Real Officers:
1. Can cuss for a full ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
2. Got their commissions the old-fashioned way - at OCS.
3. Can remember when they were real NCOs.
4. Will fight with bayonets and E-tools just to save ammo.
5. Wear Corcoran jump boots in garrison just in case they
have to kick the shit out of some loudmouthed staffer.
6. Have eyes in the backs of their heads.
7. Can see in the dark.
8. Would rather be a squad leader than a general.
9. Have wet dreams about leading an armored assault against Baghdad.
10. Still don't trust the Russians.
11. Still hate the French.
12. Will take vacation time just to make a pilgrimage to Ft. Knox to
see Patton�s museum.
13. Realize Rommel could have won the war.
14. Don't give a damn about being politically correct.
15. Don't know how to be politically correct
16. Think that "politically correct" should fall under "sodomy" in the
UCMJ.
17. Love deploying to combat because there's less paperwork.
18. Know that if you ain't CAV, you ain't shit
19. Can remember "banana suits".
20. Can remember running PT in boots.
21. Have enough "fruit salad" on their greens to be Mexican field
marshals.
22. Have enough time in service to retire as captains.
23. Think it's cool to teach their kids how to do "SPORTS".
24. Do not fear women in the military.
25. Would actually like to date GI Jane.
26. Think that we should develop nuke rounds for the M203.
27. Can shoot a M203 round through a window at 200m without aiming.
28. Know friendlies behind are more dangerous than enemies out front.
29. Believe that there is no sweater sound than a MK-19 in action.
30. Can remember who their "Ranger Buddy" was.
31. Know that there's a difference between "giving orders" and "going
through the orders process".
32. Think that "slides" involve ropes and snap links.
33. Don't like taking orders from a guy who couldn't get a DD 214.
34. Still know how to PMCS a buffer.
35. Can field strip an M1 Garand, although an M14 is an authorized
substitute.
36. Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.
37. Know that most of life's problems can be solved by applying the
eight steady hold factors.
38. Know that the US Military was too goddamn stupid to have
assassinated Kennedy.
39. Believe that "Nuts" wasn't exactly all that BG McAuliffe said to the
Krauts at Bastogne.
40. Still have Iraqi dust embedded in their LBE.
41. Know the true meaning of the word Hooah.
42. Want both "Cross of Iron" and "Saving Private Ryan" to be training
films.
43. Don't know how to use a "stress card".
44. Idolize John Wayne.
45. Know why you should carry two field dressings on your LBE.
46. Would rather have a "mad minute" than a "VTC".
47. Shudder when they hear "Garry Owen".
48. Know that the vertical buttstroke is not a sexual position.
49. Don't believe that "AAFES" needs a "commander".
50. Don't need "leadership tabs" to know when they're in charge.
51. Can pass a PT test slobbering drunk.
52. Can remember when faggots were not a "minority group".
53. Don't have to "do a Lewinski" to get a "one block".
54. Don't give a damn if they get a "one block".
55. Won't brief it if it's too complicated to fit on a few 3 x 5 cards.
56. Would have paid money to watch Custer getting his clock cleaned.
57. Believe troops don't really want the "Single Soldier Initiative".
58. Really don't like taking crap from those who haven't "been there".
59. Believe that "RHIP" was invented by individuals who couldn't lead
their way out of a field latrine.
60. Know how to properly construct a field latrine
61. Can set the headspace and timing on a "fifty" by touch alone.
62. Know how to do a "daisy chain".
63. Enjoy heating MREs with C4.
64. Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their asses
kicked.
65. Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably still don't have enough
rowboats to invade Taiwan.
66. Would rather be OPFOR than BLUEFOR.
67. Know that the new OER system is as screwed up as the old one.
68. Think that the neutron bomb would be appropriate for the Bosnia
scenario.
69. Realize that Reagan won the Gulf War.
70. Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.
71. Want to be like Teddy Roosevelt.
72. Love the smell of napalm in the morning.
73. Know that "napalm" is really called "incendi-gel".
74. Don't need a GPS to find themselves.
75. Think of Army aviators as guys who wear pajamas to work.
76. Know that it really is possible to crawl inside a Kevlar when
someone's shooting at you.
77. Have enough extra TA-50 in their closets to start a surplus store.
78. Would love to own their own HMMWV.
79. Believe that SMA McKinney got the shaft.
80. Think that MREs taste good.
81. Would like to see what kind of creature "ham and chicken loaf" comes
from.
82. Realize that there were no starving people in Somalia.
83. Can remember open bay barracks.
84. Believe that "combat power on the objective" is a bunch of crap.
85. Believe that killing the enemy isn't.
86. Know that "accuracy counts", especially in combat.
87. Can pass a CTT test without studying.
88. Still have jungle fatigues in their closets.
89. Never count on the artillery in a clutch.
90. Believe that terrorists can be taken care of for 32 cents each (the
cost of a 9mm round).
91. Can be found eating and bunking with the troops.
92. Are convinced that "wall-to-wall counseling" really works.
93. Would love to go to sniper school.
94. Have more time on a static line than most other soldiers have in the
chow line.
95. Know what �going to the field� really is.
96. Realize that volleyball is the most important subject taught at
CAS3.
97. Know that it's not real coffee if you can't stand a track jack up in
it.
98. Don't need a "MCOO" to know where the enemy will come from.
99. Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M16.
100. Know that shitty leaders will always say they have shitty soldiers.
