Don't Worry About Me
By Artemis
Rating:
PG-13
Spoilers: Stargate the Movie, Children of the Gods, The Broca Divide, Fire and Water, The Serpent�s Lair, Prisoners, Need, Into the Fire, Forever in a Day, Shades of Gray, Crystal Skull, Scorched Earth, Beast of Burden, Meridian
Summary: Meridian uptake � Jack and Daniel, with some �otherworldly� assistance, experience strong memories and face Daniel�s departure to another plane of existence with more openness.
There�s the POV of each character.
Usual
disclaimer: I don't own them sadly enough. They are the property of MGM/Sci-Fi
and god knows who else. Please don�t sue I have nothing of value.
Oma transcended her plane to that of Earth for a visit. Her purpose was to implant peace. These two, that had complimented each other since long ago, now were blaming rifts and ruptures between them on differences. They seemed to have forgotten that was the reason behind their friendship, that it was founded on that balance. They had to start believing that the tension was not real, that fear of being without drove its own stake.
Oma easily traversed the apartment, looking for its occupant. She moved her head to one side to further inspect the face pressed against the pillow. Despite the fact that it was a king-sized bed, he only occupied the right side. She knew nightmares had no authority to move him, to have him cross the �reserved space� � his waiting and hope had been stronger than any nightmare. That same brightness in him was what motivated her to interfere. She had foreseen a powerful circumstance� Daniel�s oncoming decision for life and she had come to insure he remembered some of that brightness�s effects. Daniel had to find peace, as did the other man.
Having secured the memories, she moved forward to her next �item�.
Jack O�Neill was not one to keep to sides of beds. As he lay sprawled, Oma also studied his features. She smiled. Being sure, as she always was, she proceeded in garnering certain memories of his as well. He would remember too then.
On her way out of Jack�s house, she glided through a particular wall and came upon the guest bedroom. Hovering with remote patience, her lips once again curved upwards, especially at noticing the choked limb of a long-sleeved plaid shirt showing through a drawer. She swiftly decided she had stayed long enough and went upwards and onwards.
They would remember.
He associated the lack of vertigo with the hand settled on his shoulder. You would think that a scene flip like that would leave you with a headache or something. And as he looked onto Daniel�s earnest expression, he was thinking a headache was the least of possible aches for the moment. No, scratch that � would be for a long time.
The contact had him focusing intently on the man before him. Yet, those eyes had him wanting to look away at the same time. For the first time in a long time, Jack found his humor not only lost, but also forgotten.
�Daniel.�
He looks broken somehow.
After Jack gave the prompt Daniel seemed to need (�Did you want something?�), Jack could only stare in shock, given the answer. Daniel�s assurances of knowing this is what he wanted, telling Jack it was going to be fine � He wanted to think �What a crock!� But all that came to mind was �He believes it.� And then all that mattered was �Please, Jack.�
It had been much easier to tell Jacob to �just let him go� than actually driving himself to do the same. Then again, wasn�t he the one calling the shots here? He was the one letting go, letting this happen. If it was what Daniel wanted, who was he to stop him? Maybe he was in the way of destiny here and the greater causes Daniel was aiming for. If Daniel wasn�t really dying, just ascending, would he even have to miss him? They had already confirmed that though, and the fact that they didn�t know about seeing each other again. This time Jack wouldn�t be able to pull off an, �I�ll be seeing you around Dr. Jackson.�
Things were not clearing up at all. It seemed to be a lose-lose situation. At least to Jack it was. He couldn�t speak for Daniel. Things were apparently better off for him. Later he would think �He deserved that and better and hey � Starbucks might just be lent a friendly, ascended hand from above and reach ridiculous success without 35 more cup sizes. Guess there�s no harm in saying the same for Hooters. If Danny�s interested.�
Yep, his humor would be his salvation, but meanwhile there were only thoughts of confusion, of hurt and � hell � of loneliness.
He suddenly thought of the night they had finally confessed their feelings over a couple (dozen) beers.
�Hey, Daniel.�
�Mmmm.�
�You know you�re my best friend, right?�
�Yep.�
�And I�m yours, I take it?�
�Oh yeah. Definitely.� Though he might�ve said the same had RuPaul been there instead of Jack.
�Good to know.�
Just as Daniel was about to change topic and complain about their interminable fight against the NID, Jack, surprisingly, continued down the path of sentimentality.
�I�m proud��
Daniel had stared at Jack, encouraging him to continue, but was only met with a thoughtful � or as close to thoughtful as one could get at this stage � expression.
�That�s good for self-esteem Jack,� Daniel announced. �Be proud.� His fist went into the air, somewhat pathetically.
