Chapter 9

Recovering from the Pain

Serena knelt down in front of her parent's grave and closed her eyes. She then opened them and placed a bouquet of white and red roses on the two graves which were so closely put together.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry, Dad. Both of you could be alive right now if it wasn't because of me. I should have been there. I could have saved you. But I didn't and now your both dead. I'm sorry if I was never the daughter you wished for me to be. I'm sorry if I gave you one too many migraines. I never meant it. I loved you both so much. And now your gone because I've been irresponsible again." Serena swallowed hard, painfully. "I guess I'll never change. I guess I'll never be the golden daughter for you. I'm sorry if I disappointed you." She closed her eyes as painful tears slid down her face. "I never meant it. I love you both so much. I'm sorry." She clutched the material of her black skirt tightly and sobbed quietly as she sat there.

Suddenly the dark sky broke open and it started to rain. It had wanted to rain for a very long time. The sky had been dark for the longest and it was full of rain. Serena just knelt there and allowed the rain to drench her to the bone. She didn't care. Her parents were dead. Nothing else mattered. She could be dead. But she wouldn't kill herself. She had too much to live for. Too many people depended on her. Like Sammy and Amelia. They were her family now. Darien. The scouts. They're her family and she would do anything to protect them. They were dearest to her and she was never gong to allow what happened to her parents to happen to them. If it did, she thought she might just kill herself because of another failure. If she was destined to fail there was no reason to live.

"What are you doing out here, Serena?" familiar, deep voice asked.

"Go away, Darien," Serena whispered harshly. "I just want to be left alone."

Darien knelt down beside his fiancee. Covering both of them with his large black umbrella. "Your going to get sick, Serena. Amelia and Sammy are waiting for you back home."

"Home?" Serena turned and looked at Darien. "Where is home, Darien? I lost my home in that earthquake. I have no home!"

"Serena, you do have a home. Your living with Amy in her mansion remember? That's your home now. That's your family now. The people in your life." Darien reached out and touched Serena gently on the cheek. "My love, I know your hurt. I felt this exact same hurt when my parents died."

"At least you got blessed with amnesia," Serena said in a dead, lifeless tone. "I'm not as lucky. I know how and why they died. Because of an earthquake and because I wasn't there to save them."

"Serena, you couldn't have saved them. The earthquake happened before you could even get there. Your parents would have gotten caught no matter how fast you teleported."

"But I could have healed them if I was there on time," Serena exclaimed angrily. "Time is a bitch."

"It is. When I was little, I always laid in bed at night and wished I could go back in time and stop my parents from taking me out. Then they would still be alive and I would still have my memory. All I know is from what people told me. I don't have a true memory of what had happened. That hurts as well. If I knew what had happened, if I remembered, maybe I would be more at peace. Memories are precious, good or bad."

"Oh Darien!" Serena threw herself into her fiancé's open arms and cried for all the pain she had endured the past week. "Darien, it hurts so much that my head hurts, my heat hurts. I just want to die inside."

Darien just held Serena tightly and tenderly kissed her rain and tear wet cheek. He smiled slightly in relief that she had finally allowed him to hold her again. To comfort her. She had been very distant since that day she found her parents dead. The only people she had been affectionate and close to was Sammy and Amelia and that had made Darien a bit jealous and angry. She was his love but she wouldn't turn to him for comfort but a eighteen year old boy and child.

"It's going to be all right, Serena. Your parents want you to be happy. You can't be sad forever," Darien whispered.

"But it hurts so much. It's like a knife in my chest and they just keep pushing it deeper and harder every moment," Serena sobbed. She held on to Darien even tighter. She was wet and soaked his own clothes but he didn't care. He was just grateful he had his Serena back.

"I know. I know. But it'll pass. It might take awhile but the pain will disappear. You'll live your life happily. I promise you."

"Thank you, Darien." Serena looked up at him and kissed him gently on the lips. She pulled back and touched his cheek with the back of her hand. "Thank you for dealing with me this past week. I know it must have annoyed you that I didn't come to you this past week."

You know me too well, my love, Darien thought a bit mournfully. But he chuckled inside. He wouldn't actually do it out loud. Serena might be insulted. But he was so relieved. Her pain pained him and he was just happy she finally came to him after such a long time. He felt light all over as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Let's go home, Serena. Your wet and I don't want you to catch a cold," Darien whispered. Serena nodded mutely and stood up. She looked down at her soaked clothing and sighed. She wiped away her tears and leaned against Darien as he led her to his car.

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Amy walked into the library and found Serena on the couch with a book over her chest and sleeping peacefully. Amy slowed her step and smiled at her sleeping friend. She looked so peaceful but so tired and worn at the same time. Her usually upturned, soft lips were tight and drawn. She wasn't the creamy color she always it but a gray white. She was much more thinner than she was last which was good for her since she had been putting on some weight lately but Amy wished she had lost weight through exercise and not from grief.

Standing there, Amy thought of all Serena had done for her and sighed softly. Serena had always been there for all of them. Now it was their turn to be there for her.

It was as if Serena knew she was there because her eyes opened and she sat up and smiled slightly at Amy.

