Have you ever been so hurt it felt like your heart was being torn out? Or you didn't know why what was happening happened? Yeah well thats how I feel right now. My boyfriend and I just recently broke up. Usually after a break up, after like one day I'm me again. And I have no problem moving on. Well I guess its's not happening this time. It's been a week and I still feel like my heart is being ripped out and I feel depressed like my heart is being stomped on. Its one of those feelings that is hard to explain and you would have to feel it in order to know what I'm talking about. I'm also so mad and disappointed... This is the first time I really opened up to someone and told them have I felt until I there was nothing else to say. And I think just maybe... the reason I'm having a hard time dealing with all of this is because I could have finally found smeone I might love. But this person never told me how he felt, if we got into an argument and he was mad he would never talk it out his solution was to hang up the phone. I don't know ehy I like him so much I guess it was something about him that I really loved. When I first met him he was... he was like I don't know... he thought he was all tough and he was really mouthy but at times he could be the sweetest person on earth. I got to know him day by day, month by month. Trying to understand him, talk to him, get to understand its ok to open up. But nothing worked. Our friendship became more than that and I really began to have strong feeling towards him. But I didn't know if he had the same feelings for me. I felt that maybe I love him to much or more then he loved me I don't know wha tit was. But when he got into that fight on a wednesday and I got a message hinting that we broke up I had to know for sure but felt to stupid to call. I mean what if he didn't want to talk to me? You never know right. Then on Thursday I went to school, but I wasn't myself. My teachers saw it, my friends saw it and my parents saw it. They all knew that something was wrong but didn't know why. Then that Thursday night I called him up... and I asked were our relationship was from this point and right there when he said no relationship I tried not to break down on the phone so I acted all calm and said "ok thats all I called for." Then after I was feeling bad, disappointed, hurt, and I felt that the relationship was just a waste of time. I cried for hours straight, didn't eat much and found it hard to smile. I had a volleyball game to go to... and well thank god it was a for fit game because all I wanted to do was cry. The next day I didn't go to school. I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate with this entire situation going through my head 24/7. How long is this feeling going to stay with me. It makes me wonder, it makes me have mixed feelings. I can't believe the one llove I could have had is gone. Out of my life. It hurts but sooner or later I'll get over it. Hopefully sooner then later.
By: Christina Sears
Copy Right "00"
March 2, 2000 |