�No,� Jack half-snapped. �Let me finish.�
Jack had then gotten up and faced Daniel while perching himself on the coffee table, leaning forward in order to make a point, rather than the suspected reason to maintain balance.
Silence.
�I�m proud of you.� The last word was said with emotion, soft and sure. Deciding he had finished, Jack concluded his admission with a sappy, drunken grin.
Daniel had promptly directed his attention to the bottle he held clasped between his knees. Jack had only said, �Don�t act so shocked.� All Daniel did was sigh.
A coherent hand, betraying the overall clumsiness of his body, reached out to cover the right side of Daniel�s face. It then slid down to his chin, cupping it and lifting gently. That sappy smile was still on Jack�s face and now, in brighter light, affection and pride (Yes, it was pride) shone in his gaze with unrestrained clarity.
�And I don�t think it�s gonna be changing anytime soon.� Jack gave the captured chin a playful shake, patted Daniel�s cheek and downed the rest of his beer. Daniel was still silent, but, also wearing a smile of his own.
It had been the evening after the Enkaran incident.
And Jack was proud of him�
�So, how spiritual is all of this?� The question seemed to come out of nowhere, even to him.
�Highly,� Daniel said with a dry laugh, ducking his head. As he regarded Jack again, he only curiously asked, �Why?�
Instead of answering, Jack simply reciprocated the only contact Daniel had made thus far. The shoulder under his hand seemed real enough. �Ah,� Jack said easily as both his arms swiftly locked themselves around Daniel. He was mimicking the hug they had shared after they�d destroyed Apophis the first time. One arm was over Daniel�s shoulder while the other was curled around his side. The difference this time was accentuated by desperation. Jack�s arms, hands and fingers were all securing Daniel to him, taking in the bundle of archaeologist that had come to mean so much to him. Daniel then rushed to wrap his arms in kind, his arms engaged at Jack�s lower back while Jack was cradling his whole upper body. Daniel pushed his face into a strong shoulder, straining to maintain composure. Jack could feel the convulsive swallowing against his left shoulder and raised a hand to hold the back of Daniel�s head, stroking lightly.
Like a scrap book, flicking through the pages of a life shared;
�Dannyboy.� Daniel had just won a fight
�Spacemonkey.� He didn�t think he�d ever see the archaeologist again
�You�re a cheaper date than my wife was.� He had looked so lost out in the hallway
�Dr. Jackson.� How could Daniel just leave SG-1 like that?
Daniel asked what they were going to do about Sha�re and Skaara. He answered, �We find them.� Daniel had written in his journal about that
�There�s our boy.� There�s my boy
�Trust me on this.� Daniel looked so much younger without his glasses � maybe he was taking a step backwards with the change�
�Damnit Daniel.� Why did he have to look so anguished over the Unas problem?
Daniel felt the pooling tears;
�Jack - hi.� The Kleenex thought had been, well, very Jack-like
�What about you?� To feel responsible for the death of your son�
�What about Jack?� He wouldn�t leave Jack behind with Hathor!
�He did? � He did?� What he would give to hear that eulogy
�Trying to get Robert out of your unit?� So, Jack apparently didn�t want anyone else on the team
�Don�t be an ass.� Jack�s humor was appreciated � on the most part
And there were other moments.
Daniel was lying face down in the infirmary, just having gone through some withdrawal symptoms, when Jack sauntered in. Daniel was so tired he didn�t feel like turning to face his friend but then he felt Jack massaging his back. The kneading continued as his infirmary top was lifted to make the contact direct. It had helped. He had relaxed.
Jack was in his office, sorting through some paperwork and grumbling. Daniel knocked for the sake of formality and then approached Jack at the desk. He explained how the whole �picking straws� thing was a way to even the odds. He hadn�t meant it, not really.
Daniel blinked several times before coming to, realizing he had fallen asleep on the couch in his office. As he ran a hand over his face, he also became aware of the fact that he didn�t have his glasses on. He spotted them on a filing cabinet beside him. And there was a jacket on him, tucked around, that wasn�t his either. A post-it was pressed onto his shoulder, which he picked off and read: �Meeting at 17:00 � sorry about your action figures.� Daniel regarded the human pyramid consisting of his mini-totem replicates and snorted.
It was Friday and Jack and Daniel were playing chess in Daniel�s living room. It had all been a mess that morning and stayed that way until Jack had visited. Discovering a chess set while cleaning, he urged Daniel to play. Somehow, while playing, Daniel had given Jack the reason behind his acrophobia. It had happened when he visited Tikal as a child, as he climbed the temple of the Jaguar. Jack had then asked if he had felt his monkey tail.
