PART 2

 

Day 7

 

Sam

 

I'm mildly concerned at the moment.  Its almost mid morning and I've seen nothing of the Colonel or Daniel.  Now Daniel not being up yet isn't so strange really, especially since he's avoiding us, plus I didn't hear him last night so I'm assuming he slept okay.  Either that or he never went to sleep.

 

The Colonel though is always up, like clockwork, bright and early.  It is possible since Daniel looks to have gotten some rest that the Colonel may have finally managed to sleep also.  Still I think I better check, just in case.

 

I approach Daniel's room first, the Colonel is capable of looking after himself after all.  It’s possible Daniel's still sulking after we tried to talk to him last night about his nightmares.  I walk in prepared to give him space if he wants it and my eyes are drawn straight to the empty bed.  Uh oh, that's not good.  I've been up a few hours now and I would know if there was anyone else but Loren around.  By the looks of the bed Daniel hasn't been here all night.

 

Feeling the anxiety swell in my chest I march over to wake up Colonel O'Neill, he is going to be so pissed off.  If Daniel decided to wander off in the middle of the night god knows where he could be now.  Just as I'm mentally making a list of medical supplies in my head I walk smack into the Colonel.

 

"Sir!"

 

"Carter?  Going somewhere are we?"

 

It takes me a minute but I finally comprehend.  He wants to know why I'm in such a rush.  "No sir, err I mean yes sir…" Oh for god sake woman get a grip.  "Sir Daniel's missing."

 

"Ah."  He looks thoughtful for a moment.

 

Okay I knew the Colonel was under a lot of pressure right now, but I had expected a bit more of a reaction. Instead he smiles and indicates with his index finger to follow him.  He's taking me to his room, weird, but I'm sure there's an explanation.  I round the corner about to ask the Colonel if he heard what I just said when I spot it, or more accurately I spot him – Daniel - lying on the bed, fast asleep.  I turn questionably towards the man beside me who is now grinning like a Cheshire cat.

 

"Don't ask, I don't know."  He can obviously read minds now, just great.  "I found him in here last night after I checked the perimeter.  He was already asleep and I didn't want to disturb him."

 

"So…?"  I raise an eyebrow and he sees where my mind's going.

 

"I slept on the floor Carter."  He groans, oops probably not a good time for a joke.  "I figured he wanted something and didn't want him to wake up alone, especially if he had another nightmare."  Okay yeah, that's reasonable.

 

"He didn't though, did he?"  I state, walking over and sitting down next to where Daniel is currently curled up on his side.

 

"No, he didn't.  Thank god.  Even I managed to get some well deserved sleep last night."  He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels.

 

"He needs to take his meds, we should wake him."  I say half-heartedly.

 

"Yeah, guess we should."  The Colonel returns with even less enthusiasm.

 

We both exchange glances, neither one of us want to do it.  Daniel hasn't slept like this in days.  I haven't the heart to disturb him.

 

"We could leave him, just for a bit."  I suggest cunningly.

 

"Cool."  The Colonel wastes no time in leaving, trying to disguise the fact he was probably thinking the same thing, it's too late though, I already know he's a big softy.  I laugh softly at that thought, turning slightly before standing up and following him out.

 

Jack

 

"Okay, Teal'c you do remember how to play this game don't cha?"

 

"I do O'Neill."

 

Teal’c came through the ‘gate an hour after Carter chickened out of waking Daniel - and he came bearing gifts!

 

"Good."

 

"Loren you can be on my Team."  I beckoned the kid over.  He’s been far too absent these last few days, and if he’s going to leave with us we’ll have to work on his socialising skills.  I personally don’t know how he’s survived out here all alone.  Kids need constant support and attention if they’re going to have a hope in hell’s chance to function as adults.  Luckily for him we found him, though I’m worried he’s been neglected for far too long, much like another young soul I know.

 

"I don't understand."

 

"It's simple all you have to do is get this puck past Teal'c into that net thing there, okay?"  I say waving around my hockey stick.  This may be a bad idea, Hockey isn't exactly the safest game we could have chosen and I can see several, no doubt fascinating, artefacts being destroyed in the process of teaching Loren the game.  It took me weeks to teach Teal'c the finer points, I guess I've got time though, you never know I may even get Danny to learn some of the rules too.

 

"Okay."  He seems a little pensive but I guess that's to be expected, I don't even know if they had anything close to hockey on his world.  Even if there were I'd bet ten bucks he still wouldn't know how to play.

 

Loren's how I would have imagined Daniel to be as a kid, a little unsure and pensive, and a lot curious.  The fact that both Loren’s and Daniel’s parents died on the job, leaving behind their respective children has not escaped my notice either.  They have a lot in common, which worries me for some reason. 

 

I don't tend to want to think about what Daniel's childhood was like, but it does cross my mind on occasion, usually when Daniel's been hurt.  Majority of the time Daniel’s this capable, independent - if sometimes aggravating - individual that lets nothing faze him.  But then there are the moments that knock me for six, like when I find Daniel sat alone, curled up on his bedroom floor completely miserable and desperately needing to know someone cares about him.  Half the time I’ve got no idea what happens to break his resolve, but I always try to build it back up again and make him feel better.  I like to do my best to provide that parental support he no longer has, but can't help wonder who was there to take care of him before me.

 

"Carter is Daniel awake yet?"

 

"I don't know Jack, I'm not his mother."  Both Teal'c and I give her quizzical looks.

 

When Daniel smarts off it’s an average day, but Carter even calls me ‘Sir’ in our off hours.  Warning bells are ringing in my head, but I ignore them for now, it’s probably just the left over effects from the light, nothing to worry about.

 

"If Daniel Jackson is well enough maybe he would like to partake in our game."  Teal'c smiles evilly; he knows damn well Daniel would rather gouge his eyes out with a plastic spoon.

 

I smile sweetly at Carter who huffs a great sigh but nevertheless heads off in the direction of my room where we left Daniel a few hours ago.

 

She's gone no more than a minute when I hear her yell.  "Sir!  Teal'c!"

 

I was in the middle of tackling Loren so when I heard the shout my swing faltered and sent the puck crashing into the wall not two feet from Teal'c's head.  "Sorry big guy."

 

Teal'c just nods, more interested in the reason behind Carters call.  "Major Carter?"

 

She's practically running back toward us now.  "Carter what the hell's going on?  I nearly took Teal'c's head off!"

 

"Sir, he's gone."  Oh no, please tell me I didn't hear that.  "Daniel is gone sir.  We need to find him."

 

I hang my head in defeat; I knew it was too good to be true.  Just as things seemed to be looking up, reality has to bite me in the ass.  Unfortunately there is no hope that Daniel is simply just sitting in a quiet corner somewhere reading, this is Daniel, trouble seems to travel the galaxy looking for him.

 

"I think I saw him."

 

"What?"  I spin around to face the child that just spoke.

 

"It was when you and Teal'c where talking about off siding, he was headed outside."

 

"Outside?!"  Carter beats me to it.

 

"Carter med kit, Teal'c with me."  I drop the hockey stick where I stand and bend to grasp the gun I’ve got strapped to my ankle.  Yeah I know it's an uninhabited world, but at the moment I couldn't give a rat's ass.  We have no real idea what's out there and I'm not taking any chances.

 

"Daniel Jackson is aware that leaving the immediate area is harmful to his health, is he not?"  Teal'c questions as we make our way, at a jog, outside the large palace.

 

"That he is Teal'c."

 

"Then why would he do such a thing?"  Teal’c follows my lead out from the cool shade of the palace entrance into the blazing sunshine.

 

We both stand on the hot sand and scan the immediate area.  "I don't know, but when I catch up with him his ass is mine."

 

Teal'c doesn't say anything in reply, he knows better than to continue a conversation with me when I'm in a bad mood.  Instead we continue to walk the perimeter until we spot some sign that Daniel's been out here.

 

Just as I'm about to concede that maybe I was wrong and Daniel really is trying to pilfer coffee from Carter's room on the sly, Teal'c calls me over.  As I make my way toward his position I chant silently 'I will not shoot Daniel' over and over hoping it will prevent me from doing just that when I find him.

 

"There are tracks leading toward the waters edge.  It is likely they belong to Daniel Jackson."

 

"Sir, have you found him?"  Carter asks suddenly appearing at my side.

 

"Teal'c thinks he went toward the water."  We all share concerned glances, we know the risks of being out here for too long.  Add to that the possibility of dehydration and without speaking we move out as one, in search of our missing friend.

 

Daniel

 

The air is cold in here.  It's always cold in here actually.  I'd put the heating on but it doesn't seem to matter that much.  Guess I should get up.  Got to go to the mountain.  Got work to do.  Going back to the planet today.  Strange. That doesn't matter anymore either.

 

It's still cold.  Think I'll warm some water.  It's not helping.  Noise?  What's that noise? Huh, Just the phone.  It'll stop in a minute, always does.  Getting stuffy in here.

 

I can't breath.

 

I'll open the balcony doors.   Huh, fresh air not that nice.   Shouldn't have bothered.  Phone again.  Not stopping this time.  I'll stop it, just need to pick up and put it down.  There, no noise.

 

Can't breathe in here.

 

It's nice outside.  Better than in there.  In there people expect things of me.  I lose things.  None of that matters out here.

 

"Daniel?  What are you doing out here?"

 

"None of it means anything."

 

"Err…Daniel, Why don't you come inside here."

 

"I tried… it just goes away."

 

"Okay, well we'll err we'll get it back."

 

"You can't get it back."

 

"Whatever's wrong - we'll fix it."

 

"You don't even know what I'm talking about."

 

"No, no I don't…but come inside."

 

"Jack?"

 

What's going on, why am I here? I'm cold.  Its cold out here, I can't breathe…  "Help!"

 

Jack

 

I collapse on the waters edge arms still tight around Daniel's middle.  He's coughing and spluttering but at least he's still breathing, if you can call it that.  I pull him in closer to me, feeling his breathe on my neck, his heart beating against my chest and I'm assured he's still alive.  Daniel's shaking uncontrollably, but damn that water was cold.

 

I'm not sure what happened exactly.  One minute we're following Teal'c towards the bay area looking for the little shit, the next I'm jumping in ice water all the way up to my neck. I have no idea how Daniel managed to get out so far, but he did.  He's damn lucky, if we'd have been a few minutes later I doubt I would have heard him cry out.  Seems that's the story of my life doesn't it?

 

"Jack?"

 

"I'm here.  You're going to be fine."  You damn well better be fine.

 

"Cold."  He splutters out, as if I don't already know.

 

He squirms a little in my arms, and then blinks at me, an obvious question in his eye.

 

"It all goes away."  He mumbles, making it sound like some great revelation.

