone else comes running up behind Lucy and Laura, out of breath.

Laura: FAG!!!!

Yugi: (Starting to sweat) Uhhhh, a heh heh, yea so ummmm, as I was uh saying. 

Lucy: Go hump Bakura you goddamn FAG!!!!

Yugi: I AM NOT A FAG!!!!!

Jaime: Whoa! Someone needs a nap!

Everyone except the Yugi fans: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yugi Fans: Hey Leave my boy friend alone!

Fan 1: Your boyfriend? He’s MY boyfriend!!

Fan 2: He’s My Boyfriend!!!!

Fan 3: You must be crazy! He’s obviously MY boyfriend!!!

The three fans beat the crap out of each other.

Yugi: uh…right. (Looks down and sees that he has no fans)

Looks at his watch to make sure he has the right time.

Chris: GET OFF THE STAGE!!

Everyone looks at Chris as Yugi walks off the stage in to the audience about ready to kill somebody.  Not just anybody, but Chris.

Chris: What?

Lauren: Uh, I think we better go before Yugi beats the crap out of Chris.  Oh wait never mind, I’d love to see that!

Everyone except Chris and Yugi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jenn: Here he comes.

Danielle: This should be interesting, two weaklings fighting.

Chris: (Glares at Danielle) Ha, Ha very funny!

Danielle: Yea I know!

Yugi: How did you guys know that I was gay? Is this in the press?

Laura: Wait, you are seriously gay?

Yugi: You, you didn’t know that?

Lucy: We do now!!!

Yugi: so that means that you didn’t know that I was screwing Bakura backstage?

Jaime: Oh My God!!! You are so stupid!!

Yugi: Damn it! >.<

Lauren: What do you care? If you’re really gay then you should be uh, proud I guess. Right?

Yugi: You don’t understand! The press will eat this up! It’ll ruin my career!!

Danielle: In case you didn’t notice, you don’t have a career and the press doesn’t care about you.  They care about famous people.

Yugi: Hello? What am I?

Chris: A faggy character from some faggy show that has three fans that just beat each other up.

Yugi: You’re wrong! Everybody loves the show and I’m very famous! You’re, you’re just jealous!!

Jenn: Of what? Look around! If you’re so famous where is everyone!

Yugi: School?

Laura: It’s a Saturday.

Yugi: At the bathroom?

Danielle: don’t think so.

Yugi: Wow.  I guess that’s the truth, I really am unpopular.

Yugi sits down on the ground holding his head.

Lucy: Wow! We broke his spirit!

Yugi: yea real funny, go ahead and laugh.

Bakura comes running out on the stage and sees Yugi sitting on the ground.

Bakura: I’m coming Yugi, Whoa, ahhhhhhh!!

Bakura trips down the stairs.

Bakura: I’m ok!

Bakura starts running again and trips, again…

Bakura: Don’t worry Yugi! I’m coming!

Bakura trips again.

Ten minutes later.

Bakura (out of breath): Sorry I took so long Yugi! I’m here now!

Yugi: I’m glad.

Yugi and Bakura start to kiss passionately.

Everyone: UGH!!!!!!

Everyone turns away.

Chris: This would be really hot if that was two girls.

Jaime: PERV!!

Lauren hits Chris on the head and everyone turns to walk away.

Chris: Ow! That hurt!

Chris runs to catch up to everyone.

Yugi and Bakura stop kissing.

Yugi: hey where’d they go?

Bakura: Who cares?

Yugi: You’re right. Let’s go back to the Hotel.

Bakura: YEA! Free TV!!

Bakura goes running toward the limo.

Yugi smacks his forehead and his hand slides down his face as he lets out a huge sigh.

As Yugi and Bakura walk over to the limo seven various sized people stand in their way.

They are Ruby moon, Sailor Venus, Li, Kero, Sakura, Tomoyo, and Yue.

Yugi: WTF do you want?

Ruby Moon zaps Yugi with some sort of machine.

Bakura: Yugi! Are you okay!?

Yugi: Yea, I’m fine Bakura. Come on I just had the sudden urge to go somewhere!

Bakura: okay…

In the Limo

Bakura: uhhh Yugi? Where are we going?

Yugi: I must find her! I mean them, them.

Bakura: (tears start to well up in his eyes) Oh. (Thinking to himself) What’s up with Yugi? He’s having second thoughts isn’t he? I bet that he wishes he never brought me! I have to save this relationship!!!

Bakura leans over and starts to kiss Yugi.

Yugi: @.@  BAKURA!

Bakura: (in a mousy voice) What?

Yugi: WTF are you doing?

Bakura: (in the same mousy voice) Kissing you.

Yugi: Well, don’t do that now! I’m very preoccupied with my thoughts!

Bakura: ok… (Thinking to himself) OMG! He really doesn’t like me!

Bakura: (Talking to the driver) Could you stop here please?

Yugi: Bakura: where are you going?

Bakura: It’s all right Yugi; I know when I’m not wanted.

Yugi: Oh my gosh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to yell at you. I was just surprised that’s all.

Bakura: why? I didn’t do anything special.

