YOUR ARE A MALLU IF ...

1. Uncle so-and-so comes visiting and takes over the household.
2. Lipton Tea is bought by the bulk, (especially when there is a sale for it. )
3. Your brothers and sisters names rhymes or have the some letter to start with as yours.
4. MacDonald's is prounounced MAC-DOUGH-NALLS.
5. Your father and mother endlessly tell you stories of how when they
first came into this country, they had to eat the cheapest parts of the chicken (eg. the back, necks, etc.).
6. During evening prayer,  your grandmother lets out a wailing belch.
7. You have to go to FOKANA/youth/spiritual confrences to pick-up
chicks.
8. You have to explain to everyone, "That funny name is my father's
house name."
9. You are teased about having two first names or else that
your first name should be your last and vice versa.
10. Your mom is a nurse or she works somewhere in a hospital.
12. Your American friends names suddenly turn into Malayalam
names.(eg. "Monay, Dhaveed (David) is on the phone for you.")
13. When your friends find out about the name your parents call
you at home, you never hear the end of it from them.
15. You have to hide the fact that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
16. Everybody assumes you are Hindu or Muslim, because you are Indian  but you stand up strong and say, "I am Christian."
17. Everybody assumes you are Christian, because you are Malayalee, but you stand up strong and say, "I am Hindu" or "I am Muslim".
23. You act like you can dance Bhangra stlyez. (this is Punjabi dance)
24. All the Mallu guys think they are the s**t, and all the Mallu girls think they are too good for the s**t.
25. Your North Indian friends mention a Hindi movie, you say that the
Tamil or  Malayalam version was the original one and that it was better.
26. You are in an Engineering/Computer Science/Pre-Med/Med/Law program at your respective college.
27. If somebody asks you if you know a Malayalee person, your parents say,"His/Her father/mother was in my college." or else "Yes, We are from the same village."
28. You leave for college hating sambar, chicken curry, moru, and chor,but you come back home yearning for it.
29. You get angry about being compared to your other Mallu friends.
30. "Patti", "Thendi" and "Potten" are commonly used expressions of
insult.
31. You create a name for IRC or AOL chat rooms it's always some name like "Thenga", "Pichathi", "Ethakay" or things to that degree.
32. You leave it to your parents to find your spouse.
33. You pretend that you are not a Mallu at all.
35. People ask you why your dad wears only a towel to pick up
the newspaper or the mail.
36. You have a jungle growing in the backyard every summer,with pavakay,padavalangay, etc growing and all your friends ask you why it stinks in the backyard.
38. Your father (still) uses such hair styling products as baby oil and the ever-popular Brylcreem.
39. Your friends hang up when your father answers the phone because they are all afraid that he hates them even though he's never even
met 'em.
40. Your family's idea of "going out somewhere nice" to eat after Sunday Service involves KFC, McDonald's, or Pizza Hut (preferably for
a buffet).
41. Your father always criticizes your haircut/hairstyle even
though when he was your age, his was even worse than yours.
42. Your parents always said "that's not child abuse... that's
discipline"... even though you were bleeding, couldn't walk
without a limp, and your thighs had swollen to double their normal size.
43. Your father asked you "why are you crying?" after he done whooped your little hiney and he beat you again for not having stopped crying at his command.
47. If when you were a little boy/girl they always managed to dress you up in clothes that made you look like the opposite sex.
48. If your house always smells like paprika, malli podi, or such spices that are integral to your mom's cooking.
49. Your mother's friends at work call her "Susan" (when her name's really Susamma), "Ali" (as in Ali McGraw), when her name's really Aleyamma, "Liz" when her name's really Lissykutty), or even "Mary"(when her name's really Mariamma).
50. Your parents say all Mexican and black people kill, steal
and sell drugs.... but they insist that they are definitely not racist/prejudiced.
51. Your parents still have your "perfect attendance" award from 1st grade proudly hung on the wall even though you are now a senior in college.
52. Your father wears his best shirt, best slacks, and best tie
to church every other week.. but they in no way coordinate with one another.
53. If your father is going absolutely bald but he tries to fool everyone by combing 5 strands of hair from one side of his head to another and he walks with his head facing sideways when it's windy outside so those same 5 strands won't fly out of place.
54. Your parents/grandparents are 55 and above.. but they still have jet black hair (as if no one knows they use Miss Clairol and such!).
55. You used to bring home straight "A"s in school and they were pissed off because those weren't "A plusses".
56. Your dad's signature is totally illegible and also
impossible to forge.
57. Your dad is known by the nickname such as Airport Johnny,Thenga
Kunjumon, or Honda Babu because it refers to some aspect of his life such as occupation, the car he drives, and so on

58. If your parents pronounce all "w"s as "v"s and vice versa.For example: "Vill you vash the wan, Winod?" Should be: "Will you wash the van, Vinod?"

