Reviewed by: Joe

Directed by: Sam Weisman

Produced by: Jack Giarruputo, Adam Sandler, & Tom McNulty

Cast: David Spade, Alyssa Milano, Jon Lovitz, Mary McCormack, Rachel Dratch, & Edie McClurg

Comedy 1 hr. 39 min. Dickie Roberts is a 35-year old former child star. Now an out-of-work actor turned parking valet, Dickie is desperate to audition for a great role that could revitalize his career, but the part requires him to play a "normal" guy. Problem is, Dickie is anything but normal. He decides to hire a family to adopt him so he can relive his childhood and, in essence, grow up from scratch.

The cast of this live action film plays out much like one of a made for television feature, which is not always a good thing. Poor David Spade! The former Saturday Night Live! cast member, after the dud that was Joe Dirt, has become the John Lovitz of comedies. As an added bonus John Lovitz himself stars in the film along side Spade adding unnecessary emotional sadness to the film.

But seriously for a moment, Spade, who is also a writer for the film, works out pretty well in the beginning but screeches (No pun intended for another former child star) around the half-way point. Granted he blurts out some humorous lines every now and again but he loses his charm and becomes corny and cheesy. Another sad sight in the film was Alyssa Milano’s role as Dickie Roberts’ on/off girlfriend. With such a wonderfully entertaining role on the WB’s Charmed, it boggles the mind why such horrible roles are offered to her or why she even accepts them.

Jon Lovitz isn’t featured in this film as much as he probably should have and when he is seen, he really isn’t funny. Now on to Dickie’s "foster" family with each role being diagnosed instead of the performers as their names aren’t recognizable (and with the film as it is, it is better for their careers that they aren’t mentioned). The children are amazingly annoying from the beginning with crappy lines like “stranger danger” and “schiats” beings spoken by these sickingly cute kids every five seconds. More could be said about the family but nothing good, so better to take a breather from the constant ranting. Overall, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star is a horrible disaster from beginning to end. Though not as disastrous as The Hulk and 2 Fast 2 Furious, the film doesn’t give too many good qualities to talk about. How can this feature be called a comedy when barely a snicker was blurted out during the film’s nearly two hour run? Any slightly entertaining moment that does peek out has been used in every trailer and television ad so many times that all charm is squeezed out of it. The creators of this feature should not only be labeled as failures but as perverts as well with a disturbing scene involving a twelve year old girl (who had obviously not reached maturity yet) sexually dancing to "I Want to be Bad".

Dickie Roberts does have its charming family moments but they are so few and far between that they really aren’t worth mentioning. The bottom line is that Dickie Roberts makes a night watching Nick at Nite and TV Land look like must attend event. Here’s hoping that the fall season isn’t as disappointing as the first outing away from the summer heat.