Have you ever wanted to watch movies like The Departed and Basic Instinct but you just weren't comfortable with all of the sex, violence, and profanity?  Are you completely ignorant of the concept of a "content rating system?"  Do you blame the television you use as a babysitter for putting ideas in your kids' heads?  Have no fear, the ClearPlay DVD deck is here!  This wonderful device, developed by red staters for red staters, allows you to edit any movie into something that would have made the guys who wrote the old Motion Picture Production Code become utterly bored!  Oh sure, you could do what my parents did and say "No, you can't watch Doctor Detroit because you're only seven years old" to your child when he wants to see an R-rated movie, but just look at what it'll do to stuff like The Sopranos: http://www.youtube.com/v/DFYN8loUboA

So if you just don't know how to use the power switch, the channel selector, or your own judgment on what's appropriate viewing material for six-year-old children, the ClearPlay DVD deck is for you! Only $50 at Target!  (software updates for new movies sold separately)