61. You have relatives in New York or you yourself have lived there for some period of time when you first came to "The States".
64. You have those cool wooden elephants from India all over your house or you have at least 15 scripture verses written in Malayalam
hanging on various walls in your house.
65. The smell of "meen curry" stays on your hand even after washing them with soap 5 times.
67. When you were little, your parents made you eat every grain of rice and every piece of "kootan" in your plate before you even THOUGHT of getting up because "there are people in India who are starving and BEGGING for food!
69. There is at least one type of pickle in your fridge you can't even
identify/name.
70. You have at least one "kariapela" plant in your family's immediate possession.
71. You know what an Amitabh Bachchen is.
72. Your parents buy a big house just before all their children are all grown up and almost ready to move out on their own.
73. Your parents still think that you are going back to India to get married even though you have been secretly dating someone for a significant amount of time.
74. Your parents have met, know, and approve of your future husband/wife...they just don't know yet that that person is in fact your future husband/wife.
77. When your mom, getting ready for church on Sunday morning, opens her armoire and shrieks, "I have nothing to wear to service today!",.....eventhough she is looking right at approximately 85-100 saris, most of which she forgot she even had.
78. If your parents' car(s) have that pinetree airfreshener hanging on the rearview mirror.
79. You can name at least 5-10 vegetables not commonly found in the local supermarket, but given free to you by some uncle and auntie whose backyard is full of them.
81. Your parents always go to Burger King or Mickey D.'s and buys only the burgers and tells you to open up a bottle of Coke (or otherwise preferred soft-drink) from the storage cabinet and to make some frozen french fries while they are gone.
82. When you were little, you used to ask Mom/Dad if you could go to your friend's house or play outside...in the presence of that friend, so your parents wouldn't say no and look "mean".
83. When you came back from that friend's house or from playing outside,your little butt got tore up!!!
84. When you were to be spanked, your parents made you go and cut a tree branch or select a kitchen utensil with which they were going to beat the tar out of you.
85. When you did something wrong during prayer, they gave you that look which clearly implied, "Just wait til' I get you home, I'm gonna give you the beating of your life!".
86. When you were getting whooped by your dad for doing something wrong,your mom always put in her 2 cents worth, thus enraging your dad even more and ensuring further damage to your gluteus maximus.
87. To further the "childhood punishment" topic... When you did something wrong, your mom would beat you and then tell your dad about it when he came home after a long day at work and then HE would beat you too.(this is commonly known as "double waxation")
88. When visiting "the motherland", you could never sleep past 5:00 am,which happened to be the standard time that your garndparents woke up to sing songs and pray.
89. When you went to India, you didn't go to the bathroom for 5 days because they didn't have any toilet paper and when you finally HAD to go,it's when you are bouncing around in the backseat of an Ambassador... with no restrooms around for a 20 mile radius.
90. You were petrified to ride in an auto-rickshaw or car because the drivers liked to play "chicken" with oncoming buses, lorries, and other large vehicles...and they ALWAYS "won"!
91. Your grandparents still use that "blue powder" to wash their white clothes in (by hand) even though we now have modern advances like the washing machine and Clorox.
92. For those whose grandparents might be staying with them...Everytime you take a bath after them, you almost slip and bust your a$$ because they have "enna" residue from sloppin' all that junk in their hair and on their body.
93. People stop and ask you if you're from India and when you say "yes",they ask you why YOU don't have "that red dot" on YOUR head and "is it true you actually worship a cow?".
94. When you were in middle school, your friends teased you by
calling you a "camel-jockey" and you had to point out that the only camels there MIGHT be in India is in a zoo.
95. Your toilet is covered with that shag-carpet-like covering that
matches the placerugs on the bathroom floor.
96. When asked who the Prime Minister of India is, the two
"some Gandhi" or "hell if I know".
97. You have one of those stand-up halogen lights in your
house, either in
gold or matte black finish.
98. Your new tv sits atop the old, broken tv that your dad absolutely
refuses to get rid of for some strange reason.
99. When your parents go grocery-shopping, they actually look through all the papers and go to 5 different stores to get the best deals in the 5 different things they want.
> >What do you call...

> >Which drink did the Malayalee get AIDS from? Whorelicks

> >Why did the Malayalee cross the road? Simbly

> >Why did the Malayalee cross back?      Jusso

> >Why did the Malayalee cross the road again? To join union on other side