 

I'm momentarily stunned.  Those were the words he used back at his apartment, out on the balcony.  Has he remembered?  Was that what he was doing out here, trying to finish the job?

 

Teal’c kneels down on my right and puts one hand on Daniel’s shoulder.  “Daniel Jackson.”  He whispers softly, going totally against his whole Jaffa warrior image.

 

Daniel’s only response is to mutter some more, I can’t make heads or tails of it and I doubt Teal’c has any clue either.

 

I hear noises from behind and instinctively turn to reach for my weapon, which isn't there, damn it!  Lucky for me it's only Carter returning with blankets.

 

"Here you go sir."  She hands one to me, which I place round Daniel's shoulders and back, the other two she uses to put over his legs and one around me, because lets face it, I'm freezing my ass off now too.  I can see her looking Daniel up and down with a note of perplexity on her face.   She's worried.

 

Sam

 

"Sir?"

 

"I'm not sure Carter."

 

He's not sure.  Great, just great!  I suppose he wants me to tell him why Daniel is rocking back and forth muttering to his feet.  I don't always know the answer to everything!  However, looking at Daniel, the action is so reminiscent of the last time he went crazy I can't help but think we've lost him forever this time.

 

This is unbelievable!  Sometimes I wish that just once…

 

Oh damn.

 

"Err, Sir?  I think we should get back inside."

 

Jack

 

"Daniel asleep?"  Carter asks me the minute I leave his room.

 

"Yeah, finally.  I think he just cried himself out."  I say feigning casualness.

 

I sit my self down beside her on the floor.  Neither one of us speaks for a while.  What more can you say?  None of us have ever seen Daniel react that way before.  Loren hasn't been seen since Teal’c carried Daniel back inside, still not entirely with it and mumbling about being cold despite the dozen blankets wrapped around his person.  Loren probably thinks we're all nuts by now anyway and is probably debating whether or not to take his chances alone.  Right now, given the evidence, I don't blame him.

 

"What do you think happened, sir?"  Ohh I don't like how that sounded.  Carter does that a lot, asks what I or Teal'c or Daniel think first then launches into her own theory.  It always seems to be the most depressing and horrible theory ever and worst of all, she tends to be right.  I don't think there's an optimistic bone in her body.

 

"I'm not sure Carter.  What do you think?"  I decide to let her get straight to depressing the hell out of me part.  It's been a long day and can't really get any worse… can it?

 

Teal'c left to report to Fraiser and Hammond after we managed to get Daniel settled.  I ordered him to leave off the part about Daniel nearly drowning.  I know that was probably stupid and the look Teal'c gave me promised retribution if anything happened.  There isn't anything Fraiser can do anyway.  Hopefully Daniel won't come down with a cold, or worse, so she'll never have to find out.  This will be SG-1's little secret.

 

"I'm not sure."  Carter's quietly spoken confession throws me out of my inner monologue.

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"I really have no way of explaining it, Sir.  Why would he even leave the building, let alone go for a swim in an alien ocean?"

 

"I don't know, isn't that what Loren said happened to his parents?  Maybe he's still sick."

 

"I don't think so sir."

 

"Yeah, he's probably still mad at me and decided going for a swim would push all of my buttons."  Actually, if it was that I would be fine with it.  A spiteful prank gone wrong I can deal with, even punish him for it and not feel guilty.  Unfortunately my life is never that simple.

 

Carter continues as if I hadn't spoken.  "I guess I should have kept a closer eye on him, I just figured since he seemed to be sleeping, well, he would be okay…"

 

"Carter this is not you're fault.  Daniel knew he wasn't allowed outside."

 

"I guess you're right sir."

 

"I tell him to stay where I can see him, but no, Daniel sees that as a challenge to see how far he can get without me noticing.  Next mission I'm buying a leash, one of those bungee things that toddlers wear, then let's see how far he gets…"

 

"Sir?"

 

I stop, realising I was raising my voice.

 

"It isn't you're fault either."

 

I know.  Daniel's always going to be Daniel and get himself in shit at every opportunity.  I'm always going to be Jack, and it's my job to protect him and pick up the pieces when I can't.  Some may say that's not how a friendship works, but those people have never met Daniel Jackson.

 

"He's going to be fine.  Goodnight sir."

 

I smile as she stands.  We both know that's a lie at the moment.  Daniel is as far from fine as he's ever been, but whatever helps us sleep.

 

Daniel

 

"Daniel?  What are you doing out here?"

 

"None of it means anything."

 

"Err…Daniel, Why don't you come inside here."

 

"I tried… it just goes away."

 

"Okay, well we'll err we'll get it back."

 

"You can't get it back."

 

"Whatever's wrong - we'll fix it."

 

"You don't even know what I'm talking about."

 

"No, no I don't…but come inside."

 

"Jack?"

 

Its cold - can't breathe.

 

"Daniel!"

 

Someone's shouting me.  Can't see anybody.  Everything's dark, wet, cold.  Water everywhere - can't breathe.

 

"Daniel!"

 

I'm falling, why am I falling?

 

Jack

 

Will someone please turn off the TV?  I'm trying to sleep.

 

"JACK!"

 

"Huh?  What?  Ow!"  My head comes into contact with something extremely hard and for a minute I'm seeing stars.  Once the parade clears I shuffle my way out of bed and into the main room.

 

Someone's screaming.  Oh god, that's Daniel.  I immediately run into his room to find Carter's already there, kneeling by his bed.

 

Daniel is thrashing his head back and fourth on the pillow, arms outstretched trying to ward off an invisible foe, legs kicking frantically beneath what's left of the blankets.

 

"Sir, I could use some help."  She says without releasing her hold on Daniel's arm.

 

I don't need to be asked twice, I'm on Daniel's bed within seconds, holding him down to prevent any accidental damage, to him or us.  Suddenly all sound and movement stops and Daniel goes limp underneath my grasp.  A panicked look crosses over Carter's face.

 

"What?"  My heart's beating so fast I can hardly hear myself think.

 

"I think he stopped breathing."  Carter states already prepping Daniel for her next step.

 

I move aside and she immediately springs into action by checking his airway and looking for a pulse.  As if nearly drowning today wasn't enough, he just has to go for an encore. 

 

After only at matter of seconds Daniel starts coughing and Carter moves back to collapse on the floor.   I take her place and try to coax Daniel to look at me, to do something except lye there.  Before I realise it I'm shaking Daniel so hard my finger prints will be like tattoos on his arm, but I don’t care.  I just need him to wake up.

 

Daniel’s eyelids flutter and slowly begin to open.  I literary slide off the bed to sit on the floor next to Carter, completely spent.

 

“Jack?”

 

I don’t get a long reprieve before Daniel calls out to me.  With shaky legs I manage to pull myself up and sit on the edge of Daniel’s cot.

 

"Daniel, its okay you're safe, you're okay - it was just a nightmare."  I run a hand through his hair a few times before settling it on his right shoulder.

 

“Sam?”  He asks with a frown.

 

Carter joins me on the cot and smiling with undue relief wraps her arms around Daniel, coaxing him to sit up.  He looks at us both with wide bright blue eyes that have no idea what's going on, his breath continuing to catch in his throat as he steadily calms down.  Unfortunately it doesn’t take long for his fear to take over him completely.

 

Daniel, please don't cry, I beg internally, but don't have the heart to say as my friend collapses against me.  I rock him back and forth wrapping my arms tight around him instinctively and whispering comforting sounds into his hair.  Carter doesn't know where to look, not because she's embarrassed, but because if she sees Daniel like this any more she's going to burst into tears any second herself.

 

"Carter?"  I free a hand from around Daniel to give her a tiny shove.  "Sam!"  At that she looks towards me.  "Can you get his pills and a needle? We should take a blood sample."

 

"Yes sir."  She replies with a shaky voice.

 

Hopefully the errand will buy her enough time to compose herself and me enough time to get Daniel to tell me what's going on.  I watch her silently leave the room and offer what I hope is a reassuring smile.

 

"Jack?"  My name, said in a hesitant whisper, draws my complete attention.

 

"The one and only."  I reply lightly, confirming it really is me holding him, and no, I'm not going anywhere.

 

THIS is one of those times I think of Daniel's childhood.  Sat here, my arms loosely holding him, I hate to think Daniel had moments similar to this in his life when no one was there for him.

 

"You wanna tell me what’s going on?"  I ask without looking directly at him.

 

"No."  Daniel lets out a hysterical laugh into my shoulder as he speaks.  He’s still clinging to me but I can tell just by the way he's stiffened he's definitely awake.  "It was just a stupid nightmare, I'll be fine."

 

"Sure you will."  I humour him while patting his back.

 

Daniel moves back to sit on the bed unaided, wiping a sleeve covered hand over his face to dry the tears.  The look on his face makes it clear to me just how embarrassed he is right now.  I clear my throat, but don't know what to say, so I desperately try to focus on something else in the room.

 

"Hey Daniel, feeling better?"  Thank you Carter!  She's pulled herself together and here just in time to help with the uncomfortable part.

 

Daniel doesn’t answer her right away.  A few seconds pass then he nods, keeping his gaze on the floor and chewing intently on his right thumb.  Carter looks to me, I know what she’s asking and I shake my head in return.  No he hasn’t said anything to me, the balls in her court now.

 

“Do you remember what happened?”  She asks gently while handing him his first few pills and a canteen of water.

 

“No.  Just a stupid nightmare.  Nothing to worry about, I’ll be fine.  I’m sorry I woke you both.”  He looks up and offers us both shy smiles before downing the pills and quickly diverting his eyes back to the floor and his thumb.

 

Before I can stop myself I reach out and bat his hand away.  I’ve never seen him chew his thumb before, and for some reason it’s annoying me. 

 

“Sorry.”  I shrug at Carter’s now annoyed glare.

 

“No, Daniel, I meant from earlier - you know, outside?  The water?”

 

“I’m not allowed outside.”  He says like a little kid.

 

“We know.  That’s why we’re asking.  What the hell did you think you were doing?”  I inject, letting some of my anger show from earlier.

 

He has a deer in the headlights expression about him.  “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

Okay, I don’t know what game he’s playing, but I’m in no mood.  Yes I’m pleased he’s okay, but I’m still beyond pissed at him for leaving the palace.

 

“Daniel, you almost drowned.  Are you saying you don’t remember?  The Colonel had to rescue you.”  Carter sounds a little ticked off as well, she’s obviously managing to see past his boyish charms.  About time, it’s only taken her four years!

 

“What?  Guys I’m sorry I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”  Daniel’s volume escalates, on his way to a full-blown panic attack.

 

“Hey calm down!”  I say squeezing his hand while brushing away a rogue tear that’s managed to escape.  Daniel doesn’t flinch, but the glare I’m getting is telling me to back off or suffer the consequences.  I sit back. “Carter’s going to take a blood sample, then give you a sedative to help you sleep.”  It’s an order not a request.  Luckily Daniel recognises that and nods his assent.

