Should We
Fellowship With Disfellowshipped Members?
Should members of a New Testament Church continue to
“fellowship” on a personal basis with those who have been disfellowshipped or
“excluded” from church fellowship? That is a question that is hotly debated in
some circles.
I.
Why are People Disfellowshipped from the Church?
Every passage that deals with this subject either cites
stubbornness to conform to the discipline (teaching and/or practice) of the
church or public moral corruption as the cause of discipline.
For example, Matthew 18:15-17 repeatedly
says “if he will not hear” as the ultimate basis for discipline. In
Titus 2:10 Paul instructs Titus to “reject” the “heretic” after the
second admonition. The Greek term translated “heretic” literally means
“obstinate” or “self-willed.” The Greek
term refers to a person who is a law to themselves and will not submit to the
authorities placed over them. The Greek word translated “reject” in Titus 3:10
is elsewhere translated “have nothing to do with” (I Tim. 4:7) and “refuse” (2
Tim. 2:23).
2 Thessalonians 3:6 Paul instructs the
church to withdraw from every brother that “walks not according to the
tradition received from us.” The
terms “walk not” translates a present tense Greek term used in the
military for one who as a matter of practice continues to march out of step. In
other words, a very stubborn and unsubmissive person who either loudly
or quietly persists in marching to the beat of their own drummer in spite of
rebuke and condemnation by the whole church. This is the kind of member that
Paul is commanding the church to withdraw from.
The second
kind of member that is to be placed under church discipline is the person who
openly flaunts his sins so that it is common knowledge. In I Corinthians 5 Paul
instructs the church to immediately place under discipline any member who
OPENLY and/or ARROGANTLY practices such things that even the lost world
considers to be wrong.
“It is reported commonly that there is
fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among
the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife….But now I have written
unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator,
or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner;
with such an one no not to eat…..Therefore put away from among yourselves that
wicked person.” (1Co 5:1,11,13)
These two types of sinners are
dangerous to the Lord’s church and its members. Their influence is dangerous.
Any person that will stand defiantly against the whole church or openly flaunt
their sin before the whole church and/or the lost world are dangerous
especially to the young and weak membership.
Paul pictorially describes the adverse influence of such in these words,
Your
glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole
lump? (1Co 5:6)
Purge
out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye
are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us: (1Co 5:7)
If ANY (“a
little”) of this leaven is left in contact with any part of the lump the result
will be that eventually the whole will be affected. The only way to keep the
lump from being leavened is to completely SEPARATE the leaven from all parts of
the dough. Strange to say, some believe that such purging or
separation refers only to the official act of church discipline as though this
leavening influence is restricted within the four walls of the church building
and some how cannot leaven you outside the church walls.
II. How are the Leavened to be
treated by church members?
The Bible clearly prescribes the
quarantine of such stubborn persons from the rest of the membership.
For example, in Matthew 18:17 the one who
persists in refusal to “hear” (take heed) to the church is to be treated
“as a heathen man and a publican.”
Those hearing these words by Jesus were God-fearing Jews. No God fearing
Jew would socialize with a gentile (“heathen man”) and publican’s were
considered worse than heathens. Neither can this statement refer to the
synagogue as such persons were not even permitted within the synagogue. This
statement was commonly understood to refer to the daily life or social life. The
God-fearing Jew would walk across the street to avoid publican’s or heathen’s
if they saw them coming.
Some try to overturn this passage by
arguing that Christ socialized with publicans and sinners in order to
evangelize them. Certainly Jesus mixed
it up with the lost heathen and publicans in order to evangelize them. However,
Matthew 18:17 is dealing with discipline of the professed saved not the lost.
Saved people who act like lost people or who spread false doctrine are
dangerous to those about them because they KNOW and UNDERSTAND the truth but
willfully reject and resist it. Lost people are in ignorance. This context (Mt.
18:15-17) is clearly teaching that they must be quarantined by the church in
both their religious and social life.
In Romans 16:17 Paul instructs the church
to completely “avoid” those who teach false doctrine.