Yugi: I don’t know, it just felt different.

Bakura: Better?

Yugi: No, weird actually.

Bakura: oh… I could try again!

Yugi: No, no! It’s all right I’ll wait until later.

Bakura: Okay! (Thinking) He does love me! He loves me so much that me kisses feel different! Or maybe my breath just stinks? Nah, I had a mint before I left the house.

Yugi: (Talking to the driver) Turn here please.

Bakura looks up at the street sign.

Bakura: (Thinking to himself) vvvv, vvvv, vvvoooonn, If only I could read!!!

Yugi: Ok stop here.

Bakura looks up at the house.  It’s a grayish color and has at least 2 floors.

Yugi: You stay here Bakura.

Bakura: Ok. (Thinking) Hmmmmm, 63. 

Yugi rings the doorbell. 

Lucy: Shit! What do you want!?

Yugi: My I come in?

Lucy: Hell No!!

Lucy slams the door in his face.

Danielle: Who was that? Soapy?

Danielle, Jaime, Laura, Jenn and Lauren start laughing. (Chris wasn’t there because he’s not allowed at Lucy’s house.)

Lucy: No, it was Yugi! He wanted to know if he could come in!

Jaime: Why?

Lucy: Who the hell knows!

The doorbell rings.

Yugi: Hi!

Lucy: Damn it you shit head go away!!

Yugi: Oh so that’s how you’re playing the game.

Lucy: What the fuck are you talking about?

Yugi: Stop being cute about it and let me in.

Lucy: NO! You stalker! Go Away!!!

Laura: Lucy what’s going on?

Lucy: This motherfucker won’t go away!

Jenn: Well then we’ll have to make him.

Everyone walks outside.

Lucy: What are you staring at you fag?

Yugi: Your hair…

Everyone except Lucy and Yugi: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Lucy: MY HAIR???!!!

Yugi: yes, it’s so bouncy.

Yugi reaches out to touch her hair.

Lucy grabs his hand and twists it.

Yugi: SHE TOUCHED ME!!!!

Yugi falls on the ground clutching his hand.

Everyone except Lucy and Yugi start laughing hysterically.

Lucy: DAMNIT!! It’s NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!

Bakura comes out of the car.

Bakura: You teenage slut!!

Lucy: What????

Bakura: Look what you’ve done to him!! You made him straight!!!!!!!

Lucy: Me??

Bakura: Yes, you stole him from me!

Lucy: You think that I wanted that loser?

Yugi is now standing up and tries to look really hot which isn’t possible but he’s looking as hot as he possibly can.

Bakura gasps looking at him and sits down clutching his heart.

Yugi: (thinking) well, I didn’t know she was a slut. I thought she’d like my desperate approach.  I can’t believe I thought that I was gay!

Yugi: (out loud) Want a touch?

Grabs his crotch and starts walking toward Lucy.

Lucy: Are you Fucking kidding me? It’s probably fake!

Everyone except Lucy, Yugi and Bakura: HAHAHAHAHA!

Yugi: Oh no, it’s real.

Unzips his pants and you see a 3” dick.

Everyone goes silent for a moment and then starts laughing hysterically except for Yugi and Bakura.

Bakura: Oh god Yugi! If you hadn’t gone straight I’d screw you right now!

A car drives up and guards come out looking like they are from the CIA but obviously CCS.

Yugi: (zips up his pants) Bakura Stop This! I love her!!

Lucy and Bakura: WHAT!!!!!????????

Everyone except Lucy, Bakura, Yugi and the Guards start laughing hysterically.

Lucy: I AM SOOO FULL OF RAGE!!!

They all stop laughing.

Lucy breaks free of the guard and kicks Yugi in his balls. Nothing happens.

Yugi: Frisky are we?

Lucy: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucy kicks Yugi in the head and knocks him out.

The guards turn back in to the CCS people.

Lucy: This is your fault!!!!

Everyone attacks a CCS character and beats them up.

Ruby Moon: This, didn’t work out too well…

Yue: No….shi-

Yue faints.

Sakura: God damn it Bakura!!!

Bakura: You turned him straight!!!

Li: yea, it was HER idea. I liked him gay just fine.

Sakura: Oh shut up Li!

Bakura: Turn him back!!!

Sakura: No! I love him!

Everyone except Sakura: (Gasp) @-@;

Yugi: r-really?

Sakura: Yes! And I made you straight so you’d leave Bakura and make out with me!

Yugi: But aren’t you Lucy, one of the normal people?

Sakura and Lucy: -_-;

Sakura: NO! I’m Sakura!

Yugi: Really? (Squints eyes) I knew I should’ve worn my contacts.

Everyone except Yugi: -_-;

Yugi: I love you too Sakura! I have a secret to tell, I’m Bi!!

Sakura: Oh Yugi!!

Yugi: Oh Sakura! Wait if you’re Sakura than who was I trying to make out with?

Everyone points to Lucy

Lucy: Me You faggot! Now get off my front lawn before my parents come home!!!

Yugi: (Squints) oh, and you are?

Lucy: GO AWAY!!!!!!