 

“Then will you tell me what’s going on?”  Shit, knew there would be a catch to his obedience.

 

“Yes, Daniel, we’ll tell you in the morning, after we all get some sleep, I promise.”  I glance at Carter and she agrees, he’s probably still a little out of it, he’ll remember in the morning.

 

Daniel doesn’t say anything else after that.  He just shuffles back to lie on the bed, holding out one arm for Carter to poke him with the needle, his other arm flung over his eyes.  I’m not sure if Daniel’s subdued behaviour is a good or bad thing to be honest, but it’s helpful right now so I’m not going to press the issue.

 

It takes no more than five minutes for Daniel to go back to sleep, I’m still sitting on the bed and Carter has to push me out the way to lay the blanket over him.

 

“Sir, you coming?”  She asks on her way to the door when she notices I haven’t budged an inch.

 

“Yeah…um, no, probably not.”

 

She gives me a patronising smile.

 

I look over at her, silhouetted in the doorway.  “I just think I should stay here in case he wakes up, you know.”  No big deal.

 

“I know sir, good night.”  I see her smile on her way out, she thinks I’ve gone soft.  I look back at Daniel sleeping soundly.  She’s probably right.

 

 

Day 8

 

Sam

 

This is too intense.  If someone doesn’t speak soon I am going to scream.

 

Teal’c came back to visit this morning as planned.  He did as the Colonel requested and reported nothing about Daniel’s mishap - for lack of a better word.  The minute Teal’c stepped through the gate he took one look at the Colonel and me and demanded to know what had transpired.  Colonel answered with is usual finesse, and I basically acted as his translator. 

 

We told him about how Daniel had had a nightmare last night and at one point had stopped breathing.  That last night, and when he talked to the Colonel again sometime this morning, he claimed to have no knowledge of the whole drowning incident. Teal’c requested to see Daniel immediately so we all trudged into his room, but, most likely due to the sleeping pill I gave him, he was still out like a light.  Since then we’ve taken a time out for coffee and caught up on what was going on back home.  It’s now mid afternoon and we’re sitting in the back room under the large picture window, discussing the one topic we’ve been trying to avoid all day.

 

“Maybe Daniel Jackson does not remember O’Neill.”  Teal’c actually sounds fed up.

 

“I don’t buy it Teal’c.  How could he not remember?”  The Colonel’s convinced Daniel’s hiding something from us.  I have an idea, but nobody’s going to like it.

 

“He was extremely upset. Maybe he simply does not want to remember.”

 

The Colonel thinks over what Teal’c has just suggested.  It’s actually a reasonable explanation, but incorrect.  I think it’s time I lived up to my reputation as the team pessimist - they think I don’t know what they say about me in the locker room, please!

 

“Sir, I believe I have an answer.”  All eyes turn to me, but before I can continue Daniel appears.

 

“Hey.”  He waves shyly as if unsure of his welcome.

 

“Hey.”  The Colonel waves back.

 

Oh, for goodness sake, men.  “Daniel why don’t you sit down, I have a theory to discuss with you.”

 

He blinks a few times and then looks to the Colonel for confirmation that it’s okay.  He’s obviously aware we’re talking about him and would probably rather go hide in his room rather than face us.  I glare at the Colonel, prompting him to say something.

 

“Daniel, sit.”  He says gruffly.

 

Daniel sits.

 

It really is amazing.

 

“Okay so, Daniel, you still don’t remember what happened yesterday?”  He shakes his head silently.  “Sir, I think, now that I’ve put all of the evidence together, I’ve come to the conclusion Daniel was… sleepwalking.”  No one says anything.  The Colonel screws his face up like he’s trying to get food out of the crack in his teeth, Teal’c looks thoughtful and Daniel is giving me a funny sideways glance.

 

“Explain, Major Carter.”

 

“Well, I’ve checked with Janet and this wouldn’t be the first time.  Daniel’s got a history of sleepwalking.”

 

“He has?”  “I have?” They say together.

 

“Yes, Daniel you may not remember, but the last recorded incident was when you were ten.”

 

“How’d you know that when I didn’t?”  Daniel asks me, looking more than a little confused.

 

“It’s in your medical file Daniel.  The SGC has all your medical and personal history.”  I say it quickly hoping Daniel won’t probe further, he probably never realised the Air Force had that sort of information.

 

“Oh.”  He looks suspiciously over at Colonel O’Neill, obviously catching on that his commanding officer would have access to those files, thus meaning the Colonel has probably known a hell of a lot more about him than he’s ever let on.

 

“Okay, so moving on, what does this have to do with Daniel drowning yesterday?”  The Colonel’s not so very subtle way of changing the subject makes Daniel flinch.

 

“Well Sir, in Daniel’s case his past sleepwalking incidents were attributed to intense nightmares after suffering a very traumatic experience.”  I clear my throat, we all know what traumatic experience Daniel suffered as a child and we DON’T need to dwell on it.

 

I feel Daniel squirming next to me.  I can understand how uncomfortable he must be having us discuss him like this, so I quickly move on.  “My point is, Daniel suffered a fairly traumatic experience recently…” The Colonel’s eyes flash and he gives Daniel the once over to gage his reaction “…and is suffering from nightmares.” 

 

Daniel’s avoiding eye contact with everyone and I can see he’s getting ready to bolt any second.  The Colonel sees it too and stealthily places his hand on Daniel’s crossed leg.

 

Janet’s already informed Teal’c, at the Colonel’s request, about Daniel and the balcony.   As far as I’m aware Daniel’s the only one who doesn’t know, at least for the moment.  I think the nightmares will probably reveal the truth to him soon enough.

 

“So Daniel doesn’t remember anything ‘cause he was asleep?”  Colonel O’Neill asks without moving his hand.  It seems to have done the trick, Daniel’s stopped fidgeting, I’d go as far to say he’s even relaxed a little.

 

“It makes sense sir.  The last time either of us saw him he was sleeping in your room.”

 

“Wait a minute - what was I doing sleeping in your room?”  Daniel perks up, sounding more confused than ever.

 

“We’ll talk later.”  The Colonel dismisses the question easily.  “At the moment I want to know what we’re going to do about this sleepwalking.  We can’t have him wandering around asleep.  God knows what trouble he’ll get into.”

 

Daniel gives him a hurt glare that doesn’t even faze the Colonel.  “It’s not like I did it on purpose, Jack.”

 

Oh here we go, Daniel sounds a little more like himself.  Before we know it they’ll be doing their pre school routine.  “Look, the basics are simple, at least one of us needs to be watching Daniel when he sleeps, that way we can prevent him from doing anything harmful.”

 

Daniel scoffs, making it perfectly clear what he thinks of that idea.

 

“Carter, in case you haven’t notice there is only two of us here.  It’s just not possible.”

 

“Well, we could try tying him to the bed.”  I say dryly.

 

“I could do that,” the Colonel responds with interest.

 

“Hey!” Daniel doesn’t sound so keen however.

 

“O’Neill, I can request to be assigned to protect Daniel Jackson.”  Teal’c offers.

 

“That’ll mean telling General Hammond what happened.”

 

Daniel frowns at that comment.  He is no doubt mentally listing reasons why the Colonel would not tell the General, I doubt any of them are good.

 

“It will.”  Teal’c knows he’s right and is looking smug in true Jaffa fashion.

 

“Sir, with the three of us we should be able to keep a watch going.  It’s the best way to ensure Daniel’s safety while we’re stuck here.”  It was a cheap shot but I had to do it, I’m afraid he might actually attempt to tie Daniel to the bed if I didn’t back Teal’c up.

 

“Fine.”  He grates, giving me a look promising retribution.  “Teal’c why don’t you ‘gate back, fill Hammond and Fraiser in - see what they say. Daniel you go with him and say hi to Fraiser over the MALP, it’ll help smooth things over if she can see I haven’t physically harmed you in anyway.”

 

Another frown, but Daniel does as he’s told.

 

“As you wish, O’Neill.”  Teal’c stands and waits for Daniel to join him before walking away.

 

The Colonel is now looking over at me with a quirky lopsided smile and raised eyebrow.  “Tie him to the bed, Carter?”

 

Daniel

 

I practically have to jog next to Teal’c to keep up with him while he casually strides out of the room.  “Teal’c, why doesn’t Jack want the General to know about…you know?”

 

“I do not.”  He states plainly, never faltering in his steps towards the Stargate.

 

“About me, what happened… yesterday.”  I force out, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

 

It’s hard to believe what Sam is suggesting, though the fact is I really don’t remember any of what they’ve told me.  My last clear memory is of two nights ago, collapsing in tears on the floor of my room.

 

“I believe it is Dr Fraiser O’Neill is more concerned about.”

 

“Ah,” that makes sense actually.  I know Janet has a soft spot for me.  It comes in handy since I seem to grace her infirmary more than any other SGC employee, I think I even out rank Siler in the ‘injuries requiring surgery’ stakes.

 

“Colonel O’Neill is under the impression Doctor Fraiser will cause him harm if she learns of what he allowed to happen to you.”

 

I watch Teal’c dial the ‘gate, letting those words float through my mind.

 

I will not rise to the bait.  I will not rise to the bait.  I will not rise to the bait.

 

My friends have three VERY defined methods of trying to get me to open up and discuss my problems.  Teal’c’s is usually the least subtle, yet he almost always succeeds in getting a rise out of me.  Not this time though, I am in no mood to hash out the old ‘we are responsible for your every move Daniel Jackson’ argument.

 

The wormhole engages and I prepare myself to sound bright and chirpy for when I talk to Janet.  I’ve got enough people worrying about me on this side of the Stargate, I don’t want the same grief coming from home as well.  Teal’c hasn’t said anything further, but I can tell he’s noted my lack of response to his last statement and will no doubt report it to Jack later.  I guess I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.  Why do I even bother?

 

Jack

 

I see Daniel moseying back toward us, head’s down but his arms are hanging limp by his sides and not hugging himself to death, so that’s got to be a good sign.  He looks pretty relaxed, I’m hoping this means Janet had the foresight to recognise now was not the best time to bawl Daniel out.

 

“How’d it go?”

 

“Teal’c’s gone back through to explain in person.  I didn’t say anything incriminating to Janet, but by the questions she was asking I think she knows something’s up.”

 

“Oh no.”

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s going to want to talk to you once Teal’c’s done.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Daniel sends a cheeky smile my way, which transforms my mood considerably.  If he can see the funny side of all this I’m not going to complain, even if it is at my expense – I sense many tests involving needles in my future.