In I Corinthians 5:11 Paul instructs
Christians not even so much “to eat with such a one.” In 2 Thessalonians 2:14 Paul instructs them:
And
if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no
company with him, that he may be ashamed.
(2Th 3:14)
The Greek term translated “company with”
is sunanamignumi and means to “mix up together with” or “associate
with.” This must have reference to
socializing outside of the church. Why? How in the world could you not
associate with him/her if they came to church?
How could you “avoid” them in the church building? If you could possibly
avoid them in church, and yet mixed it up with them as soon as the left the
building and all through the week, how would that accomplish the intent of
church discipline – “that he may be ashamed”?
III. To What Extent Should this
Quarantine be Enforced?
Now
we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw
yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the
tradition which he received of us. (2Th
3:6)
And
if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no
company with him, that he may be ashamed.
(2Th 3:14)
Yet
count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a
brother. (2Th 3:15)
There is a clear command in verse
six addressed to the whole church at Thessalonica. This command calls for a
united action by the church toward such a member. That united action is to “withdraw
yourselves” (v. 6) and “have no company with” this person. The
intent of such action is that this person “may be ashamed” (v. 14).
However, all this action of separation by
the church toward this member is to be done in a proper attitude “count him not as an enemy.” Instead such action is to be performed in an
attitude of ADMONISHMENT toward a
brother with the intent to make him/her
ashamed of his/her actions and bring him/her to repentance.
The term
“admonish” translates a Greek verb that means “to place before the mind.” Brotherly admonishment is outlined for us in
Galatians 6:1. It is to be done in a spirit of meekness considering yourself
that you too are not above falling. Although we are not to treat such a person
like an “enemy” yet we are not to treat him like everything is alright between
us either. They are to be treated like
a “brother” who is in sin. We should always be kind and loving to our brethren.
However, brethren in sin need “tough” love not “sloppy agape.” Sloppy agape only encourages them in their
sins or turns a deaf ear and a blind eye to their sins. This act of
separation from such a brother is to be done with the intent
to make this person clearly aware and ashamed of their sin.
Some believe
that such commands (withdraw yourselves, avoid, have no company, no not to eat
with, let him be to you as a heathen and a publican, etc.) refer solely to the
official act of church discipline and go no further than the four walls of the
church building. However, church discipline goes much further than the mere
four walls as Paul explains that the act of discipline results in turning the
member over to Satan (I Cor. 5:5). Church discipline, when performed according
to the revealed will of the head of the church is the act by which Christ turns
a member over to Satan for punishment. In so doing, Christ is breaking
fellowship with that member and separating that member from divine protection.
This breaking of fellowship between the member and Christ must go beyond the
four walls of the church into all aspects of life in order for it to be
effective.
Some object
and say, “well, I am trying to win them back and shutting them off won’t do
that.” Friend, the time to win them
back by kindness was BEFORE the act of church discipline. It is only when such
a person “will not hear” the church that church discipline is to be
administered. Besides, such an argument is an accusation against Christ as
Christ turns that member over to Satan until repentance occurs. Such an act by
Christ is nothing less than SEPARATION and SEVERITY towards that member. How is
that we think we can be more Christlike by continuing to fellowship with such a
member when Christ Himself does the opposite?
IV. The Danger of Socializing with the Disciplined?
“In
the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my
spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, (1Co 5:4)
To
deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the
spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.” (1Co 5:5)
If the act of church discipline is the act
whereby Christ turns them over to Satan, are you not entering into a dangerous
domain when you choose to continue to fellowship with such? Christ turns him over to Satan in order
that he will experience troubles. If you enter into fellowship with the
disciplined then you too will enter into the troubles of that person. Christ
tells His people who are in fellowship with the Great Whore in Revelation:
And I
heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be
not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. (Rev 18:4)
The same is true for those who
continue in fellowship with those under God’s discipline. Those who continue to
fellowship with such are in danger of partaking of their sins and receiving the
plagues of discipline.
However, merely partaking of the
consequences of discipline is not the greatest danger for the church member.