Yugi: Ok, let’s go Sakura…

Sakura: Wait just a damn second! You tried to make out with her!!??

Yugi: uh yea, by accident.

Sakura: Oh my god, you cheated on me.

Yugi: Sakura! No wait you don’t understand!

Sakura: Oh no I totally understand! You have a thing for real girls don’t you?

Yugi: no Sakura that’s not it at all!

Sakura: You were rejected and I’m just second rate is that it????

Yugi: Of course not Sakura…

Sakura: That’s it! You are going down!

Yugi: That sounds so hot! I mean uh, please no.

Bakura: NO!! I won’t let you! We were supposed to have sex Yugi! Really Hot SEX!!!!!

Yugi: Bakura, I’m sorry but I need a star! Not just a co-star.

Bakura: That’s it! We’re doing it right here right now!!

Lucy: Oh No You’re Not!

Jenn: Yea that’s just disgusting! We don’t want to see that!

Lucy: I just don’t want them doing it on my lawn!

All of the normal people: ewww…

Laura: You’re such a perv Lucy!

Lucy: What?

Laura: If it wasn’t on your lawn you’d wanna watch?????

Lucy: Hell No!

Jaime: God that is so gross!

Danielle: Bad pictures, bad pictures….

Lauren: Uh Lucy, I think I know a way to get them off your lawn.

Lucy: How?

All of the regular people start whispering while Yugi and Sakura continue to fight.

Sakura: Yugi, I am so mad at you that I’m gonna marry you, screw you and then divorce you so fast your head’ll spin!

Yugi: Sakura, nothing happened!

Sakura: Well if you were wearing your contacts!

Yugi: I still didn’t do anything!

Jenn: Sakura, you are so right!

All of the anime freaks stop fighting and look at Jenn.

Sakura: Huh?

Jaime: I agree! He doesn’t deserve you!

Sakura: R-really? You guys are actually on my side?

Lauren: Of course! Us girls have to uh stick together right?

Sakura: You’re actually being nice to me!

Danielle: Yeah whatever.

Sakura: Does that mean that I’m one of you guys now?

All of the regular people look at Lauren to make sure this is part of the plan.

Lauren: Yup.

Sakura: ^_________________^ (Freaky smile!!!!)

Lucy: (Whispering to Lauren) You better know what you’re doing…

Jaime: (Whispering to Lucy) Don’t worry, I understand what she’s doing just go along with it.

Sakura walks over to the regular people’s side.

Sakura: Wow. I’m not an outcast any more.

Laura rolls her eyes.

All of the other CCS freaks start to walk over to the regular people like they are automatically accepted.

Laura: What are you doing?

Yue: Joining you. ^__^

Danielle: Uh no you’re not!

CCS freaks: L

Ruby Moon: Sakura?

Sakura: Get out of here you freaks!

All of the regular people start laughing while the CCS freaks start to walk away.

Ruby Moon: Wait a minute.

The CCS Freaks turn around but instead of facing the regular people they face Yugi and Bakura.

Li: This is all your fault! (Points to Yugi.)

Yugi: Me?

Kero: Yea! You made her popular!

Lauren gives an “I told you so” shrug.

Bakura: We didn’t do anything to her!

Li: She’s popular! And we are going to battle you know!

Yugi: What for? It doesn’t matter because no matter who wins she’ll still be with them! Please Sakura! I’m really sorry!

Sakura: (Rolls her eyes.) Shut up fag!

Yugi starts to cry.

Bakura: It’s okay Yugi! Don’t Cry!

Yugi: I’m gonna win you over Sakura!

Sakura and Bakura: WHAT!?!

Li: Fine! It’s me versus you! Whoever wins gets Sakura!

Jenn: Wait a minute! What if Sakura doesn’t want either of you?

Sakura: It’s so romantic! ^-^;

Jenn: Never mind!

Li kicks Yugi in the balls… nothing happens.

Li: You-you you’re inhuman!

Yugi: Yeah well once you’ve had me, you’ll never go back!!

Bakura: It’s true!

Li: Shut up!

Li keeps kicking Yugi in the balls. After like ten times he hits “something” and Yugi falls to the ground.

Li: I did it!

Yugi: You…hit my… “G-spot”… having uncontrollable…orgas…

Yugi faints.

Bakura: WOW! I wish you were gay! You just practically had oral sex with him! And he passed out from the pleasure!

Li: What!?

Sakura: YAY! Come on guys let’s go congratulate him!

Danielle: We don’t talk to them.

Sakura: Oh yeah that’s right…

Danielle whispers something to Lucy and Laura and they laugh.

Sakura: I-I-

Everyone glares at Sakura.

Sakura: I don’t think that I belong here. Besides, that was really hot what Li just did! But I don’t know why Yugi had a “G-spot”, oh well!

Li: Sakura, I- I- I Love YOU!

Sakura: That’s cool let’s go.

Li: But  Sakura, don’t you…

Lucy: GET OFF MY LAWN YOU FAGGOTS!!

Everyone of the anime freaks runs off Lucy’s lawn as fast as they can except for Yugi who is dragged off by Bakura.

 

 

The End