 

 

Day 9

 

Daniel

 

I’m on my second night of being watched and so far I’m coping fairly well.  It’s Jack’s turn to tuck me in tonight.   They each take it in shifts, just like we’d do a normal watch on any alien planet we visit.  I had a few nightmares as usual last night but no sleepwalking, thank god.  I’m hoping to improve on that tonight.

 

Walking into my room I slowly lower myself on to the bed and pick up the replacement notebook Teal’c brought back for me.   Idly turning it over in my hands I can’t help but dwell on the recent turn of events.  My plan of trying not to be so dependant on Jack throughout all of this is backfiring immensely.  I’m hoping all is not lost however and that I still have plenty of time, not to mention opportunity, to prove just how self reliant I can be.

 

I open the book, exposing the crisp white page, deciding to make the most of my time while I wait for Jack to finish his last perimeter check.  I only manage a short paragraph before he strolls into the room.

 

“So you want a bed time story.”   I just glare, I’m not in the mood for any jokes right now, this situation’s humiliating enough.

 

Throwing the book to one side I studiously avoid his gaze, I know the look currently gracing his features by heart and it never fails to break me.

 

“Look Daniel-“

 

“Jack, I’m glad you’re here.”  I say in a rush before I can talk myself out of it.

 

It may be the truth, but I really wish I’d kept it to myself, so much for trying not to be too needy.

 

“Go to sleep, Daniel.”  Jack says gently, letting me know its time to shut up.

 

As I settle down and after closing my eyes I feel the blanket being pulled over me.  He really is tucking me in!  The last thing I’m aware of before I fall asleep is Jack’s hand resting on my forehead.

 

 

Day 11

 

Sam

 

Well it’s nice to see things have improved somewhat.  Since Daniel-watch started three nights ago we’ve had no major incidences, a few rather disorientating nightmares, nothing that couldn’t be handled.  He IS being extremely quiet, which is concerning, but not unexpected.  It must be incredibly difficult for him to be the centre of attention like this.  He’s usually such a private guy when it comes to personal stuff.  Though I’m confident there’s not much about Daniel that the three of us don’t already know it doesn’t make the situation any less awkward.

 

Daniel and I talk a lot.  I’ve told him things I’ve never told anyone before.  I never would have foreseen this friendship between us in a million years.  Oh, I knew the moment we met that I’d like him, his mind, and his way of thinking.  It’s the emotional connection we’ve made that has surprised me.  We share more common ground than I’d have thought possible.

 

It was our second year as a team together that I found out something about Daniel that made me question everything I previously knew about him.  There was this one particular mission, where we saw the demise of Daniel’s parents play over, and over, and over again.  Once we finally made it home I couldn’t get what had happen out of my mind.   I kept wondering why he’d never told me he was an orphan.  Then it occurred to me he’d never once mentioned his mom or dad, suddenly I understood Daniel a hell of a lot better.  All his little quirks and mannerisms fell into place, just from knowing a little bit of personal background on him.  I discovered I wanted to know more.  That evening I got in my car, went to his apartment and together we drowned our sorrows in a bottle of chardonnay.  That was when he told me the details, what happened after.  He told me about being eight and knowing you were all alone in the world.  I told him about my Mom.

 

We both cried that night, but we also made a connection.

 

I guess I’m hoping that connection is strong enough to get us through this.  We are now officially half way through our imprisonment here and I can’t deny that I’m relieved.  I can’t wait to get back to the SGC.  I may love these guys to bits, but not having my own space and free time to work on my projects is driving me mad.  Okay, so I don’t have much free time normally anyway, and doubt very much I’ll get much of it when we return home either.  Come to think of it I’m probably more annoyed that I’ve got free time now but can do absolutely nothing with it.

 

I feel myself getting more irritated by the second, but it isn’t until I turn the device in my hand too hard and the Light control panel flies off toward the wall, missing Teal’c’s head by mere inches, that I realise I’m behaving irrationally.  After what Daniel has had to endure over the past ten days I’m being incredibly selfish.

 

“Is everything all right Major Carter?”  Teal’c asks when I offer him an apologetic smile for nearly decapitating him.

 

“Its fine Teal’c, just a little frustrated is all.  It’s been a long two weeks.”  And it’s not over yet.

 

“I understand.”  He doesn’t say anymore but I get the message.

 

Jack

 

Okay, another day down just nine more to go!  The last few days haven’t been that bad - they could have been worse.  Daniel’s been extremely quiet today and conspicuously absent throughout most of it.  He’s been avoiding everyone, which is quite a feat because, since Daniel’s swimming stint, I’ve ordered no one leaves the immediate vicinity.  Daniel being Daniel though, has managed to find a way to go as far away from any of us as possible, without actually leaving the room.  I hate to think of him all alone and moping, with god knows what going through his head, but he has been dealing rather well with the fact that we watch him sleep every night, and hug him better after a nightmare, when he would rather die than let anyone see him like that.  So I figure if he wants a bit of space during the day I can’t deny him.

 

That understanding only stretches so far however.  Its dinnertime and Daniel is not missing a meal.  I’m off to go drag him out of whatever hole he has holed himself up in brooking no argument, he can’t possibly not speak to us for the remainder of our stay here.

 

Daniel

 

“Daniel!”

 

Oh god, I’m having one of those days where even the sound of my own name fills me with dread.

 

“Daniel, where are you?”

 

“Right here, Jack,” I say dejectedly.  There’s no point in trying to avoid it so I stand up and reveal my whereabouts before he starts a search party.

 

“Why are you hiding?”

 

Because I’m fed up with receiving the pity look from everyone and would like to keep what’s left of my dignity in tact.  The only conceivable way I can accomplish this is by living in quiet solitude.

 

This is what I want to say, but I don’t.

 

“I’m not hiding,” I protest weakly instead.

 

Jack’s giving me that look he uses to make me squirm, it’s the one where he narrows his eyes and refuses to break the contact.  I hate staring contests with Jack, I always lose, it seems Jack O’Neill has all the patience in the world when it comes to being intimidating.

 

When I am unable to take it any longer I turn away, admitting defeat.  Jack’s grinning, the bastard, he’s such a gracious winner.

 

“Dinner’s ready.”  He says simply before turning and walking back to the others.

 

I’m left alone again and suddenly all I want to do is cry.  Honest to god I’m completely sick of all this, I just want to feel normal again, to be treated normally again.  I doubt that’s going to happen until I get this addiction thing licked, if it is the addiction that’s causing this.  I’m starting to have my doubts.

 

When I first started with the nightmares I couldn’t understand them, I just knew I was afraid.  Since my supposed sleepwalking incident however, the dream has taken on a narrative.  I’m in my apartment and I’m cold.  I feel weird, sad even, detached like I’m drifting outside of my body, watching.  The phone’s ringing off the hook, but I ignore it, next I see myself walk out onto my balcony, then – nothing – but I’m so terrified I wake up screaming.

 

“Daniel!”  Jack’s call travels across both rooms, it’s so loud the echo actually bounces off the walls.

 

Deciding I’ve stalled long enough, I haul myself up, brush the dust off my pants and make my way over to where dinner is waiting for me.

 

Jack

 

It’s Carter’s turn to start Daniel watch tonight I’m taking second sitting, that’s usually when he has a nightmare, so I’m trying to rest.  On the up side Daniel does tend to calm down a lot quicker when it’s me sat with him.  I’m honestly trying not to be smug about this – trying and failing.  What can I say?  I like to be needed.  In fact, I need to be needed.  It’s that simple.

 

My problem now is I’m bored.  I could try and sleep for a bit, but I know I’m not tired enough yet.  Plus Daniel has me concerned again.  Today, for the short times I’ve seen him, he’s seemed lost, like he’s given up.  Hit the preverbal iceberg and ready to go down with the ship.

 

We need to get to the bottom of this, it’s alright treating the symptoms, but unless you know the cause all you’re doing is buying time till the inevitable breakdown. I’ve got to know what’s wrong before I can fix it and I’ve never seen Daniel give up without a fight. 

 

It can’t be the balcony thing because I’d know if he had remembered, there’s no way he could possibly hide it from me.  This problem has some deeper connection that I’m just not seeing.  To be honest if we were back on base I probably wouldn’t be making such an issue out of it, hell Daniel wouldn’t give me the chance.

 

Thinking about it, he might have been this way before the whole Light incident.  This, whatever it is, might be what drove him out there in the first place.  Oh sure, Janet’s assured us all Daniel was completely under the influence, the withdrawal causing the depression, convincing him to take his own life.   I’m not convinced though, there had to have been a focal point there, and whatever it is won’t go away as easily as the addiction.

 

I’m sitting alone contemplating these rather depressing thoughts when my gaze is drawn to a small object tucked just underneath a pile of Carter’s reports.

 

Not being able to determined what it is I get up to investigate, upon pulling it out I realise I’m holding Daniel’s diary.  An evil thought crosses my mind.  I couldn’t, could I?  No of course I can’t.  Shaking the idea out of my head I place the book back where I found it and reclaim my seat.

 

A minute passes and still I can’t take my eyes of the object that could very well help me find out exactly what might be bugging Daniel and possibly the means to fix it.  Knowing very well I could be making an extremely stupid mistake that really could break our friendship, I reach over quickly and open the book before I change my mind.  I want to help him, even if he ends up hating me for it, at least I’d know I tried.

 

Deciding that if I’m going to do this I might as well do it right and work from his most recent entries back, I don’t know how long I’ve got, and don’t want to pry too much, so sticking to the current situation sounds like a good idea.

 

Jack is being reasonable about my detachment, surprisingly enough and I don’t want to push it.  He gives me space during the day and only bugs me at meal times.

 

Well it’s nice to know he appreciates the little things I do for him.  I’m obviously doing something right.

 

The weird thing is I almost find myself wishing he’d refuse to let me out of his sight.  As ashamed as I am to admit it, I don’t feel so scared when Jack’s around, I guess he’s like a security blanket, I know I’m safe because Jack won’t knowingly let anything bad happen to me.  That makes me sound so pathetic.  I want to die right now.

 

Oh my, I’m glad nobody’s watching right now because I can feel my chest getting tight and I’d hate for anyone to see Colonel Jack O’Neill cry.  I didn’t expect that, I knew he depended on me, I just never realised he knew it too.  He still trusts me, after everything I’ve done to him he still wants me around.  After the ‘shut up’ comment on Euronda I thought he’d never look at me in the same way again.  God I really don’t deserve you as a friend Daniel.

 

Hold up, if he feels better when I’m around and doesn’t hate me then why he is being so not like Daniel?  This has only brought up more questions - I need to read more…

 

For the past year I’ve been trying to prove I’m not some clueless naïve kid who blindly runs into trouble at every opportunity and needs someone to pull his ass out of the flames when they get too hot. Unfortunately I’m not succeeding in my goal.  I really need to stop running to Jack whenever I find myself in a mini crisis.  My whole life is one crisis after another!  What am I going to do if Jack’s not there, if he leaves the SGC or worse?

