 |
| I can't sleep when there's a full moon. But I don't mind. I see it as a sort of alliance with the moon, like she is accepting me as her sister or her child. And when there's a full moon, I lie awake wondering why, and then at some point, I get up and look out the window and my heart glows and smiles when I see why. Right now it's four in the morning, and I am wide awake. I have this street to myself, yet I am in bed, in my room, in our house. From somewhere, maybe I hear music. And one side of the road is in the deepest night, and at the other end, light is being born. Colourful light. The light shades of blue are like life calling from the cracks in the metallic curtain. Newly washed, calling. There are noises that only the heart can hear. LOOK CLOSER. And the darkness in the house isn't like the slightly threatening darkness of the deepest night. Put a child in both darknesses, and it will notice the difference. |
| an extract from yesterday's diary |
| I would say that one darkness is alone, lonely, silent, waiting, crouching. A hunter. A haunter. The other is a stirring fluttering of shadows, something pleasant waking up. One is wild, one is calm. Yet both are very attractive & irresistable. When you see like I saw, a boat on the river, chained to the shore, and you sat in it like I did, closing and opening your eyes, but mostly looking at the other shore or up at where the tree branches meet the blue afternoon sky, then you think: I know what this boat on this river under this tree chained to this shore, must look like at dawn. The birds go crazy at dawn. But for me, the most beautiful thing at dawn is when you look at another house, and through the curtains, you see another light on. It's heart-warming. It is then, that I feel so very little alone and afraid. Outside, it is happening. Inside, you know it. And you savour and enjoy it. Maybe you even think about other people, lying in their beds, people at their most peaceful and most natural. Maybe you hear church bells rings, or hear waves pounding. Maybe you hear your stomach, or cars. That is the sound of your day waking up. Maybe you hear music, tuneless music. Low music. Maybe your eyes begin to close now, maybe you feel more human & less spiritual now. Black ink against white paper. What a beautiful sight. Goodmorning, how are you? |