10. Gargamel .- Most likely LSD.
Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and
mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he
catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oyle.- Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is
that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she IS always giving her burger to her
friend. One side question, what the heck are Popeye and Brutus thinking? They
almost made the list for dating her.
8. Snagglepuss.- Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the
look, but he is definitely suspicious.
7. He-Man .- This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY
THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his
castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the stuff in his
pet tiger. Animal Abuse!
6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo.- We all know what is really in those picnic
baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side: Are they gay? I mean,
take a look at Booboo. Not that there's anything wrong with that.....
4. Droopy Dog.-The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone
slip him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when
he sees the picture of the babe.
3. Dopey (Dwarf).- He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny
involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is
writing some extra 'scripts' for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.
2. Daffy Duck.- If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He
is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all
the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol wouldn't
work for him.
1. Shaggy.- By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his
bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go
to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats (scooby snacks)
consumed per episode smokes pot. And look at the way he and his friends
painted that van!
And if they don't make the top 10 list, some other cartoons are also mighty suspicious