 

Daniel I really don’t like you writing this stuff.  I debate whether or not to put the book down now in case there’s anything else in here that I probably won’t like.  I decide not, my need to help Daniel overrides my self-preservation.

 

I used to be independent, living from one moment to the next.  Getting thrown out of my apartment and losing my scholarship five years ago was not a new situation for me.  Catherine just caught me at an opportune moment.  I saw the Stargate project as my next challenge, my next source of income.  My next adventure…

 

Yeah okay what he should have written here is:  ‘I have about as much common sense and the same ‘need to know’ qualities as a five year old.  If I had fully matured over the natural course of my life then I wouldn’t have undertaken a journey to an unknown planet in the first place and saved one Colonel Jack O’Neill – with two l’s – a whole heap of stress and grey hair.’

 

Of course if he hadn’t been on that first Abydos mission there probably wouldn’t have been an Abydos mission, or a Colonel O’Neill for that matter.  Huh, that’s something to think about.  Damn it Daniel!  I hate it when you make me think!

 

Only thing is I never ever imagined where it would lead me.  I met Jack and then eventually Sam, Teal’c, General Hammond and Dr Fraiser.  All these people care about me for reasons beyond my comprehension.  No one has cared that much about me before.  I guess I never expected anyone really would, so risking my life on a daily basis for the greater good didn’t seem that big a deal.

 

Oh here we go - Daniel the martyr.

 

I’m not suicidal or anything I just didn’t see myself as any more important than those I was trying to save.  The thing is I’ve come to realise my reckless actions have consequences that before would have never of occurred to me.  I have a family and they worry about me, and I feel the same way about them.  I did lose them not so long ago.  I should have been with them, but the small matter of a burst appendix prevented me from even knowing what happened to them.  Then after nine days of waiting for the new ‘gate to be activated they finally returned.  I was ecstatic, but I didn’t let it show how scared I was they were never coming back.  I played it cool.  Those few weeks were the worst since my parent’s death.  I felt so alone then and I hoped never to feel like that again.  When am I going to learn that getting attached means eventually I’ll have to deal with loss again?  This was the third time I’d lost Jack in as little as a year.  I just know I can’t go for a fourth.

 

Oh for cryin’ out loud Daniel, this is the type of thing we need to know about!  How the hell am I supposed to know you’re hurting if you’re too scared to tell me?  For a linguist you have some major communication issues.

 

It wasn’t long after that it started all over again.  My worst nightmare was coming true.  My best friend was going to die and I was going to have to watch it happen.

 

You know I never realised how much that mission affected him.  To be honest I was quite content knowing at least Daniel wasn’t with us, knowing that he was safe.  I remember lunging for the camera on that sub.  I knew Daniel wouldn’t be able to turn away which is why I tried to turn the damn thing off.

 

I’ve consciously become too dependent on them.  I expect too much from them, from Jack especially, if anything happened I’d have to learn to live alone again and I just don’t think I’d be able to do it a second time.  With my parents I was too young to even realise what I’d lost.  Spending time with Jack has taught me exactly what I missed out on.

 

So, here I am, stuck trying to prove something to myself and to my friends and yet unwilling to accept the consequences of that proof.  Complete isolation.  I really am a basket case.

 

No, you’re not a basket case Danny.  I slam the book shut and lean back closing my eyes with a sigh.  Just a little confused is all.

 

I don’t know how I could have been so short-sighted.  I’ve had my suspicions, but the diary has been a real eye opener.   My best friend has been hurting all this time, wanting my help, but too afraid to ask because he thinks depending on me will only hurt him more in the long run.  I tell ya Jack, if you get any dumber, it’ll be scary.  I should’ve known months ago, hell Carter even spelt it out for me once!

 

It’s wasn’t long after the run in with Apophis and his groovy potions that Daniel confided in me one night, over a beer or three, that the person Apophis had impersonated was me.  He used my image to try and get Daniel to tell him the whereabouts of the Harcesis child.  At the time I hadn’t understood what Daniel was so hung up about, then I spoke to Carter, she did the woman thing and broke it down into small words I could understand.

 

“Sir isn’t obvious?  Daniel looks up to you and has become dependent on you.  Lying to someone you love is a very hard thing to do.”

 

I remember fidgeting at this point and Carter muttering something about stupid masculine egos.

 

And what did I do with this information?

 

Nothing.  Nadda.  Zip!  Carried on as usual not realising what a big deal this was for Daniel.  Admitting out loud that he wasn’t as strong as he’d always liked to believe.  Admitting having someone to look out for you did come in handy now and again.

 

I’ve screwed up, no doubt about it.  Luckily for me Daniel is a very forgiving guy, unfortunately he is also a very stubborn guy, which means I’m going to have a hard time convincing him he’s wrong, that it’s perfectly okay to want to depend on someone else, even if that person is me.  It’ll be difficult, but he’s worth the effort.

 

 

Day 12

 

Jack

 

“Jack I’m not tired.” He protests, but the half closed lids and slight swaying tells me otherwise.

 

“Okay Daniel.”  I just humour him, guiding him slowly into his room and sitting him on his cot.

 

There’s a loud crack of thunder swiftly followed by a strike of lighting that encases the entire room in stark whiteness.  Daniel practically jumps right off the bed.

 

“I’m a little edgy tonight.”  He says noticing my less than discreet glance in his direction.

 

“I can see.”  I reply, my tone flat allowing the sarcasm to shine through.

 

He pouts and I can hear the whine even before he starts talking.  “Jack, I haven’t been sleepwalking since this watch thing started.  Isn’t it possible Sam was wrong?”

 

“Treading a thin line there Daniel, don’t let Carter hear you.” I jest.  “Besides, have you any other theories about how you ended up in the water the other day?”

 

Silence.  No, didn’t think so.

 

My back to him, I make my way out the room to find a chair when Daniel calls out to me, the tone nervous and hasty, I get the impression he doesn’t want me to leave. 

 

“Maybe it was just an isolated incident.”

 

I half turn and look at him over my shoulder.  All he can see is my profile, occasionally lit by the flashes of lightning from the storm raging outside.

 

My tone of voice does a good job of relaying the worry I feel right now.  “And what if it’s not?”

 

Daniel

 

What if it’s not he asks?  Huh well I’d have thought the answer was obvious.

 

“Jack-” I barely get the name out before he all but explodes.

 

What the hell have I done now?  One minute he’s being so unbelievably nice to me I want to strangle him with his own bootlaces, the next he’s chewing me out for doing something that normally wouldn’t make him bat an eyelid.

 

“Daniel it’s an order!  That’s it.  No discussion required.”  He’s pacing now, up and down my room looking for something to kill.

 

“Vai-te foder,” I mutter under my breath.  “Tu m’emmerdes!”

 

“What did you say?”  He spins around and pins me with a glare.

 

Oh I just told you to ‘fuck off’ in Portuguese, because you’re ‘pissing me off’!   “Nothing.”

 

“Daniel you know we’re doing this for your own good, why can’t you just suck it up and not complain for a change?”

 

Ooooh I have the perfect reply for this one.  “Vorrei rompere qualcosa.”  I would like to break something.  “Mi presti il tuo naso?”  Can I borrow your nose?

 

Italian is such a beautiful language, don’t you think?

 

“English, Daniel.  Please?”  Jack says all business like.

 

My God he sounds just like my Dad.  I used to con money out of the big dig investors when they came to visit by pretending I was just one of the poor local children– of course the fact that I shared anything I got with the REAL local children scored me nil pòint with my Dad.

         

“Look, I may not be a genius, but I know what you’re trying to do Daniel, I’m not stupid.”

 

Oh yeah?  Well I beg to differ, “Hai il cervello di un panino al formaggio.”

 

“What exactly did you just say?”  He snaps.  Spinning around a full 180 and pointing his index finger right at me.

 

That one was rather cruel, and I immediately feel guilty, I just told Jack he has the brain of a cheese sandwich. 

 

“I said you seem a little tense.”  I reply innocently, looking him direct in the eye daring him to question my lie.  He looks seething and does not believe me for a second.

 

“Are you kidding me with this shit?  What do you think I am?”

 

I shrug and try to look sorry.  Something feels off.  I’m acting childishly and I can’t figure why, I don’t even know how all this started.  One minute I’m freaking out that Jack’s going to leave me alone and the next I’m literary pushing him out the door.  To be honest neither emotion feels like mine at the moment.

 

He relaxes slightly after a short pause and turns his back on me once more. 

 

Before I can stop myself I’m answering his question with a cunning grin on my lips.  This time I try my hand at Spanish, and lacking the words arrogant prick I settle for…“Estupido.” 

 

Jack glares at me.

 

Ha, with my previous misgivings forgotten, I think I found a way to vent my frustrations.  I can moan and whine as much as I like about the injustices being committed against me – I just have to do it in another language.  That’ll not only help me, but is sure to piss off Jack.

 

“Daniel, are you trying to piss me off?” 

 

Yeah, actually I think I am.

 

Jack

 

“Vai a buttarti da una scogliera!”  Daniel answers in what I believe is Italian, if my translation is right he just told me to go jump off a cliff.

 

Hey, even he should know just because I can’t read every damn scratch on an alien brick wall doesn’t mean I have no language skills!  He’s sitting there, batting his eyelashes at me, acting like he’s doing nothing wrong!  I’ve no idea what’s gotten into him.

 

“Okay, fine I’ll leave, and when you wake screaming you can deal with it on your own, how does that sound?”

 

“I can cope just fine on my own.  I don’t need any of you.”  He spits back, and I lose it completely.

 

“The hell you don’t Daniel, you’d never survive without us and you know it!”  Why?  Why did I just say that?  For cryin’ out loud!  I’m supposed to be working on showing him being dependant isn’t a bad thing, what the hell has gotten into me?

 

“Je vous deteste!  Halts maul!”

 

I cut him off before this goes any further.  Daniel has said all manner of things to me before, but never has he said he hates me – until now.  It’s about time I stood my ground and made my position clear.

 

“Daniel if you’re trying to get me to leave you alone just so you can feel vindicated you might as well stop now, because there is no way I’m leaving this room.”

 

Uh oh, I’ve hit a cord there.

 

He loses the smug look and nods silently before curling up under the blankets.  Not one minute has passed before I drop on to his bed with a sigh, he’s got his back to me still so instead of risking more hurtful words I run my hand through his hair and massage his tense neck.  

 

It’s been exactly ten minutes since Daniel claimed he wasn’t tired and he’s fast asleep.

 

Daniel

 

“None of it means anything.”

