Proper Definition of Military Rank

General:
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

Colonel:
Leaps short buildings witha single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if sea is calm
Talks to God

LT. Colonel:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Walks on water of indoor pools
Talks to God if special request is approved

Major:
Barely climbs quonset huts
Loses Tug of War with locomotives
Can fire speeding bullets
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God

Captain:
makes high mark when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes fire weapon without inflicting self injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

1st Lieutenant:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stary afloat if given proper instructions
Talks to walls

2nd Lieutenant:
Falls over door step when trying to enter buildings
Says 'Look at the choo-choo'
Wets himself with water pistol
Plays in puddles
Mumbles to himself

Sergeant:
Lifts tall buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off tracks
Catches speeding bullets with teeth and eats them
Freezes water with first glance
He is God!