May 11, 2004

            I havent wrote in this thing in almost a year. I guess no1 reads this nemore since its been sooo long since i've written in it. Well u kno me. i write whenver life starts to suck. i dunt kno nemore. If imma make it to the next level. It wuz soo hard making it back into UCSD that now that i'm actually taking classes here, i'm fucking up agin. Its the idea that i dunt care about my life nemore i guess.....i've changed alot. not from the old johnny. its just that i'm different. i somehow cant stand life nemore. its tough...i agree...and i dunt got it THAT tough...its more of a mental thing i think. *sigh* wuteva it is....we'll c if i make it another day. still....living life day by day. -1346051104.

May 25, 2004

            Its been awhile agin. Thought about my life. Kinda had a breakdown. felt like life needed to end. didnt feel like goin on nemore. everything wuz crashing. somehow kinda made it through. Key word....kinda. means i did alright. maybe just enuf to pass the day. finally cleaned up my desk and cleaned up my room a bit. now i can actually put books on my table and study from it rather than have no room to put even a cup of juice. but nonetheless i'm still alive. need to talk to acad advising soon about whats goin on with my schooling. nervous and scared i guess. dunt really kno whats ahead in the road of life. i just hope that thingz work out. i kno ya'll thinking "its gonna be alright"....bullshit. u never know. i can only hope. maybe it WILL be alright. i dunno. we'll find out how hard life is gonna be on weds. that determines how i live for the next month. aite got math hw to do. nitez every1.-0252052504.