 

“… It just goes away.”

 

“You can’t get it back.”

 

“Jack?”

 

Jack

 

Daniel has been tossing and turning in his sleep for the past two hours.   Never go to bed on an argument was always Sara’s philosophy, shame I never listened to her.  Part of me wants to wake him up and clear the air verbally.  The curious thing is I have no idea why I got so upset with him in the first place.  He was being no more a pain in the ass than usual, and I’ve never had such a strong urge to slap him one before, not when I’ve been in my right mind at any rate.

 

“Damn it!!!”  The loud cuss issues from somewhere outside of Daniel’s room.

 

Getting up slowly and moving toward the door I can hear further expletives originating from the same source as the imprecation.  Taking a peek back at Daniel to make sure the noise didn’t wake him, I leave to investigate.

 

What I find is my second-in-command, muttering to her self on the floor next to that damn light thingy.  “Carter, what is going on out here?”

 

Sam

 

“Sir?”  Where did he come from?  I thought he was watching Daniel.

 

“The swearing Major, you seem a little stressed out.”

 

Uh oh, he sounds ticked.  “Sorry sir.  Is Daniel alight?  I didn’t wake him did I?”

 

“No, he’s still sleeping, if you can call it that.”

 

“O’Neill, Major Carter?  Is there a problem?” Oh god, was I that loud?

 

“Sorry Teal’c just me trying to fix a few things.”  I do not know what’s gotten into me lately.

 

“Major Carter you appear to be extremely agitated.”

 

Thanks Teal’c.  Just the news I wanted to hear right now.

 

The Colonel pauses for a second, a look of concentration on his face.  “Carter you sure you’re not turning that thing down too much, maybe we should take it slower.”

 

“Any slower and we’ll still be here next Christmas!  I want out of here now for Christ’s sake!”

 

Crap!

 

The Colonel stands there, eyebrows raised about a meter above his head.   Okay, he may have a point.  In my eagerness to go home it’s possible I’m rushing a bit and bringing the settings down too far.

 

“You may have a point sir.”  I concede, feeling like a complete fool.

 

“It is possible different people adjust to the effect at different rates.”  Teal’c states very logically.

 

“Janet didn’t pick up any anomalies in our last blood tests, we should send another.  Just to be on the safe side.  There’s the chance we all might be affected.”  I look over at the Colonel, both eyes closed facing the ceiling, and know immediately who he’s thinking about.  I feel awful.  I could have made a mistake that’s putting Daniel through a worse hell than necessary.  “I’m sorry sir.  I thought I had covered all the possibilities, but I guess if I’ve started going through a mild withdrawal then my calculations could be a little off.”

 

“Don’t panic Major.  I get the feeling you’re not the only one going through a mild withdrawal.”  He says cryptically, sounds like he may have been feeling a little more on edge than usual too.  Strangely he actually looks relieved at the news.  “It’s not your fault, there’s no way to know the right dose without experimenting right?”

 

“Right.”  I sigh dejectedly, it still doesn’t change anything.

 

“Carter why don’t you grab the stuff and meet me in Daniel’s room, we’ll do him first.”

 

“Yes Sir.”

 

Daniel

 

Falling!

 

“NO!!!!!”

 

Jack?  Jack, where the hell are you?  I’m scanning the dark room and realise its empty.

 

I’m alone.

 

Lightning flashes at that very moment to confirm it for me, followed closely by a clap of thunder.  Oh god, I can’t breathe.  Jack, why the hell did you leave me?

 

Oh calm down Daniel, he probably needed to get you out of his sight for a while.  After all you did call him an idiot and said you hated him.

 

That can’t be right though, he said - no he promised - he wouldn’t leave.  Jack wouldn’t lie to me, even if he were as mad as hell.  Would he?  I’ve got to calm down, everything’s okay it was just a dream, no big deal.  Jack probably hasn’t gone far.  I’ll just go find him.  Tell him I’m sorry.  Don’t be such a cry baby Daniel!  Oh great now I’m hearing things again. 

 

I slowly peel back the sleeping bag, my breath still coming in sharp gasps and step barefooted onto the cold stone floor.  My heart’s beating staccato in my chest; I can hear its echo in my head.

 

Upon reaching the door another bolt of lightening illuminates the entire ‘gate room.  Casting eerie golden shadows all over, but giving enough light for me to see I am very much alone here.  I’m drenched in sweat from the nightmare, which is making me shiver in the cold air as it runs down my back.  I don’t care anymore if Jack does think I’m an annoying dependant pain in the ass, I need him here!

 

Taking a few steady steps at a time, I begin to feel dizzy and close my eyes for a second hoping it will quell the nausea.  Thunder rumbles from outside and I feel the room tip to the left.  Wait, I think I hear Sam’s voice…

 

Daniel opens his eyes once the spinning stops, nothing hurt so he must have managed to stay on his own two feet for a change.  Instead of the image of a Stargate sitting on marble steps Daniel sees his apartment.  Feeling his breath even out gradually he remains still for the next couple of minutes staring intently at the object in his hand.

 

Once adjusted to the sudden shift in circumstance Daniel places the telephone receiver back down on the counter ignoring the noise issuing out of it.  He scans the room and the objects contained within, all his things, his furniture – his life.  None of it seems important anymore.  Watching his breath hang in the cold air as he exhales Daniel makes his way through the rest of the apartment in a daze, looking at the clock belatedly realising he is late for something but not caring what anymore.  He didn’t want to care anymore.  Caring about things only caused him pain and never brought him the happiness he longed for.  So what was the point?  Another noise interrupts his thoughts, a whistle coming from the kitchen.  He doesn’t care about that either so just ignores it.

 

Out of the corner of his eye he catches sight of the balcony door, for some reason it is wide open.  Daniel doesn’t remember opening the door.  He doesn’t remember doing a lot of things.  He doesn’t remember Jack telling him he didn’t want him around anymore, but he avoided troubling him so he must have.  He doesn’t remember not wanting Sam to talk to when he was feeling low, but he never talked to her anymore so he must have.  He doesn’t remember no longer enjoying spending time with Teal’c, but he’d stopped meditating with him so he must have.  So of course Daniel must have opened that balcony door.

 

He shuffles over towards the balcony slowly.  It’s raining outside, dark black clouds hanging overhead.  Ironic he thought, considering how aptly it mirrored his life at the moment.  He was doing that a lot lately, thinking to himself, too scared, just too damn scared to say anything knowing the reaction he’d receive.  He didn’t want humouring, or platitudes or chastisement.  So what does he want?  Daniel doesn’t know and no longer cares.  So what’s the point?

 

What is the point?  That’s the real question.  Daniel thinks on that as he steps out onto his balcony feeling the slight drizzle of rain falling on his skin.  He should feel cold, but doesn’t.  He was already cold and empty before coming outside.  The rain lands in his hair, on his face and neck but he doesn’t notice, too busy thinking of other things.  He’s still thinking as he lifts one foot off the ground and swings it over the balcony rail.  Daniel doesn’t care about being safe anymore.  In the end all that love and protection goes away.  So what was the point in even bothering in the first place?  Daniel considers this a valid point as he brings the other leg over, ready to stop caring forever.

 

Jack

 

Daniel, shit!  I run at full speed the rest of the way back to Sam and Teal’c.  I wasn’t gone more than a few minutes.  Trust Daniel to decide to have a nightmare.

 

“What’s wrong?” Carter asks gauging by my frantic approach that something must be wrong.

 

“Daniel’s not in his room!”  How stupid could I have been?  What was I thinking leaving him alone?

 

Teal’c doesn’t say a word.  He heads in the direction I’ve just come from to begin the search for Daniel.

 

“Sir you’ve only been out here a matter of minutes, he couldn’t have gone far.”

 

Appreciate what she’s trying to do, but my instinct’s telling me those few minutes are going to cost me a whole lot more.

 

“I hope so, Carter.”  I sink down to sit on the top step of the doorway.

 

“I bet he woke up, you weren’t there so he’s gone looking for us.”  Carter says, in an overly positive chirpy tone that grates through my already abused brain.

 

I lift my head from my hands to give her a tainted look.  “Thanks Carter, that makes me feel so much better.”

 

“I didn’t mean it that way, Sir.”

 

“I know, sorry.  It’s just…well before he fell asleep he kind of…erm…”  Oh god, this is probably entirely my fault.  I should have known something was up when I couldn’t prevent the hurtful words from leaving my own mouth.

 

“Sir?”

 

“We had a fight Major!  That damn machine was probably affecting us and we said a few things we shouldn’t I have.”  I stand up and storm across the room.

 

Once I’m done tearing out my hair while watching the rain fall outside I turn and face Carter.  Oh crap, I’ve just made her feel ten times worse than she already was about this stupid thing!

 

“Carter, I’m not saying it again, it wasn’t your fault – we couldn’t have known.”

 

That seems to pacify her for now so I get back on to the subject at hand and admit my most heinous of crimes.   “I told Daniel there was no way I’d leave him alone.  Now what’s the first thing I do?”

 

“Sir, you didn’t abandon him, you where just outside his room, you’re reading too much into it.”  She stands, leaving all he equipment on the floor and walks over to me.

 

“O’Neill!”  Teal’c shouts.

 

I go running, with Carter following in my wake.

 

“Teal’c you found him?”  Please say you found him.

 

He doesn’t reply just points my attention to the open stairway in the corner of the room.

 

“Oh shit!  Carter?” I yell fingers crossed that she’ll tell me what I want to hear.  “Did you open that door?”

 

“No sir.”

 

Double shit.

 

“Teal’c, check the outside perimeter, Carter check all the lower level rooms.  Go!”  I order, taking off at a run across the room and up the stairs.

 

“Daniel!”  I shout once I reach the top and make a frantic entrance into the dark corridor.

 

Lightening flashes making the whole place seem like some cheep horror movie set.  The noise of thunder outside drowns out my next cry.  I walk down the corridor checking each room with a glance as I pass, berating myself for leaving him alone.  I reach the end of the narrow corridor with a sense of loss flowing steadily through me.  Just as I’m about to turn back I see it, the room with the balcony.  The room I forbade him from going into again.  I made Carter lie and make some lame excuse about unstable supports.

 

Quickly making my way inside I’m hoping against hope I won’t find what I think I will.  Of course that is too much to ask I realise when I catch sight of Daniel.  I edge my way outside very slowly, coming to a stop almost directly behind him.

 

“Daniel?  What are you doing out here?”  Not again Daniel, I so didn’t want to believe you were this bad off.  I thought it was just the effects of that damn machine.

 

“Go away.”

 

Daniel this is NUTS!  I brace myself with one hand against the wall inside and consider bashing my head against the gold colour bricks to shake lose an idea that wouldn’t end up with Daniel lying crumpled in the wet sand.

