Unless he's been sweating, in which case stay the f#$% away.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Howdy, buckeroos. It's your old pal Steven Seagal here, and I'm eager to teach you some more ways to deliver a personalized ass-whooping to anyone you feel has it coming. Today's lesson deals with fat people, but since I'm politically correct we shall refer to them as 'physically enhanced', okay? Remember, physically enhanced people are members of society, too, and since I'm fast becoming one of them I'd best be real nice to them!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| DELIVERING AN ASS-KICKING PART 4 : How to deal with the "physically enhanced". | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "You know you've been here before. You're out trying to enjoy your day when a physically enhanced dude with a stripey belt goes to high-five you. Before you know it he's got his fist clenched and he wants to beat you for being so fit." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 1. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "As you know, I like to exploit weaknesses. In this case, keep in mind that all physically enhanced people are jolly on the inside. Simply ask the attacker to do you a favour - in this case I've requested that he scratch my back for I have an itch. They will automatically oblige!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Once he's gained your trust, use this opportunity to open up a can of grade A ASS-KICKING as endorsed by me, Steven Seagal! In this instance I am preparing to drive my knee up to his guts, but this may prove ineffective as...well, let's just say this guy's got a LOT of guts." | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "When you feel you have delivered a satisfactory beating, please remember to give your physically enhanced assailant a hug. Enhanced people are just that - people. Just like you and me. Well, maybe more like me. But my point is that they need love, too, and even though one of them just tried to steal your wallet or your cheeseburger try to find enough compassion in your heart to show them that the world can be a better place. Unless he's been sweating, in which case stay the f#$% away. |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Class dismissed. Make sure you check back again soon when Steven Seagal offers more crumbs of wisdom from the slice of toast that is his brain! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||