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Dear Agnès, One thing I notice about the world of sorcerers and "power" is that nothing is given freely. The strongest feed on the weakest who in turn feed on the weakest of them all. The concept of "initiation" is based on that principle. The novice wants acceptance in the group, some type of knowledge or power and in exchange he has to give something of himself. Initiations go from the benign type like the ones they do in University fraternities where you have to "do" something in order to be accepted. The fraternity group takes something from you: your control if you get drunk, your "image" if you arrive to school dressed up as a clown, your willpower if you are forced to do something against your values or principles. In exchange, you are accepted and allowed to be part of the group. Groups like this feed on what the novices have given. They would not exist or survive without that. These types of initiations are minor because it's easy to reconstruct or get back whatever part of yourself you have given away and there are no long term consequences. I have never accepted and would never accept to participate in ANY initiation, of any type, however mild it is. If the acceptance, the knowledge or the power is not free for me to take, I do not want it. It is my principle. On one hand, my desire for acceptance, knowledge and power is very weak, and on the other, my desire to keep my inner integrity is extremely strong: therefore I have no merit, it is very easy for me to resist. Other types of initiations are much more severe and involve total or partial destruction of a human being's integrity in order for a group or an individual to survive. What happened to you on that island is one of those cases. These sorcerers cannot survive on their own (as sorcerers). Like the University fraternity group and individuals, they need to feed on other people's energy in order to stay alive, in order to remain who they are. The 'preys' they feed on are always willing although most of the time not conscious of what they are actually giving away. The novices want acceptance, knowledge and power and they are willing to sacrifice a part of themselves in the process. Once the novice has given all or part of his integrity away, he is given what he desires: the knowledge, the power, the acceptance. Sometimes the sorcerers take so much that the individual dies physically, sometimes he dies psychologically (goes insane). If the novice doesn't die physically or psychologically, if he survives then there can be two possibilities. Sometimes, as in your case, the novice retains his spiritual integrity and leaves with an apparently extremely scarred soul and heart with the consequences you know and are living through. In many other cases, the novice dies spiritually (lose the basic human values), and that is when another cycle starts. From then on this novice will need to feed on other people's energy to be able to survive as a sorcerer.
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I think the guide was actually the sorcerer. I think he was the one who took from you and by doing so he created a link between you and him. I think that link still exists and that is why this experience still haunts you. There must be a way to destroy that link and free you. Joanne (QC, Canada)
I do not believe that what I am seeking is "owned" by anyone to give. I do not believe that I have to give up anything of myself to anyone to get what I want. Yes I agree, if the power being offered is not free, I don't want it, too. However, I believe that to "become" (that includes, understanding myself more -- knowledge and wisdom), I need to give up some things that are part of me: like beliefs, ignorance, prejudices, fears, opinions, possessions, illusions, etc., that I've always held true or hoped to be true. So the more I understand, the more I have to "give up" and let go. Every time I give up something, I go through a process of transition. Sometimes, there is pain, sometimes there is only the sadness of letting go. I call this moment of transition, initiation. I have to survive each initiation to be able to move forward. It is not something "done" to me or something "given" to me by another, it is something that goes on inside me, it is the way I process questions to understand myself more. Once I do, then I go through the whole process again, maybe with the same questions, but with deeper answers, deeper understanding. The initiation I talked about in my article is that which we give ourselves. Maybe in the silence of our "dark nights". Maybe in the form of another person "giving" the initiation but it depends of course on how you look at it. In that initiation I went through, I wasn't after power or knowledge. The three of us were not thinking that we were giving the controls over to the guide/sorcerer who stabbed us. We did not put our faith in him but in ourselves. We did not believe that he was giving us knowledge, because we knew more than he did. We were ready to defend ourselves with or without his help.
But you're
right about his making a link with us. When he told us that morning
that we needed to be initiated, I saw him "offering" to do it to us, and
putting his faith in
us. He never asked anything in return. However, I sensed that he
was getting something in return, our trust and a link to us (in that
world). I knew (even in my ignorance) that he was creating allies,
that he needed a larger and stronger group. Not necessarily in this world, but in
that world up there, where the real battles are fought. |