 

“Daniel, I know what you’re feeling right now.  I even feel it too – but it’s not real!”  He’s not listening to me.  “We’ve been turning the juice down too fast!  Daniel you have to trust me.”  I let my hand slip from the wall and edge closer to him.

 

“None of it means anything.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m cold.”  His tone remains flat and emotionless; it could be anyone standing here.  “None of it means anything.”

 

I realise there’s something familiar here.  He said that the first time, back at his apartment.  I get far enough out to get a good look at Daniel’s face and realise his eyes are still closed.  He’s sleepwalking!  This idea makes me feel marginally better, in a demented sort of way.  It means Daniel isn’t consciously trying to kill himself… his subconscious is.  Well if that doesn’t beat all.  Daniel even needs protecting from his own subconscious!

 

“Err…Daniel, why don’t you come inside here.”  You got him back once Jack you can do it again, just keep to what he knows and it’ll work out the same.  He’ll wake up - and I won’t let go.

 

“I tried… it just goes away.”

 

“We’ll get it back.”  I’m more forceful this time.  The rain’s coming down heavy, the handrail must be slippery.  One false move and it’s all over.

 

“You can’t get it back.”

 

“We can fix it Daniel.  I can fix it.  Please wake up.  You don’t want to do this.”

 

“You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

 

“Yes I do Daniel.  Listen to me.  Do you know who I am?”  Daniel, say my name, say it!  I’m here for you.

 

“Jack?”

 

Oh, thank god!  “Daniel, stay still.”  I move out fully onto the balcony and reach for him.

 

Daniel

 

“Jack why am I out here?”  The panic I hear in my own voice is nothing compared to how I feel right now.

 

Looking down there’s only darkness.  The wind is blowing against me, rain pouring down my face.  Oh Christ what the hell am I doing out here?

 

I was at my apartment - I climbed out onto my balcony.  I was ready to let go?  I was going to let go!

 

All of a sudden my breath catches in my throat and I struggle for air.  Lightening flashes, temporarily blinding me, and I feel my foot sliding on the wet stone.  Thunder claps directly above me and a scream escapes my throat before I even realise what’s happening.

 

I’m going to fall.

 

“Daniel, for Christ’s sake!  When I say don’t move, I mean it!”  Someone grabs me tight around the waist so hard I can feel the bruises already forming.

 

I’m hanging mid air in a thunderstorm and for some reason all I can think about is how stupid I’ve been.  I don’t even know why.  None of this makes sense, maybe I’ve gone mad, maybe this is a hallucination, and maybe… I just tried to kill myself?

 

“Daniel, stop struggling and take some deep breaths.  This is not a good time to have a panic attack, okay?”

 

Sure, Jack, whatever you say.  I feel the strong arms around me pulling me up and over.  Within minutes I hit the floor in a sodden heap.

 

“Jack?”

 

“Daniel you okay?”  He’s patting my cheek, wants me to acknowledge him.

 

“I don’t know.”  My voice cracks and I can’t hold back any of the fear I’m feeling right now.

 

Jack’s leans over to pull me up into a sitting position.  The minute I’m upright I take advantage of his close proximity by wrapping both arms tight around his neck.

 

“It’s okay Daniel.  Everything’s going to be okay.  You’re safe.”  He tells me.

 

He’s told me that before…

 

**“Jack, what am I doing out here?”  Daniel asks after a brief moment.

 

Jack ignores the question, focusing instead on the 60ft drop his friend is teetering on and subconsciously tightens his grip.  He moves his left arm from Daniel’s sleeve to wrap around his friends slim waist instead.

 

“Put your arms around my neck.”  Jack orders without looking at him.

 

“Jack?”

 

“I’m going to pull you over, let go of the railing and hold onto me.”

 

Daniel lets out a shaky breath before doing just that, in an instant Daniel has turned to the side and Jack is the only thing keeping his precarious balance.

 

A moment passes while both men take a breather.  Daniel looks at Jack for the first time.  “I don’t know…”

 

“It’s alright, we’ll sort it.”  Jack cuts him off sternly, needing to keep his concentration.  Jack looks down, again gauging the drop.  “Now slide back onto the railing, I’ll do the rest.”

 

Jack’s prepared to pull Daniel onto the correct side of the balcony but Daniel’s not budging.  With both his arms now fixed securely around his friends’ waist Jack gives Daniel a quick squeeze.  Daniel nods in reply and gradually lifts himself, pushing back to perch on the railing.  The minute Daniel’s feet lose contact with the balcony ledge Jack quickly pulls back, releasing his right arm to hook underneath Daniel’s knees, carrying the surprisingly limp figure inside.

 

Dumping Daniel unceremoniously down in the middle of the room Jack runs back and slams the balcony doors shut, locking them with a loud click.  Jack falls back against the closed doors and takes several deep breathes.  Not wasting a second more Jack quickly makes his way back over to Daniel, still sitting where he left him, sprawled out on the floor.  Settling himself down on his knees Jack hugs his friend to him, letting out a shaky breath of his own while digesting the events of the last few minutes.

 

“It’s okay Daniel.  Everything’s going to be okay.  You’re safe.”**

 

Jack

 

Oh, shit, Daniel I’m so sorry.  So sorry we did this to you.  I wrap my arms around him tight.

 

“O’Neill!”

 

Daniel pulls away and scuffles back toward the balcony wall, a look of complete fear and utter astonishment on his face when he hears Teal’c call my name.

 

Crap.

 

“In here Teal’c.” I call, still kneeling on the floor, soaking wet.  The rain is coming down hard, but I don’t take my eyes off of Daniel.

 

“I saw Daniel Jackson-” he starts but I don’t let him finish.

 

“He’s okay Teal’c I got him back.”  I make my tone softer to address the shaking Daniel before me.  “Daniel, give me your hand.”  I extend my hand as far as possible without moving forward.

 

“You knew.”  Daniel sounds surprised.

 

“What?”  Lightening accompanies my words, illuminating the entire room.

 

“You all did.”  The words are almost lost in the rumble of thunder.

 

While I’m trying to work through that cryptic statement Daniel uses the opportunity to clumsily stand up, and make a dash inside.  I follow in his wake.  Teal’c is set ready to grab him, but I make a silent gesture to let him be.

 

“Daniel what’s going on?”  I don’t know why I’m bothering to ask.  He’s worked it out.  He remembers what happened.

 

Back flat against the wall Daniel slowly makes his way to the exit, not taking his eyes off Teal’c or me.  Before I can say anything further he’s out of the room, making a run for it down the stairs.  Teal’c and I chase after him.

 

“Daniel!  Daniel, stop!”  I shout.

 

He finally stops as we re-enter the ‘gate room.

 

“Daniel!  It doesn’t mean anything!  It wasn’t you!”  Daniel you have to listen to me.  For once will you just listen to me?

 

“Well, what the hell does it mean Jack?”  Daniel asks sounding hysterical.

 

The storm is still raging outside and without turning his back on us Daniel walks over toward the DHD.  Sam emerges from somewhere behind me and I shush her with a wave of my hand.  Then indicate for both her and Teal’c to hang back.

 

“It means nothing Daniel, you were sick.”  I try to convince him calmly.

 

“Jack I just tried to kill myself.  You can’t say that doesn’t mean anything!”  Daniel retorts.  He’s sopping wet from head to toe so I can’t tell if he’s crying or not.

 

“Yes, I can, because it’s the truth!”  I yell back.  The others stay silent.  This is between Daniel and me now, he’s hurt and I’m the only one who is going to be able to fix this. I promised him we would fix this.

 

The look Daniel’s giving me now is reminiscent of the way he looked at me in the mines two years ago when he was addicted to the sarcophagus.   “Look-”

 

“You know, none of you seem surprised.”

 

I know I should be afraid now because Daniel’s tone has gone all casual.  He’s no longer yelling, more talking to himself and pacing.

 

“You were expecting something like this from me weren’t you?”  He asks while playing with the symbols on the DHD.  “What happened to me before I came back here, Jack?”

 

“Daniel, leave it alone.”  This is not how I wanted him to find out.

 

“Jack I want to know!”  And we’re back to the shouting.

 

“Daniel…” I warn, fighting to stay calm.

 

“Tell me!”

 

I completely explode.  “I stopped you from throwing yourself off your own balcony!”

 

“Wha-what?”  Daniel stutters, voice wavering in disbelief.

 

I walk forward, slowly, making no sudden moves.  Daniel’s frozen to the spot.

 

“The morning we were to return, you didn’t show up.  I went to your apartment and found you on the wrong side of the railing.  You were going to jump.”

 

“No.”  He whispers, shaking his head.

 

“Yes, Daniel!” I say as sternly as possible.  He has got to accept it.

 

“That’s just a dream.”  He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself.

 

“It was real Daniel, but it wasn’t your fault.  It was this place, but we didn’t know that it was addictive then.  Dr Fraiser figured it out just in time.  I brought you back here to save your life.”

 

“Daniel, please believe us.  What you dreamt?  You were reliving the memories of what happened.  That isn’t you.  You don’t really feel that way.”  Sam cajoles, unable to stay silent any longer.

 

Daniel neglects to answer her, choosing to pace around in a circle instead.  Now he’s reminding me of the time he spent in the psyche ward.  I take another step closer to him in the hope that I can get close enough to hold him still, but he sees me coming and abruptly makes a dash for his room.  I stay where I am, watching him go, and duck my head in failure.  I can sense my other teammates looking at me, expecting me to do something.  Lifting my hand graciously I indicate they should remain here.

 

I walk carefully up to his bedroom door and peek inside.  Daniel’s pacing again on the far side of the room.  He’s still dripping wet, leaving a trail of water on the floor as he walks.  I move out of the shadows and enter, he sniffs then looks over at me, pinning me with his intensely needy eyes.  What I see is not what I expected at all.

 

I felt for sure Daniel would be mad at me, that he’d hate me for keeping this from him and, at the same time, for not sparing him any of this.  Instead he looks grateful for my presence.  There’s a shy smile playing on his lips, but his arms are wrapped tight across his chest.

 

He’s still unwilling to let me in so I stand, slightly stunned, just inside the doorway twitching nervously and awaiting his next move.

 

Only seconds pass before real tears start to fall, slowly at first like he’s trying to hold them back.  The battle is eventually lost and he covers his face with both hands, pushing them against his closed eyes preventing me from seeing him sob his heart out.  Leaning back against the wall Daniel slides down, his legs no longer having the strength to hold him up.

 

Now, what the hell are you supposed to do in a situation like that?

 

There really is only one thing you can do - so I do it.  I walk straight over and hug the shit out of him.  Daniel responds in kind and we both sort of drop down onto the floor.  Major deja vu feeling here.