And now Jack couldn�t, didn�t want to let go.
God, Danny�I can�t keep holding on here, can I? At least I�m not entirely holding out.
Daniel kept telling himself he had to go, he had to go.
I guess it�s logical for two complicated people to build a complicated friendship but it�s one of the easiest things I�ve ever had to go along with�and that made everything else easier.
(I�ll miss you)
(I�ll miss you)
�Jack, I have to go.� But he made no move to leave just yet. In fact, he sagged further against Jack.
�Yeah.� Jack squeezed � then squeezed again in an effort to steel himself. He reluctantly let go. Daniel�s expression was more open as they looked at each other for a fleeting span of time. Jack had seen gratitude and grief but more importantly, he had seen strength. Daniel would be okay. The gate pulsated with more light as Daniel made his way up the ramp slowly. At the top he appeared to hesitate and slightly turned back towards Jack, but only looked down.
�Hey� where are you going?� Jack had to ask.
�I don�t know.� At least Daniel managed a smile for that. It told Jack not to worry so much. Or maybe it just meant the uncertainty it did and that Daniel was a little more than nervous.
�Jack?�
Jack hadn�t looked at anything other than Daniel the whole time, yet now his attention and focus trebled. Whether he was interpreting the question right or not wasn�t all that mattered � he wanted to say it anyway, even though neither of the two had definite answers concerning Daniel�s future. Jack was sure of what he was about to say. Sure, he might waver with the hope but subconsciously he would always �
�Wait for me,� Daniel said, carrying Sha�re and heading up to Ra�s ship.
�I�ll wait.�
Daniel swallowed with difficulty, nodded shakily and turned bright eyes on Jack again.
�Okay.� There was no smirk or grin but something far greater. There was eagerness to that promise, a trust. Much like there was a minute�s worth after they had escaped from Chulak on their first day as SG-1 � the rough draft of a team. It was a promise to return to family. Jack hadn�t misunderstood the question at all.
Interpretation was the best thing they had ever had for each other. That and empathy. It led to understanding. Whether through communicating using only each other�s names or two-syllable sentences, they got everything across. They knew. And they had remembered all that was ever strong between them � that their friendship was more than their colleague status, more than standard military vs. civilian independence. At one point, they had been each other�s paradigm shifts (for crying out loud!).
Daniel was looking back at the ethereal portal. Whatever awaited him at the receiving end was going to be as unexpected as �what he first had encountered when taking the first of many steps through the Stargate. It was going to be a new life, all over again. Could he ever come back to this old life? Would he want to come back?
Jack had said he�d wait. Daniel believed him for it. And he knew this was no vacation or weekend resort. He didn�t think it would last forever either. Forever was too long. And Oma had forgotten the brochures of this next plane of existence in her other glowy nightgown so there were no absolute guarantees.
Everything here on Earth � those dreams he�d had just the other night � they were all assurances. Daniel might feel like he had done nothing significant, had not done enough, but there were certainly enough things and people here who were significant. He had them. There was too little he had done but there was so much he had.
He was going to set that balance right now � that�s what he wanted to do.
And Jack�s promise�it proved he had something to come back to, once that balance was set. It was alright then. He could let go.
He looked to Jack. His best friend. After everything, he was glad for that night with the beers when they�d had their maudlin chat. He was glad for the hugs and hair-ruffling, the nicknames, the constant support and comfort. He was glad for the strange sequence of memories he had experienced lately, reminding him of the �sweet� in �bittersweet� that seemed to label his history as an SGC recruit.
He was glad for having Jack.
He looked to him again and found him giving off a reassuring fa�ade.
I�m worried too Jack, but that�s just me. Don�t worry.
Daniel turned back, inhaled deeply and seemed to re-experience all of those prior memories as a gust of that same breath. His eyes stung, but he refused to look back.
No looking back.
He was only calm on the outside. Much like Jack.
Don�t worry about me.
Jack instantly became serious the minute Daniel had his back turned.
I�ll try not to worry about you Danny-boy�
Daniel stepped through the gate-impersonation and Jack stood riveted, back in the infirmary, as Daniel�s spirit � �Soul?� Jack wondered � elevated through the roof.
�but that�s a promise I can�t make.
When I say E'tanee benafsek, I mean what it means � �Take care.� And you�d be the one to know, Daniel. Not because you�re a linguist but because you know me. In this case, it doesn�t mean �Goodbye.�
El Fin
*Side-note: �E'tanee benafsek� in Arabic can either mean �take care� or �goodbye,� depending.
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