"Hey, Ames," Serena whispered. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just came in to get a book to read. Amelia's asleep and Sammy is playing football with Darien," Amy reported as she walked over to a shelf of books and picked out red leather bound book. She turned and looked at Serena. "How do you feel, Serena?"

"I'm fine. I'm just glad that everything has stopped for a while. Everyone else can take care of themselves. It's good to rest," Serena said quietly.

"It is," Amy agreed. She walked over to Serena and stood over her friend. "Are you sure your okay? You still haven't been eating properly."

"My appetite isn't what it used to be."

"That's what frightens me, Serena. Your not yourself."

"Amy, so many things have happened to me. How can I ever be myself ever again?" Serena asked seriously. She closed the book that had been laying on her chest and placed it on the coffee table near the couch. Her eyes no longer held the innocent joy in them. They were serious and hard. Amy was afraid. She wanted her old Serena back. She didn't like this stranger that had been left in her place.

"Are you going to adopt Amelia? She doesn't have any parents, you know," Amy said.

Serena nodded. "Yes. I am going to adopt her. She's already like a daughter to me and I love her very much."

"All right." Amy smiled a small smile and left the room.

Serena ran her fingers through her golden blond hair and closed her eyes painfully. She wished she wasn't so distant with her friends but she couldn't help it. It was like every defense she had went up and she couldn't bring it down even if she wanted to. The only times it really went down was when she was with Amelia, Sammy and Darien. Sometimes with Corinne and Helen. But that was it. She would end up closing up with everyone else. She hated it but it wasn't something she had control over.

Standing up, Serena smoothed down the black dress she was wearing and smoothed back her hair. She picked up a handful of hair and tied it up into her odangos. She was so used to doing it that she didn't need a mirror to do it right.

Walking out of the library, Serena made her way to the rec. room and found Sammy and Darien playing a mean game of basketball. She smiled as she leaned against the frame of the door way and watched as Darien threw the ball into the hoop and cheer as it made it through.

"I win!" He shouted as he jumped up and down, dancing.

Sammy laughed. "Come on! Two out of three! One more game!"

Darien noticed Serena and smiled. He walked over to her and kissed her passionately on the lips. She responded easily and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

"I know, I'm eighteen, but ugh!" Sammy said in disgust. He chuckled and set the ball on the ground. Then he turned and left the rec. room to his sister and future brother- in-law.

He walked down the hall and towards the kitchen when he bumped in Helen. He smiled and stepped back, a small blush touching his cheeks. He was thankful the hall way was dark enough so that Helen wouldn't notice.

"Hey, Helen," Sammy said quietly. He ran his fingers through his slightly damped brown hair and laughed nervously. "What's up?"

Helen smiled shyly. "Nothing really. I just had a small snack."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'm heading over to the kitchen. See ya later." Sammy smiled again and quickly made his escape.

Helen watched as Sammy disappeared down the hall and turned left. She sighed wistfully and a smile played on her pale lips. He looked really handsome with his hair slightly damp and his face flushed after playing a bit in the rec. room. She gasped inaudibly and slammed her small, pale hand over her mouth in surprise. What was she thinking?! She couldn't possible have a crush on Serena's brother, could she? But it was absurd. Who would want a weak girl like her? A simple kiss would put her unconscious.

She shrugged and continued walking down the hall. When she came to a hall way mirror she was surprised to find a little color in her cheeks. That was a new and interesting sight.

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"Mommy Serena!" Amelia screamed shrilly from her room.

Serena was walking down the hall when she heard it. Mommy Serena had been a compromise that Amelia had worked out all herself. Because Serena wasn't her real mother she just called her Mommy Serena instead of just Mommy.

Serena immediately broke into a run when she heard the terrifying scream and reached Amelia's room in a record time. She rushed in and found the girl on her large bed, pale and shaking. The bed seemed to consume the small child's body. Serena rushed over to the small child and gathered her into her arms as she settled down into the soft bed.

"My dear, what happened?" Serena asked quietly. She rocked back and forth with the trembling child in her arms. "What's the matter? Did you have a bad dream?"

Amelia nodded mutely and clutched Serena's dress even tighter as she buried herself in Serena's arms. Her eyes were pooled with unshed tears. "Mommy Serena, don't let me go."

"I promise, I won't," Serena said solemnly. She held Amelia even tighter and kissed her forehead. "You know I'll never leave you." She started humming a beautiful melody that she loved as a child. It had always comforted her when she was a child.

Amelia stopped trembling and settled comfortably in Serena's embrace. Then she drifted off back to sleep. Serena smiled and placed Amelia back on the bed. She pulled up the covers and kissed the little girl on the forehead before leaving the room. She closed the door quietly behind her and was met by Darien. He was smiling broadly.

"What are you smiling about?" Serena asked.

"Your so motherly. I never knew that," Darien teased.

Serena rolled her eyes and fell into his arms. She kissed him on the chin and smiled. "Of course. I am going to be the mother of your children, aren't I?"

"It does have a nice ring to it," Darien agreed. He pulled her close and kissed her on the lips. The kiss turned passionate and soon both were very much out of breath.