 

Daniel may not be a naïve boy anymore, but I’ve never stopped wanting to protect him.  At this moment I don’t care if he sees himself as dependant or incapable, that’s all just in his mind.  Deep down Daniel is definitely an ‘actions speak louder than words’ kind of guy when it comes to personal stuff, which is quite amusing considering that he normally prefers to talk his way out of a bad situation.  My point is, hugging Daniel and offering my comfort is probably the best thing I have ever and will ever do for him.

 

“I’m sorry.”  I barely hear him speak since he’s muffled against my shoulder.

 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” I state plainly.

 

Daniel manages to lift his head and rests against the wall without moving out of my grasp.  “I’ve been trying not to go running to you every time something bad happens.”  He says sullenly staring at some far off spot on the opposite wall.

 

I ponder on that for a moment, while we sit, listening to the storm outside.  It seems to have abated a little, only the faint sound of rain hitting the walls and random flashes of lightening casting odd shadows around the room.

 

“What made you think I don’t want you coming to me when you’re in trouble?   It’s nice to be needed that way sometimes, makes an old guy like me feel useful.”

 

“I think I’ve become too dependent on you.”  He says seriously, his voice level and in control once again.

 

I let go, allowing me to join him in leaning back against the wall.  We end up sitting shoulder to shoulder, gaze fixed dead ahead once again.  “Don’t you think that maybe it’s nice to be able to depend on someone?”

 

Daniel looks up considering the comment.  “I guess.”  He agrees after a long pause.

 

I clear my throat, which suddenly feels like I’ve swallowed of a bucket of sand.  “Well, where’s the problem?”

 

Daniel looks puzzled, so I clarify it for him.  If this isn’t a major roll reversal I don’t know what is.

 

“Daniel if you actually like being able to depend on me, and I actually like being someone you can depend on, there is no problem.”

 

“I guess not.”  He sighs.  I think he believes me.

 

Silence falls between us.  We may have gotten through this little set back without too may scars, but there is still a larger issue at hand and now might be an excellent time for him to address it.

 

“Do you even know what I went through after finding you on your balcony?”  This is a dangerous road I’m travelling on now.  What I say could make or break our whole friendship.  I look pensively over at Daniel and, to my relief, he’s looking right back.  Intrigue written all over his face.  “I was terrified that I’d lost you.”

 

Daniel just looks stunned.  It’s obviously not something he’d expect me to say.  I figure since I know how badly he needs to hear this, I should take the plunge now, no backing out.

 

“We didn’t know anything about the Light’s addictive properties until much later.  After I got you off the balcony and safely into my car, I cursed myself for not seeing the signs.  I thought it was my fault you were out there.”

 

“Why?”  Daniel asks confused.  He was all set to blame himself, to berate himself for expecting too much from himself or from us, or something equally stupid.

 

“Because I haven’t been there for you when you needed me.”  Huge confession, but he needs to know that I care about him.  That it doesn’t matter how annoying he can be or how many times I yell at him, I’ll never stop caring.

 

I sneak a look at Daniel to gauge his reaction.  He looks a little dazed, but not uncomfortable, if I look close enough I think I can almost see a smile.  Score one for Jack!

 

“I shouldn’t need you to be there.  THAT’S my problem.”  His voice is quiet and withdrawn, full of self-recrimination.  I’ve not broken through yet, but I’m close.

 

“A lot has happened to you over the past two years and I haven’t been around for it, what with the NID on our case and getting stranded on Endora.  I know how upset you were when we went to rescue Thor and you didn’t know what had happened to us.  I’m sorry for how I treated you on Euronda and as for your behaviour regarding the Encarans… well, let’s just say I never want you to feel the need to prove anything to us, like that, ever again.”  I finish my itinerary of apologies with a deep breath.

 

Daniel is just looking at me.  I can’t read his expression, if I had to guess it’s a cross between confusion and irritation.

 

“The point is, Daniel, I care about you and I’ll never willingly leave you.”  I say seriously, although I don’t know how much weight that will hold since the last time I said it I broke the promise within minutes.  Maybe he won’t remember, one can only hope.

 

“What if something happens again?”  He asks openly.  I admit I’m a little taken aback, I didn’t think he’d be willing to do any of the talking on such a delicate, personal subject.

 

I turn away to contemplate my next words, when I turn back I find I’m not looking at the Daniel I’ve known for the last five years.  I’m looking into the eyes of a scared eight year old boy who just lost his entire family in a freak accident he had the pleasure of being witness too.

 

“You mean what if I die or get trapped off-world or something and leave you alone again just like your parents did?”

 

Daniel nods reluctantly.  I saw him wince at the comparison I made to his parents, but he has to have already seen that connection.  It’s basically where most of his fears spring from after all.  Daniel may be brilliant, but as far as emotional maturity is concerned, he’s way behind.

 

“I don’t know, but if something does happen, wouldn’t it be nicer to remember how much I cared about you instead of remembering how you did your best to prove you didn’t need me?”

 

“How did you get to be so smart all of a sudden?”  He shifts a little uncomfortably then smiles shyly before turning away. 

 

“I’m old and I’ve had plenty of practice.”  I answer jovially.  I’m glad he sees I’m right, I think I’ve actually made a breakthrough.

 

Daniel falters slightly after a few minutes’ silence and immediately I know what he’s thinking.

 

“Daniel you are not suicidal or crazy or anything remotely like that.”   I turn to face him this time.  “You were just under the influence of some alien technology - which is nothing new.”  I add, basically because it’s the truth.  I very rarely get that, more physical injures for me, broken bones, sprains, burns that sort of thing.  It goes better with my macho image.  I shake the thoughts out of my head and get back on track with my spiel “…and if you weren’t so obsessed about being a burden on your friends, who by the way are there to help with this kind of thing, then we wouldn’t have had to go through all this.”  My voice is slightly raised, but hopefully my tone should suggests I’m only teasing.

 

“Easily addicted to alien technology. Huh, don’t think that’ll look too good on my résumé.”

 

I laugh.  He smiles. 

 

We’re good.

 

“I really do cause trouble, don’t I?”  He looks up at me with a frown.

 

“Yeah, but we love you anyway.”  I wrap my arm around him, squeezing tight.  To my astonishment Daniel moves to the side and returns my hug full force.  Inserting himself into the nook of my shoulder.

 

I had thought that was it, job done.  I’ve told him what I believed he needed to hear and he appeared to understand.  I didn’t think I could possibly feel any better for it.

 

I was wrong.

 

It’s one thing to offer support to someone who is obviously distressed.  It’s something else entirely to have someone show you how much they appreciate you.  Having Daniel reach out to me so readily is a joy I never expected to feel again.   Gradually, as my shock wears off, I settle my other arm around him to join the first, and feel him relax against me.

 

“Thanks Jack.”  He whispers in my ear.

 

Daniel’s lids start to head south, and without forethought he smoothly drop’s his head in my lap, lying down.  I occupy my hands by absently stroke his unruly hair.

 

So I’m sitting on the floor, Daniel fast asleep in my lap content for the moment, when movement at the door catches my eye.   “Carter, that you?”

 

“Sir, I’m sorry, I’ll come back.”  Her voice is full of emotion, bet she was eavesdropping and now she’s trying to hide her tears.

 

“Don’t wuss out Carter, get in here.  That’s an order.”  I call before she turns away.

 

Poking her head back into the room, Carter catches my eye indicating the sedative she’s holding in her hands.

 

“Where’s Teal’c?”  I ask as she approaches.

 

“Well, he was with me, but he said he needed to finish his Kel-no-reem.”  Sam answers with a smile, making her eyes water slightly.

 

She looks about to say something else, but instead looks down toward the lump currently fast asleep on top of me.  “He’s had a long day.”

 

“So…” She starts while I try and untangle myself from Daniel.

 

“So… How much did you hear?”  I’m only asking ‘cause I’m polite.  I know damn well she and Teal’c were probably listening the whole time and Teal’c really could have thought of a better excuse.

 

“Enough.”  She halts, she wants to ask a question, but something’s stopping her.

 

“Spit it out Carter, please, I’ve had a long day too.”  I finally free myself and begin to lift Daniel up so we can put him into bed, where I can watch over him without causing my knees any more damage or getting a numb backside.

 

“How did you know?”  Her voice sounds curious, yet cunning, she must have a theory.

 

“Know what?”  I play dumb, maybe she’ll drop it.

 

“About Daniel.  How did you know what was really bothering him?”  I lay Daniel down as gently as I can, unfortunately for him that means I drop him in the middle of the bed.

 

“Lucky guess.”  I shrug, she’s not buying it, giving me another evil stare as she bends down to assist me in moving Daniel into a comfortable sleeping position.  “Okay…I-” Double-checking Daniel’s definitely asleep before I continue in a whisper, “I read his journal.”

 

“You did what!”  She yells at the top of her lungs.  If looks could kill I would be dead in ten different ways and cremated by now.

 

“Oh, come on Carter, you saw how he was, this whole situation made me see a different side to him.  Something we’d been missing.  I had to know what was wrong to fix it.”

 

“Sir, you read his diary.”  She sounds incredulous.

 

“You’ve read his diary.”  I accuse.

 

“That’s when we all thought he was dead.  I’d never do it otherwise.”

 

“Doesn’t matter.  I never told Daniel about that and I think you should afford me the same courtesy.  The hell with it, I order you not to say anything.” I command.  Ha!  There are some advantages to being the Colonel.

 

“Sir, I’m not going to say anything.  It would only undo all the good you just did.”  She chastises me and I’m immediately put in my place.  I think all women must have a knack for it or something.  Janet does it exceptionally well.

 

“Thank you.”  I say sarcastically.

 

While Carter gets the meds ready I undo Daniel’s belt and pull his pants down just enough for her to deliver a shot of Valium.

 

“Sir, his clothes are soaking wet, we should get him changed.”

 

I contemplate whether that’s worth the risk of waking him, and then I imagine Fraiser’s face when I bring Daniel back with pneumonia and all of a sudden my mind’s made up.

 

It only takes a second for Carter to gather some clean clothes.  She’s already pulling the wet t-shirt off and putting the dry one on before I’ve even gotten started on his pants.  You’d swear she was a natural at undressing unconscious men – I am so not pursuing that thought.

 

Once finished, we both roll him back over and Sam pulls a blanket over him.

 

“You know it’s a good thing he’s asleep, he’d be so embarrassed if he knew what we were doing right now.”  Carter giggles.  I’m concerned my team’s combined mental age may not reach above twelve, and I include myself in that assessment.

 

“Carter I think Daniel has more on his mind at the moment than whether or not you’ve seen his ass.”

 

“Think he’ll be okay?”  She asks.

 

“I don’t know, guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

 

On to Epilogue ---->

 

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