| If Only Chapter 1 Don't you ever wondered how you got here or how you came to be, I don't perhaps it was one action or more that made me or it got me here, anyway. I hated where I was in the world, nothing was as it seems�sigh anyway enough about that just to summarize. I was a loser�nothing else added just a loser. I was your typical quiet shy boy only gay, yes a homosexual which made things worse because if my secret came out (no pun intended) I would be dead not literary but you know� a very shitty life you would assume, oh yeah can just see it. "Hey it's fag boy" "Do you need cock to suck huh?" "Fag boy, faggot we should call him" "Fairy boy" Yeah, that would be hell with of course a few beatings on top. Anyway just to let you know I would never come out of the closet I just didn't have the will power to do that. I was also� umm what the word, somewhat confused about the culture of homosexual people, every gay male or female. I read about they were this clubbing or partying kind of people. Was like going to parties a place to pick up people? Oh well, anyway moving onto the story� "Chad wake up, it's almost time for school!" Yelled my mother, it's was always my alarm clock "Chad, wake up it's blah blah" or "Chad, time to get up and blah blah blah". "Okay mom, I'm getting up," I said groggily As I sat up on my bed and rubbed the remaining of the sleep out of my eyes. After my moment of just sitting on my bed trying to wake up but it ends up failing anyway I headed for the bathroom to wash up. Studying my features on my face, one thought emerged I'm unattractive. It was the only thought that hits me every time I see my face; No one seemed to flirt with me. Well I don't know I seem to alienate myself from the rest of the classmates, after I was done washing up and eating my breakfast getting dressed and the rest that everyone does during the morning I was ready to go to school. "So Chad what is new in school" My mother would always ask while she was driving me to school. "Nothing" I would always replied, sometimes it's true you know. It not like school always had this party for people to dance around and be happy go lucky. I guess that's what my mom pictured it. "Oh�made any friends?" My mom asked. This was always the follow up question. "No�" I answered. I don't know why she always asked this everyday, she knew deep down that I wouldn't make any friends. She just became silent for a moment while I watched the buildings flick past through the window of my car. Living here in Edmonton was boring. Then of course my mom always drones on about just seek out people to talk to, which bores me. She never understood anything about my social life and then she go on that she was like that too but times have changed, not being in the social scene was a subtle thing now, well, that's how I see it� I always wondered why people disown, or hate because of something that was different and misunderstood. I mean just because that people liked the same sex was hated or look down upon just because of that small thing; homosexuality was with the human race since humans were created. I just never understand� Continued� |