"Daniel, why did you do it?" He rolls his eyes in a manner that suggests he doesn't have the patience for any inane meandering on my part. "I think the General made it perfectly clear that leaving the base would be a big no no at the moment. Your own well being aside, you are a major security risk."
He's got an answer for this, but I'm not going to let him smart off on this occasion. I lean heavily on the chair in front me, grasping its back with both hands. Daniel's seated on the other side of the table, slouching in his own seat, looking defensive.
"Don't give me any crap about you not remembering anything. I'm well aware you have no idea who I am or what we all mean to you, but that's not to say you won't accidentally do or say something that will land you in hot water. It's happened plenty of times before - even with your memory intact. Getting back to the 'being for your own good' part; you'll just have to trust that I know what is best for you at the moment, better than you do. We are not taking any chances. Got it?”
The room feels overly silent after my very long, and very vocal tirade is over. I’d been trying so hard not push, not to force him into being my friend again. We found something we thought you’d like to see… A truer word had never been spoken. Only I didn’t get treated to the enthusiastic hi Jack! That would’ve made my heart melt. The cold and angry expression that we got instead didn’t belong on that face. Nothing remained; he didn’t know who I was. He hadn’t returned to us.
I'm waiting expectantly for an understanding that I believe I'm never going to get, and I think, deep, deep down, I already knew that. In my despair I decide to take seat, before I fall down and discover I no longer have the strength to get up again.
"Why did they call YOU?"
The emphasis he puts on the word you is hard to miss.
"What?" I have to reset my brain with a quick shake, all because he's decided he isn't going to acknowledge my obvious annoyance with him. He has amnesia - that much is clear, but he is most definitely still the same petulant little shit we lost a little over a year ago.
"You. Why did they call you?"
Said more innocent this time, no bitterness or sarcasm, just honest to god curiosity. Ah crap.
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why?" I ask him again, only this time I don't sigh it out like I'm at the end of my tether. Can't let him think he's in control or I'll never get him to co-operate.
He’s got a definite bee in his bonnet, and I remind myself I’ve got to be careful where I tread. Daniel’s feisty, but at the moment he’s very vulnerable and I’m wondering if I’m witnessing the beginning of a break down. That pseudo calm, none of this is really affecting me attitude he had after we brought him back is starting to show cracks.
"I tried to leave. They wouldn't let me. End of story. So why call you?" He sits back, arms folded. Conversation over.
"Lord, give me strength." I mutter before saying, much more audibly, "It's complicated."
He narrows his eyes, sizing me up, wording another question in his head.
"Look." I say, laying my palms down flat on the table. "We are friends. Close friends. You get hurt, in trouble, cause general mischief - all of the above! They call me." And damn it Daniel you don’t remember any of it.
"Whose they?"
I bang my head on the table. It's 4am. I'm tired, hungry and more than a little pissed off Daniel attempted a stupid stunt like this in the first place. Had he not recently had his memories erased I would be chewing his ass out in my truck on our way home.
"Look.” I repeat, gritting my teeth as I say it. “You are Daniel Jackson, child prodigy and Doctor of Archaeology age 33. I am Jack O'Neill, Colonel in US Air Force, age 51. We met eight years ago in this very complex; I took you on the very first mission through the Stargate." My façade of playing it cool, like my feelings aren’t hurt because some kid I took under my wing doesn’t remember a thing I taught him or saw him through, is cracking under the pressure.
"You're older than you look." Daniel says quite calmly.
"Thank you. I think." I pause, never mind. "The point is YOU have been my personal responsibility since the day we met, and that didn't change when you ascended and it especially doesn't change now you're back." I surprise myself by actually meaning every word.
He blinks, once, twice.
"Oh"
Well hallelujah.
"So...you...me…” He stutters, hand actions and all.
"I care about you Daniel. And everyone knows it,” except you of course. "That's why they call me."
He lowers his hands back to the desk, ducks his head and smiles shyly. I think he's finally beginning to understand what we've all been telling him.
“I have to go back to my room now?”
“Oh, you betcha.”
He looks down rather dejected, I never even considered the possibility that he’d be feeling a little isolated. Without his memories the whole process is blank to him and I doubt anyone has actually explained what’s going to happen. I know I certainly haven’t. I’m betting no one else has either.
“Daniel, has anyone spoken to you since we brought you home?”
“Yes.”
“Ah, that’s okay then.”
“A bunch of people have said hello. Jonas came by and asked me about my diaries. Ooh, and Teal’c took me to see the doctor again.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“No I didn’t.” He blinks very innocently.
Then I realise he isn’t playing me.
“You have no idea what’s going to happen do you?” I sigh, so weary, so wanting my bed.
“Uh uh.” And Daniel shakes his head, looking simultaneously excited and frightened.
“Daniel I’m so sorry”
I stand up and Daniel stands, thinking something’s going to happen now. It is, but he isn’t going to like it. I block his path and wrap him in the tightest hug I’ve ever given.
Squeezing the life out of Daniel is something I’d been tempted to do many times in our lives together – though not quite in this context – either way it was a pleasure to be able to do it now. Too long I’ve gone without being able to reach out and reassure myself he’s there, safe by my side. Knowing he was still around, enjoying life on a higher plain did not make me as happy as some might think I should have been. Selfish? Definitely.
I let go after what I feel to be eternity, but I know, in actuality, is only a couple of minutes. Letting go Daniel looks bemused. I half expected him to run a mile in fright, but, in true Daniel fashion, he takes the whole embarrassingly mushy scene in his stride – barely a hint of pink in his cheeks.
There’s absolutely no point in my going home now – even if I could rest peacefully, which I doubt.
Taking him by the shoulder I guide Daniel out of the interrogation room the SF’s had hauled him into. We’re going back to his temporary room, and we are going to have a long talk about just about everything.
I’m smiling, really smiling, for the first time in over a year. It feels good.