The greatest danger is that you too will be “leavened” by their attitude and
resentments and teachings. You cannot possibly socialize with those whose heart
is set against the church or leavened with false doctrine without being
affected by such. Their attitude, anger and criticisms toward the
church will have a leavening influence upon you. Disciplined members are
open critics of the church and its doctrine. Their false doctrine will
affect you. How do you figure that simply excluding them from church services
will destroy their LEAVENING influence if you choose to continue in fellowship
with them the other six days of the week? Does their leavening influence
somehow magically stop once outside of the building???? How is it that Christ directs the church to
separate them by church discipline in order not to be leavened by their
influence but you can continue in such fellowship without being leavened??????
A person that is in rebellion against the Church will have a leavening
influence upon those around them – “evil communications corrupt good manners.”
Third, does Christ only disfellowship
with them while inside the church building or does He carry this discipline right
over into their social life????? If He doesn’t carry it over into their social
life then how can He accomplish their chastening? If Christ’s break of fellowship carries over into their social
life, how is it that you think the church’s break of fellowship does not carry
over into their social life???
Moreover, how can you as part of the body
of Christ still fellowship with one whom the Lord has broken fellowship with
and still remain in His favor as you continue to embrace whom He has turned over
to Satan???? Are you not playing with
fire????
Fourth, your socialization with
disciplined members is in direct disobedience to God’s Word.
“let
him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican” – Mt. 18:17
“avoid
them” – Rom. 16:17
“I
command you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ…withdraw yourself from
every brother that walketh disorderly…” – 2 Thes. 3:6
“have
no company with him” – 2 Thes. 3:!4
“with
such a one no not to eat” – I Cor. 5:11
Last of all, if church members are “mixing
it up with” the disciplined member six days out of seven then what on earth
would bring this person to be “ashamed” so as to repent? As pointed out above,
such socializing is counter productive to the intent of church discipline and
contrary to Christ’s own terms of fellowship with that disciplined member (He
has turned him over to Satan).
V. What About Disciplined Family Members?
Obviously, when
church discipline is practiced upon a member of your immediate family things
become more complicated. For example, in marriage the two are one and are
committed to each other for life. The discipline of a spouse does not break
this oneness. Just as the influence of a saved spouse will “sanctify” a home
the discipline of a saved spouse will bring judgment upon a home and all in
that home will partake of it to some extent. See what Christ says about saved
and unsaved living in the same home:
For I am come to set a man at
variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the
daughter in law against her mother in law.
And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
(Mat 10:35-36)
The disciplined family member
(spouse or children) has acted the part of a lost person in their rebellion
against Christ and His Church and friction cannot be avoided and to some extent
sharing consequences cannot be avoided. To some extent the rest of the family
will bear the cost of discipline (emotionally if not actually). Disciplined family members harm the rest of the family to some
extent. Where does one draw a line
between family members? First, you should
never say or do anything that would support a disciplined family member to
continue in their sins.
Whenever, a
disciplined family member brings up the problem they were disciplined over it
is the opportunity to lovingly reason with them and admonish them to repent.
Whenever they attempt to justify it or attack the church it is the opportunity
to rebuke them either by silence or by the Word. Sometimes the issue can be so
hot in a family the best response is no response at all. Do nothing that will
support their rebellion.
Dealing with members who are rebellious and need church
discipline is a rough task. Dealing
with disciplined members is a much more difficult task. Those under discipline
look for support, approval and acceptance in order to fight the censure of the
church. Are you giving them that support, approval and acceptance or are you
giving the church that support, approval and acceptance by the way you respond
to the disciplined? In other words,
whose side are you on? God’s side Who
directed the church to discipline that member or the sinner’s side? If the
church is to treat a disciplined member in such a way that they will be
“ashamed” and repent, then, what way are you to treating them? Are you a member (part of) the church or are
you acting as though your siding with that disciplined member against the
church? When a member of the Lord’s
church attends or gives finances to a false church then they are supporting and
approving of that ministry. Likewise, when a member of the Lord’s church
socializes with disciplined members they are giving support and approval to
that disciplined member.
The most loving thing you can do is not to give support,
approval or acceptance to those in defiance against the Church, against Christ
and His Word.